I Am A “Big Fat Hypocrite”!!

I have been wondering something? Do you like being called a hypocrite? I found something out about myself; I myself have been one.

I have been writing threads on Above Top Secret for about 3 weeks now and I have used these words in just about all of them. “Take care and much love to all”.

Now the truth is I don’t mean it. “All” is all. I found that it is difficult for me to love all and truly mean it. I am not as enlightened as I thought. I am a hypocrite. In spite of what I have been trying to get across to others; I need to look in the mirror, first.

Hatred is something that I try very hard to not have for others; that I find obnoxious or rude, but having love for them is difficult to come by. I am trapped in my human condition for a reason. I have lessons to learn. This is the hardest lesson for me to learn.

There are (7) “deadly sins” according to Wikipedia, (highly spiritual and non-secular); wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.

(1) Wrath (Latin, ira), also known as "rage", may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger.

(2) Greed (Latin, avaritia), also known as avarice or covetousness, is, like lust and gluttony, a sin of excess. "Avarice" is more of a blanket term that can describe many other examples of greedy behavior.

(3) Sloth (Latin, socordia) can entail different vices. While sloth is sometimes defined as physical laziness, spiritual laziness is emphasized.

(4) Pride (Latin, superbia), or hubris (Greek), is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and the source of the others. It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self.

(5) Lust or lechery (carnal "luxuria") is an intense desire. It is usually thought of as excessive sexual wants, however the word was originally a general term for desire. Therefore lust could involve the intense desire of money, fame, or power as well.

(6) Envy (Latin, invidia) is characterized by an insatiable desire. Envy is similar to jealousy in that they both feel discontent towards someone’s traits, status, abilities, or rewards. The difference is the envious also desire that entity and covet it.

(7) Gluttony (Latin, gula) is the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste; derived from the Latin, gluttire, meaning to gulp down or swallow and can be interpreted as selfishness.
There may be other sins that can be focused on, but these cover most in some form or another.

My self-evaluation follows in reverse order from the previous aforementioned definitions:

(1) Gluttony - I may sometimes be a glutton for punishment, but I am not one to take more than I need. I swallow my pride, but not as much as I should. I appreciate what I have, but try not to waste. I have a lack of selfishness. I give myself an “A-”. There is still much room for improvement.

(2) Envy - I never covet what others have. I know material possessions mean absolutely nothing. I am never jealous of what others possess because I am content with what I have. I do not think the “grass is greener on the other side“, ever. I believe if someone is rewarded for their behavior, good for them. However, you cannot take it with you when you ascend to your next existence. I give myself an “A+”. I nailed envy.

(3) Lust - I have intense desires, so I cannot say I am without lust. I do not lust for money, fame or power, but I do lust for my wife. I don’t lust for others wives, but I do appreciate beauty in others. I lust for attention. I lust to be heard. I lust to be validated. I will not let what others think of me, say about me or to me let that change. I crave positive attention. I give myself a “B+”. I need to work on my desire for attention.

(4) Pride - I do have pride. The saying goes “pride comes before a fall”. I learned this lesson recently. I was chastised vehemently for behavior and I felt it was unfair; my “pride” would not let it go. As a result I was punished, also, unfairly; I did gain something very important; humility. Whether I deserved to be punished or not, I was forced to deal with the consequences of my actions. Ego is pride. We sometimes make the mistake of classifying ego as self-esteem. I think of ego as false pride and self-esteem as what I truly feel about myself. This is where I made my mistake. I give myself a hard fought “B“. I really need to recognize the differences between ego and self-esteem.

(5) Sloth - I am the total opposite of sloth to the nth degree. I am definitely not spiritually lazy. I am always trying to improve myself spiritually; every minute of my daily life. Why? Because when my soul ascends, I want to be in the “Light” of my higher power. I never know when my time will come; I always try to be prepared. I give myself a strong “A”. I can always improve on spiritual feelings and actions.

(6) Greed - I am not greedy in the traditional sense; money, clothes, etc. I am greedy for attention. I want attention from my wife, from my family, from my articles; I want it all. I just prefer it to be positive in nature. I do not mind constructive criticism as long as it is presented to me in a positive way. Otherwise, it becomes an attack on my ego (remember, I have this problem recognizing the differences between ego and self-esteem). I still give myself a well-deserved “A-” with room for improvement.

(7) Wrath - Finally, the sins of all sins. The one I have the most trouble with. When it comes to the behavior of others that exhibit; greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony, I admit I have wrath. My anger is well placed though, it generates from this place I call my heart; filled with love, but tested by the hatred of others. I have found forgiveness in my heart for those that have wronged me many times. I will always try to love others regardless of who they are or what they have done. Anger keeps me from liking them. With anger I admit comes hatred. This is why I consider myself to be a hypocrite.

I had anger issues for many years growing up. I hit so many things and got in so many fights with people over the stupidest things. When I was 28 I realized why. I had been abused as a young boy by someone who stood for things we are taught that were good. He was a cantor in my synagogue, he was a youth advisor for different Jewish youth groups and he was a police officer. He was the source for my anger. When I began to understand that, my anger management became easier. Now, I still have anger towards what he did to me and I know to others, but it comes from a different level of understanding. I will never know why he did this to me, but I have learned to not let the anger control me.

I still have an ego and I hate to be told I am wrong about anything. My self-esteem helps me regulate things pretty well. I have a huge problem with rude or obnoxious people that I really need to get a grip on. I give myself a “B-”. It is not uncontrollable rage; rather it is lack of understanding for why these people behave the way they do. I need to do a better job of being more understanding and drop the hatred; I will forgive myself.

I can say take care and much love to all; I don’t have to agree with you or like you, but I can love you all for who you are.

Sincerely,

Ascension211

Written on11-5-2012

reply to post by ascension211


Just to let you know, nobody is perfect. I too have gone through this and still do, I've seen good hearted Men turn bad because of all the weight they had to carry for being good and one day finally SNAPPED!

So your not the only one who feels like a great failure. Being Good can become a very Hard task to handle

Have you seen the movie "The Machine Gun Preacher"- if not you should definately watch it.
The Bad guy turns good but then after trying to do good he starts turning bad again and then a boy he saved tells him something so he remembers to be do the right thing. its a true story and a very good movie to my eyes

reply to post by BacknTime


Thank you for the info and the attention!

reply to post by ascension211


Good for you!

You are much more enlightened after that realization than you were before, so your journey is going the right direction. It is also very difficult to admit such a thing, and even more enlightening to share it with others and attempt to help them on their own journeys.

Star and Flag for you, and don't feel too bad. You're still human. If you were really ascended, you wouldn't still be here learning. There is a purpose to everything you experience, so embrace it and try to evolve from it. That is all any of us can do.

reply to post by ascension211


Please read the book Verbal Judo by George Thompson. You will thank me later. After this, read the 14 presuppositions of NLP. If you get it, the information you have read are all derived from natural law that can be found by examining the Bible and other sacred texts. Read the Dhammapada for one of the best resources. Buddha had good perspective, but he missed the point. Suffering is mandatory in this life and you are working your way up the stairs if you are seeing your reflection clearly in the mirror. You are way more enlightened than you may think. Most people are blind to their problems and asleep to the solution. Knowing your pride is the first step in conquering it.

What happens if you smoke? You get cancer. This is because taking a reward leads to suffering and debt. If you go to the gym, your health improves. Suffering work produces reward. You can apply this to any area of your emotion. Emotion is Energy in Motion. Intellect is your will to control emotion. The joy of life is emotion and if you can transform your emotional energy to positive with the intellect, you have solved your problem.

Impenetrability is the state of being whereby two things cannot occupy the same place. If emotion is stronger than intellect, you will experience the downward spiral as a result. Ignorance, pain, fear and hatred all reside in the realm of negative energy. If your intellect is stronger than emotion, it will hold negative emotion back. If you expand your awareness enough, you can transmute all negative into positive. This is only possible by faith in God and adherence to the one law of love. Read my past thread and link in my signature for more.

Equanimity is the state you are searching for and this can only come from mindfulness. See the signature link and find Seeking the Good of Life. In the end, the fuller you are the less you need from anyone else. This comes from suffering on purpose. Working for others is giving and you must suffer first to gain the reward. Gifts that are earned are meant to be given away. When you do, the return seven times over again. The same happens with things we take. Taking causes debt. Anger is taking from others. You must suffer to give in such cases and you can always expect the reward to be present when you do.

Some anger is justified. Standing up for truth is a form of suffering that shows character in your favor. Always speak to the subject and never step on the object.

reply to post by ascension211



howdy bigfathypocrit. I'm bigfatfurrytexan. no relation.



great start. i used to do this type of exercise from time to time. you do it enough, you get to where you evaluate your behaviors all the time.

Ego is something I work on quite a bit, as it stays on my mind quite a bit.

Kudos to you, Sir!

It takes a REAL man to admit his flaws to the world!

Congratulations on gaining more enlightenment on your spiritual journey.
If we would all take a deeper look inside ourselves, I'm sure we could all improve in many areas.
It's called being human.
I applaud your thread, and give it a S&F.

reply to post by ascension211


And to that, you have truly been enlightened.
Enlightenment is not about being perfect, because you cannot try to be something you already are.
In a spiritual sense we all already are perfect,it is the imperfections that separate us from each other in a way that defines who we are. Without imperfections we would all stagnate and never grow, and that in itself is perfect.
Life isn't about enlightenment,
It is about the journey, and the realizations along the way.
You had one of those AHA moments when we see the things in ourselves that we want to change,
not because we have to, but because we feel that is not who we really are.
It is all about being true to yourself.
I wouldn't call you a hypocrite,
just self realized,
and that is a never ending process.

Peace!

great post! always hard to admit you were wrong so much respect for that. it really shows you are conscious of your thoughts and actions so at the very least consider yourself in the small percentage of people who are living mindfully and trying to be a better person. that's all we can do. much peace!

I often remark that hypocrisy is the most common struggle of mankind.
We all have been hypocritical at some times, and integrity is one of the hardest things to achieve.

I think I once saw it as a battle I was fighting, fancied myself a warrior.....
Somewhere that evolved to more of a sense of a ......weaver? It is this process of continually integrating opposite drives together into a product that is balanced, moderated, neither extreme.....

I actually had a moment, many years ago, where I suddenly felt like leaving a phase of "exploration of emotion".
I hadn't been aware I was in such a phase up until then..... but it just dawned on me that that is what my soul had been doing for a while (perhaps through many manifestations? I don't know)

But liek a kid exploring with finger paint, my experiences had been made up of bright and contrasting colors, and I don't know how to explain it, but hypocrisy is part of that play.

If you declare black one day, you will have to have white the next, because on some other level, they are the same thing; they are two sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other.

Be extremely loving one day, you'll be extremely non-loving another,
Be sweet, later you'll be sour,
Be good, later you'll be bad,
Be ecstatic one day,
Tomorrow you'll touch the depths of depression

Many of us try to fight that pattern, but it just seems (to me) to be in vain.
Duality is what it is. And we are whole in essence.
You can't have a coin with only one side.

The proposition, then, is evident- choose the gray, choose the subtle pastel shades in between, and have less contrasts in experience.

But until one is done with the exploration of emotion, that seems to be a "boring" idea.

Thank you all. Self evaluation is always the hardest. I am trying to set an example.

Take care and much love to all.


Ascension211

You took the first steps to admitting you have a problem. And only you can help yourself. Because you know what has to be changed in you. Now you can begin the healing process.

reply to post by Manunnaki


Thanks. Off topic you may want to change the way you spell cryed (cried) in your signature.

Take care.

Ascension211

Worship God in spirit and truth. Here are His names. You will find the strenght. I am here.

reply to post by Angle


Oh you mean:

Source/Higher Power/Pure Energy/Spirit Guide/Creator.

I prefer non-religious semantics for my beliefs.

G(old) O(il) D(iamonds) is not what I choose to believe. Why do you need "religion" to know what is the right;
a man-made concoction that allows hypocrites to behave how they want to and then pray for their sins?

If you follow what I said in the thread; in the end I forgive myself for being a hypocrite because I was confusing love for all with having to accept hatred. I do not hate anyone. Therefore, I can love all I just don't have to like them.

Have something to add to the thread besides a link to some religious bs?

Take care.

Ascension211

I've found a lot of minerals and crystals, in the store. You mock about religion believing you will ascend .. hn?


Religion, unite unite


Don't give smileyface to much credit, will ya.


www.youtube.com...

reply to post by Angle


Ascension has nothing to do with religion.