posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 11:07 PM
I am a cyber stalker according to my former best friend who is the person that I'm stalking. We were friends for 10 years, met when we were like
12/13 on a website called habbohotel. We edated for maybe 6-7 months and became best friends. Even though we've never met we knew each other better
than anyone else in our lives.. and shes the only person I've ever loved. It might sound crazy to most of you, but we talked about everything and
told each other things that we'd never told anyone else. We spent so many years of our lives infront of a screen talking to each other, we kind of
became part of one another. Then a year ago I was using drugs and made the idiotic decision to log into her email address and set it to forward her
emails to an email account I made. We had a fight and she didn't know I was doing this, but she blocked me and I kept reading them and couldn't
stop myself and came clean to her about it. I also had been logging into her AT&T account and seeing if she was ignoring my txts, and noticed that
she had been talking to someone for hours.. so I told the father of her child about it and it turned out to be the guy that took her virginity when
she was 14. I only told him because I was under the impression that he (the father of her child/boyfriend) was enlisting in the air force and I
didn't think it was fair to him, but I didn't know who it was, I thought it was this other guy that she cheated on her boyfriend/father of her child
with a year or two ago. I don't know what I was thinking doing all of this.. after a few months of me being blocked and us not talking I finally
wrote a letter to her and explained everything going on in my head and why I did all of this and she unblocked me. Then a month or two later
something happened and she drove all of the way to Florida to get her head straightened out, and the guy she was going to stay with got her high and
tried to get her to have sex with him and someone else.. and she left and called me hysterical and crying. A while after that she went back home to
MA and I tried talking to her because we hadn't really talked since she got back.. and she flipped out on me for making some comment on her facebook
because it seemed to me that she was ignoring me. She blocked me, and we haven't talked for a year except for the times I've tried to email her, or
made a new facebook account and messaged her.. and very recently, a week or two ago, I made a post on my facebook about how miserable I was and how I
missed her and dream about her and felt like my life had no point to it because she wasn't in my life anymore.. well a mutual friend of ours who
I've known just as long as her showed it to her, and she emailed me and basically told me that we'll never be friends again and that her family
worries that I'll show up at her house and harm her, she worries that I'll show up at her work place or house 20 years from now.. thought I stalked
her to find her address and phone number (because I wrote a letter to her 3 weeks ago.. which she didn't read.. the stalking part of that wasn't
true, I had known her address since we were teenagers when she wrote a letter to me.. but I guess she forgot about it, and the phone number I found by
googling her name, but I didn't plan on calling her.. I just happened to find it and told our mutual friend this). I mean I could go on and say
everything she said in that email, but I won't. The bottom line is I've ruined the best friendship I've ever had and I don't know what to do now.
She won't read anything I say. I never meant to do this, to betray her or to keep trying to contact her which has only pushed her away further. I
care about her more than I've ever cared about myself and it kills me every day that things are the way they are. I never wanted to make her feel
stalked. Just writing this is making me tear up because I really don't know what to do. I honestly thought we would always be friends. -.-