Shishkaplop II (BMHWC)

If it weren’t for the huge generating plant right next to us, we were camping in the wild. Our RV was stocked complete with hot air popcorn popper and several six packs of Mountain Rain soda. I even washed the bedding that was beginning to grow dust balls.

I looked outside from my comfortable window and noticed with pleasure that it was raining. The obnoxious man camping right next to us had only a tent. Earlier he asked us if my girlfriend and I were married. Of course we weren’t, I’m only eighteen. What a jerk!

You know what they say; God will judge you, sheesh. Then I noticed some movement. My eyes froze on a subject walking outside. The humanoid figure reminded me of a dilapidated rubber ball with arms and legs.

“Marcie,” I said. “Someone is walking around the substation. Do you think we should call the utility company?

“American United Electric are you kidding?” Marcie said. “By the time they get here it will be too late. Besides, it’s probably an engineer checking on the equipment. Maybe lightning has already struck or something.”

“The rains just started,” I protested. “I’m calling AUE.”

That’s when it began. The phone rang and rang without answer. Not so unusual you may say. But as soon as someone answered my call, I heard a click and then the crash of a bolt of lightning. Static sounds followed. I tried again and got the same thing.

On the third try, I started to explain my concerns anyway. “H-hello? Hello is anyone there? I want to report a mysterious object walking around the Beach Street generating plant. It looks like a really fat man.”

I couldn’t tell if the voice was a man or a woman. Whoever it was, the connection was so bad it sounded like an early gramophone recording. “A…really fat man you say? Can you verify that for me? How many pounds do you think he is?”

“I don’t know, he looks like Sasquatch in a raincoat,” I said. “He is maybe 400 pounds and about 5’11”.

“Looks like Sasquatch in a raincoat,” the voice croaked. “I see. Stay on the line and go outside will you? Ask this person if his name is Dr. Shishkaplop. We fired him last year. Sometimes he sabotages our transformers. Thank-you. “ The line crackled.

“Uh huh,” I said. “All righty then. I’ll just go outside and talk to this man,” I said loudly.

“Benjamin, no,” Marcie said. “He could be dangerous.”

“Stay here,” I ordered.

Sparks started to fly from one transformer to another like a Tesla tower. In fact one particular structure looked like a Tesla tower. Either someone was highly trained in arc-welding or someone was getting the jolt of their life. As it turned out it was both.

The welder was about 20 feet in the air hanging on a girder. He had just made a repair. I could have sworn he looked like our tent neighbor and he was wearing a fat wet suit. More sparks flew. “Ow, ow, ow!” The welder howled. “Xildi you moron, will you shut this segment down? I’m getting blasted out here.”

He turned his head slightly, and noticed I was standing there. Even from the distance I could see his eyes bulging out of his head. “You! Unmarried Ben, is that your name?”

“Yes, are you Doctor Shishkaplop?”

The Doctor brightened his tone, “Yes, I am Doctor Shishkaplop. But you can call me Doctor Shish.” He grinned broadly, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a friendly smile.

“Yes,” I whispered into the phone. “It is Doctor Shiskaplop.

Shishkaplop twisted his neck so it was 180 degrees from where it should be. “Let’s go,” he said.

“What do you want from me?” I screamed.

“Not much, just you,” he said sarcastically. He turned one final turn with a wrench and something popped. “There. All ready to fly.”

I dropped the phone. To my horror, the top of the Tesla tower was now floating above the column. A door opened up from the bottom of the craft and Doctor Shish managed to crawl in. “We just want to know the courting customs of you humans,” he said with another creepy grin. “All we needed were two subjects…And you’re not yet married.”

I ran toward the camper, slipping and sliding on the wet grass. “Y-You can’t get us, we’re going to be locked inside our RV. We weren’t doing anything anyway, just watching TV.”

“That’s alright,” Dr. Shish garbled. “We don’t need to retrieve you.” The door to the saucer slammed shut just as I made it to the RV.

“Marcie quick,” I said. “We have to get out of here.”

I headed for the driver’s seat but it was too late. We were already rising in the wet air. Marcie looked out the window. “Benjamin, where are you taking us?”