On "Earning Respect"

This will be short. Respect is about respecting other people, animals, plants, and what or who they are. For someone to have to earn your respect to receive it requires them to conform to your ideal of what is respectable. That is not respect, that is your own intolerance.

We like respect so much because it makes us feel good. But if you believe that respect has to be earned, you are not being respectful enough. Respect feels good when you respect others. Respect should be given to everyone. You don't have to respect everyone all the time, because that's too hard. You should probably respect more than you do. Respect even when the small things tell you not to.

There is big difference between respecting someone, and being polite and civilized. One does not require the other.

There are many people who are not deserving of respect, but I can still be polite to someone I don't respect. I have also been pissed off and rude to people I do respect.

Originally posted by smithjustinb
Respect should be given to everyone.

So we should respect child molesters and mass murderers?

No thanks. More New Age pish-posh, in my opinion. Let's all hold hands, huh? Good luck with that.

reply to post by smithjustinb


I would respect you if your arguments were irrefutable. But as jheherrin just showed, they are not. Your inability to present an intelligent reason why we should respect everyone has not invoked my respect for you.

reply to post by smithjustinb







I believe the saying goes:-


Courtesy is owed, Respect is earned, Love is given


Dictionary definations

# Courtesy - The showing of politeness in ones attitude and behaviour toward others

# Respect - A feeling of deep admiration for someone elicited by their abilities, qualities

and acheivements

# Love - A profoundly tender passion and affection for another


A persons qualities, abilities, and acheivements cannot be gauged before the person

becomes known?

reply to post by smithjustinb


Respect is about.... respecting things? Stop the presses!

reply to post by smithjustinb

You're playing to a tough audience today there, Justinb.

This is a subject that one of my children and I completely disagree about too. To her, respect must be earned. To me, it must be shown. For example, you show respect for the dead and dying even if you know nothing about them. A professional will treat you respectfully, no matter how insane your opinions and demands. Would you put up with anything less than respect from your doctor or lawyer, etc? Even a judge on the bench can totally abhor what someone has done, but he will treat a criminal firmly and correctly in and in a respectful way befitting a client in his courtroom.

So to me respect is addressing a person's higher self, if I may say it that way, whereas the having to earn it addresses the lower reality. Perhaps it's all in on's perspective and view on other people in general?

I've always been of the attitude that I respect everything, until it gives me a reason not to.
It is not earned, it is given and then taken away.

IMO

Well, I like to think there's a difference between the kind of respect you offer everyone, a sort of acknolwedgement,

and the kind you reserve for people you admire, or look up to in some way: which includes an element of inspiration as well- a choice to relate to them in a hierarchial way, in order to learn from them.

I think it is the second sort of respect people consider "earned" it is not very intelligent to place yourself in a submissive/student position to everyone and anyone, when they haven't shown evidence of any skill or knowledge in particular they can pass on!

reply to post by aboutface





Those instances you quoted in your post imo are a case of showing 'courtesy' rather

than 'respect'

reply to post by Bluesma


Submissive no, but receptive rather or cooperative? To indicate that you are receptive to learn what the other has to teach you is what is respectful, imo.

reply to post by eletheia


I assure you that if you were to work in palliative care, you would not call it courtesy. Respect is to acknowledge what the other person is experiencing and standing by to help ease them through their situation. Of course there are degrees of courtesy, but politeness means words. To me respect means attitude without judgement.

Originally posted by aboutface
reply to post by Bluesma

 

Submissive no, but receptive rather or cooperative? To indicate that you are receptive to learn what the other has to teach you is what is respectful, imo.

Well, that is exactly the difference between the level of respect you show everyone,
and the kind of respect people are refering to in terms of hierarchy.
Like you do not act the same towards your boss, as you do with a coworker,
Nor respond to a bum on the street as you do with your professor.

For one thing, trusting all people to be able to handle that receptivity and not abuse it can be naive.

I don't know, I personally had to learn this, because I was raised and developed in a way that I made no difference, and what happens is that you get walked on and abused a lot when you are that receptive to everyone.
If you are that receptive to everyone, there is no room for self respect. People end up not only thinking very little of you, but feeling resentful of how tempting you are to abuse (and making them hate themselves).



I dont know, maybe this is more a problem when one is a pretty female......

reply to post by watchitburn
this is so correct! there are people that we are polite with yet we don't give them respect.

reply to post by smithjustinb

This will be short. Respect is about respecting other people, animals, plants, and what or who they are. For someone to have to earn your respect to receive it requires them to conform to your ideal of what is respectable. That is not respect, that is your own intolerance.

We like respect so much because it makes us feel good. But if you believe that respect has to be earned, you are not being respectful enough. Respect feels good when you respect others. Respect should be given to everyone. You don't have to respect everyone all the time, because that's too hard. You should probably respect more than you do. Respect even when the small things tell you not to.

Ill support you on this. I need to try and bolster my respect levels....Buffs!

Originally posted by aboutface
reply to post by eletheia

 

I assure you that if you were to work in palliative care, you would not call it courtesy. Respect is to acknowledge what the other person is experiencing and standing by to help ease them through their situation. Of course there are degrees of courtesy, but politeness means words. To me respect means attitude without judgement.

You get what I'm saying.

Originally posted by aboutface
reply to post by eletheia

 

I assure you that if you were to work in palliative care, you would not call it courtesy. Respect is to acknowledge what the other person is experiencing and standing by to help ease them through their situation. Of course there are degrees of courtesy, but politeness means words. To me respect means attitude without judgement.

No i do not work in palliative care - but i have had experiences in observing both palliative

and care of the elderly, as i have had three relatives in that situation in the last three years.

This has to be a generalisation because you cannot 'lump' all people under one umbrella.

What i saw was not imo 'respect'. I found that the elderly were patronised, I cringed at

the way these sick old people were sometimes treated.


I reiterate the dictionary defination from my earlier post

Courtesy = 'includes' attitude, behaviour, as well as politeness

Respect = 'admiration' for someones qualities abilities and acheivements

reply to post by eletheia


Hmm, I'm stumbling on the word 'achievement'. I'm thinking then would you not respect someone who might seem mentally challenged to most? To me it's important to try to acknowledge with our attitude and behavior where that person is at, without judgement, and with a certain appreciation.

ETA. Change that. It's the admiration part I'm stumbling on. Could you consider that it might be 'recognition' instead?

reply to post by smithjustinb


Respect is not hurting someone or something in a evil way that does them harm, or inflicts damage. Respect the ones you love most importantly.

Originally posted by AthlonSavage
reply to post by smithjustinb

 

Respect is not hurting someone or something in a evil way that does them harm, or inflicts damage. Respect the ones you love most importantly.

This is not true. We eat animals. Respect is accepting what is- as it is.