Today was my brother's 21st birthday

Originally posted by Vrill
Thanks for the warm wishes. I appreciate it. Sorry if that depressed anyone. I didn't mean for it to.

OP, I am just slightly confused. You said your bro was born in 1989?? He would now be 23. I know you jumped around a lot telling your story, which is understandable due to the circumstances. Did you mean he died when he was 21?? I had a similar situation with my only bro. We were exactly 1 year apart. I always said he would never live past the age of 40. Well, he was found dead 2 months after he turned 41. I can sympathize with you. I did not get to speak with my bro for 2 years before his death. I will have to live with that forever. My heart goes out to you and your family. I am going back now to reread your last 2 entries to your story because I feel like I missed something. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. I myself am not ready to tell mine, as my bro has been deceased for only 2 years and 2 days. ❤💔

You are very patient people.

God bless your patience.

MY point of view : I think you could take it this well because you were poor. Rich people lose their faith much faster than poor people.

You have great spirit. Try to keep it.

I know it took a lot for you to write that all out and hope it helped you on your road to healing. The unconditional love and compassion you've shown for your brother through everything is a direct result of your loving parent's example as well as proof that you are a wonderful big brother and person. You and your siblings are lucky to have such good people on your side.
I had to wait and build myself up to read your post as I knew from the title it would pull at my heart strings. I know all too well the dark and often times overwealming sadness that you feel from thinking and wondering if you could have done more to help him. You just have to keep telling yourself that you did everything you could to help him through his very troubled times, which I truly believe you did.
I lost my baby sister when she was 18. We had been very close growing up as well and had all these things planned for when we were both adults. I can't say our situations are similar but she had been fighting her own demons, eventually her weapon of choice was drugs that completley changed her. I tried everything I could to help her get out of that but to no avail. I got that call from my Mom at 4:06 on a Tuesday 8 years ago. The phone call I will never be able to erase from my mind. I have never been the same, everything looks the same on the outside but part of me is gone forever, I don't know if I'll ever feel whole again. I wish I could tell you that that sadness you feel goes away but it doesn't, it just becomes easier to handle. For myself at least, and hopefully in time for you as well, the happy memories of your beloved brother will outweigh the darker ones. When you think of him you will remember the good times first and foremost. Just a year or maybe two ago something changed and although I still tear up and feel like I'm suffocating I can now smile when I remember her, remembering the happy childhood we had together instead of the dreadful incidents that led up to her death.
I also celebrate her birthday every year, I find it helps me and I like to think that when I do she is looking down at me and smiling, happy that I can still find joy out of celebrating her life.
My heart goes out to you and although I don't know you I pray that in time your sadness will be overshadowed with happy memories that make you smile.
Peace and Love

So sorry for your loss OP.
losing a loved one is very painful for the ones left behind.
the pain seems to never go away, personally I think you just get used to it.
but what I have experienced is that once I calmed down (it took me a long time), my loved one started to visit me in my dreams. now I see him so much in my dreams I take it for granted that he is still around.

my prayers go out to you and your family. Time will help. Cherish the memories.

Originally posted by j.r.c.b.

Originally posted by Vrill
Thanks for the warm wishes. I appreciate it. Sorry if that depressed anyone. I didn't mean for it to.

OP, I am just slightly confused. You said your bro was born in 1989?? He would now be 23. I know you jumped around a lot telling your story, which is understandable due to the circumstances. Did you mean he died when he was 21?? I had a similar situation with my only bro. We were exactly 1 year apart. I always said he would never live past the age of 40. Well, he was found dead 2 months after he turned 41. I can sympathize with you. I did not get to speak with my bro for 2 years before his death. I will have to live with that forever. My heart goes out to you and your family. I am going back now to reread your last 2 entries to your story because I feel like I missed something. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. I myself am not ready to tell mine, as my bro has been deceased for only 2 years and 2 days. ❤💔

Yes sorry. I was drunk off my ass when I wrote that. A lot of it likely didnt make much sense. My apologies for any mistakes.

Thanks again everyone for the good wishes. I really do appreciate it.

My deepest condolences for your loss.

This was a very moving post, OP, I don't know what I would do in such a situation but I assure you that my choices would most likely not have been as good as yours. I think you are a great, standup guy and I hope that time will help ease this wound and that your family can recover from it. I wish I had some good words of wisdom to help enstill some form of something in you as you did for me but I don't at this time. All I can do is give my best wishes to you and yours and a big thank you for sharing. I know Michael would be happy knowing how much you still care.

reply to post by Vrill

You poor dear, I wish very much that there was a way to send a hug electronically.

I lost one of my younger sisters in April, so I truly know how you feel and the loss is an almost unbearable sadness. All I can say is that I honestly feel your pain, and sometimes just knowing that you aren't alone in your grief helps enormously.

I'm told it eventually gets easier, though I'm still waiting for that to happen.

Lots of love to you and your family.

I thank you for posting this. And though it is a hard story to tell, it makes you, feel better, and it broadens the worlds views and subject not aquired by them. I thank you for your post, i will feel for you, your family, and your decesed brother.

OP I hope you cheer up
all your actions show that you love your brother and every decision you made was out of love
so even if this tragedy happened you did all you could based on all the information you had at the moment

Originally posted by Vrill

Originally posted by j.r.c.b.

Originally posted by Vrill
Thanks for the warm wishes. I appreciate it. Sorry if that depressed anyone. I didn't mean for it to.

OP, I am just slightly confused. You said your bro was born in 1989?? He would now be 23. I know you jumped around a lot telling your story, which is understandable due to the circumstances. Did you mean he died when he was 21?? I had a similar situation with my only bro. We were exactly 1 year apart. I always said he would never live past the age of 40. Well, he was found dead 2 months after he turned 41. I can sympathize with you. I did not get to speak with my bro for 2 years before his death. I will have to live with that forever. My heart goes out to you and your family. I am going back now to reread your last 2 entries to your story because I feel like I missed something. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. I myself am not ready to tell mine, as my bro has been deceased for only 2 years and 2 days. ❤💔

Yes sorry. I was drunk off my ass when I wrote that. A lot of it likely didnt make much sense. My apologies for any mistakes.

Thanks again everyone for the good wishes. I really do appreciate it.

I thought you wrote your story out very well, considering the circumstances. I too have lost my sibling, I know I couldn't write my story out as well as you have. It's a very upsetting thing. I hope you feel slightly better getting it off your chest. You're probably feeling some guilt, same as myself. We did everything for our siblings the best we knew how. More importantly, they knew we loved them. The only solace I feel is knowing I will see him again one day. Again, my heart goes out to you & your family. ❤❤

Vrill, My heart goes out to you. I wrote a thread the other day titled " Trying to come to terms with somthing that took place in my neighborhood". About my neighbors 13 yr old, ending his own life the 25th of June. I allmost could not make it through reading your thread. It nearly broke my heart to read the shear amount of love you & your family had for your brother. The amount of pain he must have been in. The loss you all feel. The emptyness.

That thread I wrote was just me being selfish searching for answers for me to be ok. I cannot imagine the loss of a loved one to suicide. I wish you & your family the best from here on out. The act that took place at my neighbors has opened my eyes to a hugh problem in this world with suicide. I hope you alll find peace, love and a sense of understanding, eventually. My your days be long and filled with hope & joy. See you on the boards. OYM P.S If you would u2u me as I would like to donate a few dollars to my local suicide prevention org in your brothers name. My way of giving a little belated b-day present. If I have your permission. I would be honored if you let me.

Hey guys, I really appreciate the responses.

Unfortunately this stuff isn't going to end there apparently. My sister got out, but with so much drama involved I don't know when/if I can forgive her - there is a whole story there, but the crap she has left on my parents is infuriating.

Last night I got a call in the middle of the night again - I'm starting to develop a paranoia after all of these midnight phone calls from home. I panic when I see "mom" pop up on my ID. My cousin shot himself last night. I was not close to him - in fact while I cared for him I didn't particularly like him. Him and my little brother were VERY close, and I didn't like some of the stuff he was into when my little bro followed in his footsteps. I do like his dad, and my mom was very close to him as well. They came and stayed with us most summers, and my mom looked after them for about 6-8 weeks of the year on various visits. My family was at the beach, with my uncle (his dad) and his sister and nephew. They were supposed to head home today, and got the call last night. My mom is a wreck, and I'm really worried - first 3 years of hell, then losing her son to suicide, then my sister losing it, and now her nephew that she was very close too. She's going back to South Carolina with them - my dad is taking my niece and nephew home so they don't have to go through this again. Apparently this has been an issue for years, but we didn't know about it, and he had been particularly bad this week. His ex, coc aine addict girlfriend found out she is pregnant, and he didn't know if it was his yet or not. I guess between that, the constant alcohol and depression, and losing my brother it just sent him over the edge as well.

Is this a chain? Do we just keep losing the next most depressed person as the loss becomes too much? Seriously what the hell? Two of my bro's friends were in a car accident the week after my bro shot himself - at least one of them died. Someone else in that age group was in a car accident this weekend and didn't make it. My cousin was in SC, but all of these others live in my hometown - a town of about 6,000.

Very sad to know what you, your brother and family have been through. My heartfelt condolences.

I have 2 sons - 3 3/4 years apart. My older son (born in '86) was so happy to get a brother and looked out for him and set a great example, like you did for your brother. They are best friends and I can imagine we would all be basket cases if what happen to your family happened to us.

You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can focus on happy, loving memories and not the tragic stuff.

Originally posted by caladonea
reply to post by Vrill

 

I just got through reading your thread and my heart and soul go out to you. The love between you and your brother lives on; that never dies. I like the fact that you celebrated his birthday. I think you are a good brother who did the best he could at all those times.

Ditto, I have a younger brother, I know that feeling, you want to protect him no matter what...my brother is going through depression but thankfully I have managed to get him around my kids which has helped.

It was kind of the other way around for my family, very poor as well, in fact just surviving now but I am not complaining, poverty teaches you lessons that people can't learn from anywhere else, it humbles you.

I suffered severe head injuries, I was attacked with a vehicle steering lock, 8 odd times, brain damage etc. Took me a long time to recover, I still have my demons, I can relate to that torment but I think I am getting there...at least my family helped.

But I have my dark days...thank you for your post, refreshing to read something real.

Thanks for sharing your memories of your brother with us' after reading your story yesterday i called my little brother, who I am mad at and have not talked to him in years he is also a miserable drunk. I told him that I missed my little brother and love him very much and my actions toward him in the past was because i was scared that he was losing control and drinking to much.. He has a Blood dis-order like me Hemochromatosis ( is too much iron in the body. It is also called iron overload.) This can kill you. he refuses to take my word to go to my doctor who is one of the top hematologist in the country. his wife is a nurse at a elderly home and said he fine. I was just being a big bro and looking out for him.. well turns out i am right he has full blown hemo and has a bad liver for it. So now he is coming to my house next week and my doctor is checking him out. His doctor said nothing can be done. BS I will save my little brother life thanks to your story





reply to post by Vrill

9 years ago I lost my BIL. Now he may have not been blood, but he was like my own brother. We were thick as thieves. He loved me more than his own brother, my husband.

We lost him to a drug overdose. It is not always clean like you see in the movies, I will never forget the smell of his room as long as I live.

when you lose your parents, you are an orphan, when you lose your spouse, you are a widow. But there is no name for losing a sibling.

But siblings are the most important people of your life. Studies show you learn more from your siblings than from your parents. You get dating tips, you learn to negotiate, fight, compromise, etc.

they are the only ones who know what it is like to be you growing up.

My husband was never the same after losing his brother, who was the only person who could get through his dipolar episodes an calm him. Though he was younger, he protected my husband his whole life.

one thing that I have a major problem with in American society is that you are not allowed to grieve. You get three days off work and that is it.

A year and a half ater my BIL death, my husband remembered something and broke down and cried. People around us asked why and when i told them,they said...still??

a year and a half is NOTHING when it comes to grief like that.

I have a coworker who suffered teh worst of tragedies, she lost her daughter. She took 6 months off work. Another coworker recently commented that was way too long.

This was her child for crying out loud. You would hear me on the 5 oclcok news that I threw myself off the Bay bridge if anything happened to my tot.

anyways, my point is that I am glad you are getting it out. Thank you for sharing your story. ANd I am very very sorry this happened to you.

Though words can never heal that gaping wound.

and I too, will never forget the painful wail of my MIL when she found out. I don't care to ever hear that again.

reply to post by prisonnumberw50754


Im glad I could help