The Salted Caramel Bars of Crom!

That's right, the sacred snack of Crom, mountain god of the Cimmerians, brought to you here at ATS.



First, start this music...



Now, enter the kitchen and drive all messes and filth before you, and hear the lamentations of the bacteria. We need a clean work environment.

Next, gather the sacred ingredients. You will require...

10 Tbsp of butter

½ cup of granulated sugar

½ tsp salt

1 egg yolk, separated with a war axe

1 2/3 cups of flour

Now, gird thine loins and follow these steps...

Heat the oven to 325 degrees.

Line an 11” X 13” casserole with parchment paper. If you don't have that, don't worry, just butter up the casserole and spread the dough directly in to that, the parchment is there for the convenience of lifting the bars out of the pan.

Mix butter, sugar and salt. Then whisk in the egg yolk and follow it up with the flour. What you have now is the short bread base.

Press the shortbread in to the casserole evenly to form the base, perforate with a fork to prevent bubbling during baking and put it in the freezer for 7 minutes to set it up.

Then put it in the oven and bake for 25 to 30 minutes until golden brown on the very edges.

While that is cooling make the caramel topping...

In a heavy sauce pan put all of these things...

½ cup unsalted butter

½ cup light or dark brown sugar

6 Tbsp of light corn syrup

1 tsp salt 2Tbsp granulated sugar

and 2 Tbsp of heavy cream.

Set it to medium heat. Once it is completely melted in to a mass turn the heat to medium and leave it there. Once it starts to really roll and boil, stir for 8 minutes and the pour it out over the shortbread topping.

Allow to cool somewhat and top with sea salt.

A lot of people don't know this but Conan and Thulsa Doom actually tried to talk things out and they shared some coffee and some of these caramel bars from Conan's small supply, just before Doom had him transfixed to the Tree of Woe.

Honest.

X.

You get a S&F for the fact you maybe the first person I've ever heard mention Thulsa Doom on here. I have the collectors edition of those two movies..They came in a sweet ass leather bound dvd case..I'll let ya know how the bars turn out.

reply to post by TheLonewolf


Hey thanks,

The recipe is straight up delicious and I guarantee that it increases one's powers to make friends.

But really, I just thought it was hilarious to think that the new topic list might be flooded with recipes from members and it cracked me up so I wanted to get a recipe up so it would be next to Mblah's; for effect.

I think I'm funny, anyhow.



X.

reply to post by Xoanon


Haha

Reading this recipe had me cracking up! It sounds delicious! I just might try it tomorrow lol. I have nothing to do and well it's Sunday, cooking day

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Thanks,

I hope that you do, it turns out awesome, but is a little ingredient dense.

Thanks for your own thread. The full moon must be pulling on all of our tummies.



X.

reply to post by TheLonewolf


Hey Yo!

You're avatar is awesome.

And I'm making these tomorrow for the football games.

S&F Xaonon those look mighty delish!

reply to post by Xoanon


I noticed that it was right next to our official ATS chefs' post..It gave me a little chuckle too..I though maybe we were gonna have a recipe war, but everything seems to be cool..I'm gonna make these bad boys tomorrow.

Oh man, those looks completely delicious. I love caramel and I love shortbread, so the combo of the two should be incredible!

I don't have a suitable war axe to separate the eggs, but I suppose the old fasioned way would work just as well.

Thanks for the recipe, and the creative way of presenting it!

# lost my war axe....what could i substitute?

Originally posted by olliemc84
reply to post by TheLonewolf

 

Hey Yo!

You're avatar is awesome.

And I'm making these tomorrow for the football games.

S&F Xaonon those look mighty delish!

edit on 29-9-2012 by olliemc84 because: (no reason given)

Hey Yo..
Thanks man..It's a damn shame what booze and drugs did to that man..I quit watching when he left the business.. on topic: I'm gonna make these tomorrow too during the games..can't wait

Originally posted by JValhalla
# lost my war axe....what could i substitute?

I think the one in your avatar would be a fine substitute

That was awesome my friend!

gonna try these tomorrow..

great way to get a recipe out there..

reply to post by baddmove


Your avatar is killin' me reminds me of the time I woke up with my car parked in the backyard.....fenced in backyard...Ah, to be young and dumb again..

These sound awesome! I am crazy about shortbread and caramel too.

Love all these new ideas...I would rather bake than cook anyday.

Sadly I don't have a war axe either.....I have a yoshi blade?

And I think I will skip the grinding loins bit, always leads to trouble, hope they still turn out ok.

reply to post by TheLonewolf


I ended up in a stranger's backyard once...don't drink and drive, especially without your glasses.

Oh, the 80's.

reply to post by timetothink


The late 80's early 90's ..What times they were..

Nice to see so many men here who realise that their place is in the kitchen

I wonder though, had these bars been properly finished off with a top coat of chocolate, whether the then endorphined-up Thulsa Doom would have been so hard upon Conan.

I'm making coffee and walnut cake today...but for future reference...what is this 'heavy cream'? Anyone?

reply to post by Biliverdin


OK, but you have to start the music again...



It's whipping cream.



Thulsa Doom conquered the Cimmerians, not to solve the riddle of steel, but to steal the secrets of their pastry recipes and techniques.

I am sure that you remember The Wheel of Pain?



Yes, The Wheel of Pain that Conan was made to push day and night as a young boy after he was captured by Thulsa Doom and forced to work as his personal pâtissier.



Indeed, the large wheel that Conan was made to push drives a tiny impeller at very, very high speeds and that whips the heavy cream in to whipped cream.



The cultural relevance of pâtisserie to the early Scythian horse tribesman cannot be overemphasized.



X.

reply to post by Xoanon


Many thanks...that clarifies matters...though, I don't get why it's called heavy, but I won't detract from your wonderfully amusing foutage de gueule by enquiring into the matter further.

Originally posted by Biliverdin
Nice to see so many men here who realise that their place is in the kitchen

I wonder though, had these bars been properly finished off with a top coat of chocolate, whether the then endorphined-up Thulsa Doom would have been so hard upon Conan.

I'm making coffee and walnut cake today...but for future reference...what is this 'heavy cream'? Anyone?

Sure, NOW you give me the chocolate idea a day after I've made them ..I will definitely do this next time..I love being in the kitchen..I could cook from here to eternity, and never get bored. It's a modern day miracle I don't weigh 400lbs. I've been 190lbs as far back as i can remember, even though I eat like a horse.