Okay... could SOMEONE explain to me what "Emotional Disturbance" is??? I really need to know!!!

I was reviewing one of my older threads, one about how people with disorders are expected to survive a SHTF scenario, and it got me thinking.

I know a general bit about autism, bi-polar disorder, multiple personality disorder, and anxiety. Those are the issues all my friends have.

Just FYI, this post contains a good deal of my life's story. I want everyone to have a general grasp on my life, and maybe it will be easier to figure out where this ED came from.

I have a questionable past, and I don't like to think about my family. I'm not sure why. I have some good memories of them, but I remember a lot of bad things, images, and feelings from back when I was around them, so I usually don't give my past any real thought. I'm 19 now, and things are different.

But then, after thinking about my friends and their chances of survival in a SHTF scenario, I thought about my own.

My disorder doesn't make me act anything like the way my friends act when they have issues with their disorders.

In fact, I think I'm the only one with the dark thoughts I sometimes get. The only one in my friend circle, I mean.

When I lived with my father, I was threatening suicide. I have never been suicidal, and have never considered killing myself, but hollering suicide was really the only way of getting my family to listen to me. I love being southern, don't get me wrong, but my family is the most backward, mean-hearted family ever. They make me think of a redneck mafia. I got into physical fights with my father, and my cousins. I hated every one of them more than I had ever hated anything. They all hated my mother, and rarely ever let me see her.

I remember hurting myself, cutting and punching glass frames just to shatter them. I have scars all over my knuckles from it. I grew a love for pain, because, to me, pain was the only thing I knew I would always have.

I also remember being taken to a hospital--a normal hospital--and my dad wouldn't tell me why. It was my dad, stepmom, and cousins. Me and my stupid, naive 13 year old self, thought "Oh, whatever. We're here for a good reason, or we wouldn't be here."

We all joked and laughed while watching Shin Chan in a hospital room.

Then, a doctor came in, whispered in my dad's ear, and left the room. They took me outside where a cop handcuffed me and told me to get in the back of his car. I asked my dad, "Where am I going?"

I was hiding it, but I was furious.

He said "Think of it like a vacation."

So, I spent a week in the loony bin, where I was forcibly drugged with blue pills and diagnosed with ED. Emotional disturbance.

I don't remember it very clearly, the whole experience was like a bright dream. I remember that nearly everything was white, and I made some other suicidal and disturbed friends.

If anything, it made me worse. I was enraged beyond measure, every minute, every hour, every day, and always hid it. If anything I was homicidal. I HATED my father.

I finally escaped my dad's family when I was 15, and was able to live with my mother. That made me happier than anything. Still, family drama went on, because my brother and sister still lived with my dad, so I had to deal with them on a regular basis. I ran away at age 17, a week before my birthday, and managed to stay gone until I was 18. My mother and I were fighting horribly, and I couldn't take anymore. She had the cops after me, but I managed. The day before my birthday, I received an email, telling me that my father and stepmom had put out a restraining order against me.

I was so, SO bewildered.

After the immediate anger left me, it dawned on me--my mother was finally able to afford a lawyer, and was about to apply for custody of my brother and sister.

They put the restraining order on me so that my brother and sister couldn't live with my mom.

So, naturally, I wasn't allowed home for a while.

Apparently, my stepmom's two oldest kids, my stepbrother, who I hated growing up because he was allowed to treat me like trash, and my step sister, who is the nastiest, most pathetic excuse for a human being ever, and is probrably the only person alive I hate more than my stepmom, called the police--just out of the blue, called 911 and told them I forced them to have sex with each other when they were little.

First of all--I would NEVER do something so morbidly disgusting. NEVER.

Secondly--I didn't get along with my step brother and sister growing up, but what kills me, is that over the year prior to this restraining order stuff, I was actually able to play with them, laugh with them, cook for them, and everything... I was even texting my step sister occasionally. We called each other "sis." I NEVER got along with them so well before! Never!!! Then, right after that, I get a restraining order forbiding me from seeing my siblings and step siblings??? REALLY???

The thought of it makes me want to explode into vulgarities, but I'll be civil. *Ahem*

After I got a lawyer, we showed up to court, trying to get the restraining order lifted, and I accidently started crying in court. I missed my bro and sis so much, and it just got to me. I never cry in front of people, ever.

After court was dismissed, my stepmom went on a rampage out in the hallway, screaming to her lawyers and everyone else within ear shot about how "MY KIDS WERE ABUSED JUST LIKE I WAS ABUSED AND NOW IT'S ALL ABOUT HER??? **pointing down the hall at me** NO! F@#$ THAT! i WAS ABUSED WHEN i WAS LITTLE AND ILL BE DAMNED IF MONSTERS LIKE HER WILL BE AROUND MY KIDS" yatta yatta.

It was a lot more vulgar than that, but I won't type it.

My mom and her lawyer had to hold me back. I swear, if it was anywhere other than a courthouse, I woulda killed her right then and there.

She tried to hold me in contempt--meaning, she tried to have me arrested for breaking the restraining order. I never broke the restraining order. Not once. I stayed the nights at my friend's house, and sleeping out behind my school, like the law told me to, like a good little sheep.

Now that the restraining order is gone, my family acts as though it never happened. They look me in the eyes and ask me how I'm doing. I'm thinking, My God, you have a lot of nerve to think you're good enough to look me in the eyes like an equal...

But now, the custody battle is about to begin, and since I'm a first-hand witness as to how life at my father's house is like, and I possess physical evidence of how devastating that family is, I have to stick around. And, my father and stepmom, the ignorant hicks they are, have no clue what's about to begin. They call me up sometimes to chat, and their voices make my stomach lurch. I have puked just from talking to them on two separate occasions.

But once my brother and sister don't live there anymore, they won't have their free money, they won't be able to buy ps3 games with my brother's disability check, they won't call my brother and sister profane names and hit them with shoes, those step-siblings won't be able to bully them anymore, and they will, for the first time, have none of their venomous tentacles intertwined with my life. I will FINALLY be free of them.

I will never forgive them for raising me the way they did, or for separating me from my brother and sister for a year.

I'm anticipating it, though... because once they get their court summon in the mail, they're gonna know who's side I'm on, and I'm gonna be on their hit list again. They will harass and threaten me, and you know what?

I'm ready for it.

They will probrably blow up my phone, follow me around town, harass and threaten my friends, and ect. That's what kind of people they are.

I won't be surprised if this ends up in the RANT forum.

I will never have to speak civilly to them again, pretending I don't HATE them with every fiber of my BEING, just for the sake of seeing my brother and sister every other weekend.

I will get to make sure they know, I hate them.

There's nothing in this world that overjoys me more than knowing they're gonna suffer, just like I did.

I hate them.



Anyway, do I sound like someone with ED? What is ED, where does it come from?

Would I die in a SHTF scenario?

As long as you have the will to survive and you can successfully protect yourself,you will be fine.
But you have to think about food and water first,of course.

First of all, thanks for sharing your very sad story....and it is sad.

After reading it, your "emotional disturbance" is quite understandable. Anybody who grows up in a dysfunctional, cruel, confusing family as a child will have emotional disturbances, and it will take you many years to get over it. As somebody who grew up in a dysfunctional, rejecting environment myself, I can tell you that, it took me over 40 years to get over it completely.

But you will....as long as you stay far away from the source of your disturbance.

As far as, would you die in a SHTF scenario? It depends.....If it's a lot of vicious fighting, you may survive. If your survival depends on getting along in a group with people of differing backgrounds and views, perhaps not, until you let go of the anger and hurt that you carry around like a thousand pound weight on your shoulders.

I did a lot of counseling when I was younger, to learn to look at life differently, to learn to trust people, and to not assume that everybody was as screwed up and mean as people in my family were.

I recommend it for anybody with dysfunctional family issues. Deal with that first, and hopefully if the SHTF, you will find your way safely.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


Thanks for the replies

I got all worked up typing that whole thing while listening to Requem Overture, now I'm hyped up...

Yeah, when I was younger and I left my dad's house, I was so happy... all I could think about was helping people, making new friends, blossoming from my past as a new person. I hung out with homeless people, brought em food while my mum was working, stuff like that.

Now, I don't give a good @#$damn about anyone. I couldn't care less about starving people, people who suffer, or anything... and I try to care, but I'm really empty right now. The only fluent emotion I have anymore is anger. Sometimes, I want to hurt people close to me, over nothing... it's the most irrational, hateful feeling ever, and I hate being this way.

You're right, I need some kind of salvation, so I can let go.

But until I never have to see those people again, I don't think that can happen.

I need closure I guess. I can't focus on the future, what I care about, what I want in life... all I care about is hurting them.

I suppose that's what ED is...?

I know it's bad, but I kinda wish they'd just die.

I know your song well, dear one, because I have sung it many times myself.
Emotional Disturbance? Who wouldn't be disturbed by the family you've had to endure?!
Do not worry about a SHTF scene right now. You've survived enough of that. My personal hell didn't end until my mom finally died and I was able to tell everybody in my family what they could do with themselves. I did every thing but draw them a diagram. You need to make some time for yourself, and decide where you want to go in life. If I were in your situation, I would check out the Air Force ( they have excellent educational opportunities and high advancement) and travel the world on the government's dime. The Air Force is also the most relaxed of the military, so its not as stuffy as the marines. I was one day from signing my papers when my mom pulled the best stunt of all time: get this: she wrecked her car and was in the hospital for 2 months. I had to take over the family business, and was screwed out of a life free of my own disfunctional, screwed up rat's nest of kin. Only twenty years later do I get free. Run, child. Run with the wind. Do not get into drugs or crime. You've spent your time in hell, now its time to fly. I know you can do it.
By the way, I think that ED would be considered a catch all name for someone who has been under far too much stress from those who are supposed to love them. In that case I have it too. The anger you have is like a fire that's burned everything else down. Once you've been away from the situation, the fire will calm down, and you will begin to heal inside. You may end up having to go on meds, I did. But take it as it comes, and everything will get better.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Emotional disturbance? I believe that it is just another term the shrinks came up with to make money. We all have ED, PTS, what have you…it’s called life, for better or worse. Some of us display our disorders more so than others.

Sorry to hear about your suffering. I too, went thru much the same, though my Dad was not like yours, but he did allow my step-Mom to teach me rather cruelly. He just bought her story that I was satan spawn.

I will admit though that I was a wild child, the last of six and the only male.

We all pretty much chalked it up at the time as menopause.

I was sent to counseling and at our first and last family session, she snapped as well, but it was she that went on “Vacation”. My feelings at the time...

Still things continued and upon turning ripe old age of 17, I dropped out of school and enlisted. I consider this to be both the best and worst decision of my life. She signed the waiver just to get me out of the house.

Thirty years later, I retired and life is so much better now. I've grown and moved on. (The family and I still stay in contact, and visit from time to time, but usually it will last five days and we need time apart, , but now we now when it's time to fly the coup).

It's your life. Don't let others live it for you. Good luck!

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Other than casually, emotional disturbance is an umbrella-type descriptor that is typically used in rule-out fashion while clinicians hone-in on potential underlying primary presenting disorders affecting children & adolescents...

No worries, yours is indeed a tragic story fraught w/emotional upheaval, but it has left you with a level of fortitude that is sought by, but unobtainable to many throughout an entire lifetime.

S&F for your openness & honesty, but above all else, your ability to investigate & confront the potential ramifications of your trauma(s).

I often use the ‘lemonade out of lemons’ analogy to describe those of us that gain strength & knowledge from our experiences; rather than, acquiesce and allow the dysfunction of others to extinguish our aspirations.

Anecdotally, a little emotional disturbance not only serves to ground us in humility, but to catapult us beyond our goals. We’re all a little loosely wrapped from time to time—it’s our nature; the gift we get is the clarity from experiencing & overcoming those psychological upheavals.

Lastly, at 19 years old, you can thank the physiology of our species for your past few years & next ~6-yrs. of sometimes irrational &, at times, seemingly bipolar experiences! All the best to you & keep in mind that if you weren’t destined for great things, you wouldn’t have been forced to overcome the bad things so early.