Oldest child = more intense/extreme?

This is just my informal observation over the years. The oldest sibling seems to be more dynamic, extreme, intense, emotional, creative, tormented. The second or subsequent sibling seems to be more mellow, laid-back, "wise" rather than "smart", less "flashy," less "out there."

Obviously there are always exceptions but this is my impression as a general trend. I think the reason is the younger one learns from watching the older one make mistakes, so is slightly more laid-back and passive (in a sense) whereas the older one has to have the instinct of a "pioneer" and is more dynamic.

What do you think ATS?

reply to post by KarensHoliday


Speaking from experience I think the opposite is true. My younger sibling is proverbially brain damaged and depressive.

I wouldn't agree,I am the middle child,ten year older brother,two year younger sister.I fit a few of the attributes you give to the firstborn.Maybe its due to the large age gap between myself and my brother who is more like your description of the second child.

Sounds about right. At least in my experience. I'm the oldest sibling. Also, take I to account that being the first child, the parents are also learning to be that, parents. I truly was all that you described. Now at 33, married and with our first son, I find myself passive and more wise. Whereas my 3 younger siblings have become the more wild and reckless. I guess they figure that I made it ok, so they want to live it up as well.

I keep telling them to slow down because that life of excess almost did me in. Too much sex drugs and rock n roll. Glad to still be here. It was fun tho.

reply to post by KarensHoliday


Children are like sponges...there will always be a pecking order.Young siblings will follow because of love.I think it is DNA related.

reply to post by KarensHoliday


Im the oldest and your OP perfectly describes me and my sister.
Ive actually thought pretty much the exact same thing before.

I don't think you can really make a correllation in either direction.

In fact for me quite the opposite is true, first one an angel, second one highly strung, and feisty as hell !

Come to think of it, the majority of friends I have, all experienced the same.

I refer back to my first line........

I don't think you can make a correllation in either direction

Pea's out

Certainly true in my family (I'm the older brother). Perhaps it's unintentionally due to parenting - the oldest child got the parents' full attention when he/she was very young whereas the second child got shared attention.

The extremes and intensity in the older child's emotion could be a result of 'trial and error' parenting where the mum and dad may not be quite sure how much praise to give, how strict to be etc. When the second child comes along they have it more or less worked out so the second child gets a more balanced parenting and becomes mellower. And yeah it's probably also that the younger siblings get to watch the older ones make mistakes and they can learn from it

I disagree. I was an only but as a mother of 3, I would have to say it is reversed with my children. My middle child is my emotional roller coaster child. My oldest is more mature and responsible and easy going. He is also on ATS so I have to say these things.

I would have to agree with you 100% and my family proves it.

On another note, I believe there is a limit through the birth years at which this no longer applies. Meaning other birth years have other similar characteristics.