[2013] - A Note In My Pocket

For in the year of 12 there shall come forth a great cry of ends. The stars shall not move and the firmament shall roar and scream. The threads of energy shall shift and the guardians of the sky shall come forth. The kings and their peoples shall have their lies untold and the truth shall turn subjects against each other. Be warned that none shall come to pass before the great waffle has poured it's syrupy goodness upon the world. The holy hand-grenade shall be tossed and two coconuts shall be slapped together. The purple shall claim it's right to stones and the stones shall be smoked. Then the day shall come when the night is over and the dreams are no longer seen.
My fuzzy eyes wiped the last vestiges of the dream. Oddly, I was holding a coconut and a rubber hand-grenade and I had an funny feeling that the empty bottle on the floor had something to do with that. It might have been that I drank from the cup of christ, (not to be confused with the Cup of Christ) or that I had finally finished the UFO landing strip in my back yard. I smiled. All those morons that thought the end of the world was going to come had actually deposited a nice sum of money into my pay pal account. Then I remembered the real reason for the odd dreams, the cup of christ, the empty bottle, the hand-grenade and even the coconuts. Only a really good end of the world party ends with the end of the world. I moved over to the balcony and looked down. Yup. There it is. The end of the world, drops straight off into space. Getting here was easy. I just hitched a ride on a ship, then told them to head towards the third star to the left and straight on to midnight. Idiots kept insisting it was the second star to the right and straight on till morning. Took me almost all night to convince them it was just a fairy tail. Remind me never to hire a Unicorn to pilot a spaceship. The others were already here. Jesus was the first to say hello. Well, he called himself haysuess. Swore he had nothing in common with that biblical figure then told me to take a few drinks from the cup of christ. There were a fairly large number of Tibetan monks there too. I'm telling you, spend your whole life in meditation and when you finally let loose, well, lets just say it only made things more interesting at least from what I can remember anyway. I also discovered that "pole shift" is a drinking game, the hidden planet around the sun is actually a party barge and the ET's only showed up because they heard humans throw great parties. I'm telling you, that last one explained the crop circles. I feel lucky. They only throw these parties every billion years or so. There where even a few dino's passed out in the back yard. Yea, they're still here from the last party. Apparently they can't hold their beer. No really, have you seen those claws, definitely not beer holding claws. There were lots of other people there from various religious backgrounds and belief systems. Loki even showed up and things got really interesting. Dam avatars of chaos really know how to get in trouble. Zeus got really pissed too until I promised him I'd put Thors hammer back when we were done with it. I also found out that Alien greys are an animatronic practical joke. When I explained the effect it had on the human population, they apologized profusely. I just smiled and hid the superglue. Hey, ET's have toilets too. My head hurt. A clawed hand held out a bottle of Advil. I looked up into T-Rex's eyes.
"You can't handle a bottle of beer but you can hold a bottle of Advil? Wait, never mind, you just woke up, I guess it makes sense."
The dino just shrugged and wandered off. I looked at the destruction torn across the ball room slash game room slash, oh hell the really big multipurpose room type place. I was glad to note that buildings that exist at the end of the world really don't have rooms with names or any real specific purpose. Especially so because Thors hammer seemed to be stuck in one of the stone walls so how do I know this isn't the "Stick Thors Hammer In A Wall" room.
"Your missing your pants." One of red eyed monks said groggily.
I looked down and noted that I wasn't wearing pants and the boxer shorts didn't look familiar.
"I don't miss my pants. I don't think my pants miss me. I DO miss my.. hmm..." I trailed off as I remembered that I had forgotten what it was that I was missing.
Oddly, as much as absolutely nothing made sense about anything I had seen during the end of the world party, everything made perfect sense. At least when taken into perspective that bigfoot, ghosts, lights in the sky, the triangles and UFO's are all marketing for one really massive party. I recall expressing concern about why they chose earth and how it effected people because the human race didn't really have the humor to understand the marketing campaign. I don't really recall much else as apparently turning water into wine is a party trick. I was also amazed at how many things were horribly translated. Did you know that Unicorns aren't attracted to virgins.. apparently it's Virginians. Not sure exactly how that came about either. I guess if I were to put some serious thought into it I could say that many psychics had said that the 21st would be a massive shift in consciousness. I guess what they didn't know is that she was in the other room passed out. As far as her shifting.. well, that was another of those fuzzy memories I wasn't sure I wanted to recall. So, have I covered everything? Oh, yea, apparently there is a whole room of prophesies in illustrated novel version and supposedly they are originals. I wonder if anyone knows how much a Nostradamus number one will go for on e-bay. On that note, everything your reading here is technically a reprint of a note I found stuffed into my pocket. There was one final sentence at the bottom that gave me pause. It read,
"The End of the World party has taken place retroactively and you've been returned before the party starts to make room for new arrivals."
Yea, my head twisted about that one too. Of course 2013 is the year of the quantum reality (or so the dinosaurs say) so I guess I could have attended the party and then been returned before the party started. Kind of like a party favor that gives you a preview of what's to come. Well, so here it is, the note in my pocket. Hope you enjoyed the preview and if you should find yourself at the party say hi to me. I probably won't remember it but I'll acknowledge that you said hi right here, so uh.. hi back.
The rest of the note trails off into in-decipherable chaos that I've been told only really makes sense to me so I'll save everyone the trouble of trying to figure it out and just end the world, er, the text of the note right here.