I need a little help

I'm living with my elderly grandfather who has Dementia, Alzheimers and Parkinsons.
I've never really seen the effects until lately, or at least what I think might be it, but i'm never really certain.
The reason i'm making this thread is because just moments ago he called me to come downstairs and then said
"I told these 4 guys to go away" and pointed into the empty room. I looked at him and said,
"i'll take care of it, you go to sleep", I gave him a hug and he just walked off to bed.

Or saying the neighbours painted the fence this morning and it's the same as it ever was.

Or saying look at all those people in the cul-de-sac, look at all the cars etc... Just random things like that.
And it's weird because moments after it's like he can have a normal conversation

I have no experience with this sort of thing. The very first thing I noticed him do was he was sitting in his chair,
he'd look over to the empty chair, say something and go back to watching TV.

Or when he sleeps, sometimes he screams in horror, and for the first time this week he was laughing in his dream.

I can honestly say it's the first time i've ever actually been worried for him.
He's the man. I remember a time when we raced on foot, and now he has a hard time getting in and out of the car.

These slow deteriorations that I witness are very painful to watch. Are they normal?

I had a patient here at work who was like that.

Her stay ended when she began thinking she worked there at the facility. She beat the boss for telling her she was a resident.

In the past the patient was in the same line of work. and was a figure of authority.

reply to post by yourmaker


According to a study I read two days ago Alzheimer's could be due to excessive cholesterol levels in the elderly. How is his diet?
Cholesterol Levels Linked to Brain Changes

reply to post by yourmaker


Dont worry..that happens to all of us when we get older. Enjoy being with him!! I wish both of you happiness!!


PS- Make sure everything is off before going to bed..such as the stove..etc..

reply to post by Apollo7


Not true. neither of my grandparents had that when they died. Hell grandfather was still beating the # outta people 1/4 his age

Sounds like you are a great grandson. The way you thought to say "I'll take care of it" when he was confused was very smart/kind. You will develop strategies for comforting him through this/dealing with these kinds of situations, I am confident.

There is no reply that anyone can say to fix things. I can just say that you are a good person for being by his side though this. The cycle of life can def. seem cruel sometimes. On one hand a slow deterioration seems horrible, but on the other hand, it's almost like a gradual/gentler transition away from this reality (perhaps this is assuming/naive thinking). At times it will be very hard -- he will be frightened or confused. For my grandmother-in-law, it was a gradual departure. Her personality shone through even near the end of her time with Alzheimer's. However, when people in this situation physically pass on, it's almost like their souls have already departed (it's almost like they have evaded physical death -- maybe I am odd for thinking this way).

The counterpoint to a slow elderly deterioration would be to imagine being younger/in the prime of your life, to be in an inescapable situation (a truck flying at you in your rearview, whatever grim situation). Honestly I think that moment of clarity/hyper-awareness in that phase of one's life, knowing it's all about to end in an instant... I don't think it would be any better than a more gradual elderly exit.

Maybe the experience first-hand would change my mind.

Stay strong for him, be patient, know that the situation will not last forever. You are doing right.

Originally posted by TheLieWeLive
reply to post by yourmaker

 

According to a study I read two days ago Alzheimer's could be due to excessive cholesterol levels in the elderly. How is his diet?
Cholesterol Levels Linked to Brain Changes

his diet isn't what it used to be, would you say that the possibility is there that the effects would be sped up by a poor diet as of late?

he used to make all kinds of stuff for himself but lately he's lost an interest in all of it except for a few things like apples or ham/egg sandwiches etc.. my relatives have him drinking diet supplement Ensure milkshakes,
like 8 a day.. and he's not drinking coffee anymore. and he doesn't like to drink water.. that's probably key in releasing a lot of toxins or whatever in the brain I suppose.. ugh.

Originally posted by AkumaStreak
Sounds like you are a great grandson. The way you thought to say "I'll take care of it" when he was confused was very smart/kind. You will develop strategies for comforting him through this/dealing with these kinds of situations, I am confident.

There is no reply that anyone can say to fix things. I can just say that you are a good person for being by his side though this. The cycle of life can def. seem cruel sometimes. On one hand a slow deterioration seems horrible, but on the other hand, it's almost like a gradual/gentler transition away from this reality (perhaps this is assuming/naive thinking). At times it will be very hard -- he will be frightened or confused. For my grandmother-in-law, it was a gradual departure. Her personality shone through even near the end of her time with Alzheimer's. However, when people in this situation physically pass on, it's almost like their souls have already departed (it's almost like they have evaded physical death -- maybe I am odd for thinking this way).

The counterpoint to a slow elderly deterioration would be to imagine being younger/in the prime of your life, to be in an inescapable situation (a truck flying at you in your rearview, whatever grim situation). Honestly I think that moment of clarity/hyper-awareness in that phase of one's life, knowing it's all about to end in an instant... I don't think it would be any better than a more gradual elderly exit.

Maybe the experience first-hand would change my mind.

Stay strong for him, be patient, know that the situation will not last forever. You are doing right.

Thank you, it's very comforting reading your words.
He has done everything possible to make me who I am, and who I will become. I owe it to him to continue.
sometimes it's hard when he'll tell me something from one of his "delusions" (I don't want to call it that but I guess that's what's happening) and he's smiling and happy, and I force a smile just so he doesn't feel bad.
I didn't know they could be that surreal, like an actual hallucination of something not there but still connect with me in reality.

reply to post by yourmaker


My grammy went through the dementia..she was leaving the stove on and over paying the paper boy...the day after I changed her diaper...set her up in a home,the poor love died in her sleep....now what was I talking about again..oh yeah I forgot....Take care of them,because you would not be alive,if it wasn't for them

Such a sad thing to have happen. I feel for you in watching him deteriorate. I feel compelled to tell you what happened to me a couple years ago. A friend of a friend asked me to spend an hour every couple days with her husband who had Alzheimers and diabetes. She had to work many hours to pay the bills and couldn't be with him. I must have sensed something because she was concerned about him remembering relatives at that point in his life. I told her I could no longer spend the time with him because I did not want to all of a sudden be the "stranger" in his house. I told her he really needed full time care. About a week later she called me and said the neighbor found him standing in the middle of the street with two large kitchen knives insisting there was someone in his house. There wasn't. That was the catalyst for his care.

Someday, as you fully know and I assume are preparing yourself for, he will no longer recognize you. I am not saying a similar incident will happen but if he is delusional at this point you really need to find out what care is out there that he'll need that you cannot provide. He should not be alone for so many reasons I'm sure you can imagine. Check all resources possible so that he can have the best assistance. You have been wonderful but it sounds like it's fast approaching that point where he'll need more than you can offer. Alzheimers strips everything - first mentally then physically.

Very best of luck to you. I know it must be very hard to have a relative with that.

reply to post by yourmaker


All sounds familiar, to me, I'm afraid. I was In the same position with my own mother. She got to the point where she was a danger to herself, and I insisted she came to live with me.

I was lucky, in that I could afford to give up work ( And I had twelve years experience of working with people with learning disabilities ). She lived with my wife and I for three and a half years before her death from a DVT. ( Her death in tha bath involved an investigation by the police csi team, the worst day of my life, with four police cars outside my house at one point.) I was of course cleared of all suspicion when the post mortem discovered the DVT.

She was very mobile and prone to wandering, this meant locking doors all the time. She would open windows and call to passers by, telling them I was keeping her prisoner.

We used to go walking from time to time, to get her out of the house, and twice, she gave me the slip, requiring police help. They were very good and understanding of my situation.( I live in a small town.)

You will have your work cut out, and I have deep respect for your desire to look after your grandfather, It will be a difficult time for you, but you sound like the sort of person who is up to the job.

I wish you all the very best.

happened again, he woke me up to call my Aunt because he told her that they were building a 2 story tunnel underneath the house. I don't know how long i'll be able to live like this..

Originally posted by yourmaker
happened again, he woke me up to call my Aunt because he told her that they were building a 2 story tunnel underneath the house. I don't know how long i'll be able to live like this..

I thought this was where you were going with this thread.

Listen, I made my daughter PROMISE that she wouldn't (WOULD NOT) take care of me if I lose my mind. I didn't give her life so that she could spend it on me. We have nursing homes and paid professionals; there is no reason for any family member to be saddled with the mentally ill.

As far as I'm concerned the only two reasons for a family member to take in such ill relatives is:
1. No money.
2. To say to other family members, 'Look at me! Look at how good I am!'

Originally posted by jiggerj

Originally posted by yourmaker
happened again, he woke me up to call my Aunt because he told her that they were building a 2 story tunnel underneath the house. I don't know how long i'll be able to live like this..

I thought this was where you were going with this thread.

Listen, I made my daughter PROMISE that she wouldn't (WOULD NOT) take care of me if I lose my mind. I didn't give her life so that she could spend it on me. We have nursing homes and paid professionals; there is no reason for any family member to be saddled with the mentally ill.

As far as I'm concerned the only two reasons for a family member to take in such ill relatives is:
1. No money.
2. To say to other family members, 'Look at me! Look at how good I am!'

Originally posted by jiggerj

Listen, I made my daughter PROMISE that she wouldn't (WOULD NOT) take care of me if I lose my mind. I didn't give her life so that she could spend it on me. We have nursing homes and paid professionals; there is no reason for any family member to be saddled with the mentally ill.

As far as I'm concerned the only two reasons for a family member to take in such ill relatives is:
1. No money.
2. To say to other family members, 'Look at me! Look at how good I am!'

Originally posted by MauraDeCrapola


I take offense to your 2nd reason and I think most people who are caring for an elderly relative
would too.

Take all the offense you want. These are the people I know. They are the martyr types. "Oh poor poor me, I have to work so hard to take care of this person."