This Needs Your ATTENTION Please!!

reply to post by subjectzero


Do you think blood is all that matters? I have siblings that have treated me like crap before I came here to Brazil.

As for my son, try reading some of my responses.

reply to post by ascension211


Install Skype on your computer, create an account with a balance on it and you can call their landline or cellphones. They don't need to have Skype for that. Problem, solved.

reply to post by bumpufirst


He said his son wasn't mad that he was leaving for Brazil to start a new life with his new wife.

I heard that Brazilian tail was good, it must be true!

reply to post by ascension211

Blood IS all that matters. You should be with your son.

reply to post by subjectzero


Well, he is getting blood, once a month! jk

I'm on the "Don't leave your child behind" wagon, especially for some butt. Either way, we don't know all of the details. The OP could be waiting for immigration for his wife and then move back to where he came from. We don't know for we haven't been told the skinny on that.

reply to post by UFCG2012AFHS


If I were your sibling or son and you knew this information about my situation; how would you respond to me?
The following transcripts are from the e-mails I sent; I will give the replies I got in the course of the thread.

No one has answered the question yet. I have only heard suggestions and judgement for my behavior. Opinions are fine but answer the question.

If I were your sibling or son and you knew this information about my situation; how would you respond to me? The following transcripts are from the e-mails I sent; I will give the replies I got in the course of the thread.

If you were my siblings or if you your my Dad, How would you respond?

reply to post by ascension211


I would respond back by either saying A) you should've waited for your wife in the first place or B) when are you moving back?

I'd also let you know how your son is doing, I couldn't keep any dad in the dark about the well being of their child.

reply to post by OneisOne


Retaliation? WTF. I am entitled to be happy. The woman I am with gives me this opportunity. I waited til my son was at an age where he could defend himself if needed. The abuse was directed at me, but I still waited for him to reach a certain age. She also manipulated the situation regarding the house and the divorce settlement. There is so much more to this whole situation.

What if I had a near death experience before I met my wife? What if I had the need to feel loved? There was no retaliation involved:

Oct.2009, I was sick in bed for 3 days, literally in bed, except to go to the bathroom, (I should've been the hospital) laying in one position for so long, when I finally got up and went to my office, I realized my right arm was "asleep" from the shoulder to the tips of my fingers. I thought. This will pass. 3 years and 2 operations later this has not changed. I live in pain everyday (no pain pills) and sleep is hard to come by, but I have learned to not let it control me. I cannot write, I am right handed, but I can type with 1 finger and if that changes, I will use voice recognition.

Oct.2009, I was served divorce papers.

June 2010, I moved out of the house I was living in with my kid and moved into a condo my Dad owned and wasn't using at the time. It was his old business office (he had closed), that he decided to hold on to at the time because the market was on a downturn. As it turns out, things happen for a reason it seems. That will be even more evident, soon.

Sept.2010, I was not feeling well for many days, my energy was weak, I had been trying to lose weight (230 lbs.), changed my eating habits and started trying to eat more fruit and drink juices and Gatorade, working out in the gym, etc. I was having trouble sleeping, already, because of my arm and now I was getting up to go to the bathroom all night and felt dehydrated, constantly drinking liquids. I kept smelling this odor of sulfur and ammonia, (I had neither product nor anything that should smell like either in my condo) and found out why, soon. None of the food I was eating tasted right. Something was very wrong. One morning, after bringing my kid to his house, I came to my place and laid down in my bed, immediately I realized I was fading fast, I called my Mom, she suggested I call Our family doctor and tell him my symptoms. I knew I needed to get the emergency room and he confirmed this. I could not wait for an ambulance and I didn't really know many people, luckily the hospital was close. I walked in and the lady asked me to fill out paperwork and I just handed her my id and said I can’t write or see, no wait for me. They put me in a room right away. They would take care of the paperwork. They called my parents to let them know where I was. The nurse tried to take a blood sugar reading and the machine came back error. She tried again, same result. She went to get another machine, same result. Off to ICU I went within 15 minutes of being there. They started me on a saline drip and insulin as soon as I got up there. Then they tried to check my glucose level again, 990, the machine would not read it, until it got below 1000.

That evening, I said goodbye to my family, I was not going to make it through the night, (goose bumps), and I told them all how much I loved them and then passed out crying. My organs had been shutting down, my heart beat was very irregular, (it was before this for another reason I will share in another thread), and it was low on electrolytes and was having trouble making the electrical connection. The monitor kept sounding the alarm at the nurses’ station. This happened 3 times, where they came running to "shock me" and my heart would jump back into "start mode". Finally, they decided to disconnect the alarm and stood in my doorway for; they said 3 hours, watching my heart do this over and over again. 55 seconds on....5 seconds off......Connect. Finally, it became regular/irregular. No disconnect, just not a normal thump. My heart was irregular before, as I said, but to them it was abnormal because of my situation. They had no knowledge that I had this problem before that day.

What was unique to them was how I responded the next day. You would not know that I was in a diabetic coma. Their words not mine. I asked the nurse why were they standing in my doorway all night, and she looked at me, and said how you could possibly have known that, your eyes were not open? I told her I saw 3 of you and wondered if I had been dreaming it, then she explained to me about the heart situation. Seems as though I had an "out of body" experience that night as well as a "near death" experience. I did see a bright light and I did wake up the next day with an amazing amount of energy. I was begging to get out of bed; they said I was not allowed yet because of all the tubes and machines I was still hooked up to. I could go on in more detail about my experience in the hospital and I promise to do so in another thread.

This explains my desire to create as many threads as I can, 211 is an important number for me. It is the day I married the angel and love of my life. We met under very strange circumstances. I will share that another day, too.

You should not have left the country for her. I understand you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, but surely being with your son MUST always come first, He's 13, he needs you more than she does. Wait until she can be with you and if not wait until he is an adult and able to care for himself before moving away to be with her. He says he's ok with it, but that should not matter, a 13 year old needs his Dad! This time away from you he will never get back and seeing him later in life will not make up for it. You are being selfish because you feel that you have to be with her, but you should sacrifice those wants to be with him who needs you.

If this happened to me at 13 I would no doubt feel terrible and abandoned even if you explained that you had to be with her and he said he understands I bet he is only saying what he thinks you want to hear, that's what kids are like. Go back to him before it's too late and the damage is done. If she really loves you she will totally understand and wait for you. To be honest I find it wrong that she did not insist that you stayed with your son, If I were her I'd feel awful for taking you away from him. You are both being very selfish and acting like teenagers running away leaving their child with a relative.

Sorry but this is just wrong and makes me feel terribly sad, I'd give anything to have had my Dad around when I was that age, to know that he actually could have been there, but chose not to would have just killed me.

i would have to say saportive if i was your siblin ,if i was your 13 yr old?thats a diferent story.it could swing alot ether way from mad to hurt to what ever.acording to the situation(teenager)

reply to post by ascension211

Selfish. Be a single parent.

reply to post by ascension211


Yep. Retaliation.

When after raising a child to only the age of 13 you feel like you deserve to be happy? Yes, you are taking out your anger on him. And now that you are gone, who do you think his mom will direct her abuse to?

And if your siblings were horrible to you, why should they care & help now that you have moved away.

No, you are only trying to justify your actions.

If my mother approved, I know I made the right choice. Before she ascended my last conversation with her was
clear to me. If she did not approve, different story right? No. I still needed to go to Brazil for my wife to have any chance to come back. My goal is to be able to do this and my son supports me, he wants her to be able to comeback. This whole thread was supposed to be about what your responses would be to my e-mails.

Seems you all decided to focus on something else. Go figure.

There is much more to this, but I just wanted to lay the scenario out for the purpose of this thread.

If I had custody the choice would have been much more difficult; I did not. I had parental rights and visitation; his circumstances were not going to change anymore drastically than they had when I moved out; June of 2010.

I prepared my son for this the moment (starting in Feb. 2011), I thought it was a possibility; my new wife had immigration problems we were trying to resolve. It was not an easy choice to leave my son or my family...my true love needed me more.

I had to put my wife on a plane without me on October 21, 2011; I had obligations I had to attend to first. My Mother was ill and my son had his bar mitzvah coming up and I needed to be there for that. My Mom understood and approved; she adored my new wife. My son understood and gave me his blessing. Mom ascended on Jan.31, 2012. My son had his bar mitzvah in April.

If I were your sibling or son and you knew this information about my situation; how would you respond to me?

As I explained I did not abandon my son. I did not abandon anyone. The emails were sent to my siblings and my father, they were in contact with my son. I was certain this would get some volatile responses. If it were one of my siblings in the same situation I would have done everything I could to help them. This is why I am having trouble understanding your responses or theirs.

This was not a piece of ass, We are married and have issues to resolve. She left her kids and grand kids because she had to. I only had one way to bring her back someday. My son gave me his blessing and loves my wife. The only reason I suggested this was because I was left to wonder. Facts will be presented shortly as to why this did happen.

Your thinking is faulty based on the fact you think this was just some fling. I have a woman I want to spend the rest of my life with that gives me something my son cannot. I stayed in an abusive marriage with his mother far longer than I bet any of you would have, because of the love of my son. I was a stay at home Dad and worked out of my house so my son would not have to go to day care. I gave up my job when he was born to care for him. Do not even think you can begin to judge me. You were only given information, limited to this situation.

There is much more to explain about my situation and that will be another thread for you to be bored to tears by.

This was not supposed to be an attack on morality. My morals are very intact and I have no problem with the choice I made to be here.

reply to post by ascension211


You left your son to be with your wife, your son should ALWAYS come first, ALWAYS. Your own wants and need s seem to have been more important and you are acting like your son doesn't need you as long as other people are there for him. Every child needs both their parents at that age. I do not see how you can possibly justify this just by saying that you want to spend the rest of your life with your wife, what even if that means leaving your son? I wis you could see sense, but your own selfishness has come before your child's needs,

I can't believe you left your son behind. My wife and I split and she is hiding my son from me. I haven't seen him in 2 months and you willingly left yours behind? I am fighting for rights so my wife has to let me see him and you just left yours behind? I would have liked you better if you were racist. He is 13 and he needs a Father figure. I can think of a million reasons for the need to be close to my kids but I can't think of any that would want me to be away from them. I never knew true love until my son and daughter were born.

My ex-wife took my son's computer to get fixed shortly after we had spoken on Sept 20th, when he got the computer back they had erased much of his information, including Skype and his passwords. He told my siblings this and they relayed this to me. Then I still didn't hear from him for over a month. He was procrastinating because he knew I was disappointed that we had not talked. He was not mad at me. He did not feel abandoned by me. He finally downloaded Skype again and contacted me the other day. He misses me and loves me and is doing just fine. We had arrangements in place before I left, they were just interrupted, (I think on purpose, by a spiteful ex) and we will try to return to those same arrangements now that he has his computer set up again.

As to all your attacks on my morality in handling this situation the way I did, I suggest you walk a mile in my shoes first. Really easy to judge from the cheap seats.

If I were your sibling or son and you knew this information about my situation; how would you respond to me?

( Be careful what you wish for OP)

Hi dad. This is your son Erik.

Sorry about not having Skype. All I have is e-mail. I hope I'm not disappointing you. I am 13 and I want your approval on things. I want you to like me. That's why I gave you my blessing when you told me you were going to Brazil. I didn't want you to hate me.

I understand as much about the legal part of all this, like the custody and visitation thing, that a 13 year old can. But I don't understand how not having full custody of me has anything to do with you moving to Brazil. If you had full custody of me, would you be able to see me more? Should I blame mom?

I read all your correspondences and you have been asking about me. I appreciate that and it sounds like your life is pretty complicated because of the things you chose to do. Like leave me. Do you think things would be simpler if you were back here? Close to me? I miss you dad. I don't like it that your life seems to be in an upheaval right now. I wish I could help. I wish I could be there for you. If you were close and I had your address the maybe I could see you more.

Me, well I'm doing ok I guess. there's this girl I like, but mom can only give me so much advice. I need your advice on things like this. You are a man after all and you seem to know women pretty well. How's your new wife doing BTW? I'm doing good in school. A's and B's. My counselor tells me I need to start thinking about career choices. I am a Freshman in high school after all. I'm sure you know this, but my counselor told me that I have a lot of potential and I should be getting advice. Mom tries, but she is woman and women do tend to get into different careers then men sometimes. What I would really like to do with my life is mainly a mans career, so mom can't help me much there.

So between the girl and me wondering what I should do with my life in a few years, it all seems pretty complicated. Like my life is kind of in an upheaval right now. You understand, right? I wish you could help. I wish you could be here for me.

Mom's doing ok. Like I said, she tries but there's only so much advice a woman can give to her son, and I do love for what she's able to do. I'm eating well, I stay warm at night, she's there for me when I need her and I love her for all that. I asked her if we could get Skype and she said "Why? talking to someone in person is more important than some Skype thing. That's for friends. Not family members." She is in charge here dad. So I do have to do what she tells me. Sometimes i don't like it, but she is all i have right now. My uncle tries his best to, with the legal stuff like you said, but he has his own family and his own life.

Mom did tell me a story the other night, and when she was done she gave me a "look". I've never seen it before so I don't really know what to make of it. Like i said, you seem to know women pretty well so maybe you know. But the story was about a boy whose parents divorced when he was 11. He was an only child. His mom felt kind of bad so she went and got her son signed up for the Big Brother program. Have you heard of it dad? Sounds kinda cool. An older guy maybe 20 or 25, comes around a few times a week to be a mentor, or male role model, for boys who don't have fathers. Well, they would go out and do things together, like shoot baskets, go to the movies, talk about stuff. And this guys job had these company picnics once a month that he would always take the kid to. And when they went he would always introduce the kid as his son. Everyone knew he wasn't, but it was still kind of, what mom says, a sweet gesture that made the boy feel like he really belonged to something. Well, after about a year they were walking home from a movie, like The Terminator or something, talking about "stuff" and the boy turns to his "Big brother" and says "You know, I wish I had a dad like you"..........................

Well, I better go now dad. You did want to know what's going on lately, so I thought I'd tell you. It's getting late and I have school tomorrow. I do learn a lot there and, even though you're not here with me, I have learned a few things about women from you. Hopefully when I grow up I can be a dad like you.

P.S. I hope you're making your new family happy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OK. OP. Your turn. How would you respond to that letter if that was your 13 year old writing it?

You said your son gave you his blessing, and you had already been moved out, so the situation wasn't going to change much. I don't see this as being a problem. Like one poster said, get together on Facebook. I keep up with a lot of family members I never get to see that way.

Sometimes we just have to follow our heart. If the love of your life came along, what are you supposed to do, just ignore your own happiness? You can't make others happy if you are miserable yourself. And I think if you had stayed you would have subconsciously held resentment toward your son. He would have picked up on this.
I think you made the right choice. The right choice is to always follow your heart... AND.... don't post things like this on ATS where people will bash you to the ground! They haven't lived in your circumstances, so how could they possibly know all the story?

I wish you all the luck in the world! Good luck. I would ask the mods to delete this thread and forget all the bashing you are getting here. If you are happy, then that is a great thing! At our age, it is a rare thing to meet someone that fills that void we have in our heart. Be happy you found her......... and don't let her go!

Originally posted by ascension211
As to all your attacks on my morality in handling this situation the way I did, I suggest you walk a mile in my shoes first. Really easy to judge from the cheap seats.

When you ask for peoples' advice, don't expect everyone to jump on your bandwagon handing out pats on the back and Kleenex.

And when they don't agree with you, quit telling them not to judge you. You can't cherry pick your way out of this situation.

After reading all you had to say about your situation and your responses to everyone else's, I think it's a safe call to say that your son is better off with NO influence then YOUR influence.