So your single? You can’t possibly be normal.

For what it's worth mate, I'm 21 - a few weeks away from 22... and i've been single all my life haha. But for different reasons i guess.

Through school and high school, relationships were for the popular kids, and i just accepted my status as single. With the years, it had become more and more of a lost cause, as i focused on other things in my life. Anything was really more important than a relationship. haha.

Every time i attempt to date women or look for anything, simply feels forced. Family justifies it by saying "you haven't found the right one", co-workers justify it by saying "you're young, have fun, take girls out, no stress, etc" (which seems pointless to me), yet
I took a girl i liked for the first time late last year, and i felt happy momentarily, but mostly - i really didn't feel like i could hold such a commitment as having to worry about someone.
I took another girl out, and it was such a half hearted effort - and i'm assuming she could sense it.
A girl wanted to see me last weekend - i called in sick.
Another 2 girls want to see me this weekend coming, but i've told one that i don't know what i'm doing yet (probably nothing, and may cancel it) and the other i haven't replied.

And to be honest, i have a few other commitments atm. I'm a workaholic, and i don't see myself using what very little time i have to myself on them! I've got a couple of really good mates, and go for drives with them, hang out, etc.

Too Long; Didn't Read: I seriously can't be bothered, i have more fun with my mates. Went skydiving a while back... going for my motorbike licence, getting tattoos done. I really don't want to have to go out of my way.
Unless someone like me just pops up in my face - which mainstream society says "won't happen".
It's like an annoying monthly scheduled reminder pop up asking you to update your antivirus. haha
My dad tells me i need a girlfriend. It builds up my hatred for them, and relationships!

You're not alone OP

reply to post by Cyprex


Wow! All 10 answers are me to a kilt! I've also had a battle with acne scars since I was 13 and this DESTROYED my self esteem. I knew subconciously (sp)? that girls would not go out with me when I tried to date them because of this problem....

Personality test results
Ta-dah, your personality type is INFJ!

Introverted (I) 86% Extraverted (E) 14%
Intuitive (N) 64% Sensing (S) 36%
Feeling (F) 65% Thinking (T) 35%
Judging (J) 59% Perceiving (P) 41%


I guess this be me!

Portrait of an INFJ - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Protector

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.


Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxiliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

Originally posted by 74Templar
reply to post by hotel1

 

In some regards, yes. I have friends who are happily married though, yet they just seem to subconciously throw women they know at me all the time. Maybe it's the opposite, that they are thinking I'm miserable not being like them.

My man, having single women thrust at you constantly is not a bad way to live your life especially if you are happy being single.

Most people in relationships are jealous of single people because they fell for a hollywood pipe dream of happily ever after. No such thing, being single can be tough but relationships are harder. I was single for years at a time and then in long term relationships. Im not single anymore but thats by choice, I certainly wouldnt push anybody to be with anybody else unless they were a couple that made each other better people.

There is not right or wrong way to it. If you are happy thats all that matters.

better to be single and happy than married and miserable. and trust me there are a lot of miserable married people out there.

Just to add some perspective....being introverted doesn't mean incapable of relationships or less attractive.

It takes all sorts in this world and often a certain type will be better suited with another type for a reality check or grounding or routine because they need such a person to counteract or complement their own personlity types.

My MBPT type is Extrovert but sometimes I choose to be more introverted and not interact with certain groups, like on the school run because my experience of other mothers on the school run is that they are bitchy, and I don't do or need bitchy.

Some people excel in certain situations and introverted people often find their niche in a more relaxed setting, like meetings for their interests or hobbies, even if it's bird watching alone in a field, they could meet somebody.

Basically don't lose hope just because of how you percieve yourself or others. There are decent people in this world, despite the fact it might appear otherwise so often.

Originally posted by apushforenlightment

Originally posted by 74Templar
reply to post by corvuscorrax

 

More of an observation than a fact. I have to say that mindset is not something I condone nor want to be like.

I have had female friends tell me the good guy (or doormat) is not the guy they want, and that sometimes even they go for the bad boy that acts that way. And that's coming from them, not me.

From my point of view a few theories: It is because they want the challange and being able to have an interesting emotional life. Maybe it is also because they are bored. That is the price you pay when they have it to easy and do not need to struggle enought in life. If they lived a life where everyday was a struggle to survive then the bad boy charm would have dissapered quickly.

I have a sister that makes all the wrong choices. Seems she likes mentaly unhealthy guys and you cannot fix her whatever you say. She have had a few scare her for a while so she keep away from it but after a while it is the same kind of people she chooses. When someone is good for her she kicks them to the curb. The nice one is boring so I dumped him to be with the alchoholic player that is so much fun. And then after a few months she is pissed of because the alchoholic player still do not want to commit and still plays her. It is like battered wifes. They are addicted to the missery and you cant help people who do not want to be helped.

From a female perspective, that has endured some unhealthy relationships (when younger, I have since learned my lesson on this), it isn't a liking of misery.

It is the fact that some men are attractive for alpha male purposes, it's a physical and chemical reaction, they make all the signs of being an attractive mate, height, looks, confidence, testosterone etc and are often much more loving and affectionate than average guys, but it's when they can't control their temper or emotions that is the issue, and the woman can't figure how the sweet guy she knows suddenly flipped, blaming herself or making excuses.

Also some women are scared of commitment too and sometimes a guy like this can suit her needs for a while as she knows he doesn't really want to commit deep down despite saying all the right things.

It's complex psychology and a lot of it is natural chemical reactions, just like animals. The Laws of attraction apply to humans. If only there was a way of assessing people, their suitability as a partner and long term inclinations it would be easier, like an ingredients list on a food packet, good natured 60%, inclined to violence 0%, mysoginist 0%, monogamous 80% etc

reply to post by theabsolutetruth

and they say you can define life as a chemical reaction . now you want a label on it were dooooooommmmed

I've honestly never had a girlfriend for more than a month or so. Relationships always seemed stupid to me. They tend to complicate things with me at least. To quote Jack Burton "Sounds great, but you know. Eventually I rub everyone the wrong way.".

And not having serious relationships hasn't stopped me from getting what I really want, which at this age(24) its pretty easy to guess.

reply to post by TiM3LoRd
At least you seem to have got the point of my post, unlike the other person who replied. Kudos to you

Originally posted by ThisIsNotReality

Originally posted by hotel1
Your single status to your coupled friends who try to hook you up with other singles represents doubts they have about their own relationship status. They see you as you are and then begin to question there lives, for others you appearing to be happy in your single state makes them angry as they beleive you should be as miserable as they are.

Your views are as narrow-minded as the ones of people you describe in your post, such a shame really.

You must be an unhappy single? Those unhappy singles always project their being unhappy on couples that try to help singles. Makes as much sense as what you suggest here doesn't it?

I'm in a relationship, and though I, nor anyone else, can say if it will last, etc... I'm very happy. I don't try to match singles though but I do feel you're trying to suggest that if I'm not trying to match singles, deep down inside I must still be angry too because I'm so jealous of single people?

This is how it is; even in the animal kingdom, some animals seek a connection with another animal, while others don't. This is the simple reality, nobody is the same, many people that are in a relationship don't want to lose it. Many for wrong reasons, but there are examples, like me, that only do it for the love they get out of it. I have a very healthy relationship, we don't exchange gifts to show our love for each other, we give each other a kiss and a hug and we're doing better than the bozos that think they need to spend half a K on their partner's birthday present.

Second, there are the people that feel they're doing a good deed, and when not told they aren't, they will keep on believing they're doing a good thing. You see, if you don't like what people are trying to do for you, you can also just say it, you know, like "I appreciate your efforts but I don't need your help".

Some people fall in love, experienced the immense joy it brings, and hope to bring said joy to other people too. It's not because their intentions are misunderstood they must be really unhappy in their relationship, what utter garbage... I'm sure there are couples like the ones you suggest, but to go and say all couples that try to match singles are like that, ridiculous, sorry. Love is a beautiful thing that can be experience as an individual, but in the first place it is found in a relationship (not necessarily a sexual one), like mother and child. Some people think, sometimes correctly, that singles don't experience this love, and want to help them.

YOU do not appreciate the help, nor does the OP, but do you seriously believe every single person is happy and hates trying to get set up???? I'm 100% sure some people are DYING to find love and and equally sure some people have found it with the help of others.

Your generalizations are really, really sad. If only some people would take the time to look at the other side of EVERY medal they encounter in life, things would be so much easier

But no, everything is bad, no exceptions.





@ OP; I can completely understand how you feel. I am relatively young and there is no way to tell if my relationship will last or not, I hope it does, and so does my girlfriend, and I know we are both prepared to work when the relationship needs fixing.

I'm nut suggesting you didn't give fixing a try, I'm sure you did, and I'm equally sure that no matter how much you want to fix something, it won't work if your partner doesn't share this idea. Some people get rid of a car the second it breaks down, they immediately go looking for a replacement. Others try to fix it, or have it fixed, they have enough of a "connection" with the car that for them, it is worth getting fixed, there may be some problems, but unless it's a total wreck, there's nothing that can't be fixed.

I don't go and buy a new car the second my current one breaks down, why should I? I'd have to learn how it works etc... all over again which is pointless to me.

Now, before someone starts thinking I see my partner as a car, I don't

But we've had plenty of problems, luckily nothing wrecking yet, but enough serious fixes have occurred, and they worked. Every new partner means; a new character, new preferences, new ideas, new conflicts,... that all need time to get adjusted to, time to fix,...

And at times, I do confess, I wonder what it would be like to be single again, but I don't long for it, because choices were made, and as with everything in life, there may come a time to re-evaluate those choices, but when everything works, why try to change it? I applaud your choice and that of other singles! As long as they applaud mine, I don't see why I should bother anyone unless they require it. (as I said earlier, some people do want help)

You are completely off on all of your eroneous assumptions about me, and I might add that assuming you can tell such a lot from a few lines of text is folly

reply to post by 74Templar

Oh I'm sure being single is not so abnormal as that, in fact if its not in the norm percentage then its not all that far off. And everybody was single at some time. And given the way things are going I think it will become the majority in the future and relationships as we know them may just one day become the minority. In fact a lot of it if you look back and really think about it is nothing more then constructs, as in pressures mostly societal to conform to certain patterns. Which makes sense in a lot of way's and for a lot of reasons, even for something as simple as we would not want to have to many males running around with to much time on there hands, as things may start getting a bit to free.

That and I think the more important thing is that its a lot easier to handle yourself and all your emotions and hangups and everything else then it is to go about it with somebody else. It does make things more complicated, when there is more then one to the equation in your life. Simple reasons no doubt but there are the more complicated ones as well, which I will not go into as I think they are obvious at least to me, and so they should be to everybody else as well. And really you would be surprised how much of it is just basically learned behavior, that is a lot of this pairing up or hooking up is basically learned by watching others and copying or its installed by society and parents even TV.

Which I suppose is one of many reasons why we see that more likely then not if your parents marriage did not work and it lead to fireworks, well then somewhere deep down that will stick into the operating system of those who were witness to the whole thing, ie the children. And really its just the fact that "like breeds like" and its a chain that propagates itself in its likeness down the line. And down that line they to will come to the same nexus as there parents.

That and given the fact that I personally don't date, and try to avoid it as its a headache. But dam it's a jungle out there when you do try to do that scene. No joke, last time I tried was in January I did not get far at all, in fact went nowhere. I actually just joined one of them dating sites and only sent one girl a request or whatever. Waited for about 3 weeks as she said she is busy in her profile, but then my thing got erased. So ya! I got the picture.

Oh and the characters that are out there. Man I don't know what it is, but I put my profile search to more of a family type of thing, and it gave me that alright. I think it pretty much just gave me matches that had the word family in it. And lets just say it was interesting, one girl in her profile it started out with something like.

"I do not want long term dating, I do not want a family, I just want to #, so get that right and I am tired of guys not getting that, and please do not send me picks of your **** But I do expect to be wined and dinned and romanced" And I was like OK, your pretty dam hot but next one.

And the next one was something along the lines of, "I have a family, I have kids, I have a loving husband, I have my own place and all that, and I am just looking for a good time. This is the 10th time and I am tired of people not getting that" The chick looked like your average everyday woman to.

And I got a bunch more like that all with the same sort of theme and message, and all of that was keyed with the word "family" in my matches. Sh*t one chick I clicked on that it linked me, well it started pretty normal but then at the end of reading her profile it got pretty freaky, and she even said that if you date her then you have to date her friend as well, who was in her profile picture...So I don't know! I guess it was a two for one deal or something. And in my book one females = big headache. Two females = 10 times the headache and hassle.

And there were more like that or with a bit different theme in there profile. There were even some like what seemed to be normal chicks on there, but after scooping it a while it just seemed like they just liked the attention more so then they were actually serious for anything even when they said differently, they seemed like some sort of serial daters to me, and all kinds of other stuff I wont be going into. But ya it's a jungle out there and that ain't even half the sh*t. So I decided to give up, maybe I will try again on a latter date, some other year.

But I feel ya bro, much less hassle, headache, and way dam cheaper to be single, and seeing as I ain't really popular with the ladies, or all that much in the money. I think! and for me at least! that this whole thing has always been nothing but problems, upon problems, staying single may not be possible for me in the long run, but I sure as hell enjoy my time while it lasts. And to hell with what people think.