Help me...Please !

I know this probably isn't the best place to come to for relationship advice but I think my girlfriend is cheating on me and I don't know how to ask her. The truth is that I am not the jealous type but all the signs are there. If she is cheating on me I can be fine with it and move on but I can't stand being lied to (if I am).

Her friends and my friends are telling me about things she is doing and I have a feeling if I approach her about what I have heard it will cause a ripple effect. I am thinking of breaking it off for some other unknown reason that I haven't made up yet but I am a truthful person and hate lying, but the last thing I want is a painful break up.

Should I politely confront her? Should I just leave her? Should I just ignore it?

At this point I am open to all suggestions. We have been together for almost a year now, the first half of that wasn't too serious as we openly dated other people so this may not sound like the healthiest of relationships but up until a few weeks ago everything was fine.

Any advice will be much appreciated and I will log back on later tonight to check out what you all think, thank you ATS for having this forum. Hopefully people actually pay attention to it.

reply to post by JosephKnecht


Just ask her,tell her the rumors that are being said.
Honesty is your best friend here.

reply to post by JosephKnecht


I think that honesty and direct communication is best...always. Sometimes the healthiest choice; can be the most difficult to make.

id say

b£$% make a choice...either way im cool.....

peace

Originally posted by JosephKnecht
Should I politely confront her?

Yes. "Several people have come to me and suggested you are going out with other people. Are they all lying to me? What do you have to say about it?' Do you want to still be together, or are you kind of done here? Let's work this out together."

Give her a chance to rebut.

reply to post by JosephKnecht


Hi, I'm really sorry to hear about this. I know what it's like when you think or hear that the person you are with is cheating on you. Sometimes it's hard to find out what the real truth is, but I hope that you can somehow get to the bottom of all that you are hearing.

I'm not sure what to tell you. See, asking a person does not usually go as planned. She might get mad or pretend to, but most importantly if she wants to lie she can. How will you know if she's telling the truth? Faith and trust is important in all relationships, but because so many people are telling you she's cheating, it's hard not to believe them. Is there any reason for them to lie? Think really carefully about it and if the people accusing her have motives to do so.

If you ask her, explain to her WHY you are asking. Remember, though, if she is cheating, once you ask her she will be more aware that she is under your scrutiny. Thus she will be harder to catch in the act of cheating. If you are really certain she is cheating, do a little digging. Being a girl, I usually wouldn't suggest this but try looking through her phone. See if she's texting inappropriate things to male friends.

All in all I hope that she isn't cheating and that things get better for you!(:

reply to post by JosephKnecht


IF you dated other people before, theres nothing stopping her from doing it again...

Once i get that feeling a "partner" is not being faithful... i bail immediately....

Of course i've been screwed over a few times... so perhaps im just bitter...

I would leave her alone... Ignore her... IF she doesn't question it... You'll know whats up

Always remember that your first instinct is usually the correct instinct.

Tell her you are concerned about her being faithful and allow her the opportunity to deny / acknowledge.

Either response from her will give you the path you need to take.

Choose wisely - you only get one life on this god foresaken rock..........don't waste it.

And this advice is coming from a girl btw!

reply to post by JosephKnecht

I can see the dilemma. If you confront her directly then she could easily accuse you of not trusting her. If you are going to be honest with yourself, then by the very asking of this question, you've demonstrated that you already don't trust her. So next, look at the evidence. IF the evidence exists that is NOT from anyone but yourself and you feel that it's cause to believe she is cheating, then you are back to not trusting her. If the evidence you have is from other people that you trust, then you have to decide if you trust those people more than her.
If I haven't already made it obvious, it doesn't sound like you trust her and even if she isn't doing anything wrong, the trust that needs to exist in a healthy relationship isn't there. I feel that you should tell her the truth and I'm not talking about presenting her with a bunch of "facts." I would start with something along the lines that you don't feel like she is as close to you as she used to be, that you FEEL.. (the word feel is important here) based on things you've heard from other people that you can't trust that she wants to be with you. I wouldn't come out and accuse her of cheating on you unless you've personally caught her. Then I would let her decide what she wants to do. Well, that's just my personal take on things.

Like another poster said,go with your instinct.It's usually correct.But I don't see any reason if you have a concern that you can't bring it up to her.Just do it the right way and don't come across as if you are accusing her.You have a right to know.You'll be able to tell a lot just by how she reacts.Good luck.

Just ask her. My x was honest about it when I confronted him.

I still threw him out.........

Thanks for all the advice and replies everyone and I am sorry about not getting back until today. We ended up breaking up today. I told her what I have heard in a very calm and polite way and explained that she didn't have to explain because even if the rumors were untrue things would never be the same after how I had felt the last little while since I heard it all.

I did tell her if she really feels the need I will allow her the chance to explain her side of things as we never really fought and have always been friendly. She appreciated the way I approached her and we made arrangements to split up all our stuff at both our places.

Look at the bright side...I don't have to buy her any Christmas gifts

Thanks again everyone!