America's Greatest Flaw

America is responsible for some of the most incredible achievements of not just our time, but of all times. We laid the foundation of individual rights in government, placed a man on the moon, and developed a network of communication that will soon connect almost every inhabitant on this planet.

With this in mind, I must draw attention to one of the worst tragedies ever brought against mankind courtesy of the US of A. It is an affliction that haunts us on every step from youth to adulthood never ceasing in its assault. Worst of all, it disproportionately targets our children and twists their minds towards false images using double-speak to implant fallacious associations between word and image.

This flaccid enemy continually assaults us at home, when we eat out, while we shop, and at almost every other juncture of man and food. The enemy is, of course, American cheese.

Seriously, who decided to call this stuff cheese? A cheese-like substance is even too lenient a term. If you want to give something a creamy texture, why not just douse it in lard or oil? At least this would save us from the embarrassment of having our country's name associated with these square, cheese-like-though-not-really food stuffs.

I understand that America faces many obstacles in our path towards rediscovering who we are, but before we can once again aspire towards greatness, we must first address the cheese. As Napoleon said, "A nation marches on its cheese." While this may not be a direct quote, I have to assume it was the original intention. A nation marching on American cheese has no future.

So to those enslaved by the tyranny of American cheese I urge you, throw off the shackles of this creamy adversary and embrace the utopia of true cheese. Turophiles of the world, unite! We have nothing to lose but our processed cheeses!

My daughter will never give it up!

It's gooey, processed nirvana!

A grilled cheese without it? Never I tell you!

Greed
Rampant Consumerism
Apathy
George W. Bush
Global Instability
Cheese…..!?!?

I thought cheese was one of the few things left that made your country great…

Do you mean "cheese food" buy real cheese

While I know I risk committing some form of blasphemy here....and offending some mighty Cheese God somewhere.... I can't help the amusement potential in sharing something about this flaw of ours.



Those mighty Cheese types in Wisconsin were the destination for many many a load of containers on my trailers, just like those ones there. California Cheese that went in and then came back out Wisconsin Cheese... err... Life's cruel little twists eh?

We get some of that stuff here in Australia.

It is made from a yellow plasticized rubber mixed with cardboard, served often on those exported things between two layers of thicker cardboard that you guys call burgers.

You have strange taste buds.

P

ETA I won't go on about the 11 herbs and spices guaranteed to give one a stomach ache.

reply to post by timetothink

My daughter will never give it up!

Nor will mine, no matter what terrible, unfounded concoction I speak to slay this demon. It is a diabolical spell cast by a wizard of unspeakable horrors. Now Cheez Whiz... that stuff rocks!

reply to post by pheonix358


Once again you Aussies are behind the curve. Americans no longer use those cardboard buns you are referring to, we surround our cheese with meat, as any real man would. Our deficiencies are solely cheese-based, as we have long since overcome the carb based struggles that continue to plague so many inferior nations.

Originally posted by hezro
reply to post by pheonix358

 

Once again you Aussies are behind the curve. Americans no longer use those cardboard buns you are referring to, we surround our cheese with meat, as any real man would. Our deficiencies are solely cheese-based, as we have long since overcome the carb based struggles that continue to plague so many inferior nations.

I am sorry, that stuff in your burgers is not meat. You have just managed to insult the entire animal kingdom with one sentence. If you would like proof, next time you order a burger, order it with the words, "Hold the mayo, hold the Ketchup, hold the pickles." Then eat what you are given. If it tastes like cardboard, lasts like cardboard and looks like cardboard, it is cardboard!

If you ever come to Australia I will shout you a for real Aussie hamburger. You will weep when you have to return home!

P

reply to post by pheonix358

Originally posted by pheonix358

Originally posted by hezro
reply to post by pheonix358

 

Once again you Aussies are behind the curve. Americans no longer use those cardboard buns you are referring to, we surround our cheese with meat, as any real man would. Our deficiencies are solely cheese-based, as we have long since overcome the carb based struggles that continue to plague so many inferior nations.

I am sorry, that stuff in your burgers is not meat. You have just managed to insult the entire animal kingdom with one sentence. If you would like proof, next time you order a burger, order it with the words, "Hold the mayo, hold the Ketchup, hold the pickles." Then eat what you are given. If it tastes like cardboard, lasts like cardboard and looks like cardboard, it is cardboard!

If you ever come to Australia I will shout you a for real Aussie hamburger. You will weep when you have to return home!

P

Another instance of Aussie jealousy. We have perfected the art of turning cardboard into food and here you are criticizing our advancements and denigrating our technologies. The stuff in our burgers is most certainly meat-like in its composition as defined by the FDA. I'm not saying it ever walked on fours or was birthed by something that walked on fours, but it's still meat.

Also, your indifference to mustard is worrisome.

reply to post by hezro


Please do not mistake an Aussie for a British. Mustard is for the British. Americans must have forgot to throw the stuff overboard. It is usually kept next to the Tea.

I have spoken with an animal whisperer (Croc Dundee's cousin actually) and the animals accept your inferred apology.

Perhaps to repair the taste buds of your countrymen and women you could import some kangaroo steaks and try them in burgers. It takes two hands to stop them jumping .... lol silly me, you guys will no doubt cook them first.

P

Let's get off this Australia and meat business for a second. The OP is actually part of a disinfo campaign to weaken and finally overthrow America.

Who is supposedly good at making cheese? The French, right? Well, then look at this:

French Sperm Count Falls 32% Is there any need to say anything else?

Originally posted by charles1952
Let's get off this Australia and meat business for a second. The OP is actually part of a disinfo campaign to weaken and finally overthrow America.

Who is supposedly good at making cheese? The French, right? Well, then look at this:

French Sperm Count Falls 32% Is there any need to say anything else?

French? Cheese?

French = Wine % lovemaking

Swiss = Cheese & yodeling

America = Blowing crap up & eating crap, possibly after blowing it up first. Food preparation initiative?

P

reply to post by pheonix358

Dear pheonix358,

Ha! I say to you. Perhaps even Pshaw! How can you even put those words in print? (Ok, it's not print, but I'm being pompous here, don't interrupt. )

French? Cheese?

Question marks?? You dare question the connection, the near identity of France with cheese? Philadelphian! (Or is that Philistine? I can never get that straight.)

"Any country with 300 cheeses cannot die." Winston Churchill, with whom you are doubtless familiar.

And as an obvious Neapolitan (Or is that neophyte? That's another tough one.) I refer you to the following:
frenchmoments.com...

With 24.4kg of cheese eaten per person per year, the French are amongst the highest consumers of cheese in the world.

As for the French, they are considered to be the specialists in cheese. That also includes great historical leaders: Charlemagne, Napoleon, Tayllerand, General de Gaulle... without forgetting the major role played by the clergy and the catholic monasteries.

Cheese consumption is divided between heavy consumers, who eat cheese all day long (1 French person out of 4), average consumers who eat cheese once or twice a day and represent the largest group (42% of French), and light consumers i.e. 31% of French people eat cheese less than once a day. Heavy consumers tend to be older men, whereas light consumers are rather women and young people.

As for your other comment, I make love and they yodel. Nationality is not a factor.

With respect,
Charles1952

"As for your other comment, I make love and they yodel. Nationality is not a factor."

As an Aussie I can do those two at the same time, and eat cheese (warning - chocking hazard) AND throw a boomerang! Well, if it don't come .... back it was a stick.

P

reply to post by pheonix358

Dear phoenix358,

As an Aussie I can do those two at the same time, and eat cheese (warning - chocking hazard) AND throw a boomerang! Well, if it don't come .... back it was a stick.

To which I offer the approved ATS response: Pics, or it didn't happen.

If Australians are half as brash and likable as they claim, I'm going to have to pay a visit, maybe an extended one. I should warn you in advance, however, that little children run and hide if I venture out into public with a bush hat.

With respect,
Charles1952

reply to post by charles1952


Wonderful, our children love hide and go seek! They are very skilled at avoiding our more poisonous fauna, visitors not so much.

You will be welcomed and educated on our ways. I suggest you learn and practice our duck maneuver before your arrival. When someone yells duck, you jump sideways and hit the ground. It is really simple. It is used to offer warning of impending doom from our drop bears (which are in fact dead Koalas falling from trees) and flying boomerangs or flying non-boomerangs also referred to as sticks.


P