An unpleasent experience

So...recently some strange things have been occurring to me, and while I cannot seem to explain any of them logically, I can't deny them either. Which is incredibly frustrating. It all sounds totally crazy, and off, and weird, and impossible, and like bad fiction.

But it's still happening.

Last saturday was the scariest thing I've ever experienced. I don't even understand why or how it even happened.

So..on to my story, I guess.

I am what is called a "walk-in", I pretty much just "woke up" in this body when it was about four or five. While the experience could be chalked up as a dream or something, I seem to have never woken up. The feeling of waking up in a body that feels totally foreign, in a place that you do not recognize, but, given the "maps" in the brain, you know you should know. It is very strange feeling. There is more to my "walk-in" experiences, but that is unrelated to last saturday.

(the more I think about everything, the more unstable it all sounds.. )

I do not consider myself to be human (I know I'll get ripped to bits for saying that), I am *very* aware that I am in a human body, I have no delusion over that fact. I just don't seem to be able to relate to various things that humans do, feel, believe, or claim to experience. I came to a personal awareness around seventeen years ago, before that I would always just feel..off..out of place, like I was some beast... It was nice to become self aware, but I still felt crazy.

But two and a half weeks ago things became particularly strange, and many things began to make sense, though I still think it all sounds like really bad fiction, especially how easily things are lining up and being corroborated. Aspects of things that the ones I have been talking to would have no way at all of knowing. I keep hoping they will just say they have been playing with me. That I really am just deluded.

So I was going through strange experiences and really wanted to talk to someone I knew "in real life". I decided it would be a dandy idea to go to a local New Age store I used to work at, and chat with whomever happened to be there.

I *really* regret doing that.

The only one there was the owner woman, I've known her for over ten years. We chatted, I was behaving in my usual awkward fashion, nothing off at all.
After a while I got to the point of my visit. I confessed that I was a walk-in, and that things had been super strange lately. She invited me into the treatment room in the back to help me ground...or something. Nothing felt strange at that time.. I did ask her if she was planning to "drive me out", as she had asked repeatedly if the original person of this body was still present. She said she wanted to help me. I..should have just left.. I am far to trusting of others' motives.

So I sat on the massage table and she sat in a chair to the head of it, facing me. She got out a three-ring binder, and began to read questions from it. They always ended with a serious of strange "words" that I have never heard before. I kept asking what if those were words, that they sounded strange. I did my best to answer the "questions", and asked various things as well. She had said she had encountered various walk-ins before... I asked if I was the most annoying, because I kept asking things. She said I was in the middle. After a while of her questioning I began to tremble... Like shaking very visibly, which tends to happen to me when I talk about "myself", I am shaking as I type this, actually. But she offered me water with something called "Rescue Remedy" in it to help me calm down. I nearly choked on it, but she was insistent that I drink it. And so I did.

When she sat back down she did some kind of "cone" thing... I don't know what it was... She said she was pulling a "ton of negativity from me"..it felt like I could have passed out at that point. Eventually, she put her hand on the pillow and I, hesitantly put my right hand on to hers, she was trying to help me, after all, I shouldn't try to be difficult. Not to long after that..it got very distressing. She began to demand I tell her whether or no I was a "portal" or a "doorway". Eventually she demanded I leave this body..that I didn't belong in this place. She wouldn't let go of my hand, I was feeling very numb and my vision was fading. It felt like cold hands were reaching into my head and shoulders, like I was slipping away. I was crying and begging her to stop, that it hurt...

She refused.

I managed to throw my self off of the massage table and tried to run, but my legs were numb.. I was panicking and crawling away from her. I wanted to get to my phone, to call for help.. I could hardly function. She called my friend, told him to come pick me up. I had managed to scramble into a chair at the table, and she sat across from me. I talked..about anything I could think of in a desperate attempt to stay aware. I babbled about a name I go by, that I could be addressed as such, that it was the middle name of a character the one before me had made. I explained the meaning of the full name, and she said I was "very knowledgeable". She again demanded to know if I was a "portal", and said the strange words. I said "No." I had wanted to cry... But I managed to talk until my friend arrived...
He asked if I was okay, I don't remember what I said to him, but I complained my shoes where in the back room. He held me up as I pulled my socks off, and helped walk to the car. I couldn't tell if the ground was cool, but I could kind of feel the texture of it. That woman followed me and handed me a three-ring binder book she had given me before taking me to the back room, and said something I find appalling, "I love you."
I just said, "I don't know..." and she left to return to the shop.

When my friend got in with my shoes, he asked if I was okay, I said "no." and did my best to explain everything.
He was very angry at all of it, and bought me some food. I was still very numb when I ate it, I could barely feel the heat of it on my tongue. Once I had regained full feeling later that night I realized I had burned my tongue pretty badly.

-----------------
I know I've left out bits, small details, but I really don't like thinking about it more than I have to.

I don't even quite know what to do now, though. My head hurts again. I apologize for this poorly written end, but my head really hurts now. I can't shake the feeling that I was violated..

reply to post by CuteChimaera

That's quite the story...I will reserve commenting until you let us know what's in the 3 ring binder. Oh, except to say, sounds like it would make an interesting book.

reply to post by Sissel


I agree that it does sound like a story.

The binder she gave me is some "e-book" on dealing with "Empathy", that she thought would help me out since I was telling her that I tend to get overwhelmed around particular situations, like funerals. I will be fine, even if I was a bit fond of the person that had died, until the mourning people arrive. I cry and wail and sob uncontrollably, but once I leave the service, I am fine.
Though she gave me that before all of the other things.

Unless you are asking about her three-ringed binder? Of that I have no clue, and no intent to ever approach that woman again, sorry.

Interesting story. Though from the reaction you were having it sounds like she slipped you a mickey of some kind. Though there is a tonic drop out for sale called Rescue Remedy. Does that look like what she gave you? It's possible you had a bad reaction or she gave you too much. Or there may have been something additional in her personal mix.

Product Description Whatever the situation - immediate or ongoing - Rescue® Remedy can help. Taken anytime, anywhere Rescue Remedy is totally natural and contains five of the 38 Bach ® Flower Essences: Rock Rose for terror and panic, Impatiens for irritation and impatience, Clematis for inattentiveness, Star of Bethlehem for shock and Cherry Plum for irrational thoughts.

It does sound like she tried an exorcism on you. And the funny thing was you seemed to react to it.

My suggestion. See a psychologist. Let them see if there is a mental or physical problem that could be causing your problem.

Also what ever you do DON'T tell these problems to your family, friends, or coworkers. You don't want people to think your nuts. And work on having a normal appearance. No matter how much your crazy says otherwise.

You don't want to wake up in a padded room with nurse Rachet giving you your daily dose of anti psychotics do you?

double post

reply to post by ntech


The rescue remedy she gave me was in a blue labeled tube.
And I know very well who not to talk to about things like this, especially since very few I had previously told about the whole walk-in thing even seem to take it seriously. I'm usually viewed as just "eccentric", and often disregarded.

Do *you* think my story qualifies me for severe psychiatric care?


*sorry if this sounds rude, I just woke up and my "tact filters" haven't booted up all the way

I think something severely traumatizing happened to you, and you've detached from your memories which lead up to and include it. It's classic partitioning. Your subconscious devised a way to detach itself from the memory, and literally reinvented the world for you - a world without any memory of what happened before you "awoke".

reply to post by CuteChimaera


Interesting.. sounds like she somehow induced a panic attack in you.

The way I see it, unless you are committing immoral acts, there is no need to "drive" anything out except false beliefs. The more you understand reality, the more connected everything will seem. There is no true separation from your spirit and everything around you.

Everything you see/experience is just an extension of your mind.

I too felt a sudden change within me around age 4. I was outside riding on my Big Wheel, and looked up to the sky and felt like I instantly "became" someone else.

Keep in mind that "human" is just a physical form...

You are your soul/spirit, and that's all that matters... we are all forged from the same source, so whichever fragment of creation is working through you, just let it learn and don't try to expel yourself from your body. You're in it for a reason.

reply to post by chasingbrahman


But that "awakening" thing I mentioned happened over twenty years ago. How does it relate to last saturday?
Might I inquire.

reply to post by CuteChimaera

To answer your question. No. Unless you find yourself unable to control yourself you are ok. It's when the voices in your head tell you to kill or keep someone chained to the wall in your basement is when you should consider that.

But then you could has a case of MPD not know it. Ever have lost time episodes? Strange events happen? Do you sense someone else in your head on occasion?

Then again we're just amateurs out here. Wouldn't hurt to see what a professional says.

Originally posted by CuteChimaera
reply to post by chasingbrahman

 

But that "awakening" thing I mentioned happened over twenty years ago. How does it relate to last saturday?
Might I inquire.

It's just an observation you may or may not find illuminating - I didn't intend it to relate to last Saturday, and I should have clarified that point. However, now that you mention it, by immersing yourself in paranormal culture, you're fueling your denial that something happened by reinforcing that the story you've convinced yourself of is true. I bet if you step away from paranormal culture, and stop reinforcing your belief in being a "walk on", you'll become inexplicably agitated and difficult to deal with - a confluence of memories no longer repressed by an invented and reinforced reality will bubble to the surface, and my guess is, you're going to need the support of family and friends.

Please talk with someone about this. I'm not saying paranormal things don't happen. And I'm not saying that sometimes, very inexplicable circumstances defy normal explanation and leave us confused. But these phenomena are the exception, not the rule. At worst, talk with someone about how you perceive your experience as a "walk on". If I'm wrong - and that's certainly possible - no harm, no foul. But if I'm right, get your supports in place. These things have a way of haunting us for years until they stand before us as the maddening spector of our repressed nightmares, and they tend to destroy everything in their path.

Instead of assuming the outcomes or diagnosing the thread opener, wouldn't it be best for us to look into this with an open mind? The act by the woman friend may have been exorcism, but think about it. If it truly was some form of exorcism, why is the thread opener affected by it? A plain human would not be so affected in a way to bring “spiritual” trauma that lasts for days. I might be going out on a limb here, but I am just assuming this matter is more “paranormal” or “spiritually-inclined” (I apologize for the lack of wording; I am still not fully awake.) than “realistic” matters.

reply to post by chasingbrahman


Judging by the OP's post I can't see how you would make the assumption that they immerse themselves in paranormal culture and while it's good to question ourselves, our sanity and rationale it's quite rude to use sideways statements to call someone a liar, then cover your ass by saying that "I could be wrong".

While I'm no expert on "the Occult" and I certainly don't know everything that happened, I'd say it sounds to me like she was trying to drive out the walk-in using some sort of exorcism-esque procedure. As I understand it, walk-ins sort of switch places with the original person/soul leaving the body's previous occupant homeless so-to-speak. Meaning that if you were to force out a walk-in after they've taken up permanent residency in a body then the body would be without a soul, essentially becoming a vegetable or die. At least, that's an educated guess on my part.

Originally posted by DeReK DaRkLy
reply to post by CuteChimaera

 

...don't try to expel yourself from your body. You're in it for a reason.

But I wasn't trying to "expel myself"? I was asking her to stop, she was...what ever it was she was doing.
She told me that I didn't belong here. And I still don't understand what she meant about asking if I was a "portal".
I told the friend that picked me up from there about it, the woman had lost her two sons years ago, he thought she might be trying to use me or something.

I have personally exorcised some nasty demons and your case doesn't sound like one. You didn't act like a typical exorcism.

I believe there is something much worse than this. I think you have been made into an 'alter'. And if that is true this woman could have killed you by a booby trap in your psyche.
In fact this woman may well be there in that shop as a contact for people as yourself. Like Mel Gibson in 'Conspiracy' and his need to buy a certian book; Catcher in the Rye, maybe there is a program to visit these kind of shops.

Part of this program may well be the idea you are a walk-in. 4ys is about the time these programmers get to program children. Try a reiki practioner to see if you are out of balance and why, warn her of booby traps. If she doesn't know what you are talking about, go to another one who does.

Another idea I had was that in Bonnie Jean Mitchell's ebook (free) she mentions walk ins, where someone on earth swaps bodies and the other body is in some paradise offworld. This would mean you have a mission to complete. This is what I believe the woman was hoping to find, so she can make 'first contact' with an alien. She must have thought it was a dream come true. This could be why she said 'I love you'.

If you feel ungrounded and can't feel properly, try to get a piece of either Black tourmaline, Obsidian or Smoky quartz crystals. Oh and Hematite will ground you too.

I don't believe you are a walk in. Another idea is that you could be a timeline jumper, where in another time your body died and you jumped to the next timeline. This has actually happened to a boy, I read it somewhere.

SO do not tell anyone else you are a walk in. You need to find out if you have memories before 4yrs and why there is a cutoff.
Good luck.

Originally posted by TheHangedMan
reply to post by chasingbrahman

 

Judging by the OP's post I can't see how you would make the assumption that they immerse themselves in paranormal culture and while it's good to question ourselves, our sanity and rationale it's quite rude to use sideways statements to call someone a liar, then cover your ass by saying that "I could be wrong".

While I'm no expert on "the Occult" and I certainly don't know everything that happened, I'd say it sounds to me like she was trying to drive out the walk-in using some sort of exorcism-esque procedure. As I understand it, walk-ins sort of switch places with the original person/soul leaving the body's previous occupant homeless so-to-speak. Meaning that if you were to force out a walk-in after they've taken up permanent residency in a body then the body would be without a soul, essentially becoming a vegetable or die. At least, that's an educated guess on my part.

It might help you to understand that when one alleges that someone may not remember something, it is not the same thing as calling them a "liar". Instead, it's the action of suggesting they've forgotten something. Thank you for contributing YOUR educated guess. Please tell us, where did you receive your education?

reply to post by CuteChimaera

She told me that I didn't belong here. And I still don't understand what she meant about asking if I was a "portal". I told the friend that picked me up from there about it, the woman had lost her two sons years ago, he thought she might be trying to use me or something.

Sounds to me like you're "caught up" in these ideas about the paranormal, occult, etc., as evidenced by hanging out in New Age shops and such. If you don't understand something, then why mess with it? You are just psyching yourself out and creating these situations.

You are the master of your soul, unless you choose to relinquish that control.

reply to post by DeReK DaRkLy


But I *don't* hang out in new age stores. I'd said that I used to work there. The owner is a friend of my mother, we bought a house from her. I used to volunteer to work at their register because the woman's niece(the one that used to run register while the woman was at her real job) was a thief. Money and merchandise would come up missing far too often. So I helped them out for a little more than a year. All I did was ring out the few people that came in and light nag champa incense... Gotta make sure it smells like a new age store!
Though I haven't really gone in, but once in the last three years, and that was mostly to say hello.

I know you didn't have that information, but it is unfair to say that I "hang out" there without further knowledge of my life.

The reason I even went in to chat was because of strange things that had been happening. I don't use ouija board, I don't watch scary movies (I saw some people on ats saying watching those invites demons...), I don't do much of anything, really. I just wanted to babble on about things to someone I thought would be willing to listen to me.

Which is why I came on here and posted about the events that followed my innocent attempt to complain to someone I've known for years.

As to someone mentioning that I should go see a reiki practitioner..the woman is a reiki practitioner, as am I. Though, since I'm searching for employment I don't really have the luxury of paying one of the pricy people around here for treatment.

reply to post by chasingbrahman


You are correct in stating that when one alleges someone may or may not remember something one is not calling the other a liar. Your statement "However, now that you mention it, by immersing yourself in paranormal culture, you're fueling your denial that something happened by reinforcing that the story you've convinced yourself of is true." Which is as you said before that "Just an observation you may or may not find illuminating." This is far from an allegation. My point is to be mindful of what words you use for when using a text-based medium 'how' you say something lies in the words you use and "It's not what you say, it's how you say it."

As for my education; there is much to be learned for daily experiences. Also, making an educated guess doesn't require a formal education in a particular field especially since it is not a definitive statement. Also, digression and derailing tactics are hardly conducive to anyone's betterment.

Back on topic:
It is interesting to think that the OP was affected by the acts of woman. If it wasn't a drug of some kind and assuming it was a type of cleansing or exorcism the reactions of the OP would be similar to a person's soul being jarred or pulled out of their body, but that's just a guess I suppose. I would think that the feeling would be similar to losing all physical connection with one's body.

That feeling you had of being a "walk-in", is a condition known as intermetamorphosis. It is a delusional misidentification illness in which the patient (you) feels they have fully changed from one person or being into another. Such as "walking-in" to your body at age 5.

The underlying cause may be neurological damage or possibly something as simple as a problem with the messaging system in your brain. That part of the brain which relays information from one lobe to the other. If it were not transferring information correctly, you would feel a disconnect from reality in one way or another.