Is being alone the only way to true peace? Deep questions

You just described the social anxiety disorder I had almost my entire life. Currently mid 20's but diagnosed as SAD at age 12. Personally I often wished that I could just be like everyone else, but I was never afforded that luxury. No matter how hard I tried to be social or normal, it never worked. Like the OP stated, its too energy taxing. This was not a choice of mine, but seemed to be forced upon me. This is most likely the reason why I am still a virgin with no intimate contact with a woman let alone a kiss. Attempting to change this fundamental aspect of myself is like a salmon swimming upstream. I never wanted or desired to be alone with social anxiety, its just what happened. Despite this, I am very grateful for the few familial and associate connections I possess. Me attempting to associate with the public usually results in awkward situations.

I always liked to think that people who don't like to be alone are people who don't know themselves, and when you don't know yourself, you are afraid to be alone with that unknown. It's the old concept of "we fear what we don't know".

reply to post by gosseyn


There's a big difference between not wanting to be alone and not being able to be alone though. Wanting to be around others isn't a weakness, it just means you like being around others and not wanting to be alone doesn't mean you'd struggle or hate it or you're too weak-minded or afraid of yourself (as some here have suggested). It just means you delight in being around others, enjoy social interaction, enjoy being close to people.... There is a lot to be learned about yourself from being around others, I'd say just as much as from being alone. There ate things you will never learn about yourself without being around others in the same way that there are things you can only learn by being alone.... No one can say one is more valuable than the other....

this is where knowing the difference between loneliness and solitude comes in handy

Well there is the saying a wise man keeps his own council but all in all I guess it has to come down to confidence. Confidence in yourself and your own opinions and the ability to shrug off negativity. Chow Yun Fat seems calm and peacful in Bullet Proof Monk

reply to post by Archeshnor


Solitude is the act of being alone. Loneliness is not liking it.

I completely disagree, being alone may be productive for certain aspects in life but not for many.
Most people who just went through serious medical procedures die soon after who do not have anyone there for them such as family or friends. Humans crave being with others whether you know or admit it.

You will grow alone and in that growth you will realize how much you are missing without a True loving relationship..

which is good because when you get into a relationship it means more to you and you appreciate it a lot more.

Experience talking here.

I for one wouldn't want to repeat it .. too much wasted time being alone. there is enough time to be alone and in solitude when dead.

Originally posted by ottobot
reply to post by WWu777

 

Well, to answer the title of your thread, I will say this: many people who claim to have found peace have done so through extensive meditation and introspection. So, technically, peace can only be found while alone.

That said, I'm right there with you - I don't like being around people very much at all. They talk too much, and interrupt my thoughts. I think too much and don't talk enough (well, according to other people, anyway).

I would, gladly, be a hermit. I only have one friend, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I don't care about "the night life" or "fitting in" and I don't think twice about going somewhere on my own. The fact of the matter is, I know what I want to do and I've got little time to deal with other people's emotional responses to every single thing.

Now, some would say I'm cold and heartless. Maybe they're right. Or, maybe, they just can't understand what it's like to be an empath. I think you, WWu777, are empathic. This is not to say that you feel everything other people feel, but you understand everything other people feel. And, you always have. This is why it is emotionally and mentally and even physically taxing on you to be around other people.

The good news is that you can learn how to control it. You can shut off that part of your brain that "hears" other people all the time. Just learn to be you, instead of being present with them.

Someone else already posted that the pressure you are feeling is false. This is true. It is pressure you are creating because you are uncomfortable - you see their insecurity, and you project it toward yourself instead of at them. They are insecure inside, and so will judge others who happen to be nearby. There's nothing you can do about this other than to not care.

I know it's hard not to care. But, you've got to learn to see that other people's superficial attitudes and behaviors are just that - false. You can see through their masks. You do not wear the same mask. So, don't pretend to! Be who you are and don't worry about anyone else!

If you like to be alone, be alone. If you feel like being social, be social. Just do what feels right to you, nobody else knows you like you do.

Live free.

I agree that WWu777 is an empath. I, too, consider myself to be an empath. I don't have a lot of friends, but that's fine by me. I have a boyfriend, too, and I just flat out tell him when I need my space. Thankfully, he is very understanding of that.

To WWu777, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I also go to the movies alone sometimes. Who wrote the rule book that said going to the movie theater alone is the wrong thing to do? People will judge you by the quantity of friends you have because it's not "normal." I had an ex that did this to me. He literally said there was something wrong with me because I didn't have a boatload of friends like him. I feel sorry for him because he's overly-concerned with conforming to what society deems "normal." What is normal anyway? (I've started questioning that a lot more lately). Also, I believe that Western society tends to categorize things they don't understand or that don't fit the norm.

As far as going out and feeling drained by people, my sister tells me to just put up a shield, which I find difficult to do (trying to work on this). But I think maybe you should try to put up a shield. She also claims she can drain energy like a previous poster mentioned. I think empaths have the ability to do that if they want to.

reply to post by WWu777


When your alone you miss on a few things..

When you are alone though, you don't have to put up with the millions of bull# problems that other people cause.

Alone you don't have to listen to people's BS, or them rambling on about something they obviously know nothing about. You get to avoid loud annoying know it all type of people. You get to do what you want when you want and don't have to worry about if the other person also wants to do it.

It's because most people are not considerate of others and have no awareness of others around them.

This causes people to distance themselves from other people. More people = more potential problems and conflict of interest.


There is a good balance though. Don't surround yourself with people you can't stand. Try to minimize it to only people you get along with and only people who accept you for what you are. Obviously when working sometimes things are unavoidable but still you can make an effort to be alone more.


I also find that being alone is more peaceful. You always have your best interests in mind then and you can be your true self when you are by yourself without worrying what somebody else might say or how they may judge you.

I love being around people. But also I find that a good majority of people are really annoying to be around because they just are no considerate of others. People need to think of others before themselves when in a social setting...If they did there would be no problems.

reply to post by WWu777


Your opinion differs greatly from mine. I think you need people to achieve true peace. How else would you know peace if there is no tribulations to challenge you? I think without people, if you were to meditate for a hundred years, you would go mad after 1 week. You will feel alone and you will become a lunatic. You will want to invent imaginary friends. You will eventually have no one to challenge what you believe and ultimately will begin to lose memory.

You need people to challenge your way of thinking in order to strengthen yourself. Why do you think people who are put in solitary confinement go mad after a while? No human interaction. No one to share your ideas with, No one to laugh and become emotionally tied to.

Humans are social species and no amount of meditation can change that.

reply to post by WWu777

They drain you, criticize you, judge you, make you feel pressure to act a certain way, give you a feeling of vulnerability,

If you feel that way about them, then get away there not your friends. You just need to chill out and be yourself find a friend that doesn't care what you have or what you can do.

reply to post by WWu777


Not sure if your going to see or read my comment. But after reading this i would love to be able to get in touch with you somehow to speak further about this and possibly to w.o.r.k alongside you on something.

On a separate note i absolutely loved reading this it's so true and i feel this way a lot of the time. It's so sad in a way to see what non-unique people out there have evolved to be these days.

reply to post by WWu777
Sometimes you need to be alone. Sometimes you just want to be alone.

While I would love to spend more time alone, I have a family. I know they need me and want to interact with me.

Is it draining? In a way. But I look at it as a time to learn and grow with other people. I think sometimes situations present themselves where you need to take the social interaction, even if it isn't what you want, because it will help you grow.

You have to figure out when you've done all the social interaction you can take and its time to recharge.

I sometimes spend time day dreaming of being alone in a cabin in the woods. Communing with nature. Living a most likely austere and physically tasking existence, but peaceful. But I can't do that now, I am needed and need to do what I need to do, and that is ok too.

I suspect that some social interaction is necessary and that too much time alone without a well grounded personality, you could start going wacky. At least, that is my hypothesis. In the meanwhile, I take life as it comes and do the best I can with how things are.

I hope you find the peace you are looking for. In the words of Mick Jagger, "you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you'll get what you need."

You guys need a cat or a dog, and you won't feel lonely

Here is a wise observation someone wrote to me about the craving of loneliness:

"The way I see it, all insecurity stems from a fear of being alone. We desire praise and fear ridicule as these things determine our perception of how others view us, which only has power over us if we feel a need for acceptance. This need for acceptance is really our basic human need for contact and interaction with others, only the way in which modern societies are structured has ingrained a social hierarchy by which we evaluate eachother, causing insecurity among people. The more wealth and structure within a society it seems, the more this social hierarchy is prevalent.

Social interaction is like a drug. If you have a lot of it, you will be satisfied. If you have some but not enough of it to satisfy you, you will suffer from craving in the form of loneliness. But, if you completely isolate yourself for an extended period of time (go "cold turkey") you can reach a point where you acquire an obscure, carefree nature which feels blissful and powerful. Then and only then can you not care what others say or think of you, as you've lost the addiction of social acceptance and no longer fear when or if you're getting your next hit."

So true isn't it?

Originally posted by GabriellaStahr
reply to post by WWu777

 

Not sure if your going to see or read my comment. But after reading this i would love to be able to get in touch with you somehow to speak further about this and possibly to w.o.r.k alongside you on something.

On a separate note i absolutely loved reading this it's so true and i feel this way a lot of the time. It's so sad in a way to see what non-unique people out there have evolved to be these days.

Work alongside me in what way? Ok well PM me and let me know what you have in mind.

Originally posted by fixer1967

Originally posted by trollz
It's been a fantasy of mine for a long time to live somewhere in the wilderness away from civilizationon

I feel the same way. I lay awake at night thinking about it some times. I feel I was born a thousand years too late or a thousand years too soon.

I also feel this way. Its funny because I could do it right now, so could you and everyone else who wants to but the chains are still binding us. Maybe they only come off at death? Maybe in another life?

Originally posted by WWu777

I have a question. Even though I consciously like people and like to socialize, I find myself more and more preferring to spend time alone. I don't know why. It's like my conscious wishes and natural inclination are at odds with each other

I haven't read the whole thread but I believe that you have to learn to love and be comfortable with yourself before you can find true peace, for yourself or anybody else.

It's not a question of whether or not you are normal or not, because unless you can deal with your own feelings about yourself, then stay away from people, please!

The world is an odd place and you are not the only being in it. It's all about respect for yourself and others who area also people, too.

It's your universe and our universe. Find a common ground or don't participate.

This part is so true about me.

www.theatlantic.com...

"If I get onto a topic I'm interested in and feel strongly about then it's true that I can get animated and engaged. But I'm not so good at chatting about things like the weather.

Right. The weather's not interesting. But once an introvert gets on a subject that they know about or care about or that intrigues them intellectually, the opposite often takes hold. They get passionately engaged and turned on by the conversation. But it's not socializing that's going on there. It's learning or teaching or analyzing, which involves, I'm convinced, a whole different part of the brain from the socializing part."