This girl! She has me in a funk.

Well, I have to get this out. I'm stressed out, been drowning my sorrows too often lately. Over a girl.
Not just some girl. I gave this girl her first kiss back in the fifth grade, and she was my first love, she's a woman now. Im 21 now. After elementary school we kind of lost touch, and recently we have been back in contact, Hanging out a couple times a week, watching movies, cuddling, kissing, no sex yet though.

She has a 3 year old son from another guy, who is involved in the childs life. Which is good, and I am ok with it. She hasn't been with him for over a year now.
Her son is awesome, and he likes me. We get along great.

She is an independent, beautiful, amazing woman now, and a great mom. She has her stuff together.

Never been with a girl as adult as her.

The first few times we hung out were great. I was able to leave, and get on with my life.
Now the feelings have come back HARD!
I can't stop thinking about her, and what if's.

Im trying to keep it subtle so I don't come on too strong, I have let some of my feelings slip out though.
I believe now that she has a child she needs to be sure that I will be not only the right man for her, but for her son as well.

I have never dated a woman with a child, And I am not quite sure of the best way I can go about making her accept me. I've been doing the best I can, and just being myself so far.

I feel like letting my feelings out to her, It sucks keeping them, Im sure some of you know that. But I am afraid that If I do she will get freaked out and break it off. She wants to take it slow.

I need some advice on how to take it slow, so I don't screw this up.

I am ready to be her man, and be there for son and every way.

Originally posted by llmacgregor

Her son is awesome,

She is an independent, beautiful, amazing woman now, and a great mom. She has her stuff together.

I am ready to be her man, and be there for son and every way.

Tell her that bro is all you need to do . then her move from there .

ETA you need to man up bro confidence

reply to post by llmacgregor


just make sure if you want to do this you really want to do it. kids are a cute and fun, but they can also wear on you and some people are just not cut out for it. i had a similar situation with a girl only the situation was reversed( ihad the kids). she was great with them and got along well, things got serious, and then one day she was like im not in a position to be taking care of kids right now and left abruptly. the kids were bummed. if you dont want to appear to come on to strong i suggest dont initiate making plans with her more than twice a week, and wait till she make plans with you before you initiate plans, dont be the one making plans all the time. either way its a slippery slope good luck to ya brother.

reply to post by llmacgregor


I imagine that she is frightened to let another man into her life because that man is going to bond not only with her but also with her son. If you and she break up, its not only you two who get hurt. It's the boy as well.

Try to understand her worries and take it easy. I'm not sure I would pour my heart out if you haven't gone beyond the kissing and cuddling stage.

Spending time with both her and her son is perhaps the key to her heart?

Be sure that a relationship with her is what you really want, as the most important person in all of this is her small son. She really is a package of two people that you are taking on. One is only 3 years old, so consider the impact of a new man entering his life and then perhaps leaving again.

She needs a man.

She has her stuff together. Do you?

If you can confidently say, 'Yes', you are the right one for her. She needs stability and structure... Can you give her that?

Can you face the hard fact that you will always be number two (her son being number one)?

If you said yes to all of those, you need to kick back and not tell her how you feel. Women still play their little girl games.

Thanks for the replies guys.
She is a package indeed.
I love it! This girl is f****** amazing!

I believe I can be what I suspect she needs. But she is the only one who decides that. I have to let her choose me.

I like her so much, its just hard to take it slow. Feel like im gonna explode.
She just texted me that she loves kissing me too mannnnnnnn! uh oh!

Originally posted by llmacgregor
Thanks for the replies guys.
She is a package indeed.
I love it! This girl is f****** amazing!

I like her so much, its just hard to take it slow. Feel like im gonna explode.
She just texted me that she loves kissing me too mannnnnnnn! uh oh!

If she said "loves", she has strong feelings for you also. Just don't scare her off by coming on too strong. You already have right idea.

The hard part is over. Now just keep up what you are doing.

Godspeed.

reply to post by llmacgregor


just remember there are few in the entire world that does not have an agenda, and for those that have an agenda are not likley to share it. be wary, always. and im not talking about be parionoid that she is fing you over directly. im saying people have there own inner mind workings that are not projected to the world, and those inner mind workings constantly change, especially this day and age.

You seem to be doing just fine so far. You can let her know how serious you are about the relationship, but that you also know how important it is to for her to want to take it slow. Let her know that you respect that. And as others have pointed out, keep that child in mind.

If she said "loves", she has strong feelings for you also. Just don't scare her off by coming on too strong. You already have right idea.

The hard part is over. Now just keep up what you are doing.

Godspeed.


She did...."Loves kissing me" I guess she's thinking of me....In some kind of way. That's a good thing.

I'll try man.
This is hard.

Now I want to see her....But I shouldn't.

I hung out with her last night.
As it stands, Should I let her initiate the next time we hang out?
I suppose that would be letting her take it at her own pace.

reply to post by llmacgregor


Yes, exactly! Let her come to you!

Check this guy out. He knows how to play their game.

She is likely being cautious, as she doesn't want to be disappointed again, or put her child through an unnecessary breakup at some point down the line. Show her that you are responsible, reliable and loyal (without being too needy.) Does she know how much she means to you? She should know that you care for her and are willing to take things slow if she needs that (and probably would.) It sounds like she is really the one you want, so be honest and be responsible.

reply to post by llmacgregor


Perseverance, confidence and stability. If you really love her, don't stop until SHE tells you to.

Show all of those traits while you're trying to win her over and she'll see a man who's in it for the long haul.

Instead of buying her a birthday present, buy the child one. Preferably one that all 3 of you can enjoy together. THAT will really be her gift.

If you do buy her a gift, start out with something both non-committal and VERY commital all in the same whack. Get something along the lines of a calender that gives you an overview of the next 50 years. Start it with a note that says "Remember our first kiss in the 5th grade? I do. I even remember what day it was." Mark that date on the calender and for the next 50 years put, on that date. 1st anniversary.......2nd anniversary.......etc.

That should get her attention.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


I'm not sure I can agree on the advice, it may be over-thinking it...

Just want to say, that is one damn touching video!

If the OP is in his early 20's then it won't work. Sorry.
You are not ready to be half a dad and half a boy friend.
You need to have your fun while you can.

WIth her child you cannot:
Go somewhere adult at the last minute with her.
"Get some" any time anywhere. If at all that day because she's tired.
Leave your cool stuff out in the open. Kids know what's cool and will gravitate to it.
Leave your "guy stuff" out in the open.
Discipline the boy under any circumstances. Period! No touch! No yelling! Nothing, he's not yours, you have no rights.

She will:
Dictate the weeks events to a large extent. Because of the kid.
Expect you to be more adult at all times. (Hard for me and I'm in my 50's)
Expect you to cough up for her son at resturants. They order something and then eat two fries.
Expect you to watch the boy while she goes out to dinner and drinks with her girl friends.

You will:
Be caught in the middle between both parents.
Resented by the father in one way or another.
Be number 2 on her list.
Required to do things for the benefit of the boy when you would rather not be involved at that time.

Relationships are built on commonalities between the two.
You didn't get to run around with her 'before kids'.
You were not 'first on her list' for a years before she got pregnant.
You were not there during the pregnancy. You didn't suffer with her.
You did not get up in the middle of the night to change that diaper.

There is a certain bond that builds between the two starting with pregnancy. You missed that.

You have a rough row to hoe. The odds are against you.

I understand your problem as I have a problem very close to your's.

Take your time, don't rush it is very easy for things to get out of control because of the chemistry that the pair of you have. Do small things like leave a small note in a place that she will find, nothing over the top.

Send her a morning text every morning, this will get you into her mind first thing of the day and do it at night so it is the last thing she thinks about, but just say morning have a great day, and sweet dreams.

Hopefully over time she will see that you are the right person and she will open up more. Mine on the other hand is a hard one. But I like this girl enough that I will stick at it for some time so good luck to both of us

reply to post by llmacgregor


She is a woman with a kid kissing you. If she is the type of women that you describe this is a big deal to her. She is already letting you know she is interested the next move is up to you. If you are absolutely sure she is the one tell her. Please make sure you are sure because that child doesn’t need any more drama.

Saddle up Haas.

I think it would be really important to take this as slow as you possibly can, because of the fact there is a youngster involved.
I have a friend who is dating my other friend who has two kids. She didn't even introduce him to the kids until after about 6 months of them dating, and they've been together a year now. The dad is still active in their lives too.
Even after a year, they only see each other a couple of days a week, and they're pretty crazy about each other.
The way my friend sees it, not only does she have to make sure that this guy is the right man for her, but her main concern is that he is right for the kids too (and vice versa, making sure the guy is ok with the kids, they're great kids but when you don't have children of your own, kids can be hard work).

I know it goes against everything you feel, but I would tell her how you feel, and say that you are happy to go as slow as you all need. Emphasize that you want the child to be cool with him, and that you want her to be sure that you are the right man for the both of them to have in their lives.
I don't recommend rushing into anything, but I do recommend saying your piece