Where Did The Time Go?

Yep, I am getting old.

I sit here tonight typing this out to whoever will have the misfortune of reading it. Although in the rant section...this will not be filled with hate or spite of any kind. I apologize to those of who who were clicking and hoping for an internet version of the WWF Smackdown. Give me a few days and I may be better able to oblige.

For the past 2 weeks we have been getting ready. For what, you ask so kindly? Back to skool (yes I did it on purpose) The biggest holiday apparently besides Xmas. Well crap Kanga...that happens every year doesn’t it? Indeed it does. Rain or shine we must go through the same ritual around the same time every year.

Then what is the problem Kanga? (besides you talking to yourself that is)

The problem is...this year my tiny infant daughter will be starting HS. Infant? Yes, damn your eyes. I said infant. No she is not a toddling genius. She is 14. But when I look at her, I see a baby. I know you parents out there understand what I am saying. I see the baby I held for what seemed like a year when she had colic for 2 months straight. I see the baby I read to before bed time, the one I heard laugh for the first time out loud when her dad tripped on the carpet walking across the living room. THAT’S when I knew she was definitely mine.

I can still remember dropping her off for the first day of preschool so vividly, it’s almost like it happened yesterday...not a full decade ago. What the hell happened to the time? Where did it go? I wonder this all to often when I watch her doing different things. One minute she was on my hip then BOOM!! she’s talking about getting her driver’s license. WTH? At this rate I will be throwing a wedding and rocking grandbabies by next week.

Where did the time go?

Sometimes I wish I could stop time or turn the hands back just a wee bit, then realize that this is what is supposed to happen. I am supposed to be the best mom I can be and send her out into this world as prepared as possible for the things she will face on a daily basis. But sometimes I want to be selfish too.

So tomorrow morning my daughter will be boarding the big yellow bus to start her first day of HS. She’s a good kid and I am more proud of her than I can say. I just can’t get over the fact that she grew up so fast.

Those of you with younger children...Believe it when others tell you how fast time goes. They aren’t exaggerating it a bit. It flies by as if you were in some kind of time warp. Enjoy every single minute of it and make memories every time you can. You’ll need those frozen moments in time to pull out when they are grown.

If I close my eyes and think about what I was doing a few years ago - one of the images that appears is of me, and a bunch of my friends, drinking way, way, way too cheap beer around a campfire just south of Santa Cruz, California.

Then I realize that I drank those beers in 1981.

Also, even now, in my own neighborhood, I often drive by places my ex and I used to frequent, and think to myself "I haven't been there in awhile..." My ex and I split in 2007. That's a bit more than awhile.

Now I am gaining on the big "five-oh" ( 50 ) and I kind of trip about it because I still feel like that same person who was drinking beers on the beach or having dinner with my ex on any given night. The whole concept can really get inside your head.

Oh, and the bad news? The older you get, the faster it passes.

I think maybe that those of who live long enough to become senile maybe get payback and are able to enjoy a few years where time has no relevance or texture.

~Heff

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Dear Kangaruex4Ewe,

It does go too quickly. A song for you. YouTube - Paul Anka - Times of your life

Originally posted by Hefficide

If I close my eyes and think about what I was doing a few years ago - one of the images that appears is of me, and a bunch of my friends, drinking way, way, way too cheap beer around a campfire just south of Santa Cruz, California.

Then I realize that I drank those beers in 1981.

Also, even now, in my own neighborhood, I often drive by places my ex and I used to frequent, and think to myself "I haven't been there in awhile..." My ex and I split in 2007. That's a bit more than awhile.

Now I am gaining on the big "five-oh" ( 50 ) and I kind of trip about it because I still feel like that same person who was drinking beers on the beach or having dinner with my ex on any given night. The whole concept can really get inside your head.

Oh, and the bad news? The older you get, the faster it passes.

I think maybe that those of who live long enough to become senile maybe get payback and are able to enjoy a few years where time has no relevance or texture.

~Heff

I know what you mean Heff. I am 35 and still feel like I did when I was 19. It's hard to reconcile the mental age and the physical age sometimes. I feel like Toys R Us and I don't want to grow up sometimes. And you are right. Time is passing much faster for my husband and I both since we hit 30. It's mind blowing to say the least.

Your comment about being senile is dead on IMO. Losing track of time that way, may not be such a bad thing in your very senior years.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Somehow your rant made me smile and it made me sad at the same time.

I know what you mean about time flying and it seems to be going faster every day. Not literally of course but it feels like it some days.

My son is 10 and he's my best friend. Sometimes when I think of him or see his little grin I love him so much I can't breathe.

I never really understood what love is until the day he was born.

Thanks 4 the rant.

I"m the same. I'm going to be 40 in March (though I do NOT look it as my picture shows here). I don't feel it either. I seem to get along better with people who are like 17 to 25 as I'm a hardcore gamer, roleplayer, and so on. I get 'bored' when I talk with those who are my age and a little older - like the guy I'm seeing. He's 55 but looks 43, but seems all we talk about is the weather, how hot it is, how hard it is to breathe, the crops, health and medical stuff (all on his end)...... I have the computer, facebook, gaming, roleplaying, etc as what I like to do and talk about. He abhors tech, hates the pc, won't get one, doesn't have smart phones, etc. Couldn't tell Pac Man from Skyrim nor does he care.

"We" (he) talks about breathing difficulties, aching bones, just.... 'old person' talk. To me, it's just dull and boring and annoying and since I'm SO in denial of turning 40 since I'm more than once thought of being 23 to 25 myself from MANY other people, as I look and act it, the idea of having to live like /that/, talking about weather, medical #, meds, and other boring crap REALLY makes me NOT want to get older though I can't help it. I think that in a short 10 years, I'll be almost 50. ME, 50. I can't fathom that. I guess I'm still at the 25 year old mind set as I enjoy the things that the younger gen does. I dunno.

My son is turning 18 in October and yes, time flies TOO fast. He's going to be moving 5 States over to live with his girlfriend and it kills me. I mean kills me. I know he's gotta do his life but man..... much as I don't want him to be the kid who is living with mom when he's 30, I also don't want him /gone/. You know?

I don't want to get 'old'. I don't want to have white hair, wrinkles, osteoporosis, memory loss, sitting on a rocking chair outside watching the world go by and talking about 'how things used to be' and talking about my medical conditions and discussing with my other friends how my goiters act up and 'almost had a bowel movement today' and 'what's going on at the bingo lodge on Wednesday?"

God NO. No no no no no . NO. please no.

If time moves to quickly, maybe it is us that is "moving to quickly". There is this pressure to be ambitious and succeed and that takes a lot of our time. Keeping oneself "busy" is one way to be distracted from events and others around us. That is where the time goes... we weren't paying enough attention.

Of course the alternative is to slow down or even halt once in a while, to endure the guilt of boredom or stillness. To look around at what we really should hold dear in our lives, our children especially. It may make us feel like we are breaking the code by which we all have been reared but really down time and idle reflection are healthy. Always is that "pressure" or guilt of being "idle" as though we are not accomplishing enough and planning for tomorrow...

Resist that to some extent and balance it with less hectic activity. That gives us those sweet memories.

Heres one by Gotye. Anime of his childhood and a dog he knew named Bronte:

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


It just goes mate, and times like these remind us how important it is to enjoy every moment you have.

I've had something similar recently, when my little girl finished year 12 and moved out of home to go about her life. I always knew the day would come and in a private way I looked forward to the pleasure of an empty nest.... well, raising a girl on your own in later life is not an easy road these days. But I did struggle with missing her.. not her drama of course, lol. But the freedom of an empty nest is Wonderful, I have time and energy now for myself.

Enjoy each day you have with your kids, and when they move on in life, make sure you still enjoy each day.

Originally posted by Hefficide
Oh, and the bad news? The older you get, the faster it passes.
~Heff

I looked into this. Besides the fact that kids appear to be wired up to take in more information about their experiences at a younger age, making time feel slower for them, one thing that makes time seem to fly as we get older by is the lack of new (novel) experiences.

If you do the same thing every day and never lay down new memories, looking back we feel time has flown by.

If however, for instance, you have ever moved to a new country, new experiences make the first few months feel much longer. 3 months can feel like a year.

Try to do new things. Visit new towns to shop. Go to different places for a coffee or a drink. Do a driving holiday where you stay in a different place every few days. I did that driving through Switzerland, France and Spain. A week felt like months.

New experiences, anything out of the ordinary routine lays down new memories and when we look back, time doesn't seem to have flown by quite as fast.

Let's face it. It gets a bit like HG Wells time machine with how fast we seem to be flying into the future. Anything that slows it down is welcome.

reply to post by ollncasino


I will keep that in mind ollncasino! Thanks!

Side note... good to see a familiar name from before my haitus. I always enjoyed our debates!

~Heff

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by ollncasino

 

I will keep that in mind ollncasino! Thanks!

Side note... good to see a familiar name from before my haitus. I always enjoyed our debates!

~Heff

I find that doing new things out of the ordinary really does work. It's so easy to fall into routine though especially after finishing work and dragging yourself home. Having said that, apparently it can be as ordinary as brushing your teeth in a different room.

By the way, you are a very good debater who can be very persuasive at time!

Cheers

Your daughter is lucky to have a mother like yourself. Some parents really don't give a damn and your left to pick up the pieces and try and gain back the confidence that was taken from you. Continue supporting her. Be there for her. Cherish her. That's what children are meant for.

Originally posted by AQuestion
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

Dear Kangaruex4Ewe,

It does go too quickly. A song for you. YouTube - Paul Anka - Times of your life

Beautiful. I enjoyed that and thank you for posting it.

Originally posted by cavalryscout
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

Somehow your rant made me smile and it made me sad at the same time.

I know what you mean about time flying and it seems to be going faster every day. Not literally of course but it feels like it some days.

My son is 10 and he's my best friend. Sometimes when I think of him or see his little grin I love him so much I can't breathe.

I never really understood what love is until the day he was born.

Thanks 4 the rant.

I am always glad to make someone smile. I know exactly what you mean about loving your son so much that you can't breath. I can't think of a better way to put it as you did so eloquently. That is indeed a love beyond anything I have ever experienced as well.

reply to post by sarra1833


I also look really young so I can still enjoy gaming and stuff without folks looking at me like I am a complete nutter. It comes in handy doesn't it? Maybe you should try to get your BF to game with you and forget about his aching joints for a few minutes. I am sure you have probably already tried though. Hopefully he'll come around one one of these days when he hits his mid life crisis. One can only hope!

reply to post by intrptr


You are right. Sometimes we need to slow down and look around. Thank you for the video. I really enjoyed it! Maybe I will start looking for a slow paced hobby.

Originally posted by Tayesin
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

It just goes mate, and times like these remind us how important it is to enjoy every moment you have.

I've had something similar recently, when my little girl finished year 12 and moved out of home to go about her life. I always knew the day would come and in a private way I looked forward to the pleasure of an empty nest.... well, raising a girl on your own in later life is not an easy road these days. But I did struggle with missing her.. not her drama of course, lol. But the freedom of an empty nest is Wonderful, I have time and energy now for myself.

Enjoy each day you have with your kids, and when they move on in life, make sure you still enjoy each day.

Geez!! I can only imagine. Like you, I have fantasized about an "empty nest", but know that it will be difficult as well. I am glad you have found a silver lining as I know that had to be rough. I love how you said it "wasn't her drama". That shows me you didn't guilt trip her or let her go thinking you were going to be miserable and that is a sign of an excellent parent IMO.

reply to post by ollncasino


You make excellent points and I appreciate that a lot. So thank you. It is good and sound advice that makes sense.

Originally posted by conspiracy88
Your daughter is lucky to have a mother like yourself. Some parents really don't give a damn and your left to pick up the pieces and try and gain back the confidence that was taken from you. Continue supporting her. Be there for her. Cherish her. That's what children are meant for.

Thank you so much for that. I am sure I fail in many ways as a parent. There have been too many times that I wish I had some kind of manual to help me along. Alas, there are no manuals to be had. I think most parents fear that their children will need therapy one day for something that they did or didn't do. We can only try and do the best we can. I thank you again for your kind words!

This was the one of the saddest rant I have read but at the same time heart warming. I dont have any kids but I can agree with you that our perception of time goes by much faster as we get older.

You seem like a great father...You were making jokes in your post but for some reason it seems like you were doing that to cover up the deep sadness you feel knowing your little girl is growing up and becoming more independant everyday, also seems like theres a fear you have of your little girl being out the cruel world and you not always being there to protect her. Then again I dont have any children so I could be wrong.

You will always be her dad and her hero. just think about all the great memories you two havent made yet

p.s. told ya I was going to check out some of your threads...

Originally posted by ussoldier
This was the one of the saddest rant I have read but at the same time heart warming. I dont have any kids but I can agree with you that our perception of time goes by much faster as we get older.

You seem like a great father...You were making jokes in your post but for some reason it seems like you were doing that to cover up the deep sadness you feel knowing your little girl is growing up and becoming more independant everyday, also seems like theres a fear you have of your little girl being out the cruel world and you not always being there to protect her. Then again I dont have any children so I could be wrong.

You will always be her dad and her hero. just think about all the great memories you two havent made yet

p.s. told ya I was going to check out some of your threads...

I just realized I dont know if you are male or female. I just assumed you are her father.

If you are her mother then replace the word "father and dad" with "mother and mom" sorry

Originally posted by ussoldier
This was the one of the saddest rant I have read but at the same time heart warming. I dont have any kids but I can agree with you that our perception of time goes by much faster as we get older.

You seem like a great father...You were making jokes in your post but for some reason it seems like you were doing that to cover up the deep sadness you feel knowing your little girl is growing up and becoming more independant everyday, also seems like theres a fear you have of your little girl being out the cruel world and you not always being there to protect her. Then again I dont have any children so I could be wrong.

You will always be her dad and her hero. just think about all the great memories you two havent made yet

p.s. told ya I was going to check out some of your threads...

Indeed you did!! I missed your reply until this morning and I am not sure how I did that.

Thank you for your compliments and for reading my rant. One correction though... I am a mother. You're far from the first to get it wrong here at ATS and you won't be the last. I think my avatar probably reads more male than female but I just can't part with it!

Some of the humor is to cover up the anxiety no doubt. I think parents always wonder whether they are preparing their children well enough to be ok when they leave the nest. The world can be a cruel place and instinct says you are supposed to protect them until your dying day....but really that isn't possible or even fair to the kids.

BTW, I am glad to have been seeing you around the forums. I hope you are feeling more at home now.