How does one obtain confidence?

Hello everyone. I've read some threads here and there about women liking confidence in a man but how do you get confidence in the first place? Are you born with it or is it something that you receive through experience talking to females? I have no idea how to approach women at all and rarely get to talk to them face to face but I noticed most men here have that same problem as well, especially nice guys such as myself. Normally I am a reclusive person due to my PTSD but I am tired of being alone and I want to break away from my old habits, but my confidence level is lacking.

I am willing to listen to all that have some advice for me and at the same time, maybe help others that suffer from the same predicament as me.

hi op

5 yrs ago i had no cofidence (unless i was drunk lol)

I wouldnt mix with people if i could help it
would walk or cycle everywhere to avoid peeps

Then 5 yrs ago my daughter was born
8 wks later she was diagnosed with vsd (holes in the heart)

Then basically im thrown into a world of peeps and doctors
any paranoia i had was soon diminished and had to get on with being a carer

Anyway 5 yrs later and my daughter is fine and my confidence grown
i even walk into factories looing for work, something i never would have done.

Anyways i think im saying, confidence comes from all sorts of mishaps in life

dave

reply to post by Stop-loss!


Be happy with how you look, be happy with what you do in life - to obtain confidence you have to accept yourself. If there's an area in your life your not happy about, do something to change it.

Confidence talking to women will come about naturally once you're happy with yourself.

reply to post by Stop-loss!


Be you... because no one else can...

and U R Awesome!!

Fear is your greatest enemy when dealing with women...

reply to post by Stop-loss!


Try using Rumyodin. Works to cure nearly everything.

Just pretend to have confidence. Just like a play actor. Play a confident version of you. Eventually your play acting will become you and if you need to get back to who you are now, you will just have to play act that role.

It is that simple

I know you can act if you want to.

Practice at home first like all good actors.

P

reply to post by Stop-loss!

If you are not working out start right away, go to the gym, and lift heavy weights at least three times a week. Not only will you become more confident as your physique improves, you will also raise your testosterone levels which will also boost your confidence. Eat a healthy diet; The paleolithic diet is excellent for strength training and once again will boost that oh so important T level. Sleep for eight hours a night, moderate your alcohol intake, dress smartly, and keep yourself as clean as possible. Do all these things for one month and let us know how you get on.

You really have not care one way or the other if you get embaressed. You have to take the wins and loses as something natural. Do not take a rejection as something personal. Take it in your stride. Try to be cool about it. A rejection is nothing but a good sign...you don't need that person. When things are right between two persons, when there is mutual fire, passion...then there is no rejection. It comes naturally. Look for that quality. Don't settle for less out of fear and desperation. It is not the road to go.

Chasing girls that want nothing to do with you is pointless, and will most probably make you unhappy. You have to understand, that to some...you are ugly...but to others you are beautiful. It is natural. Accept that there is out there somewhere a partner for you. She will find you when the time comes. Meanwhile....enjoy life

Grow a mustache

Fake it 'til you make it.

reply to post by Fazza!


I guess I never been happy with myself for as long as I remember and I can see now how that affects my confidence. Thanks for the input.

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by Stop-loss!

 

Be you... because no one else can...

and U R Awesome!!

Fear is your greatest enemy when dealing with women...

edit on 6-12-2012 by Akragon because: (no reason given)

It's funny. I had no fear of death when I was in the army but talking with women up close seems rare to me even with today's standards. I appreciate the insight.

There is a motto I live by:

Always walk into a room like you belong there.

reply to post by hotel1


I use to work out in the past but not as often as 3 times a week, I would usually just go on runs to the river but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to go the extra mile with weight lifting again.

reply to post by pheonix358


Fake it till you make it.

Fact is SL, people don't have confidence when you have a fear of rejection.

Stop letting rejection be an issue for you. Learn that one person's negative response has no bearing on you, and does not define who you are. don't let others dictate your emotions and feelings.

When you stop letting the fear of rejection control you, then you gain confidence.

Originally posted by MarioOnTheFly
.
Chasing girls that want nothing to do with you is pointless, and will most probably make you unhappy. You have to understand, that to some...you are ugly...but to others you are beautiful. It is natural. Accept that there is out there somewhere a partner for you. She will find you when the time comes. Meanwhile....enjoy life

That was my biggest problem until recently. I liked this girl but she usually ignores me no matter how hard I tried to meet up with her. At first I thought there might of been something between us but then she changed dramatically and said she doesn't like me. I just had to let her go before I became more unhappy than I already was but finding her, that wasn't the hard part...it was letting go.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by pheonix358

 

Fake it till you make it.

Fact is SL, people don't have confidence when you have a fear of rejection.

Stop letting rejection be an issue for you. Learn that one person's negative response has no bearing on you, and does not define who you are. don't let others dictate your emotions and feelings.

When you stop letting the fear of rejection control you, then you gain confidence.

You're right. I don't even know why I let my social fears take over. It leads to nothing positive at all. I guess I take what others say about me too literal and makes me melancholy. I know it will be difficult at first but I will master my social fears. Thanks for the help Nixie

Confidence will come when you realize that you are better at something than someone else.
It sounds really bad but it's true.
WHy do you think the Jerry Springer show stayed on for so long?
Do you pay your bills on time? Many dont.
Can you speak proper english? Many can't.
Can you search the web? Most where I work can't.

Sometimes its a whole bunch of the little things added with time.
You will understand as you get older.

reply to post by Stop-loss!


IT will take practise and won't happen overnight. You have to control a lifetime of thinking.But then it will become natural.

I take the cheap way to get confidence but its doesn't last too long... but i too struggle with it...

My first thing was education... when i got my Bachelors i was confidence, then one of my friend got masters, my confidence dropped.

Then it was work, when my co worker got promoted, my confidence dropped. i started comparing salaries... to people above me, of course... i would lose.

Then it became girls, when i see my friends switch between multiple girls, i think, wth am i doing wrong...i too have a big fear of rejection(even to a point i did not make a move on a girl, and after 5 yrs later, i met her friend, and she told me that her friend liked me and was waiting for me to make a move... i felt like sh*t).

Even tho i have a above average job and education from a well known university(DNA Model was discovered).

I m never happy with myself, but somewhere inside, i know i'm better than most people out there....but others i see are happy with less...

i would trade in for some confidence. I also have social anxiety...i m surprised i made so far in life...if i go back in time with this mentality i have at this current moment, i would live in a room forever.