The Frustration Of Limiting Discussions With Others

Hello ATS,

Outside of ATS, or some Facebook friends, I feel that its extremely hard to talk to others. I'm trapped with my thoughts, and ideas, which are random. I'm very fascinated and interested in almost anything, but I don't find a living soul in my life who is the same way.

Just over a few hours ago my husband turns to me and talks about Celtics and Ray Allen, thats fine. I ask him a few questions and he responds. So a few minutes later, after watching Russel Brand X, I asked him what he thought about materialism being a staple of our culture today, he shrugs " I don't know". I ask "have you ever thought about it", again one word reply "never". I'm bascally probing him for a response, just to get a glimpse of the gears turning, and nothing.

It particularly hurt me today more then ever before. I feel depressed that some people will never truly care to see the beauty, the horrors, and how amazing this world is. I love my husband dearly, but sometimes the lights are on, and no one is home. I don't think he is incapable, I don't understand him, and to get him or others like him, to articulate why is impossible.

I'm curious to know if anyone else is feeling alone in their life?

reply to post by kat2684


Keep trying to get through to him. My late husband wasn't that much of a thinker until I really started talking to him about all kinds of subjects, including off-the-wall ideas. He ended up appreciating me for it and it was fun discussing "out there" thoughts, too, so he enjoyed the talks with me.

Just keep trying. Maybe one day the lights will really come on and stay on.

sounds like your in a king of queens situation .

Most men don't care , because its a downer subject , For them to care , they need a spark . It will usually come with one topic or another , and it will hit the right notes with them to make them wanna go out and learn more.

All you can do is casually , without over doing it , bring up random topics , and have a few sentences and laughs with him about it , one day there will be a trigger , that sets off the thirst of knowledge genes and he will get into it :p

reply to post by imalitehaus


Thanks Imalitehaus,

I won't give up on him because the potential is there. I'm truly interested on his perspective of things, and I would love a open discussion on anything.

Hopefully one day, he will be as receptive as your husband was.

reply to post by seedofchucky


Seed Of Chucky,

Lol, its definately a Carry and Doug scenario.

I do exactly as you say, I randomly toss out seeds to see if he takes the bait, and nothing. It doesn't matter, I google what he likes to gain comon ground and turn the tables in how it relates to something bigger, and just like a switch, he shuts down.

Oh well maybe one day.

Yeah, keep trying. Use methods that work with his personalty.

Everyone has their sensitive spots, find his. You've found yours, now you want him to vibrate at your level. Keep looking, try whatever you gotta try. He isn't immune, but diet may play an important part.

I know I'm alone, and always have been, and always will be.

People have been getting mad at me for my entire life because I'm not like them, and I like to find things out for myself. For some reason, society says you're just supposed to accept the rules of society and be like everybody else and CONFORM. But I don't. It drives people up the wall when I question things and I often get berated for thinking for myself and going my own way.

Sure, I have people who like me and are friendly towards me, but they don't want to spend any time hanging around me because my interests are just not like theirs.

For instance, I'm a big fan of Star Trek and Science Fiction. People will call me a retard because I like that stuff and don't want to try to understand me, but just want to force me to be just like them.

reply to post by JibbyJedi


I think his history is a contributing factor, my husband was involved in a traumatic house fire when he was 8. In the fire he lost his father, and nearly died along with his mother.After the fire he was raised by his deaf mother, her family made her quit school as a kid and treated her slow. So my husband is capable of depth, he just never had anyone foster an education, which is quite sad.

As for his diet, he is big on healthy foods, I see that is window to explaining GMO, but he shuts down to that too.

reply to post by EvilSadamClone


The description of yourself, is nearly identical to mine.

I'm a loner because of my interests too, I used to collect maps of everything. I could sit and identify terrain, weather, capitals, bird migrations, you name it as a kid. Today I'm that same child all grown up, still wanting to know why, where, when and how, I used to set my parents crazy.

reply to post by kat2684


I love the double standard of this post had it been a man on here saying how clueless his wife was he would of been bashed to death by the PC police and women. We even get comments relating the situation to King of Queens tv brainwashed bs where the man is a fumbling lovable idiot and the women is the voice of reason and logic. Not saying that doesn't happen in real life i just don't like the double standard that's all.

On the topic of this post not being able to have a decent conversation with people in general i would agree. Most people put blinders on.The topics i find interesting my friends find boring and dull. Conversation about the topics I like with them seem to be as unfruitful as asking your child how school was. They are too busy with their new iphone, sports, car, work, ect but in no way would i draw a conclusion that they are not smart. In fact most of them are fairly intelligent they just focus it on things they like.

This forum is a good place to discuss the topics i like with like minded individuals with my friends i just have a good time.

kat, you're not alone my fellow ATSer!

It seems if you ask anyone a question these days that is outside "the norm," or a comfort zone of theirs that is noticeably getting smaller these days, people shy away from answering. The main reason, or one of them, is people want to just watch TV and melt into the program. To ask them a "heavy" question, means that they must disconnect from said program and bring their thought process, and their attention (surely nowhere near 100% in both cases) to you and your question.

To hurry the process up, the most lazy answer will be given and it probably will contain nothing more than, "Hmm, I don't know." Pay attention to that "hmm," as most people just include that to make you think they're arranging a thought that is somewhere in the direction that they think you want the answer to go --thus giving the least amount of effort to give the fewest of their time as possible. If it's a commercial in their TV program you might get a commercials length of an answer --lucky you.

Plus, many people will try to get a sense of where your thoughts are before they give an answer for fear of not going above whatever time limit they have set in their mind as you were asking the question.

Thanks to TV, Facebook and cell phones people are VERY lazy now when it comes to discussing anything other than their own subject bubble, which will usually only contain 1-3 "safe" subjects.

If you're a person who likes dialogue, conversation and discussions, well, you're gonna have a mighty hard time finding someone who wants to talk and converse in the length you wish to and deserve.

Yep, thanks to TV, the internet and cell phones, talking face to face is becoming a thing of the past. Cell phones aren't bringing people together, they're drawing lines between couples and relationships.

The Internet and text messaging hides way too much in conversation as well as cell phones do. Too many "wrong ideas," "misunderstandings," "blowing things out of proportion," and so on happen in emails, text messages, etc.

In conversation, the most important thing is to hear what isn't being said, and with texting and the like, it's almost impossible to grasp since facial expressions, voice tone and structure and body movements are eliminated.

There is no substitute for real conversation. In these days though, the only thing in a conversation that is being substituted sadly is the other.person and they're being replaced by a "wtf?," "lol," or a ""

Sadly, after many conversations today people are left only with a ""

reply to post by digital01anarchy


I didn't mean to offend any men, as a matter of fact, I find men more open to things. I have a bit of concern for my husband in particular, not only men but women too are like this.

reply to post by OneNationUnder


Thanks for the reply,

I went back woods camping for two days a while back. I found no tv, computer, and phones pulled everyone together, it was just a short lived moment in time, I would give anything to get it back.

As for the Hmmmm response, I get it alot, and I know when I'm being played, its a trance like state he is in.

Television is horrible, look at the programming (key word programming) its not even complex, it provokes no thought.When I see a tv screen, I see circus monkeys with cymbals, tv is made strictly for shallow entertainment, and not a thing more.

I'm in the same position with my girlfriend.

She's not interested in a lot of the topics I am. I can't have a conversation with her about any of the kind of stuff that comes up in these forums.

Whenever I get on bit of a rant about things she says it's a downer and depressing to be thinking about all this stuff so much. I'm apparently a cynic but I would say a realist.

None of my friends are into any of this either. All wrapped up in their own little worlds and simply don't give a rats.

The internet is my only outlet when it comes to topics beyond mundane everyday living.

Originally posted by kat2684
Just over a few hours ago my husband turns to me and talks about Celtics and Ray Allen, thats fine. I ask him a few questions and he responds. So a few minutes later, after watching Russel Brand X, I asked him what he thought about materialism being a staple of our culture today, he shrugs " I don't know". I ask "have you ever thought about it", again one word reply "never". I'm bascally probing him for a response, just to get a glimpse of the gears turning, and nothing.

Looking at this from another persepctive, what do you actually know about materialism?

Where did it come from for instance (check out the BBC documentary 'Century of Self').

Perhaps your husband realises he knows next to nothing about the subject and limits his expression of opinion approriately?

What I personally find frustrating, on the Internet at least, is that everyone has an opinion but rarely know much about something.

Kat, maybe you just need an outlet to express your ideas and interests, rather than a person to talk with. You say you're interested in maps and patterns, so why not make a blog on that, where you share a new discovery every week or so? And why not post the link on ATS whenever you find something interesting, to invite discussion.
Blogs and journals do wonders.

Some people want to stay in thier reality. They like the blinders on. It is safe for them.

What I did was posted an ad on Craigs looking for like minded friends to hang out couple times a month have a beer or coffee and talk about all the stuff some don't want to know.

It particularly hurt me today more then ever before. I feel depressed that some people will never truly care to see the beauty, the horrors, and how amazing this world is. I love my husband dearly, but sometimes the lights are on, and no one is home.

My wife, when we first met was very much like this. She was raised in a very authoritative home, where her fathers word was law, she was raised never to question authority.

Myself, I was raised by a Scifi nut father who was an atheist, yet who told me to never shut my mind to any possibilities. He raised me to Respect authority but to always question it, to never except what I was told but to find out on my own.

My wife was the Definition of a Sheeple when we met, Heavily in debt, working just to survive with out questioning anything.

Through out our relationship I have always taken joy in showing her new things, she was raised strict Catholic as well so there was always that as well.

Ten years later she is debt free, and thanks to my influence shes a Healthy skeptic. She used to ignore me when Id rant about the Corruption in politics as an example, now she sees the BS for what it is and at the very least questions the MSM regularly.

Just be patient and informative, it worked for me, point out obvious manipulation by the MSM, over time it will sink in.

reply to post by ollncasino


I was asking him a question, there was no right answer, I was just trying to provoke a response. The Russell Brand X show brought that topic up, he seemed as if he was interested and thinking, so I asked.

I never claimed to know all the answers, I was just attempting conversation other then Basketball.

reply to post by benrl


Your wife basically adapted over time, I would love my husband to be more open without losing himself. It would be great to share ideas and work together. We once owned a business, and it was the last time I saw him engaged and enthusiastic over anything. I been trying to get that guy to come out more, but with no success