Pregnancy and people all of a sudden caring.

Yup I'm preggo. It's still a shock since I thought i couldn't have kids and it's still early so I haven't had the excitement most would expect. I want to wait til I have my first doctors appointment which is in about a week. I have all the pregnancy "side effects" as I call them, hormonal, moodiness and constant morning sickness. I'm happy but I dont want to get too happy just yet. I mean anything could happen.

The one thing that has driven me insane is how people all of a sudden care about my well being because i'm pregnant where before they didn't. All I got was criticism on how I lived my life and how I chose to make a living. It wasn't something i enjoyed but it paid the bills and put food on the table. Now it seems everyone wants to be my best friend and give advice and tell me how much they care and want to be there. WHY couldn't they have cared before?! Why all of a sudden that I'm pregnant do people care? Nobody seemed to care when I was in an abusive relationship and forced to live in a hotel for a month. Nobody cared then!!! Now they care?!

It really irks me and has made me push many people away. i want to be able to deal with this myself before other people try and force their way into my life. I'm pretty private and don't have a lot of people close to me in my life. It's my choice and it's because I just have a hard time trusting people esp family. Some may say it's selfish but I don't see it that way. I dont want people in my life who only want to be there when it's convenient for them.


Someone please explain this to me! Have you had it happen to you? Why do people think a baby changes everything and excuses past behavior?

We live in a culture that worships the fetus. Phenomenon explained.

Adults don't matter. Look around you. No one gives a damn about us. The homeless go on being homeless. The starving go on starving. We exist to support and educate the children whether we have any of our own or not.

It's all about children.

I think you're upset about this because of your hormone swings.

Originally posted by Ghost375
I think you're upset about this because of your hormone swings.

No that is not it and please don't tell me why I feel the way I do.
That is another thing I'm sick of people telling me. It has nothing to do with hormones and everything to do with peoples actions previously.

reply to post by mblahnikluver

Congratulations.
You say everyone criticised you on how you lived your life and how you chose to make a living.
These ARE the ones who cared the most, when someone doesn't care they don't comment let alone criticise, on the other hand some who care will silently pray for you and say nothing, knowing that there are some things people need to learn on their own.

Originally posted by RedmoonMWC
reply to post by mblahnikluver

 

Congratulations.

Thank you

You say everyone criticised you on how you lived your life and how you chose to make a living.
These ARE the ones who cared the most, when someone doesn't care they don't comment let alone criticise, on the other hand some who care will silently pray for you and say nothing, knowing that there are some things people need to learn on their own.

edit on 25-11-2012 by RedmoonMWC because: (no reason given)

Sorry but how does criticism=caring? Yea I don't criticize those I care about!! I would never criticize someone and how they chose to live their life, it's THEIR life to live not mine. So what gives me the right to tell someone how to their life? That is a really messed up view of caring.

It's best to keep your mouth shut imo and let people live their own life. You can express your concern but to constantly judge someone isn't caring. It's condescending. Nobody knows what it's like to live in another's shoes so why insult their life or criticize their choices if it doesn't fit into what you think they should be doing? Again I dont see that as caring.

reply to post by RedmoonMWC

People who REALLY care don't judge or interfere. They trust that someone knows what's best for them.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


You go ahead and do whatever makes you happy.

And if it makes you feel any better, I am not concerned about your well being.

It's funny, I noticed the same thing both times I was pregnant. They don't give a rat's ass about you before, but when you're with child, suddenly you are the Madonna incarnate.

I remember going to church when I was pregnant with my second child, and I was pretty far along. After the service, some lady came up to me with shining eyes and started rubbing my belly. "Oh how wonderful!" she kept saying. I'm a private person, as well as having Asperger's, so a stranger touching me like that freaked me out. I said nothing and let her have her pregnant belly fix, but I'll never forget the creepy feeling as long as I live.

It is part of our culture to make a fuss over pregnant women. Well, I never did, but it appears to be expected. I came to the conclusion that there is still a great deal of sexism out there, and, apparently, we as women are only truly fulfilled and worthwhile when we're breeding, or taking care of the brood we created.

Some women really love the attention they get when they're pregnant, so they just keep on having more kids. Octomom comes to mind...

All I can tell you is, as another poster said, our culture worships the fetus and infant, but all other phases of life mean nothing. Get used to people making a fuss over you while you're in your "delicate condition", and then expect that attention to be transferred to your baby when you pop it out. It's all good. Don't be too upset with people, they're only as aware as the culture that they were raised in.

It's because now you matter. You're responsible directly for another life. They don't care about you, they just care that you stay healthy and happy and take care of your offspring. Sorry to burst your happy bubble.

Oh Honey, what exciting news! I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry about the people in your life and wish they would have been there for you all along. People are strange creautures and we can't always figure them out.

Oh boy, a brand new ATS baby! Yay!!!!!! Will you name him/her Night Star?

reply to post by Socrato

See, that is exactly what she's talking about. Without her fetus she went unappreciated. Pregnant she suddenly has value.

The culture in this country is screwed up.

I need more help as a mother trying to herd a kid through the door then I ever did pregnant.

So when I see a parent, struggling with kids, and groceries or anything else, I give them a hand.

By the way, it IS about the children. Once you have a child, it stops being about you. Accept that now. And the better y ou accept it, the better your kid will turn out to be.

Originally posted by FissionSurplus
It's funny, I noticed the same thing both times I was pregnant. They don't give a rat's ass about you before, but when you're with child, suddenly you are the Madonna incarnate.

Thank you. You understand! I just don't get it honestly. I am the same person I was prior only difference I'm pregnant.

I remember going to church when I was pregnant with my second child, and I was pretty far along. After the service, some lady came up to me with shining eyes and started rubbing my belly. "Oh how wonderful!" she kept saying. I'm a private person, as well as having Asperger's, so a stranger touching me like that freaked me out. I said nothing and let her have her pregnant belly fix, but I'll never forget the creepy feeling as long as I live.

Yea my neighbor rubbed my belly the other day and it freaked me out. If my hands weren't full of groceries I would have smacked them. I'm not even showing yet! My fiancee's mother felt the need to tell all my neighbors one day like it was her business to tell. Some people need to learn to keep their mouth shut. Again that is me and my personal privacy. Now I have people i don't even know bugging me. It's a little weird and i really don't like being touched by strangers. It's a personal space/comfort thing.

It is part of our culture to make a fuss over pregnant women. Well, I never did, but it appears to be expected. I came to the conclusion that there is still a great deal of sexism out there, and, apparently, we as women are only truly fulfilled and worthwhile when we're breeding, or taking care of the brood we created.

It's weird cause Im someone who naturally doesn't like being fussed over so now it's just really weird. It makes me very uncomfortable. My fiancee isn't here, he works overseas and he is the only person I'd want "doting" on me so to speak, not strangers and people who only want to be in my life now cause I'm pregnant. It's something I'll have to get use to.

Some women really love the attention they get when they're pregnant, so they just keep on having more kids. Octomom comes to mind...

Oh I know a few like this. They love the attention. I just want to be left alone right now til I have processed it! I mean I thought i couldn't have kids so I want to make sure everything is ok before I get too excited.

All I can tell you is, as another poster said, our culture worships the fetus and infant, but all other phases of life mean nothing. Get used to people making a fuss over you while you're in your "delicate condition", and then expect that attention to be transferred to your baby when you pop it out. It's all good. Don't be too upset with people, they're only as aware as the culture that they were raised in.

Will do! Thanks! Nice to see someone who understands. Makes me feel less crazy for feeling this way.

Originally posted by Night Star
Oh Honey, what exciting news! I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry about the people in your life and wish they would have been there for you all along. People are strange creautures and we can't always figure them out.

Oh boy, a brand new ATS baby! Yay!!!!!! Will you name him/her Night Star?

Thank you NS!! Yup rest assured he/she will eat very well! I am sure this time next year (if all goes well) you can expect to see baby food recipes lol

I'm happy I just wish people would respect my wishes right now. Yes people are strange creatures!

If it's a girl it will be Emma and if it's a boy Liam I've wanted the name Emma since I was little. It's weird cause I've always had dreams of having a little girl named Emma with black hair. Not sure if that means anything but it's been a constant in many dreams over the years.

reply to post by nixie_nox

No, it ISN'T about the children. They don't contribute to society for years.

They don't work.
They don't pay bills.
They don't pay taxes.

There are a lot of people who have no children who, all their lives, are forced to provide for them.

Yes, consider the children, but REMEMBER and APPRECIATE who pays for them. ADULTS.

Originally posted by PrplHrt
reply to post by nixie_nox

 

No, it ISN'T about the children. They don't contribute to society for years.

They don't work.
They don't pay bills.
They don't pay taxes.

There are a lot of people who have no children who, all their lives, are forced to provide for them.

Yes, consider the children, but REMEMBER and APPRECIATE who pays for them. ADULTS.

Ah, you are one of those sad members of society who can't see past their own needs to see how society works as a whole, and refuse to, who develop mantras such as these so they don't have to worry about anyone else except their own selfish needs. That if you don't have an immediate use, then you are un necessary. Who "thinks" that they don't need anybody to survive. it is a form of eliteism to convince yourself of importance that you don't have.

An apple seed may not be productive, but with lots of tlc and protection, it grows into a productive apple tree, that needs other trees (without genetic interference from humans) that produces apples. It depends on sun and water to grow and the hard work of bees to pollanate.

Children are the most important resource. They need to be educated, fed, and guided so they can be productive adults. And the better the job the adult does, the better the member of society the child will be.

The doctor that saves lives, was once a child. The teacher that teaches others how to read was once a child. The person that built the building you live nad work in was once a child, and their parents gave all the resources they had to make sure they were there. The parents of the firefighter that saves your house gave unselfishly to make sure that someone is there to rescue your house.

The parents of the child who helped develop the internet you are now using, gave selflessly to give you the platform to practise your selfishness, so did the parents of the person who made the computer you are using, the road you drive on, the food you eat, the water you drink, the car you drive, and the cardiologist who will try to save your miserable heart.

Evidence has shown that since the evolution of man, that tribes saved and protected the members of their colony, no matter their status and condition, to make sure that the species succeeded.

So actually, members of society who think they can dictate who is important and who isn't, who is self servicing and only care about number #1, are exactly what society DOESN'T need, and are therefore useless. Despite their claims otherwise.

Children are a resourcs, that continues the

reply to post by PrplHrt


Children do in fact contribute to society both emotionally and monetarily. They uplift people's spirits and motivate men and women, be they parents or strangers, to worker harder to provide a better future for the next generation. Many young children have started fundraisers--with enormous results--to help the sick, hungry, and homeless.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Don't worry sweets! Once you give birth and the baby reaches a few months old and you could really USE some of these people's help they will all magically disappear! Until then you will receive an unprecedented amount of unsolicited advice and unwanted inquiries as to the state of your and the baby's health. Afterwards the criticism will resume with full force!

On a personal note: Congratulations! You will make a great mother!