Getting over it

I don't post here much but I have a dilemma. The girl I seem to have fallen for is engaged. Normally I would just talk to my friends, we would laugh and eventually I'd get over it. The problem is she(we'll call her Kat) knows all my friends and I'm not sure what the reaction would be seeing as Kat's Fiance is a good friend of ours as well.

So I'm not sure what to do. Mainly I just wanted to get this out there. Any ideas, advice or stories about similar situations?

reply to post by FEDec


The only way to really win is to open your heart to her, If you don't you'll forever be wondering what could have been...
If she shoots you down then at least you'll have your pride, If you don't step up to the mark and tell the woman you love how much she means to you what chance in hell do you have ever been with her if you can't even show your feelings for her? Sorry to be blunt but sometimes "Blunt" is the best way to be

I would do my best to get over it. If its meant to be it will eventually happen. Im sure its painful, but to interfere could cost a whole circle of friends and a negative response from the girl.....

reply to post by FEDec


aw man,that must just toy with the noodle...It's not right,you may lose close friends and end up feeling like a tool.

reply to post by FEDec


I would highly recommend taking a break from relationships for a while and focus on yourself. Don't look at this breakup as a loss, look at it as a step towards something better. Don't try to be the guy that she wanted or change the things she didn't like, instead, work on becoming the guy that YOU want to be.

If you do this, I promise you'll find someone who is soooo much better for you than she was. Keep your head up, keep it straight, and never let em see ya sweat!

I guess I'm more old-fashioned. She is engaged to be married, therefore she is off the market for any suitors.

I don't know what it is like to be in this situation as a man (since I'm female), but I believe that one's brain should dictate the proper action in this case, and not one's heart or...um, "other brain".

You risk losing friends and their respect if you come out with this and she tells the others. And don't think she won't tell, because most women would find it too tempting to tell about a guy who has a crush on her while she is engaged to somebody else. Keep it as a secret crush, deal with it, and find a woman who is actually available. JMHO.

Originally posted by Bone75
reply to post by FEDec

 

I would highly recommend taking a break from relationships for a while and focus on yourself. Don't look at this breakup as a loss, look at it as a step towards something better. Don't try to be the guy that she wanted or change the things she didn't like, instead, work on becoming the guy that YOU want to be.

If you do this, I promise you'll find someone who is soooo much better for you than she was. Keep your head up, keep it straight, and never let em see ya sweat!

Did you even bother to read the OP's post?

reply to post by Bone75


Okay so I might have jumped the gun on this one... oops.

I guess I should've asked, were you and this girl a couple, or are we talking about a crush?

Originally posted by TedHodgson
reply to post by FEDec

 

The only way to really win is to open your heart to her, If you don't you'll forever be wondering what could have been...
If she shoots you down then at least you'll have your pride, If you don't step up to the mark and tell the woman you love how much she means to you what chance in hell do you have ever been with her if you can't even show your feelings for her? Sorry to be blunt but sometimes "Blunt" is the best way to be

I don't think you understand. I'm not trying to "win" I'm trying to get over this. Her fiance is a great guy and they love each other. Considering trying to "win" would mean breaking up their 5+ year relationship I can't understand how you can advise that.

I don't believe in soul mates or "the one" I know that there are other girls out there. Heck there is probably a lady out there who is even better for me than Kat. So I'm not under the impression that if I don't steal her away I'll live a long loveless life. Come on now this is real life not a silly romantic comedy.

What I really wanted were some similar stories and how you got over it. I like this girl but I'm not going to spend the rest of my life cradling a bottle of JB and crying myself to sleep cause I didn't get her.

Winning implies a finality. In reality getting the girl is just the start.

Did you even bother to read the OP's post?

I don't think anyone did... Look peeps Im not coming on here to get you guys to tell me it's ok to try and break these two up. That is wrong. I'm just asking for some similar stories perhaps spun in an amusing way. I'm just having a hard time stepping back and looking at this from a different angle.

The one friend I have who isn't connected to this situation told me to tell her and try and steal her away. Which admittedly I considered. Then I realized that this friend's relationships all end terribly and he is a pretty bitter guy. So no that is not the route I intend to take.

I guess I should've asked, were you and this girl a couple, or are we talking about a crush?

It's just a crush though one I am having a hard time shaking.

Originally posted by SarnholeOntarable
reply to post by FEDec

 

aw man,that must just toy with the noodle

...It's not right,you may lose close friends and end up feeling like a tool.

Yeah, I mean my friends wouldn't shun me forever. But as we can see from this thread it is easy to misunderstand and think I was asking people to help me rationalize getting in between them.

Sweet King Crimson avatar BTW.

Best thing you could do is to remain hopeful, dont tell her, get over it, remain good friends with her, and, if the gods see it your way and she splits up with her boyfriend, you will be in a perfect position to work your magic after she has had time to get over her old relationship.
Remember, someone needs at least a year to find themselves again after a long relationship, so, no matter which way you look at it, if you respect her, she needs time.
Maybe you feel if you don't tell her you will lose her, maybe though if you tell her she might regard your friendship as an inconvenience to her current situation.
Most marriages relationships break up after 3-5 years, so you need a long term game plan, most important though is you remain friends, do not risk an outright rejection from her.

I have someone that i regard like this i still have a crush on her (LOL im 40) we both liked each other, she was seeing a friend of mine, we were staying at the same house for a while, when they were going through a rough patch i was awoken one morning by her getting into bed with me, normally id have thought, excellent game on, but this girl was someone i really liked a lot, we had been great friends, and i just spent an hour talking with her, didn't try anything, even though this was like one of those moments you were hoping would happen, i couldn't take advantage of her situation with her boyfriend, she liked me enough, and felt comfortable enough to get into bed with me and snuggle up, that in itself was a moment i will always treasure.
She has Zulu ancestry, and the most beautiful green, silvery grey, eyes imaginable.
I dont care if im 70 and i meet her again and the timing is right for both of us, i would in the right circumstances, make the effort to put a smile on her face.
She knows i love her very much, but then again, i make the effort to find something in everyone i meet, that i can love about them, if you have the patience and understanding and ability to love even the most simple things, it becomes easy.
Remember the more you can make a girl laugh, the more relaxed and accepting she becomes of you, don't be too serious about it, it will drive you crazy.

She's off limits now. Telling her will only hurt you in the end. I had a few engagements that didn't last more than a month. Just let her go, live your life, and move on.

Originally posted by FEDec

I guess I should've asked, were you and this girl a couple, or are we talking about a crush?

It's just a crush though one I am having a hard time shaking.

Well in that case, whatever you do, keep it to yourself. Try spending less time around her, and look outside your circle of friends for a girl who possesses some of the same qualities. Hooking up with one of her friends will just make it worse.
Despite the misunderstanding, my advice earlier still stands. Always strive to improve yourself and never lose site of your goals. You'll find yourself beating women off of you when you have a clear direction in life.

Originally posted by FEDec
I don't post here much but I have a dilemma. The girl I seem to have fallen for is engaged. Normally I would just talk to my friends, we would laugh and eventually I'd get over it. The problem is she(we'll call her Kat) knows all my friends and I'm not sure what the reaction would be seeing as Kat's Fiance is a good friend of ours as well.

So I'm not sure what to do. Mainly I just wanted to get this out there. Any ideas, advice or stories about similar situations?

The girl you have fallen for is engaged; usually when people are engaged they are in love with each other; her other is not you. You are friends with these people. I don't think it is wrong to love your friend...but I don't think I would tell her or any of that group that you have fallen for her in a romantic way...at least not now; while she is taken by another.

If in the future...if she and her fiance part ways and are no longer engaged....then I would approach her and ask her out on a date.

I know it is a tough situation...and my heart goes out to you.

I am wondering...do she and her fiance really love each other? Do they get along? Because if they don't...that may be your opening too.

reply to post by FEDec


To get over her think of all her bad qualities.
The annoying ones that are a turn off. If she has any that is.

Hmmm forget it. The only thing more frustrating than this situation is you people not-reading/mis-reading my posts.

Originally posted by obnoxiouschick
reply to post by FEDec

 

To get over her think of all her bad qualities.
The annoying ones that are a turn off. If she has any that is.

THANK YOU. I think you are one of the only people who didn't just skim my posts.

Thanks for the advice as well. That is actually a great idea.... Why didn't I think of that?

Originally posted by FEDec
Hmmm forget it. The only thing more frustrating than this situation is you people not-reading/mis-reading my posts.

Ok...so some of us misunderstood the reactions you wanted and what you said....but we did care enough to read your thread ...try to understand you ...and reply. You should be grateful...that people took the time to try and help you.