Alcoholics current and recovering, would you be interested in answering a few Q,s

reply to post by shelookslikeone


I am addressing all of you people who think addiction is all in your head, and that it is a behavior of choice.

Alcoholism is a choice, it's just psychological, and not at all physical? I chose to throw away my life, which was about as promising a future as I could ask for, so I could spend time doing things I never, ever thought I would do and loathing myself for years?

Pull the other one, it's got bells on

Drinking was a blast for me at the beginning. I just drank more than others. The bad stuff doesn't happen until a bit later on. Not too far down the road, but what I'm saying is I enjoyed it in the beginning.

I guess my heart attack in detox was all in my head, and not the physical reaction to the absence of the CNS depressant that is alcohol? And yes, at the time I was being dosed with the most Librium they are allowed to dose, they did me that way since my first detox.

Eh, pleasure pathways in the brain have nothing to do with it either, I suppose.

My maternal grandfather didn't die from cirrhosis because he physically could not stop drinking without being detoxed. He chose to drink himself to death because he was just hiding from something? My uncle on that side didn't drink himself to death in an acute alcohol overdose, and the other didn't die from an OD on coke because of anything genetic. They were just too weak and stupid to quit or moderate their behavior, hey?

It was aaalllll by choice. Wow, glad you all know better than scientific researchers, doctors and clinicians.

No, there is not evidence of an alcoholism or addiction gene or phenome at this time; however there is a lot of suspicion that there is, and research being done to find out. I don't think grants are given to studies without merit.

Anyway, what difference does it make? It somehow makes you feel better to belittle others who are hurting and who have lost their way, and in many cases, eventually their lives, while ruining those of the people who love them?

Addictions are bad enough to deal with, without those addicted being told that they should just be able to stop, and since they can't, they quit trying to stop believing that they are hopeless.

How does that help anyone?

In my experience dealing with drunks and addicts (self included) the substance is seldom the real issue. The term self medication gets thrown around quite a bit, but it is accurate.

It can work... unless there is a problem

Addicts tend go for the drug that likes them best. They are trying to treat a symptom, not find the cure.

Usually there is some sort of psychological or emotional duress that compels them. Whatever the dysfunction, it must be identified and addressed or you can forget about making any progress.

Sadly, it seems the best thing to do is let them self destruct... or "hit rock bottom" as it were. Thing is.. to do it at arms length. (Which of course is very complicated when the concerned party is your mate.) The best thing to do is distance yourself, try to get out of harm's way.

Some people seem to have no 'rock bottom' and are just hellbent on killing themselves via tedious increment...

(lights up a smoke)

...and many don't realize or really care how many get left in the wake.

For some there is no turning point.

Redirecting Blame is the clarion call of an addict.

Self Control is the only thing standing between anyone and sobriety.

Recovery is a loaded term. Either you are well or you are not well.

As helpful as recovery groups and twelve step type programs might be, they are as well... sort of... cultish, and yet another crutch. (The idea is to shake the crutch right?)

It's not up to a group of strangers, family, friends, or even god almighty... to decide.

It is a matter of will.

reply to post by SlackOps


I very much agree with you about AA. So funny they say "work a program that works for you" but they tell you what it has to be. And I like how they try to tell people they are on a dry drunk just because they are not behaving as they believe you should, even though you are not using.

AA was useful for me for a time. For some people it is a solution, and that's great for them.

It can serve a purpose, but as I'm sure you agree, AA is not a requirement for recovery. As you also said, getting your issues addressed is critical, and learning how to cope without your drug, whatever it is. For me, abstinence is also a requirement. Others are free to experiment.

Thanks to the honest stories and replies. I think the whole idea of my op was to try and get some idea of how someone with a drinking problem ' thinks of their problem' and attitudes towards anyone that mentions this. I do however know and realise its different for many.

Although of course my partner & I have talked on many occasion about this very topic. You would have to agree its a hugely tough subject to talk about face to face wether the drinker or concerned. I am not a confrontational person & neither is he. Therefore I'm not about to start now.

I do also know that eventually it's up to the drinker to decide what they want out of it all. As to wether its a medical problem or a willing choice. Well a lot of factors would have to concidered. The op was not made to argue this. I have no medical certificate to say either way.

My whole point, which has been well recieved by most and answered through individual experience. I'm not here to argue or judge anyone. To be really honest I admire any willing to talk about a tough subject. It's a hell of a lot easier to not talk about such issues.

I am also aware you can not clump all under one heading and treat them the same, that never works in life. But again this was not the idea of this thread. Although some great ideas for help has come from the thread for me & him. If anyone was offended by this, I would assume they would have not taken part.

I am also not into labelling or medical terminology in my everyday life, but chose the word alcoholism & alcoholic simply so people knew I wasn't talking about the odd drink. I personally cringe at these words and don't use them loosely.

I am a thinker and maybe a 'vice' of mine is wanting to know how someone else ' thinks'. It would be so much easier not to care but this is not the case. So essentially the whole post was about how you feel as an alcoholic towards yourself and others in your life.

reply to post by feelingconnected


Generally speaking...

The drinking or drugging is done so that one doesn't think about whatever problem is at the center... there isn't much of a thought process. The point is to not think about it.

The deep thinking involved with an addiction primarily is focused on having enough of the favorite flavor to maintain a comfort zone. Some energy may be spent on timing and managing opportunity. (It's all about keeping up with the Jones.)

It allows the thoughts, memory, or emotions concerning certain events, persons, or situations to be stifled or ignored for a brief time. Until reality closes in again.

Some just prefer to maintain an altered state. Which is cool, so long as it doesn't roll back on anyone else. It always does though. Even someone alone in their misery is going to leave a hell of a mess for somebody else to clean up when they finally do fade away.

Not all addictions are equal. Some are fairly harmless. Some destroy everyone in range. Depends on the individual. The behavior is there, drug or no drug. It is the person (not the preferred dosage) doing these things.

Absolutely, there are many factors to consider.

Its easy enough to contrive some vague medical condition in order to get written consent by a doctor. Justification made easy. Replacing one drug with another is perpetuating the cycle, especially if it is legal.

Attitude towards confrontation may largely depend on how far along the addiction has spiraled. Usually dismissive at first.

Most everyone has baggage of some sort. Some just aren't able to tote their own very well. Sure, two people can help each other with their luggage but if one of them is trashed all the time the other ends up doing most of the heavy lifting.

reply to post by louczar


"Dry Drunk." Gotta love that one.

AA or NA is like the best place to score every drug known to man.

Also, there is of course the higher power thing. Which doesn't work for many. Still, some will say whatever is clever to move on to the next step. Even for the true believers this is a trick shot, because... ahem... freewill.

Step one: Lie to yourself and the group.

It's a setup from the get-go.

reply to post by feelingconnected


AA helped me, when ever I had a desire to drink, I went, at first it was often, then as I became sober and the symptoms subsided, I found I went less, now, I don't go, if I do it will be to help others. I am not going to tell you what you should do, that's up to you, I would suggest you give him an ultimatum, it worked for my Grandfather, my Grandmother said she was going to leave him and take the kids, my Grandfather stopped cold turkey, if your husband truly loves you, he will stop when given a choice, I'm sure he loves you and the kids very much, Alcoholics are very intelligent, very sensitive, yet alcohol magnifies emotions and fears, your husband is probably very scared, he knows that if he were to become sober he would find himself confronted with the reality of how he hurt his family both emotionally and financially and who is and what he has become.

That's what is so horrible about alcoholism, it becomes an escape until it's too late, you end up dead, divorced, or poor, it takes time, alcohol is very deceptive, it made me think everything was honky dory and then I crashed, I crashed hard. My heart goes out to you and your family, I liken alcoholics as having an allergic reaction, yet my allergy consumed me. Remember it starts with that first day, if your husband can remain sober for one day, he can do it again, and again, but there are side effects: shakes, anger, sleeplessness, nightmares, they vary, but they will go away, then euphoria.

The great thing is that his health will improve and so will yours, your husband is still young, if he does agree to give up alcohol, go to a meeting, you don't have to go to one place, try others until you feel comfortable, the stories do help, they will build up your confidence and you will appreciate your situation, you will thank your lucky stars that it wasn't like some stories you will hear, take your kids, I can't tell you how much I would have loved to have had someone to go with me, you don't have to make it an every day thing, go when the wave comes over him, agree to have him tell you when it does, or keep an eye on him, or ask him, then go!

Once the side effects subside, and they will, your husband will become a new man, trust me, it's an epiphany. Enjoy your family, go for a walk, go for a drive, reward yourselves as a family, reward your husband with things or activities he likes, never give up hope, your husband needs to be brought back from limbo, he will need you, but only if he is willing to try, alcohol puts one in a stupor between life and death, it's always pulling one away from life, he needs to learn to love life again, you, his family, and himself!

I am praying for everyone on here, I hate alcoholism, it broke me, it robbed me of life, it robbed me of relationships, it robbed me of a family and kids, I thought I had it all under control and then I woke up in a holding facility, humiliated, never again, I am praying for you, don't give up, but don't let yourself nor your kids go under too, it can be a destroyer of all things and sometimes it's pull is too great, and it will win, so be careful, and know when to stop helping others and when to help yourself for your kids sake, God bless!

Some people need AA, some don't. My better half has been sober for 12 years now. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for that. He has never gone to AA but he almost died from medical complications due to his drinking. That was enough for him. Cold turkey. Done.

To shelookslikeone:

When you're young and have no family, you can do whatever to yourself and there are not many consequences to others. But substance abuse can have absolutely devastating effects on your spouse and children. Don't kid yourself.