Mail order brides? Really?

After contributing to a recent popular thread concerning "princess syndrome" in the USA, i felt the need to address the surprising number of posters there who have felt the need to find their brides through mail order services.

The main reason presented by posters as to why they would go this route was that women in the US are vain, self-centered, materialistic and every one of them, without exeption are looking for a "Brad Pitt" or steroid monkey "Jersey Shore" type.

I disagree. I believe that men can be just as shallow as women. One only has to spend any amount of time in a North American bar to see it. The men, looking to hook up target the beautiful girls, and the girls looking to hook up only target the attractive, fit men. Sadly, even if a man is a six on a scale of 1 to 10, he still seems to think he deserves the 9 or 10 and the same goes for the women.

I have no problem with this. Everyone wants someone beautiful. The sad part is, these people still believe they deserve a 10 when the booze wears off. Joe Blow who works managing at McDonalds believes he deserves nothing less than a tall, blonde haired, CEO of a major corporation. Obviously, this goes the same for the women.

The difference i seem to notice is that once people mature, perhaps around the mid-twenties, the women seem to realize the juice junkies are great for a fling, but eventually settle down with a stable, productive man with a good job and future prospects. The men? Still want the trophy wife/girlfriend even though they themselves are at times a 6-7 at best looks wise, and have an average job with uncertain future.

Since there is a roughly 50/50 split of men to women in North America, not all "princesses" are going to be able to marry a Brad Pitt, since obviously all arent Brad Pitt in either looks or future prospects. Therefore, logic would dictate they must lower their standards if they are ever to find a mate. Now wouldnt it make sense to expect the same from North American males?

Apparently not. Rather than lower their standards, they look for a wife overseas through mail order services. Now, excuse me for being a skeptic, but i believe people need to spend a considerable amount of time together before they can possibly know if they are compatible. And what kind of women will look for a husband overseas? Someone they have never met before, know nothing about besides what was typed to them on a keyboard, and must assume that they have struck out in love at home in their own country.

These women are invariably looking to escape poverty or hardship in their own country. Now, obviously there are amazing women to be found anywhere in the world, but i suggest that for a women at go to these lengths, she is desperate to escape her lot in life and will cling to anyone who can make things a little better. This is not love. It may one day blossom into love, but in the beginning it can be no more than a convienient arrangment for both parties. The only exception would be if they spent considerable amount of time together first, which we all know doesnt happen or the man simply would have travelled the world to find his foreign mate. Right? Cant afford that as a single male? Might be one reason attractive women are turning you down. You may call that superfical, but women are hardwired to find providers for them and their future children, and i can understand it. If you want a 9 or 10, you should be one yourself. That includes having good future prospects.

So in conclusion, if your having a hard time finding a good mate here at home, look in the mirror. There are amazing women to be had, im happily married to one.

Hmmm..

I've seen some funny lookin dudes with really gorgeous women... Yet i've never seen a Good looking Guy with a funny lookin Girl...

Perhaps im not looking hard enough...

Originally posted by nightbringr
After contributing to a recent popular thread concerning "princess syndrome" in the USA, i felt the need to address the surprising number of posters there who have felt the need to find their brides through mail order services.

Considering the kind of people on this site, I'm not the slightest bit surprised there's so many with bought wives.

The main reason presented by posters as to why they would go this route was that women in the US are vain, self-centered, materialistic and every one of them, without exeption are looking for a "Brad Pitt" or steroid monkey "Jersey Shore" type.

I've heard this too, except I'm in a different country.
For some reason they do not want to admit or are too delusional to understand that the women they buy are doing it for self-centered/materialistic or desperate reasons. Their argument is ridiculously contradictory.

I disagree. I believe that men can be just as shallow as women. One only has to spend any amount of time in a North American bar to see it. The men, looking to hook up target the beautiful girls, and the girls looking to hook up only target the attractive, fit men. Sadly, even if a man is a six on a scale of 1 to 10, he still seems to think he deserves the 9 or 10 and the same goes for the women.

You don't have to go there. The claimed reason is not the reason.
The reason is that they either cannot get a wife "the normal way", or they have the money to buy themselves a slave of the right physical characteristics.

Mail order brides?

How you going to pay for what you can get for free?

Originally posted by Lysergic
Mail order brides?

How you going to pay for what you can get for free?

I would say Visa or Mastercard?

My personal opinion is that the majority of men who go the mail-order bride route suffer from low self-esteem and are convinced that the only way to have a relationship is to pay for one. I have a feeling many have some serious issues that probably scared away potential home-grown mates. So its just easier to buy a bride, one you know will be beholden to you, than to work on any personal issues that might contribute to the lack of success in a relationship.

Just my two cents.

Originally posted by Akragon
Hmmm..

I've seen some funny lookin dudes with really gorgeous women... Yet i've never seen a Good looking Guy with a funny lookin Girl...

Perhaps im not looking hard enough...

Absolutely!

One thing ive learned is confidence for men trumps almost all else. This is of course until its time for the woman to settle down, in which case stability and love come to the forefront. Quite understandable imo.

Was it not Voltare who once famously claimed "Give me ten minutes to talk away my ugly face and I will bed the queen of France."?

One of my favorite quotes.

reply to post by nightbringr


Can we clear up one thing, please? Are you advocating the use of a rating system whereby you judge the attractiveness or overall worth of a person with a scale of 1-10? I've noted the use of this in your posts several times. Thanks.

Originally posted by smyleegrl
My personal opinion is that the majority of men who go the mail-order bride route suffer from low self-esteem and are convinced that the only way to have a relationship is to pay for one. I have a feeling many have some serious issues that probably scared away potential home-grown mates. So its just easier to buy a bride, one you know will be beholden to you, than to work on any personal issues that might contribute to the lack of success in a relationship.

Just my two cents.

Ever stay up late and watch the infomercials? There are all kinds of them these days where women get catty about how much they hate men with small penises. Think there is any connection here?

Originally posted by jeantherapy
reply to post by nightbringr

 

Can we clear up one thing, please? Are you advocating the use of a rating system whereby you judge the attractiveness or overall worth of a person with a scale of 1-10? I've noted the use of this in your posts several times. Thanks.

Of course not im simply trying to make a point.

Many others in a thread now closed were bemoaning their lot claiming that "princesses" would only date Brad Pitt types or steroid junkies. Since they were focusing on looks predominently, i also focused on them for certain parts of my posts to try and get my point across.

When we are young and looking to have fun, often looks are the most important thing to us, especially those who go to the bar for a hookup. As we mature, we tend to be less superficial and look deeper, especially when looking for a mate.

Mail Order brides were common up in Alaska when I was there. I knew a few Russian brides that came over that way and they were very happy.



From what I understand it was a costly process though. The men had to fly to Russia and back a few times to set everything up, meet the women/families and make sure they clicked somewhat.

A person has to "attract" you in some way to make the initial contact. The first thing you notice is the way a person looks. If you've ever read Sherlock Holmes you know you can tell some things about a person by examining their appearance. If they're fat you know their body hasn't been moving around much, if their clothes are rumpled you may get the idea they don't press their clothes. An unkempt appearance may indicate apathy to you and attract you if that's what you like. Are you dedicated to quality in your own life and do you seek out people that give the same level of attention to the small details as you do? But yes, any arbitrary 1-10 must be abandoned, with the diversity in people it hardly begins to reveal anything important about the person being judged but the one who is doing the judging.

I actually knew 2 guys that went the mail order bride route. With 2 drastically different results.

Guy 1 - middle aged guy. Average looks. Big ego. His bride a smoking hot blonde in her early 20's from Moscow that he had known a few weeks. That ended horribly. He ended up very broke, and much the wiser a few months later.

Guy 2 - another middle aged guy, average looks, nice guy, never had much luck with the ladies. Kind of shy and nerdy. He ended up getting married to a girl from the county-side of the Ukraine. She's about 10 years younger than him. You might call her "cute" or "average" in the looks department. They wrote and talked for months. He went and visited her several times. Finally they got married. They been married about 5 years now and seem happy as they can be.

You are looking at only half the issue and are awfully judgmental about it.

This is the "selfish gene" in action.

Men want pretty women because beauty equates to health and health means their capability of making and raising offspring. Larger breasts equals more milk equals offspring who survive. Men tend to be promiscuous because the greater the spread of his DNA the more likely his progeny will survive.

Women choose men who can be good providers and protect the family. They are not as prmiscuous because it's not a survival characteristic. Providing a safe home results in a greater chance of survival.

The two methods are diametrically opposed to one another, but for each sex, it works. We're now in an artifically feminized environment where men are considered "immoral" if they want to spread their genes. In most civilizations there is some sort of safety valve for men. In the Ottoman Empire, it was a harem. In Victorian England, it was a kept mistress. In India, depending on the caste, women stayed in Uncle's household. Today, we do not have that option, though serial polygamy is often practiced.

"Mail-order brides" have been a fixture for centuries. Remember "Here come the Brides!" about the Mercer Girls who traveled to Seattle to pick up a husband. I'm a Vietnam Era vet. I know many guys who brought home "War Brides" from Nam. Our fathers brought home War Brides from Japan. These women "wanted out" as you say, because they sought better opportunity in America. In most cases, they got it. It's the same with Russian Brides today.

We live under the illusion today that somehow we need to find a "compatible" mate, but we're not doing too well. The divorce rate is about 50%. Historically, marriages lasted longer when they were arranged between families to enhance social positions. In other words, man or woman, you didn't have a choice. The woman was expected to give the man an "heir and a spare" (plus an ample dowry) or she wasn't doing her civic duty.

So it's a crap shoot anyway. This idea that you're going to find a compatoble mate within your own range of beauty is kind of silly. The odds don't favor it. The ugly guy who manages to land, buy, or rent the beautiful woman has just as much a chance of success as Barbie & Ken. Let 'em do it. Statistically, you'll do no better.

reply to post by schuyler


Yours is by far one of the best posts I've read in either of these two threads being discussed.

reply to post by jeantherapy


It is to scale what humans do naturally, to get a mate that is as attractive as possible. They have proven this over and over again.

Though most people end up with a mate of an equal number.

reply to post by schuyler

Perhaps you have some stats that show that mail order relationships on average are as successful as traditional ones where guy and girl meet and fall in love? I'm not doubting its possible,I simply think most people who go this route either lack confidence, self esteem or simply are to shy or don't put in the effort. Why else would someone spend thousands of dollars doing what they could locally for free or next to free at a dating site?

And I disagree that society frowns on the male who sleeps around. He is generally considered a stud, while any girl who does is instantly classified as a slut.

Edit: for what its worth, i dont disagree, we all want a beautiful mate. I understand your "primal instinct" take on it. It actually explains why women like the steroid junkies. Back in the cave man days, smart didnt matter much, you needed Grog, who was stronger than Ogg, to protect you and take down that sabretrooth tiger for dinner. But there are many, amazing women in North America. If you have an asian fetish, fine, i understand looking for a Thai wife, but otherwise.......................

Originally posted by Akragon
Hmmm..

I've seen some funny lookin dudes with really gorgeous women... Yet i've never seen a Good looking Guy with a funny lookin Girl...

Perhaps im not looking hard enough...

Then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

As a guy I can say that those posts are simply the desperate rants of disenfranchised and sexually frustrated males.

Originally posted by nightbringr
The sad part is, these people still believe they deserve a 10 when the booze wears off. Joe Blow who works managing at McDonalds believes he deserves nothing less than a tall, blonde haired, CEO of a major corporation. Obviously, this goes the same for the women.

edit on 16-8-2012 by nightbringr because: (no reason given)

I agreed with all of your post except this part. You can't judge a person by their social or professional standing. You have know their story. It's not where you are, it's WHY you are where you are.You say you've matured past prioritizing the physical qualities of a person, then you go and shoot yourself in the foot with that statement.

What a person does for a living doesn't define them. It pays their bills. That's it. What they do when they get home and draw the blinds........that's what defines them. If you want to find the person you want to share the rest of your life with, you have to get that level. And that's why for me personally, I never even considered the mail order route because people can and will say anything to get what they want. Watch them instead, and couple that with what they say and you'll get the true picture of a person. You can't get that if you're chatting it up with Moscow while in Lynchburg.

But to each their own I guess. As another poster pointed out, it's a crap shoot either way. You want to find love? You have to take a chance and put yourself out on the line. You can do it online, at a downtown watering hole or a christian singles mingle at the local VFW. You're either going to get burned or get blessed. It's a chance we all take and the sooner people realize that, the sooner they can get what they need.

youtu.be...
Sorry, but this song NEVER gets old.

I know a guy that ordered one but he wasn't in when the postman arrived.
Came home from work and found her behind the wheeley bins reading the new Next catalogue.