Opposing My Best Friends Relationship, Right or Wrong?

So I dislike my best friend’s girlfriend of three years and she dislikes me as well. My buddy and I have been friends for 15 years or so, since sophomore year of High School.

A little background info:

My buddy got married to a woman he met in the Army, long story short he got divorced after 18 months. Shortly after the divorce he started to get BJ’s from the neighbor across the hall from his apartment. I used to joke that the ‘neighbor chick’ would become his girlfriend – he staunchly opposed this idea. Eventually it came true. Next, I joked they would move in together – again he opposed this idea – this to came true. Then finally, I joked they would get married – also opposed and now coming true.

Why she does not like me:

I refuse to kiss her a$$.

Why I do not like her:

She gets furious whenever my buddy used to talk with his ex-wife (who lives out of state) but expects my buddy to be okay with her hanging out with her ex(s) or men she has slept with in the past.
She is extremely jealous of whenever my buddy and I hang out. It’s to the point that when we hang out she will have a temper tantrum and says she is going to hang out with an ex (one time she even said she was going on a ‘date’.)

I caught her with a POF account she claims to have made when they broke up for a month and forgot to delete. Note this was a year after the fact.

Most recent example: yesterday I went over to his house and was disgusted by how filthy it was. About a year ago she bought a fox for $650, instead of paying her bills, because it was burning a hole in her pocket like usual. Anyways, the fox poops and pees everywhere (including the stove, countertops, their kitchen is covered in feces) [it’s her fox yet she refuses to train and or clean up after it] so I suggested an industrial mop + bucket. I cleaned their entre house pretty much alone, as he received a lashing because I was over without her approval. In addition she complained about him buying a mop to clean their utterly despicable living space… instead of saving that money for her engagement ring! Not to mention, the fox has destroyed about $200 of my stuff, (PS3 controller and Razr Mamba mouse) and my buddies Xbox Kinect, microfiber couch, oversized matching chair, matching ottoman and 3 Xbox 360 controllers; about $3500 worth of damage at least. Which will never be replaced by her as she cannot even pay her living expenses.

Last fall they were debating starting a used car lot. Long story short, I spent about 50 hours or so making them a business plan. (I have an MBA/MSF). She opposed every step of the plan, and all but inferred I was an idiot and knew nothing about the many schedules I made and market research I had done, because she had worked at a used car lot for all of a month.

My buddy is miserable and it kills me. He is settling - plain and simple. It’s almost as if he projected everything from the divorce onto the ‘neighbor chick’ so he would not have to deal with the hurt and healing process he should have went through to grow and move on. They fight all the time. She b*tched at him for three hours last night that I was over cleaning their dump of a house FFS!


It’s impossible for me to give you guys/gals the entire story in a thread, but do I have grounds for disapproval or am I the one who is immature? Thoughts?

Well it certainly sounds like you have grounds for disliking her.

But if he were my friend, I would leave him to make his own mind up, but be there for him if/when it all goes south for him.

Sounds to me like she's green with jealousy that you and your friend are so close.

He'll wake up one day, and he has to do it himself, no-one can force him.

You have grounds to disapprove whether she actually did anything or not. Sometimes we just know some people suck. In this case it does sound like she is not good for him. However, it is still his choice and if he chooses to stay with her it isn't much you can do about it but hope that he wakes up and runs away from her one day. It sucks to be the person who sees things like this and we can't figure out why the other person involved does not see it. I guess it's one of those "Can't see the forest for the trees" type of thing.

If his friendship is valued by you all you can do is tell him what you see and leave it at that. Otherwise you run the risk of alienating him and pushing him further to her.

I feel for you. Seriously. It is hard to be a passenger in a car that you know it is eventually going over a cliff.

She bought a fox for 600 dollars , instead of paying bills?

hmmm...that says a lot right there.

I think you have every right to be concerned for your friend, only problem is that hes not going to see how miserable his life will be, unless he is the one who chooses to open his eyes, and he's probably too emotionally entangled at this point to actually see straight.

If she lets the house go like this , because of a pet, I'd hate to see what she will be like with children running around.

I hope for his sake his eyes are clearly opened to see the train wreck his life is headed for, if this woman doesn't change .

reply to post by ConspiracyBuff


Sounds like it wont last....

Time will solve this one...

Meanwhile, the best thing you can do is stand out of the way, but be there for your friend when he needs it. After it's over, he'll appreciate the room you gave him to deal with it, and he'll appreciate even more the room you should give him by not mentioning how bad it really was...

Supporting and interfering are two different exercises.

reply to post by ConspiracyBuff


I think your friend does need help. I am just wondering how he can stand to live in such filth and with her selfish; self-centered attitude. It seems like he has low self-esteem (for whatever reasons) and he is as you say (settling).

I have a suggestion....why not plan a guys only (weekend) getaway for you and him; you have known him a long time; so be clever about it. Discuss with him everything that is bothering you about her and him; be loving and supportive; but firm.. I just hope you can intercede successfully before he makes the mistake of marrying her.

take your friend out for a few drinks,give him a slap,and tell him to snap into it!!!!!
a bj ain't worth it!
chick definately has some issues! who the hell buys a fox anyway!???
and then let it crap everywhere!!!
buddy,you may have some problems as well if you have to clean up her mess!!!!