The "I hate everything, my life sucks, I'm gonna kill myself" mentality

So, I have a friend who has serious anxiety issues, and when she's upset, you can NOT cheer her up.

When she feels particularly upset, she cuts or talks about killing herself. Hugging her and telling her it will be okay usually doesn't work. Ignoring it doesn't work either, of course.

She thinks I don't understand her, but I really do. I feel the same way as she does a lot of the times. The difference is, I usually don't show my emotions much. I have a very rough, hard exterior... and honestly, I think I can control my emotions better than anyone should be able to.

She, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. Her emotion comes flooding out of her, no matter her mood. She has no fake exterior, she's just herself, and she can't even comprehend people like me, who can hide their emotions.

Thing is, when I have these depressing "everything sucks and it's never gonna get any better" moods, I can force them back, ignore them, and sometimes replace them with something better and happier. She can't do that for herself. I can't do it for her, either... I've tried.

It really annoys me too, because the negative attitude is contagious.

So, for someone like her, what can I do?

Professional help isn't going to help us, because she's been through that in the past... and we can't afford it anyway. I need a way to deal with this, because it makes me crazy that I never know exactly what to do anymore.

When all the conventional methods fail, and they ALWAYS do, how do I fix this?

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


What does she want?

In life...

If she has no wants It may be hard to help her.

You have to have something to look forward to.

If the past is messed up, what about the future? IF she could do whatever she wanted what would that be?

You will not find any medical advice on this site. A psychologist would know more than me.. Maybe you could go in first and explain the situation better and more truthfully than someone closer to the problem... ie. her..

reply to post by Dustytoad


She has a few things she cares about, but nothing she really strives for. Plus, she doesn't have the confidence to go for it. She hates the fact that money is required for everything, and she can't hold a job very well. It's not her fault, it's because of her anxiety. When she got a job at food city, she had three panic attacks the week before she started work... and she only showed up about twice before she quit.

Things are generally very hard for her, and she doesn't have any real high hopes for the future, other than finding her soul mate.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


People who say those things often want attention; if she doesn't engage in self mutilation or other means of self harm on a regular basis chances are that she isn't actually going to kill herself.

As for what you can do to help her? Not much; it's a personal struggle that she must overcome, and the most you can do for her is just accept her for who she is rather than trying to "fix" her emotional state.

I live with one like her.

What I do, is go on with my life.

Nothing I do is going to change her way of thinking.

She thinks everything is entitled to her.

Period.

When they stop thinking that way, then things will change.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Hi i think in my own opinion we all at some point or another have these feelings , its the ability to overcome them which is crucial in "cheering yourself up". I understand that some people may have higher levels of these emotions and it can become hard to control.

What i find works for me is simply just watching YouTube videos and just opening oneself up to new ideas. Also thinking about the scale of the universe and how insignificant our problems are compared to other people and the other major world world issues always seem to make my problems and worries seem small and thus giving me a sense of calm and appreciation of what i am and have.

Thinking of people who cant see or walk or enjoy just the normal things in life that most people can due to their disabilities then just think why an able bodied person such as oneself with so many opportunities should be so sad when there is so much to be experienced and explored . Like i said opening up ones minds to new ideas and avenues can really help to prevent feelings of depression and anxiety. Also not taking oneself and life so seriously can also help , live a little have fun and try to enjoy yourself.

In saying all that its hard to practice sometimes but i guess you have to try right its not trying which is the real sad part.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX



Well I edited my post adding a disclaimer..

That being said..

You pretty much described me. I have little faith in this society. I never got a driver's license. I never wanted to contribute to this "awesomeness" ehh..

I explored consciousness a lot and found out I did really care about something and that was consciousness and people who have it. heh. People are AWESOME. this society not so much..

Maybe she could use a new friend. On top of a friend has she tried anti anxiety medication? I self medicate with alcohol. I am between 20-30 but closer to 30 years old.. I wish I had gone somewhere and gotten help instead of self medicating, but at the same time...

I have survived and my mental health has gotten a lot better, even when I have become an alcoholic. I maybe wouldn't exist now without it.. I don't know.. I'm addicted, but I have dreams and hopes, and I love life. That is all NEW to me.

Not sure if this helps or not. And don't take anything I say as pure advice.. It's just talking from one real person to another.

ahh... high school...

Those were the days... *sigh*

Originally posted by Akragon
ahh... high school...

Those were the days... *sigh*

you COULD go back to high school and add an ' to the were in your sig...

meanwhile real people are asking for real help. It's ok. You must have no problems now that you are old.

Please please don't respond to me. say something to OP that is constructive, which is what he was looking for, or don't say something. Please.

Thanks for the advice, guys. I appreciate it.

She does the self medicating with alcohol as well. And honestly, it's the only thing that makes her happier... because she gets silly, and laughs everything off. I don't like it, though.

I want her to find another outlet, other than drinking.

I had a near death experience with alcohol, and I don't go anywhere near it anymore. Seeing her drink bothers me.

I kinda hate alcohol.

BTW, she's a college student, and she's not in high school. Her anxiety is very serious, and she's not (at least not completely) attention seeking. I can tell her problems are genuine.

check her in to the happy house for a while she needs the medical help some happy pills would do her the world of good she might meet somebody there

reply to post by Dustytoad

you COULD go back to high school and add an ' to the were in your sig...

Oh thanks bro... i didn't notice that

Will do...

meanwhile real people are asking for real help. It's ok. You must have no problems now that you are old.

Nothing worth killing myself over...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

but what do i know...

Please please don't respond to me. say something to OP that is constructive, which is what he was looking for, or don't say something. Please.

Alright...

OP...

Tell her to join ATS...

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

BTW, she's a college student, and she's not in high school. Her anxiety is very serious, and she's not (at least not completely) attention seeking. I can tell her problems are genuine.

do you have a picture of her?

Ye know... for posterity

Has she tried meditation?

Honestly, the stuff on ATS would make her want to kill herself more :/

reply to post by Akragon


OK.

I am sorry for your losses. I don't know you, but this is about the OP's friend who could have a better life depending on a good friend. I am not that person.

So please.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

Honestly, the stuff on ATS would make her want to kill herself more :/

Thats a bad assumption my friend...

Perhaps you might look in areas outside "conspiracy"....

Like this....

Who am i?

Sounds like she's too afraid to face what she really wants because she genuinely does not believe she can and will be able to get there. So she's throwing a drama tantrum just to feel alive. It is possible that her chemical balance is off too if she has been feeling this way for a long time. The only thing I know that works is working through it. It takes time not a day or even 365 it may take years, because I believe she has to unlearn what she knows and learn new positive patterns. But what she is looking for is a quick fix. There isn't any. Finding a soul mate is not gonna resolve anything and she will not find him/her until she knows who she is and what she wants for herself.

But one advice is to perhaps teach her to take baby steps. I.e explain that it's a matter of changing her mind. To change her mind she has to take one issue at a time and unlearn previous behaviors and add new ones. This takes trust and a leap of faith on her part. She has to be prepared to let go of everything she 'knows' will happen and trust that something new can and will.

The mind is tricky because it wants to be right and it tends towards defense so that if a negative event has happened it stores it and associates all similar events with that one. As soon as something seems even remotely like this event defense mechanisms step in and makes sure another event happens that confirms to the mind that it was right. This is the law of attraction. She is creating her own negatives.

Now we can sit here and talk about how many bad things happen to this person that is out of her control and how undeserving she is of those things, but that will not help. That will just confirm to her and indeed your mind that her life s**ks. What she and you as a friend have to do is to stop feeling sorry for her that things 'always' happen to her and start making new positive affirmative things happen.

To do this you need to anchor positive events and learn to let go of negatives. A way is to write a list (bullet points only) of all the negative things she can think of max a few words per point. (No reasons why or no if's or buts just like a shopping list). Then another list of the positive things that she has experienced. Then a list of her biggest dreams (i.e impossible things that she would like to happen) At this point she has to think BIG not down to earth or realistic but BIG like for example 'I want my own island in the sun', 'I want to be an astronaut and travel to venus' that sort of thing.

Then start applying some linguistic limitations on her :

1. Only positive language is allowed when talking about her wishes, needs, dreams, fears etc. I.e All sentences should use 'I want/I will/I can/I feel'. (Everything that starts with 'I don't want' 'I can't' ' I won't' has to be excluded from the vocabulary.

Example. She does not want to be unhappy. She has to voice this as ' I want to be happy'. Or 'I don't know how to be happy' would be voiced as ' I wonder how I can be happy'

2. Only non restrictive language is allowed when talking about her wishes and dreams. For example 'I just want to find my soulmate' would be voiced as ' I want to find my soulmate'.

3. You can only speak with positive non restrictive language when adressing her issues. For example 'Can't you just let go now' would be voiced as ' You can let go now, it is ok'

4. As often as possible when speaking about dreams and wishes speak as if they have already occured.
'You feel better now'

5. Do exclude if's and but's and becauses when speaking on negative things that have happened and deal with what actually happened. Example 'It would have been a great day if only xyz hadn't happened' instead voice this as 'It was a good day. XYZ happened' (if XYZ was negatives talk about them as separate events unrealated to the rest of the good day)

6. Try to work from the understanding that things happen all the time and
a. Mostly they are not targeting you you just happened to be there when it did
b. People are too busy in their lives to walk around plotting to do you(her) harm.
c. How much an event affects you is up to you. You have a choice to just let it pass.

When you allow another persons choices affect you negatively and then hold on to that negativity way past the event has ended or resolved then you are the cause for your unhappiness not the event or person causing the event. But do please deal with issues as they happen and as necessary to stay out of harm, or harming others. Just stay away from exaggerating the issue after it has passed. It is OK to revise how you responded to the event and see if you might have done something else. But there really is no point in saying 'If i had only done this or that' . The fact is you did not so deal with what you did and learn from it going forward. That is all you can do. If you need to apologize to someone please do without pride. if someone needs to apologize to you wait for them to be ready to do so. ..... continued

Originally posted by Dustytoad
reply to post by Akragon

 

OK.

I am sorry for your losses. I don't know you, but this is about the OP's friend who could have a better life depending on a good friend. I am not that person.

So please.

No worries...

Im not here to offend...

But lets say i have a certian way of finding out things... Take it as you will

reply to post by IAmD1

continued from the above.

Unhappiness in my understanding is mostly a miss alignment between what we think should have happened and what actually did happen. And in reality what you think should have happened is only relevant as goalposts for how to behave in an event as it happens. They do not dictate reality. So to be happy it really is as simple as accepting what did happen, all the time, and just take care of what is necessary when it happens. We can not know what is going to happen, but if we believe we do we can subconsciously steer events in that direction. Meaning when we expect bad things we will bring the energy, mindset and posture to force it to happen jut to prove we were right. (This is mostly subconscious).

I hope this gave you some food for thought. These are just my understandings and how i myself have lived through a negative period of my life. All I can say is it worked for me and I am 99% happy since i faced reality as it is. It still takes work but not near as much as it did. Life is a perpetual process of learning to be.

Good luck and much love - there is brighter side to everything. That is the best we can do and a very happy place to be

Originally posted by IAmD1


1. Only positive language is allowed when talking about her wishes, needs, dreams, fears etc. I.e All sentences should use 'I want/I will/I can/I feel'. (Everything that starts with 'I don't want' 'I can't' ' I won't' has to be excluded from the vocabulary.

I really liked this part of your post. I was in the Army back in the day and they always told me I could do it, and I always could. When I joined I could do like 20 pushups in 20 seconds, but the next day (first day of basic) I did 75 all in a row..

Why?

Because I could.

If you are trying not to lose the best you can do is maybe win. If you are trying to win the worst you can do is not win. SO. Do you want to maybe not lose? OR maybe not win?

Positivity IS strength.