Looking for Feedback on my Comic

reply to post by laersikertrats


Hey, no not really, the ideas kinda come at all random times, I think about the story and universe(In which the comic takes place) all the time and I get little ideas to add here and there.

i really like the framing.

also you had some very creative bubbles.

reminds of a futuristc DBZ, though i'm not a fan of the "amerimanga" style that oozes from this work.

one other thing you should work on is the letteing, which i found to be the most lacking pice of this work.

otherwise this was a great first draft.

fix some errors, ink, better your lettering and sir you may have something.

(though if it were me i would dith the amerimanga style.)

Originally posted by WielderOfTheSwordOfTruth
reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha

 

Thanks for everything you said, the critiques are helpful, one thing though, what do you mean keep out 4 letter words??

Every time the characters say "sh**" it just doesn't seem to fit the environment. I understand newer comics are getting edgier and edgier. But, while trying to strive for some realism, don't overlook the fact that it's out of place to use western-style language/slang in a comic set in futuristic Mars.

I don't know, it's probably just a personal pet peeve of mine. I can't help but imagine there'd be some new, bad language and slang being said. Don't forget to invent some futuristic words, slang, and phrases. This is something shows like Futurama have done very well and I think it's very effective (speaking as a fan of comics, cartoons etc.)

Only a personal suggestion, of course. I'm certainly not an editor. But, I like to keep the dialogue timeless and real at the same time, which is no easy task sometimes.

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha


he has a point here.

if using profanity at all make certain it fits the world.

with your style i would reccomend damn over #. damn isn't uncharacteristic of an anime character to use.

reply to post by CagliostroTheGreat


Hi thanks for your comments, Dragonball, DBZ as well as many other cartoons and animes have all led to influencing my style over the years, I would like my work to come off a bit more realistic but I like it like this too. I agree the lettering is not very good, I'll definitely be working out those details in the final copy.

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha


I see what your saying and I have to agree, the dialog has to be worked on, I know there's a few parts I don't like. I think your right, making up some words to fit the time would sound better, thanks.

reply to post by WielderOfTheSwordOfTruth


one good way to practice your lettering is choose a font you like, print out a page with a-z on it and just trace them. eventualyy the muscle memory will take over and lettering will become rote for you.

you don't have any others working with you on this?

reply to post by CagliostroTheGreat


Hey yeah that's a good idea thanks, but no, nobody is working on this with me, just my myself and I.

Here is the map of where the comic takes place. Its the "Orion Arm" of the Milky Way Galaxy, each dot is a solar system, green dots are "good guys"(part of the alliance), yellow dots are neutral/peaceful systems and the grey dots are evil systems. The names by each dot are the names of the governing races of each solar system.

Oh and the dots with crosses through them are "capital" systems.

reply to post by WielderOfTheSwordOfTruth


wow, man.

that is a colossal undertaking but not impossible. in fact most manga is created by a single person (kia asamiya, kintaro miura) but traditonally a book is made by a team, so even more props for doing this alone and still succeding.

my advice: KEEP IT UP!

oh, i expect to see the next draft as soon as its completed.

reply to post by CagliostroTheGreat


Thanks, yeah it is a lot of work but I'm pretty into it, it's fun to work on I'll definitely keep going, I'd love to see it get published some day that's a dream. Issue #2 will be done before I do another draft of this one, I'll upload it for sure.

reply to post by WielderOfTheSwordOfTruth


nice once you get a little more of a finished project, start publishing on online forums not just this one but comics forums especially. gain a following and maybe eventually pitch to dark horse or someone maybe IDW or Top Cow even. though i believe Dark Horse is your best option.

keep in mind ish 1 is very rough. it needs inked. it needs proof read and lettered. color isn't as important as it used to be, so dont stress on that.

if it were me, i would cease work on all roughs for any ish after 1 and just focus on getting ish 1 publishable.

reply to post by CagliostroTheGreat


Hey thanks for the publisher names, but yeah I intend on putting a lot more effort into the final copy, making sure everything is detailed, to scale/proportion and in proper perspective. I would work on the good copy before other stuff but I'm still going through details mentally in my head, but I agree that's a big step that needs to get done.

Not bad....but you should work on developing your own characters. I shouldn't be recognizing nearly everyone from some other cartoon or anime

Is it only me that thinks that this is crap ?
Bad (amateur) drawings, bad story, not anything that differs from all that is already published somewhere ...

Come on, if you have something to say, say it, do not just copy what you have seen elsewhere ...

Pretty cool comic, it looks like you put alot of work into it. I draw a little myself so I know how you can get the drawing version of writers block sometimes. I was a huge fan of Dragon Ball Z back in the day so I like the style you have going, the only thing I noticed that you might want to add was when I looked at your map of all the planets and the color system you used for good and neutral and evil planets; I noticed you didn't have one evil human planet. It's your comic so it would obviously be your choice but alot of humans on earth would be considered evil right now. Might be cool to add an evil human planet. Good comic though I read the entire thing.

Originally posted by Torre
Is it only me that thinks that this is crap ?
Bad (amateur) drawings, bad story, not anything that differs from all that is already published somewhere ...

Come on, if you have something to say, say it, do not just copy what you have seen elsewhere ...

WOW why dont you tell him what you really think.

Look I can appreciate constructive criticism but there is a way to deliver it. The guy obviously spent a lot of time drawing it and trying to put it together at least appreciate that much.

Dont listen to these haters do what makes you happy man and keep up the good work.

I'm surprised but I like it. I think you've got real talent OP.

reply to post by zonetripper2065


Hey, I know there's one guy who looks too much like Piccolo, that guy will be changed, could you tell me some others that look a lot like characters you know, thanks.