Trying to come to terms with something that took place in my neighborhood.

People grieve in such different ways-it's all OK and never wrong, and nobody should ever shut another out when a person opens up. But they do. Just as people shouldn't take their own lives [IMO], but they do. Problems arise when people concern themselves with either their own, or others perceptions of what might be right and/or wrong.
Acceptance is what we need, and without it [some] people will always feel as though they have failed in some way.

People always say that children are resilient, and they are, but not only to the subject at the moment. Children are also young and don't comprehend much about living beyond the moment. If adults can't get beyond some things, how can we expect this from a child who generally live in the moment. I think parents of suicide carry a lot of guilt and might never stop wondering why, was it something they did, how could they have prevented this. It's only natural for parents to think this way, because we are responsible for our children, however parents need to understand that their children don't see things the way we do and most of us [adults] forgot what it was like to be a kid.

reply to post by openyourmind1262


A sad story. It's nice to see that people in the world can actually care about each other without having to be that close to the person.

I couldn't give you an explanation of suicide, it differs for each person. Perhaps there were things happening that we didn't know about in their family, like (god forbid) molestation or something unpleasant like that and he just couldn't live it down.

Upsetting story anyway, sympathy goes out to his family and friends.

Strange that he was so young to go about doing that, but we never really knew what a young person is going through. Many of them can be more mature for their age and realize and feel things that we figure they couldn't. Maybe he figured his family wouldn't understand something that happened or that was going on. Maybe he asked for help and his family got angry?

Any way, people have all kind of assumptions about this "life" and swear that "death" is a bad thing. What do any of us really know, enough that we can order others to stay put here on Earth like animals? For all we know, people who die or kill themselves are doing themselves a favor somehow. If he was suffering, who is anyone to say it would have stopped?

People are too quick to judge and want to enforce their will on others. That is my belief, however much others will disagree. I wouldn't have a child in today's messed up society. It's just not worth it, unless you live in a bubble. This world is a violent place, and the future is bleak.

reply to post by verschickter


I wished I had the time to respond to each and every one of you who posted such supporting words, Such good advice. But I picked this one, I do not deserve this, I have done nothing to deserve this. My actions with the young folks who I have came in contact with in my time as a father, was just me being me. No more no less.

When it comes to our youth, they are our future. They will take the reins of all this mess and either clean it up or tear it all down. I read this evening that some one commits suicide every 30 seconds world wide, there's even a forest in Japan that is used for just that purpose. How horrible is that?

I will take and use the advice I have gotten here, I was wrong when I said I don't think it will do any good. It has. Support from strangers that care & shared their own stories of such a senseless act. I applaud each and every one of you. I will talk with this family when the time is right, I will support them, I will cry with them, because in this no one is ever gonna be the same.

I do thank you for your gesture, I do not deserve it. I would emplore you to find a more suitable person to pin with this honer. I am just a man, a father, a husband. There's nothing special about me. I hope I find more time tomorrow so I can respond to others, it;s important for me to do that. Saying thanks, is one of those thing that seems to be going the way of the dinosaur.. Hold your kids tight, let em know you love them. You just never know when the end will come.

If any of you can afford it, send a dollar or two to suicide prevention. It could save a life..... a really young life.

reply to post by openyourmind1262


Bro, suicide sucks.

I lost my brother 2 days prior to christmas a couple of years ago. Caught his wife shagging their sons male nurse...

This was about the 6th time. I still wonder about foul play but cant prove it.

Wait till the "pissed off" stage hits. its a doozy.

I've pretty much settled to the ambivalent " that goofy bastard, what the hell was he thinking" stage.

At least it doesnt hurt as much any more.

reply to post by MRuss


Mruss, I have been pondering life & death for years. Our life is short, way to short. I can honestly say if this death would have been an adult, I don't think it would have hit the way it has. The fact I have grown children that have went way past the age of 13. He was 13 years old, I still and probally allways will have a problem with the age of which this young man decided to end his life.

I sit and wonder about the 5 year old brother, how is his life gonna be now? Will he grow up with shame? Will he blame himself? Did he see all this? My heart goes out to him. So much sadness in that home certainly will have an adverse affect on that 5 year old. Thanks for the support, it really does help.

reply to post by ScatterBrain


That last paragraph you wrote should be splattered all over billboards nationwide. Nothing is more true, nothing . Some parents, dont parent. They prescribe.

Why did the young man hang himself? it's not clear from the initial post.

reply to post by Asktheanimals


I agree with you about not reliving my teenage years. They were hard, I would'nt want to be todays youth. all the options they have. All the info they have readily available via the net. Alot easier these days to make the wrong decision and choose the wrong path. Which means parenting is all that MORE important. It seems to me that my generation was just more thick skinned, more willing to let it slide off our backs, bullying & such.

I went thru 12 years of school, I knew 1 (one) person who took their own life. Did not know this person well, but we shared classe's. Todays youth arent that lucky. My son & daughter have dealt with this 4 times in 4 years of high school. I am just thank full it was'nt one of their really close friends.

There's no one to blame here. Just folks who need support, you folks on here have let me know, I'm normal, I am so glad I posted this. I can't tell you all how much just reading these post's have helped. I hope theirs a parent out there with a kid at risk, that reads all this then shares it with their child, and I hope that risk dwindles away.

reply to post by masterp


My friend, thats the 64 thousand dollar question. It has no answer. It only raises more questions.

reply to post by PatriotAct


True. But at the same time the forever locked their loved ones in a prison of why? Their families arent in a better place. Suicide is never the answer.

reply to post by openyourmind1262


Well, I feel like you. I don´t know what this medal is for in RL. Another user posted it in my thread because of my action but when I read your affords, I feel like you deserve it more then me. Well, the admins did not delete it in my thread yet. You did more then you think being yourself. I was just myself too when I intervened. If you find someone who was just himself, you can reach it further. Kind of an wander pokal, thats the german pronouncing but I think it reflects the idea.

Anyway, don´t stop being a unfamiliar father (I hope I got that right)

reply to post by openyourmind1262


Wow I am truly sorry for his family. If I can offer a little insight, Suicide is one of the deepest darkest depths of your mind that you get stuck in. It is one of the most horrible feelings and normally someone feels like this for a period of time.. That period of time is spent by lOokibg for a reason to live because for whatever reason they feel their ground was ripped out from underneath them. One thing that helps is to have someone to talk to, to express how they feel. These feelings you get inside are deadly bottled up inside. I speak from experience I always found my reason because there was always someOne there who was simply just willing to listen. This is a terrible thing that affects so many people once it's committed. And I say committed because you actually have to make a decision to end your life and to actually go through with it is to commit to it in your heart and know the consequences of the decision. Most people just need someone to talk to. There was probably nothing you could have done yourself..so don't beat yourself up over it all you can do is take this experience and know the signs and if you ever come across this again you know what to do. My condolences

Condolences to the family who lost their child, sometimes things come about that effect us because we are ready to be affected by them.

OP it was just your time to be affected by something that made you think how much things mean to you.

When dealing with suicidal thoughts I can say that it is truly overwhelming and very painful, it is more painful than any physical pain one can endure.
It is like you are in a fire with such intense heat and you see a window that you can jump out of but the window is 50 stories high, either way it is death but people jump.

People who think suicide is weak way out just don't know the severity of the pain.
The cure, a split second because that is the difference it takes to choose not to jump.
And then a year from that date the pain will have receded enough to know it would have been a split second irreversible mistake.

For the parents, acknowledge them and the loss of their child and let them know your thoughts. Even if it's a card you mail. They will be in a haze and may not respond but in time they will remember those who made an effort of sympathy for the loss of their son.

reply to post by mysteryskeptic


Thank you, I spoke to them for a short spell . I told them that we as neighbors & friends will be here for them no matter what they need. My wife & I agreed that the state there in right now, there's really nothing more we can do as time will tell when their ready to speak longer or have dinner or cook out.

My wife has keep me sane during all this as I still can't fathom the age. I read that thread , titled Today's my brothers 21st b-day. And I just can't find the words to post in that thread. I may tonight. Again thanks

Hello All, Today is the 19th July and I have an update of sorts. I sopke with my neighbor at length over the last two days. We cried, then we cried some more. I was told the whole story. It was heartbreaking hearing it. But hearing the facts from the parents was was an eye opening expereince. Beleive me.

They let me know this was a mental health issue, and had been for quite awhile.His mom told me that they left home at 12:30(noon). Simply went to the grocery store right up the road, the father found him at 1:08 pm. She said he must have done it as soon as they left. He left a note, about 4 sentences long. More of an apology she said.

They told me the first time he ever wrote a suicide was when he was 11 years old! The first time he ever mentioned it he was 9 years old. That's 4th grade. They told me it was not really a matter of "if" but a matter of "when". As they said you can't be there every second of every day iimprisoning your child in your fear he will do somthing bad. They don't understand it, they said at the time this took place things had been great for a pretty long time, no signs this would happen.

I let them know my feelings and the manner in which it hit me. I let them know my regret was I did'nt get to know him better. I made a promise that the 5 year old will get to know me & my family. So one day when that little guy is growing into a man. I can say son, Ive known you since you were that tall, stay on the right path and pursue your dreams and desires.

My wife & I let them know we want bend to the stigma of suicide. Our neighborhood will heal, it will take us all doing the doctoring, but we will heal and be better folks for. Let em know if you need us were here. Need to cry, shout, scream. yell come get me I'll join ya. I will this Sat , when their not home, cut down that tree. I have a friend that does that chainsaw sculpting, I plan on having him do somthing with it, so it's a reminder of the beautiful young man & not (the tree). Thanks all who replied, you all helped me & my neighbors more than you could ever imagine. OYM1262.