Disability, How I was Able To Change My Sons Life.

I have twin boys now the age of 19. I will be discussing one of my boys in particular as the other has not lived with me for a few years, and this is "his" story.

My boys were premature and needed 30 days in NICU, for weight gain mostly. I didn't know anything about kids, except what we usually see, and I was 18 years old and a single parent at the time. I went through alot with my boys, and loved them dearly, but to be honest didn't see a problem with their behavior or speech, until I met a friend of the family.

She was a social worker for children with disabilities, and noticed some things about my boys. At first I was distraught and offended that she would even suggest that my kids were "disabled". But she had some good points. They didn't talk at the age of 3 and weren't potty trained either. For me I was taught that kids actually start off on their own time, and there was no need to panic.

Then I realized that I was actually just ignoring the facts, that they were far behind, so I went and got them checked out, and in fact they were in the day considered "mentally retarded". I was upset, but not as surprised as I thought.

They were in school since they were 4. They received physical therapy, as well as motor skill, and vocal skills that required certain techniques used by the hard of hearing or the deaf. This was hard on me, but I knew they would get better. We moved around a bit considering that because of their disability and there were 2 of them, I couldn't find stable work, finding a sitter was very difficult.

Though they were receiving SSI, it wasn't always enough to cover a sitter that would take care of children that needed that kind of attention. I had to stay home, as they got older things actually got worse. They never really starting talking properly and they had one on one for hours a day, still nothing. I couldn't understand why there weren't learning anything.

My son began having low self esteem due to getting picked on by other students, and decided to go the wrong route for a while. I took him and told him the only way that I could that if he learned life skills, he could actually do just fine. I am a cook by nature and heart, and took him and began showing him that these skills can get him a successful life with someone he loves, because he will know what others (most men) cant do, or just dont.
Disclaimer: NOT ALL MEN!!

He can do almost anything I went to school for construction and taught him everything that I know, every chance that I got. This of course did not help him in school, but made him stop the madness and direction that I saw him going. I was very proud.

In high school I saw that things got worse, he was getting honor roll, and couldn't read, when I would attend IEP meeting they said his "behavior" was very well, and that why he was on it, to teach other kids a lesson, this upset me more then you can imagine. Actually I was offended.

I pulled him from public school and started to home-school. I am NOT embarrassed to say that I had to start with hooked on phonics kindergarten to 2nd grade. He was weary to say the least, but I told him that if he got to the second grade level we could stop. I was lying of course but he understood.

After the second year, he was to be reevaluated for adult SSI. When the day came he passed and was no longer seen as disabled and taken off. At first I was upset, as I thought that he wouldn't be able to function without this safety net, he was on it for so long.

After trying to fight the decision, I asked him what he wanted to do, and he had high expectations which I expected I never treated him as disabled, and told him that the attitude that the school was giving him that he was "special" is not going to work in the real world, your boss, landlord, or anyone for that matter will care.

I signed him up for Job Corps, which I attended as a kid, he has been there for over a month, and has flourished more then I EVER thought, he is even taking 2 trades, electrician and culinary arts. He wants to make cakes, and use his electrician skills to make them mobile or move. Hes even motivating other students, and is running a dance class.

There is an awful stigma against parents home schooling or getting or giving your child the help that they need. This MUST End!! We cannot be giving our kids drugs, and allowing the school system to let our kids fly by on anything other then their true merits. If we continue we will in fact fail our kids and our future generation of grandchildren.

I wrote this for those parents that have children with disabilities, and show them that we can make a difference and the only one that should be giving our children the strength they need is US!! If we continue to complain about the system and not do something then we will get what we are putting in.

Forget people saying "homeschooling will just make your kid awkward", "they need more friends". This is FALSE. Most of those same parents dont know what their kids are doing half the time anyway. My kid knows that his family is there, that his decisions are backed, and that he can do anything if he tries. Believe me the school didn't teach him that.

BTW, it was ultimately his decision on whether to fight against his reinstatement of his benefits, which he choose to try out school. I made him fully aware that if it didn't work then we would try it, but it was up to him. Take what you will from my thread, it matters to me to reach the audience that truly understands especially with high numbers of kids that are being "labeled" everyday, and we have zombies running around for the next generation.

So keep your head up, and maybe you may not be going through this personally yet you know someone who is. You can say that you know that there is hope and always will be. Lets love our kids.

Peace, NRE.

Thank you for sharing your story,
The school systems are a failure, nothing but bullying bad influences and showing off to peers.
I've always hated school, had the most absences every year, and still was at the top of the class. The teacher would get mad at me cause the other kids didn't think it was fair....I've learned a lot more by myself than I have in school...everyone I know that is still following the school system right now is having problems.

Me I'm as happy as can be and i keep learning more and more every day..

Your son is very lucky to have you for a mother ... you had the patience and determination to teach him what he needs to know in life ... he will do well thanks to your guidance..

children often learn better when parents spend the time with them and teach them ... always thought that far better than the archaic school system that only feeds them the state approved propaganda ... up till they went to uni I taught all my adopted children and currently teaching the two I adopted while assisting at fukushima .. getting to old for this but its rewarding to see them learn and grow with our guidance ...

BTW this in NO way is to make parents that cannot or do not have the patience for this to feel less adequate. It just so happens that I had 2 at once, and they had similar disabilities, one more worse off then the other. I was a wreck in the first 10 yrs.... yes... 10.

I had no clue half the time, and would get frustrated quickly. There was advice that came from the left and the right, those that thought I was doing well, and those that thought I was horrible, but none of them lived in my home, or saw what was going on. Not a one.

So I learned to be defensive, and tried to do what was right for MY family. I would hate for some out there that read this and think that they cant do it.

Peace, NRE.

Congratulations on your success story! Very excellent that you and your son(s) prospered as a result of determination and hard work.

I have been struggling with the idea of disability for a while. I have numerous, numerous physical health issues. Lately I've been struggling trying to hold down a job or find something that suits my needs. In fact, to my great shame I just had to quite a job after a single week! because it was taking its toll on my fragile hip. This actually happened yesterday. (If you saw my post on how excited I was about my new job, please know that I am in horrible shame right now and honestly regret quitting the position after only 7 straight days of work). Half of the peers in my life encourage me to collect disability.

It's not the label I'm afraid of, it's not knowing whether I am truly deserving of disability benefits. I see myself as capable and willing in so many ways, but unable in many other ways (wow, just like everybody feels, right?)

I found your story deeply inspiring and it forces me to re-evaluate just what my full potential is. I will keep this success story in my mind as I go in for another interview today with a job I know I am fully capable of performing as I've been doing it the last 4 years.

With my plethora of health issues, I could probably very easily qualify to receive disability..But I still think I need to explore my talents just the way your son did.

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha


I wish you the best, I know that its difficult to choose to do one or the other, and a physical disability, is in fact the worst of all, due to possibly making things worse.

At least you are aware that you have choices, and there are certain things that you can do in order to receive benefits and still work, but it depends on your state. Be sure to cover all bases, to make sure that anything you decide is in your best interest.

BTW to all that may be seeing this and are looking for alternatives for their children besides or outside of them going to school but you would like them to get a trade. If you have a disability, you qualify to go to Job Corps over the age of 24 which is limit for most.

Peace, NRE.