What is the funniest Joke you have heard?

A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way

Nice save lol

not funniest but on par with yours

I just don't get circles, they have no point.

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Nevermind I can't get it to work. Should be [color="#FF9900"]hi[/color.] or something

The Official Story

reply to post by FuriousKitty


I like really silly jokes; and ones that can be told to all ages. Here is an example of 2 of them.

(First Joke) 2 peanuts were walking down the street...and one was a-salted.

(Second Joke) What did the salad say to the refrigerator?...Close the door I'm dressing!

Just for the record, the whole subject of the thread changed after the first 2 posts.

If a chicken and a half laid an egg and a half every hour and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
I told this riddle during a job interview when he asked me to tell him a joke, and I got the job

The funniest joke I heard will violate T&C

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some h20."

The second one says, "Sounds good. I'll have h20, too."

The second one dies an excruciating death.

A woman walked into a pub and asked the barman for a sexual inneundo, so he gave her one

An Irishman walked out of a bar...

reply to post by FuriousKitty


Did you hear the one about the baby seal?That walked into a club.

Originally posted by rockymcgilicutty
reply to post by FuriousKitty

 

Did you hear the one about the baby seal?That walked into a club.

You should be the cabaret at the next PETA bash

I really love this one

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

And...

Two atoms are talking, one says "oh no, I lost an electron!" The other responds..."are you positive?"

Another one of my favorites...

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks, "Where are you from?" I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds, "You don't say. I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man, and they both pour back their drinks. Curious, the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin!" The men both continue drinking. Curiosity strikes again and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?" "St. Mary's," replied the second man. "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable," the first man says. "I went to St. Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."

A guy walks into a bar and says..

"I'm a tee pee" I'm a Wig Wam"

the bartender says..

Relax man "you're two tents"..

Guy goes to the doctor. Doctor looks him over. Guy has pudding on his chin, ice cream in his ears, mashed potatoes on his nose.

Doctor says, "Well, one thing's for sure. You're not eating right...."

1. Jack n Jill went up the hill, to have a little fun. Silly Jill, forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

2. Mary had a little lamb, her father shot him dead. Now Mary takes her lamb to school between two slices of bread.

"ITS A BOY" I shouted. "A BOY" "I DON'T BELIEVE IT "ITS A BOY" And with tears streaming down my face I swore..............

I'd never visit another Thai brothel.