My name is DJ, this is my story of heartbreak.

Let me start this post by saying I have no idea why im truly writing it, maybe to vent, maybe for advice, I just don't know. The only thing I am sure of right now, is that my gf of almost two and a half years, the love of my life..is currently leaving me. Let me take you back to the beginning...

It was a hot summer day, and I was on the way home from my local gym, when a friend I went to school with passed me by, her name was irene. She starts texting me that evening, and fast forward a few weeks things are going great, we go see a few movies and such. 3/3/10 somewhere around 9 pm I ask her to go out with me, to be my gf, and she said yes..that night, the stars were out, illuminating her face, her beautiful flawless face..I tell her though, that I don't have a job (fresh out of hs, trying to go to the navy) except for doing a little side work with my stepdad on some side roofing jobs he had, she was ok with this, and we went on to have an amazing relationship..for a while.


Four months pass, and due to childhood asthma and the waiver process I was going through, my plans were being severely delayed. This is where a big problem comes in, her stepdad. Now, you may think this is an angry ex taking an extreme point of view on this fellow, but there are several others in my community who think the same as im about to tell you. He had an odd way around her, odd in the sense that he had fatherly feelings. Maybe this came into play, idk, but at that 4 month mark since I didn't have a job and he didn't believe me about the navy (unsure why) he gave her an ultimatum, leave Dj or I take away your college and kick you out. She left me..publicly. Now from there on our relationship took on a secret life, only seeing each other a few min a day, no talking on the phone, using email to text, and so on. Even through all this, I was happy, she felt like the other half to my heart..still does.


Well time goes by and the navy puts me on hold, not wanting to process me due to childhood asthma, and screwing my in the waiver process by telling me I needed documents I didn't have access too (doctor died, moved before he died, and the old dr office closed down) so I take a job at mcdonalds, and work there for quite a while, and all was good, still being hidden. Well almost a year down the road i get a call from my recruiter, said there was a chance I could get that waiver, there was a new dr at meps. Lo and behold my very next trip to meps my waiver was cleared and I had my ship out date, fast forward to 2 months before I ship. A friend of mine that I had been hanging out with had bronchitis. Well, I start getting a nasty cough, all day. I make a doctors appointment to go get checked out..the doctor puts something about asthma on my paper work (what I had to get wavered for in the first place, keep in mind, that waiver was for my childhood asthma, I was told). I show my recruiter, and he shows me the door, because any current condition with asthma was not allowed in the military he told me. That was like a bomb exploding on me, I had wanted to join the navy for years, but alas fate didn't have it that way.


I took about two months to get my stuff together and figure out where I wanna go from there, still working side jobs with my stepdad. Well, I decided I knew my next goal, and I applied to my local community college for this fall in a degree in simulation and game development. I thought everything was going good, but just an hour ago, the love of my life tells me she doesn't want to do this anymore..and the reason being, because she is afraid to tell her parents, and would rather leave me than deal with telling them..i still don't know the point of me writing this post, maybe I thought it would help, maybe it did a little, im not sure, im still overwhelmed with sadness trying to fight and claw my way to save this relationship..thanks for taking the time to listen to me my ats family, I hope your nights are going far better than mine..

Most likely, she will miss you and end up coming back. I hope the best for you.

her stepdad.

reply to post by Thesickness


needs to be curb stomped....you sound pretty solid dude.It's not you.Get her out of there and love her like you do.Take care man

Plenty fish in the pond!!

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. My daughter also had childhood asthma, but in order to get into the military, she just never mentioned it, since it was no longer an issue with her (she outgrew it). She did her four years just fine, never had a problem with the asthma the whole time.

Now, I'm NOT saying to lie.....but maybe another branch of the military might be your cup of tea, and if you have truly outgrown it and don't need to take meds for it, and it never crops up anymore, then......you can figure out the rest from there. It may just slip your mind or something....

As far as your girlfriend, I'm not going to give you a bunch of cliches like there's lots of fish in the sea, or time heals all wounds, etc. If she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and her family controls her life and her choices, then all you can do is go about your business and hope the pain subsides eventually.

Best of luck to you in any case.

reply to post by Thesickness


Hey brother.

When you are young, and I am not an old fogie, but I am older than you(29), things seem like the end of the world when stuff like this happens.

Being in love is freaking awesome.

But when it all goes to crap, then things can really seem like the world is ending.

Don't fret. In five years you will look back at this and think that you were taking it all too seriously.
If this girl's stepdad is this much of a doosh, then you are not losing out.
No matter what you do, if this guy plays her like this then you will always be on the losing end.

Just keep it together and always remember that she fell for you because she saw something worthwhile.
That same thing that she saw worthwhile, another girl, a better girl will see.
Girls are like that. They think like ants.
I would swear that they have some kind of hive mind.
They talk in a totally different language, but that language uses the exact same words that we use.
They just have totally different meanings.

If there is one universal law that applies to women it is this-

The less you try the more they try.

When you don't want a girl anymore then that is the second that they will have to have you.

Keep your chin up brother.

Life is a hellofa trip and there are so, so, so, so, many fish in the sea.

Cheers.

Now, I'm NOT saying to lie.....but maybe another branch of the military might be your cup of tea, and if you have truly outgrown it and don't need to take meds for it, and it never crops up anymore, then......you can figure out the rest from there. It may just slip your mind or something....

reply to post by FissionSurplus


In HS I tried to join up, was disquallified for Asthma, the way it was told to me, Asthma + Standard tear gas training = death...

all though at the time a fresh cut lawn could do me in so it seemed like good advice.

because she is afraid to tell her parents, and would rather leave me than deal with telling them.

At some point everyone has to grow up and leave their parents, start making their own way in life.

Shes just not ready to do that, Believe me I dealt with my wifes F---- up situation for years, I was just lucky she was strong enough to get her Messed up families hooks out of her.

Be patient, your young, theres plenty of time for you to find the "one" and if its meant to be her it will.

and honestly the parent thing is a cop out, my wifes sister is dealing with the same thing except its her parents not wanting her to see her older sister, my wife. Shes 22 and acts like a 12 year old because the household she is in is SO restrictive, shes never even been out on a date, and her parents wont let her learn to drive...

But honestly, she told my Wife she couldn't visit because of her "dad", my response to her sister was "you know at some point its YOU not thinking your sister is WORTH seeing, and thats your fault, not your fathers"

Thank you everyone, for reading my story and giving me some advice, reading all your replies has helped to ease my mind for the night, I wish you all the best, and a good nights rest

Ohhhh dear, I'm sorry. I can understand from both of your points of view.
Some people are just heavily reliant on others, it seems as though your girl is heavily reliant on her parents financially, paying for her schooling etc.This isn't by any means a bad thing, but I can see that for her sake, and the sake of her future, she feels she is making the right choice. She stands to lose the potential of making a good future for herself by continuing disobeying her family.
Also, she must be under considerable stress, sneaking about, keeping you a secret. You don't have to worry that much, only just for her sake that her stepdad doesn't find out. Your family probably don't mind the two of you being together.
It could be that in time, she will come back to you once her schooling is finished. Maybe she won't.

In the meantime, concentrate on the avenues you do have, to get into the Navy. Like someone said, you don't necessarily need to be in the thick of things, there are many many different job roles in the Navy that don't always require you to be at sea (I wanted to be in the Navy myself when I was 15 lol). It just depends how much it matters to you what you do in the Navy, or whether you'd rather just be a part of it.

Originally posted by benrl

At some point everyone has to grow up and leave their parents, start making their own way in life.

She's just not ready to do that.....

......but when she is, be there for her and make sure you have a life worth sharing with someone you love.

Good things come to those who wait and work for it while they're waiting.

Just don't make the mistake of sending her mixed messages while it's all happening.

Oh, and if I were you, I'd put the military thing on hold. Finding someone to love is more important than anything else.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


Thats what I'm going to try my best to do..I'm meeting her today so we can talk about things..I'm quite nervous :/

Originally posted by Thesickness
reply to post by Taupin Desciple

 

Thats what I'm going to try my best to do..I'm meeting her today so we can talk about things..I'm quite nervous :/

That's natural. She's probably just as nervous as you are. I try to play these things by ear and go by the body language they put out. If it's welcoming, I talk. If it's not, I walk. Just don't question the negative vibes too much. Maybe she's just having a bad day. Women get moody so try not to read too much into it if she is today. If she really likes you, she'll find a way to keep letting you know that, and if you like her, you'll keep looking for those signs.

Just don't let it consume you night and day. Not healthy or productive.

You can't do anything but move on.

As for the NAVY. You should consider another branch.

But look at the bright side. At least you had and will have another GF. Some people don't even have that pleasure.

But I always say, the most important thing in life is to be sane and healthy. If you have that anything else is a luxury.

reply to post by Thesickness


You are way too young to think you found the ONE. Your girlfriend realizes this and isn't throwing away her future over it. You'd.do better to do likewise. There are PLENTY of girls to meet in college and have fun with. Save the ONE finding for later..like your 30s.

Don't jeopardize your gf's college. Wait until she gets out.