Taboo questions about marriage and children

Some taboo questions about marriage and having children:

1. How are you supposed to be horny and sexually aroused by the same person everyday for the rest of your life? What if you aren't sexually aroused by your wife anymore? What then? The only way you can get sexual satisfaction at that point is to cheat on her and find another woman, right? What other choice do you have?

2. Aren't all marriages, or most at least, passionless after about 6 months or so? Don't couples gradually become like roommates, living only to clean the house, pay the bills and take care of the kids? Isn't married life DEVOID of passion, romance, peace of mind and freedom (since children obviously take away peace of mind and freedom)? Doesn't the sex become routine or nonexistent? Are these good things?

3. What's the point of spending one's best years or prime years raising children, serving them and being enslaved to them, only to be left old and useless afterward? Isn't that sort of like giving up your life or best years? I suppose that's necessary for the propagation of the human species. But is it better for you? Is it in your best interests?

Originally posted by WWu777
Some taboo questions about marriage and having children:

1. How are you supposed to be horny and sexually aroused by the same person everyday for the rest of your life? What if you aren't sexually aroused by your wife anymore? What then? The only way you can get sexual satisfaction at that point is to cheat on her and find another woman, right? What other choice do you have?

2. Aren't all marriages, or most at least, passionless after about 6 months or so? Don't couples gradually become like roommates, living only to clean the house, pay the bills and take care of the kids? Isn't married life DEVOID of passion, romance, peace of mind and freedom (since children obviously take away peace of mind and freedom)? Doesn't the sex become routine or nonexistent? Are these good things?

3. What's the point of spending one's best years or prime years raising children, serving them and being enslaved to them, only to be left old and useless afterward? Isn't that sort of like giving up your life or best years? I suppose that's necessary for the propagation of the human species. But is it better for you? Is it in your best interests?

Dear WWu777,

Based on your values, you should never marry or be with anyone that doesn't think like you. They should only be with someone for sex, that is the best you should have, they should not care about you as you will care about them.

On a better note, I was with one person for over 24 years and sex was still fun. It is always fun if you care about the other person, it doesn't matter if they get older or gain weight, sex is still fun.

reply to post by WWu777


YES, you are right, having children sucks. All the horror stories are true. Please don't ruin your awesome life by having one!!

Originally posted by WWu777
Some taboo questions about marriage and having children:

1. How are you supposed to be horny and sexually aroused by the same person everyday for the rest of your life? What if you aren't sexually aroused by your wife anymore? What then? The only way you can get sexual satisfaction at that point is to cheat on her and find another woman, right? What other choice do you have?

I could of been sexually aroused by my ex wife for the rest of my life. Truthfully, I had no interest in another woman what so ever... Unfortunetly she just turned into a two bit abusive drunk which left me with a mental illness. Cheating is wrong and if that is how people solve their problems, then why did they commit to marriage in the first place?

2. Aren't all marriages, or most at least, passionless after about 6 months or so? Don't couples gradually become like roommates, living only to clean the house, pay the bills and take care of the kids? Isn't married life DEVOID of passion, romance, peace of mind and freedom (since children obviously take away peace of mind and freedom)? Doesn't the sex become routine or nonexistent? Are these good things?

Marriage isn't all about sex to start with.

3. What's the point of spending one's best years or prime years raising children, serving them and being enslaved to them, only to be left old and useless afterward? Isn't that sort of like giving up your life or best years? I suppose that's necessary for the propagation of the human species. But is it better for you? Is it in your best interests?

Well unfortunetly if you want children and leave it to late, you may not be able to have them.. Why grow old lonely when you can have a loving family around you in your later years? Does that seem pointless?

Fall in love and you'll be able to answer those questions yourself

1. Wow. I can't understand you OP. I have been married 7 years and I love my wife more and more every day. We have had some terrible fights over the years and I have felt "tired" of her at times but that always fades away. I find her very sexy still and I keep it that way by NOT looking at porn or other women. I treat her as my only sexual outlet so my body understands that when I see her, THAT is who I have sex with, no one else.

2. Now the risk of getting bored with day to day routine is always there whether you are married or not. Spending time together is what counts. You add some fun vacations and new activities here and there and you have a ready-made best friend/lover spending the night with you every night.

3. We don't have kids but i did help raise my lil brothers. I can tell you that it is THE single most rewarding thing you can ever do in your life period.

reply to post by WWu777


As I have gone through life there are matters which, no matter how hard to sympathise with, I came to realise were beyond me. It can, in a way, be likened to a story I heard some years back about a French woman who worked in the Gestapo headquarters in Paris while all along being an agent of the Resistance. It seems to me that if I am brutally honest with myself I cannot say I would have had the courage to do what she did. No matter how much I might wish it I don't believe there is any way of knowing how I would stand up to such a challenge bar finding myself in that position. I have never experienced anything like her situation and years later after much consideration I am no closer to truly knowing the answer. (Although through gaining a deeper understanding over the years and being a little more mature I may be less deluded about my abilities - not willing to shout 'Yea, piece o' cake').

Even if I had the courage to attempt what she did, something that I could only hope would be the case, would my courage be strong enough for me to carry off the deception? There are so many factors to consider that it seems impossible answer with complete certainty 'Yes'.

That's just one example of a situation which I think has to be experienced to be fully understood and an example of the answers we get being dependant of how deeply we consider the question, but I think it is more than fair to extend that understanding (extreme though the example is) elsewhere in life, particularly here.


1) I think here you are mixing up or, and I mean no insult here, confusing the idea of love with sexual desire. It is easy to see in the question a separation of the two. You talk of marriage and children, well, if we take the stating position here to be one of genuine love, that then is the answer to the first part. It may be simple but there really is nothing more to it. Of course, bar passing Go and finishing the game, there is no guarantee on anything in life but being in love is the (or at least an) answer here - to this first part. It depends on your attitude toward sex. You may be someone who craves new experiences and someone to whom the idea of new partners every weekend seems the only way of satiating your desires. Such antics though are not only far from all that this aspect of our lives has to offer but many would say such a perspective comes only from one who has a limited understanding of the matter. (Here I mean no offence - all of our understandings are limited). Here though is the answer to 'How are you supposed to...' the answer is an incarnation of the love between you. Here is a quote of something I read the other day:

[meeting you] was like I had walked in shade of a dreary, autumn, leaf strewn wood all my life and then came across a clearing in which the sun shone down upon the most beautiful flower. Your face is light itself to me. Your smile parts the clouds. Your embrace... being in your arms makes the universe itself seem unimportant. You are my drug. You are more than all things to me and I love you. Utterly.

There are times, you would be right in highlighting, where things may not play out so. Well, in that situation I would suggest the answer lies between the couple. Who knows what resolution may be reached? I think it's a question which depends far too much on the nature of the individuals involved and their relationship to approach with a quick comment here.


2) No, no, no, no and no. Such a scenario can be the case, of course, but I would suggest there is something wrong with the relationship if that is so and that does not have to have anything to do with being married. To the last part of your question 'Are these good things?' the answer is obviously a no. It seem here that the blame in a failed relationship is being heaped upon the idea of marriage, something with many see as nothing but a public declaration of their love while others view it as a solemn commitment - how you view the matter is personal but I don't think that merely by tagging a particular label to a relationship you automatically condemn it to a certain path. It may have an effect; it may encourage the couple to strive through problems or it may make it feel there is a pressure. To heap all the blame of a failed relationship upon that single attribute though seems short sighted to me.

3) What's the point of... Ok, I'd answer with a question: What's the point of life? Or a re-wording of the question: Why spend your life with someone you love more than the sky? Why raise children who grip you with a love so beautiful and strong you had no idea such a thing existed before and who hold in their face the ability to send your heart soaring above all clouds with a simple smile?


Your questions are those of youth. Now I feel old. Thanks. :p

reply to post by Hawking


Damnit Hawking, you replied while I was arranging my response. I could have waited and saved both my time and WWu777's boredom.

I've been married 36 of the past forty years and the ONE thing that completely alters the equation is KIDS - I have none so I can't address 2 out of 3 of your questions. As for question #1, the options are almost limitless given the absence of kids.

ganjoa

Originally posted by WWu777

How are you supposed to be horny and sexually aroused by the same person everyday for the rest of your life?

You're confusing lust with sexual arousal. Lust isn't the only way to get it. The best kind of arousal comes from love, and you stay in love with the same person all your life by growing with them.
Staying on the same page.
Keeping the lines of communication open by any means necessary.
Talking to each other.
Listening to each other.
Understanding each other.
Staying civil through your disagreements so they don't turn into arguments.
Experiment with different positions.
Maintain eye contact.
Through the years you'll find that you can talk to your partner without saying anything.
No matter what happens during the day, end the day with a love song.
That feeling you felt when you first met..........remember it. Don't let it fade with time.
Keep it alive and growing by taking these recommended steps.
In time, you'll find your own ways of keeping the love and arousal alive
In time, you won't be able to picture yourself with anyone else.
You'll find no other woman attractive anymore.
If I ever go blind......I'd rather go that way.

It's not easy, but the best things in life rarely are.
And I really, really wish I could be speaking from experience.

youtu.be...

Originally posted by Socrato
1. Wow. I can't understand you OP. I have been married 7 years and I love my wife more and more every day. We have had some terrible fights over the years and I have felt "tired" of her at times but that always fades away. I find her very sexy still and I keep it that way by NOT looking at porn or other women. I treat her as my only sexual outlet so my body understands that when I see her, THAT is who I have sex with, no one else.

2. Now the risk of getting bored with day to day routine is always there whether you are married or not. Spending time together is what counts. You add some fun vacations and new activities here and there and you have a ready-made best friend/lover spending the night with you every night.

3. We don't have kids but i did help raise my lil brothers. I can tell you that it is THE single most rewarding thing you can ever do in your life period.

Maybe I'm jaded because no one I've truly loved has loved me back, and only those I don't love have loved me back? I've never had a real relationship with someone I was hugely attracted to. I've only settled for girls that I picked because I couldn't get anyone else.

My life goes by Murphy's Law in that I can only get women I don't want, not women I do want. After decades of so much bad luck and loneliness, you become jaded I guess.

Originally posted by WWu777
Maybe I'm jaded because no one I've truly loved has loved me back, and only those I don't love have loved me back? I've never had a real relationship with someone I was hugely attracted to. I've only settled for girls that I picked because I couldn't get anyone else.

My life goes by Murphy's Law in that I can only get women I don't want, not women I do want. After decades of so much bad luck and loneliness, you become jaded I guess.

I don't see ANY love in this, only lust. The physical aspect of love should, no only, comes from intimacy. Not the other way around. As to kids? That's ones own choice. I've found it enriching. I have friends that don't want kids. To each their own.

1. I'm about 20 years into my marriage and there hasn't ever been a problem in that regard.

2. Nope, not at all. Just flat out no. Our marriage is loving, caring and free.

3.Raising 4 children.

Parenting is literally the most important job on the planet. It's an adult investing 20 years of their life, to creating another person. The point is to make a good person. A well informed, critical thinking person.

So you may see it as a cage, with no inherent benefit. But when I look at my daughter getting 3.8GPA at one of the best universities in the country, I feel proud. Because I helped her accomplish those things.

I know I made at least, 1 good person, who is going to make a difference in at least a few people's lives.

There's nothing even remotely sad, or bad about that.

~Tenth

Originally posted by WWu777
Some taboo questions about marriage and having children:

1. How are you supposed to be horny and sexually aroused by the same person everyday for the rest of your life? What if you aren't sexually aroused by your wife anymore? What then? The only way you can get sexual satisfaction at that point is to cheat on her and find another woman, right? What other choice do you have?

2. Aren't all marriages, or most at least, passionless after about 6 months or so? Don't couples gradually become like roommates, living only to clean the house, pay the bills and take care of the kids? Isn't married life DEVOID of passion, romance, peace of mind and freedom (since children obviously take away peace of mind and freedom)? Doesn't the sex become routine or nonexistent? Are these good things?

3. What's the point of spending one's best years or prime years raising children, serving them and being enslaved to them, only to be left old and useless afterward? Isn't that sort of like giving up your life or best years? I suppose that's necessary for the propagation of the human species. But is it better for you? Is it in your best interests?

Everything you mentioned is true.

In question number three you asked a question, and I will answer it. If you don't spend your best years raising children, then your best years will only be about you, and that's a completely empty and hollow way to live. You will never look into the trusting and loving eyes of your own child. You will never know a joy so powerful that it sometimes feels like your heart will just burst from all that love. You will never know how it feels to be the hero, the Best Daddy in the world type of hero that comes from being the man that a child looks up to when they scrape a knee or when they just need someone to hold them while they fall asleep in your arms.

No one can possibly have a full life (not even close) until they make that bond with a child.

As for marriage. Sure, it may not last, but you need to experience that kind of love when it is good, when you feel so in love with a woman that you know you would just die without her in your life.

Things change. People change. Life, however, is about making memories that will last forever.

The only failure in life is to NOT try to love a spouse and children. Without these people, you will have an emptiness that nothing else can fill.

reply to post by tothetenthpower


20 years? What planet do you live on? It's life long. I see it in my parents, siblings and kids.

reply to post by intrepid


I expectt my marriage will last for the rest of my life because, cause he'll probably end up killing me with his shenanigans, long before I can file for divorce

~Tenth

reply to post by tothetenthpower


I meant the commitment to our kids.

reply to post by intrepid


Haha oh right lol

Yeah, it is, but you only have 20 years of being in charge and fully responsible for how you kid turns out. They are the really crucial ones.

Look at it this way. If you decide to act on your points, then none of your relationships, married or not, will last over six months because you'll get tired of your mate after that long, no longer feel aroused, and move on. So, assuming anyone wants you and that you are yourself sexually attractive, you'll end up getting laid a lot, satisfying your physical desire, and that's just about all. Meanwhile all your friends will have "taken the plunge" and will become distant from you because you no longer have anything in common.

However, as you get older you'll get fatter and uglier, and eventually you'll reach the point where you are attracting less and less attractive six-month partnerships, until you attract none at all. That's your future. You might be an uncle to someone, but you'll be thought just a bit strange--if you're lucky and not avoided altogether.

Now, about kids, yup. They can be difficult, and if you don't have them you'll be able to buy a couple of fancier cars than you otherwise would have been able to do and live a richer life because you're not spending $100K to raise a kid. At the end of 20 years or so, if you had kids, they'd be leaving home, but since you don't your house will be empty anyway and all you will have left is a geriatric cat and a very fancy depreciated car worth nothing. Your relationships, if you have any, will be with overweight gap-toothed women who only look the least bit attractive after midnight when you've had a few beers. And by this time you might be having some issues getting "aroused" at all.

So go for it, buddy. After all, it's all about you!

reply to post by WWu777


considering every question you wrote was only about your selfish viewpoint and desires, I think this is going to be a reoccurring pattern for you.

When you stop thinking about yourself and what you want, and how it all pertains to you, life will get better.

And until you realize that, please don't have children.