Who should be priorty: Parents, Spouse, or Children ?

Alrite. I wanted to pose this question about who we should put first, your parents, your spouse or your kids.

I'm asking because I have a sister who has been telling somebody that she puts her parents (who are my parents too) above her spouse and children (she has 4 kids), which made me think, because I didn't think that should be right.

At first I thought I would put my child above all else, but after thinking about it I might put my spouse first, then my child. I can't think I would ever have my parents higher than the other two.

Just wondered what other people thought about that.

Just remember, if you create a person, you are creating all their future problems and everything associated with that person. So you had better take care with the way you raise them, their entire existence is a direct result of your actions.

Originally posted by bigyin
Alrite. I wanted to pose this question about who we should put first, your parents, your spouse or your kids.

I'm asking because I have a sister who has been telling somebody that she puts her parents (who are my parents too) above her spouse and children (she has 4 kids), which made me think, because I didn't think that should be right.

At first I thought I would put my child above all else, but after thinking about it I might put my spouse first, then my child. I can't think I would ever have my parents higher than the other two.

Just wondered what other people thought about that.

Children, spouse, then parents.

Children first because they should always be first. This includes any children, even if you don't know them. There's a reason we have that instinct.

Spouse second because you are bonded through ritual and love with this person.

Parents last because you made no such bond with them. Any loving parent of grown children would understand and encourage this.

My answer will be simple.

You put yourself first. If your not happy how can you have a beneficial effect on anyone else's happiness?

I should write more but it really is that simple I think.

reply to post by bigyin


A Spouse and Parents are already adults. They should be able to fend for themselves. Now, Children...they are vulnerable and not learned in the ways of the world. Should you not put the care of your own Children above all else, until they reach an age, where they are more self sufficient. Then when our Parents become old and feeble, they replace our grown children....the Cycle of Life.....Spouse before Parents after you are married/joined..

Des

I would say it depends on "need". My parents are in their 70's. Dad has dementia. Mom is struggling with caring for him. 2 of my 3 kids are adults. The other 17 next month. Spouse? Don't have one but if we were still together I would have to put her above the kids at this time.

People should always be filial to their parents ... but once married then the spouse and children should be their main focus ...

So would we say there is something wrong with a mother of 4 who puts her parents before her spouse and children ?

Does she have some condition ? Is there a name for it ?

Children first. I'm shocked that you even need to ask.

Originally posted by VoidHawk
Children first. I'm shocked that you even need to ask.

I've read elsewhere that a lot of people would put spouse first.

Originally posted by bigyin

Originally posted by VoidHawk
Children first. I'm shocked that you even need to ask.

I've read elsewhere that a lot of people would put spouse first.

To be honest, I dont care what someone else has written, YOUNG kids come first.

Originally posted by bigyin
So would we say there is something wrong with a mother of 4 who puts her parents before her spouse and children ?

Does she have some condition ? Is there a name for it ?

Selfishness and sentimentality.

A set of conditions we are all susceptible of and need to be cautious to temper and keep in check.

Originally posted by VoidHawk

Originally posted by bigyin

Originally posted by VoidHawk
Children first. I'm shocked that you even need to ask.

I've read elsewhere that a lot of people would put spouse first.

To be honest, I dont care what someone else has written, YOUNG kids come first.

Agreed 100%, no doubt.

That is the logical and rational response.

People need to accept that older folks eventually die (as we all will eventually) and that those who have their entire future ahead of them are the most important in comparison.

Originally posted by bigyin
So would we say there is something wrong with a mother of 4 who puts her parents before her spouse and children ?

Does she have some condition ? Is there a name for it ?

Yes. Immaturity.

I knew someone a long time ago who put her mother before her kids because she was, really, just a big kid herself. Some people just don't mature with age and they stay clinging to their parents, so they in turn keep the parents' needs at the front of the line.

You put children first. I don't care whose they are. They're innocent. Whatever problems or issues there are in this world, I can guarantee you that children are not the cause of them. Therefore, you put their needs first.

Originally posted by bigyin
So would we say there is something wrong with a mother of 4 who puts her parents before her spouse and children ?

Does she have some condition ? Is there a name for it ?

Wanting everything in the will...greed. Immaturity, insecurity, delusions of grandeur. Who knows...it's not normal.

Des

Originally posted by Destinyone


Wanting everything in the will...greed.

Yup that's what I was thinking, it's just that my other sisters are trying to make out it's something else and she's not necessarily just after the money and maybe she really does have immense feelings for her parents. But I don't believe it, I think it's all about the money. No genuine person would say such a thing in my opinion.

First off.... Most parents would not want their children to put them before their own children or spouse. I can not imagine mine feeling that way and being a parent myself, can't imagine my daughter feeling that way when she has a family of her own.

Not saying that your parents do... just saying.

Children always come first. Mine, your's, someone else's. Until they are of an age to care for themselves, we are all they have really. So the defenseless come first. 18 year olds needing a ride to the movies or helping a sick mother get to the ER...that is another story. Common sense is a VERY GOOD thing IMO. People should use it more often.

reply to post by bigyin

Welcome to "The sandwich. generation ",caught between taking care of your children AND your parents.Both of my parents are over 80 and failing fast. By choice a nursing home is not an option.How our society uses nursing homes to warehouse the old and in the way is a crying shame.So I do what it takes to keep that from happening.Its a losing battle but fight it anyway.Having. a 12 yr old son and 14 yr old daughter that just go to visit their mother occasionally, well they are with me most all the time and are the light of my life.l luckily work and like it so I manage to just barley pull this off.My ex - wife met a man who's grandfather patented Auto -Pilot, so if you cant keep.your spouse on board with what you are trying to do, you may end up doing it yourself.Really, what are your options?

Originally posted by jkeyes
reply to post by bigyin

 

Welcome to "The sandwich. generation ",caught between taking care of your children AND your parents.Both of my parents are over 80 and failing fast. By choice a nursing home is not an option.How our society uses nursing homes to warehouse the old and in the way is a crying shame.So I do what it takes to keep that from happening.Its a losing battle but fight it anyway.Having. a 12 yr old son and 14 yr old daughter that just go to visit their mother occasionally, well they are with me most all the time and are the light of my life.l luckily work and like it so I manage to just barley pull this off.My ex - wife met a man who's grandfather patented Auto -Pilot, so if you cant keep.your spouse on board with what you are trying to do, you may end up doing it yourself.Really, what are your options?

Kudos to you, as I hope to do the same when the time comes for my parents. I think nursing homes should be avoided as long as humanly possible. I think there is a happy medium in there somewhere for situations like yours. You have to have family cooporation and understanding to make it easier though.

I ASSumed the op was discussing just little matters...this situation would call for all to make adjustments I would think. Family helps family when the chips are down. Your parents always helped you, if you are blessed enough...one day we can repay that favor.

Wow, how could any parent NOT put their children first?

I have been with my partner for 21 years and I would still put my kids first in any ‘situation’ that called for it.

When your children are born a chemical is released into your brain, you know…… the one that would make you kill or die for your kids.

I love my wife and I would fight or die for her too, but the protective ‘instinct’ that I have for my kids far outweighs the ‘emotional love’ I have for my wife.

EG: If a train was bearing down on us and I had a choice to save either my parents, my wife or my kids – my brain would not think and just act to save my children first so that they can live and have a chance at life.

Then my wife, then me..... my parents are old, they have had a long life - they would expect me to leave them there and act accordingly.

Mickierocksman