# of partners

My partner was obsessed with how many people we had each slept with.

I hate to sound bitter but he had slept with anywhere up to 50 or more women...
honest about that though and I couldn't care less besides.
My number is less than 10...
this bothered him!

Talk about double standards...
it hasn't come between us but jeez I felt like being weighed in the balance and found wanting with such a hypocritical attitude was offputting.

And don't forget all the myths, men times by five - women divide by ten and minus three and all that rubbish.

Just be honest with others and let their hang ups be their hang ups, not yours.

Wag.

Originally posted by HamrHeed
Would you ever settle down or marry someone who has had sex with alot of partners?
What about 50? Would that effect your decision on whether this person is worthy of marriage?

The only thing that would affect my decision would be a clean bill of health and that has nothing to do with how many partners you've had. A woman or man only has to have sex once to get some kind of STD, but you can also sleep with 50 different people and not get anything. In this case, the numbers don't matter. it's a matter of luck really.

I've gotten my fair share of women. In total, probably about a dozen. I've gotten lucky you could say. Both with the fact that they gave me what I wanted and didn't give what I didn't want. I wasn't a whore or anything, I just got lonely a lot is all. I'm a one woman type of guy who just hasn't found the right one. Yet I'm also at the age where it would look kind of pathetic if I went back to my old ways, so I don't. I'll just keep abstinent 'till the right one comes along.

With experience though, since I'm looking for someone long term, that doesn't matter to me. Just because I'm experienced doesn't mean that she has to be. It just means that the relationship as a whole will only get better in time. She would be learning new tricks because I would be teaching her. And as she gets more experience she may think of things that I haven't Something like that, I imagine, would do a lot in regards to building more trust between us.

reply to post by wagtail

And don't forget all the myths, men times by five - women divide by ten and minus three and all that rubbish.

To be honest, I've found that women times by 3 usually.

I've met so many that do not include, "hook ups" into the numbering system.


Then we have this one college girl who hooked up with 9 of my friends. If she isn't including that figure she should exponent besides her number.

Originally posted by boncho
reply to post by wagtail

And don't forget all the myths, men times by five - women divide by ten and minus three and all that rubbish.

 

To be honest, I've found that women times by 3 usually.

I've met so many that do not include, "hook ups" into the numbering system.


Then we have this one college girl who hooked up with 9 of my friends. If she isn't including that figure she should exponent besides her number.

Men are notorious for making up stories about sleeping with women, to stoke their ego and impress their buds.

Women do it as well, but not nearly as much as men.

Some men can't stand the fact that a woman might have chosen to sleep with a couple of his buds, while all of his advances were shunned, therefore he makes up the story, to avoid appearing like a loser in front of them.

Men lie about this often, and one should be wary of the gossip of who"hooked up" with who.

it doesnt matter how many people they slept wioth in the past as long as they are faithful while your together

People who slept with a lot of people, will do it again with there new partner. Really that is all there is to it, everything else is just a sort of foreplay till they get the itch and will move on. End of story.

So to answer your question for me at least it is NO, because I'ts just not my thing and definitely I am no were near high up there when it comes to this, In fact I am at the opposite extreme of this. And its not that I cant in fact It really would not be hard at all for me. Its just that I do not want to, and have no urge at all to as I find them, and the whole thing kind of.... meh. Not my kind of love at all.

I have seen this to often to believe that anything else is nothing but a myth, the whole love thing is just a mute point as most of it is just fetishes that people have, and different people equate love to different things, and mean different things to different people including sleeping around. And it is not all that uncommon for some to love somebody today, and a new somebody the next day if they could.

And also if you want to really find out who sleeps around more, men or women. All you have to do is type in the Google a few words such as sex, which will lead you to a bunch of porn sites no doubt...But that and what comes out is a good percentage representation of it all, and will answer that question. Basically with some people the only question is. Are they still in the double digits, or have they exceeded the triple digits when it comes to there sexual partners.

I have knows dudes who slept around a lot, some a new female every week it seemed. But trust me the ladies got around much more so then them no matter how much they bragged that they conquered new territory, that territory was usually conquered by many many others before. Its all basically just a game, and some even call that game love. So when it comes to that whatever the dudes say there number is if you look at the ladies they slept around with then usually multiply it by 5 and you will be somewhere in the more correct numbers.

But usually like attracts like, so they all stay within there boundaries and niches and the constructs put in place to make sure it is so. In fact no matter what people say they always do what they really want, this is especially true in sex and definitely in love. That is they attract each-other kind of like a quantum link into that particular world, and only when things go bad do they look for something or somebody else, but only as a last resort. Which tells you everything you need to know about that.

Really that is all there is to this subject.

Originally posted by galadofwarthethird
People who slept with a lot of people, will do it again with there new partner. Really that is all there is to it, everything else is just a sort of foreplay till they get the itch and will move on. End of story.

I'd say you're someone that's been burned before, eh?

By the way, the above comment? Wrong on a lot of accounts. There ARE people that way, yes, but not everyone is that way, and to say otherwise is a stereotype.

I've been with gals taht have had a lot of partners, and they never once cheated on me in the time we were together, nor I them. Sorry if tha bursts a preconceived bubble in how you react to people, but there it is.

If it's happened to you, sorry for the hurt it's caused you, but just because some will, does not mean all will. Human beings are a lot more unique than that

reply to post by Jomina

I'd say you're someone that's been burned before, eh?

Nah just keeping it real.
If it were different and I would see it as any other way, then I would be saying it that way.

That is all there is to it....So...Assumptions... Assumptions.

I've been with gals taht have had a lot of partners, and they never once cheated on me in the time we were together, nor I them. Sorry if tha bursts a preconceived bubble in how you react to people, but there it is.

Obviously what I said went completely over your head. And no why would I care if they did not cheat on you while together..That is not what I said to begin with, nor nowhere near close to what I was getting at.

I decided a long time ago i'd rather wait for one special girl then screw a bunch for no reason other then to screw.
then again I don't sell myself to women as a guy they could meet or have sex with
I don't provide the opportunity for it to happen.

Originally posted by boncho
reply to post by wagtail

And don't forget all the myths, men times by five - women divide by ten and minus three and all that rubbish.

 

To be honest, I've found that women times by 3 usually.

I've met so many that do not include, "hook ups" into the numbering system.


Then we have this one college girl who hooked up with 9 of my friends. If she isn't including that figure she should exponent besides her number.

Hahaha! I have a lot to learn apparently!

I can only speak for myself after all

The whole sleeping with friends or many friends within one group of people or what have you is another kettle of fish too... politics aside I know that most male friends of mine would find it very uncomfortable to know if their gals had slept with many of their mates.
But it's all part of the journey, whichever side you end up on you just gotta enjoy the ride!

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

I am a female and often find that the stigma lies with the woman when it comes to partners. A lot of men want virgin women, but feel they can "sew their wild oats" with tons of other women before they marry.

I don't think it's that men want a virgin...personally, since the first experience for gals is not always the best, I don't think I'd want that at all.... But, most likely do want someone with "relatively" low numbers. What's the general consensus these days? That men multiply their real number by three, and women divide it in half?

I'd think a woman would prefer a man who at least knew what he was doing.

One poster said over 600...wow! Swinger past? Even then, yikes! My wife is more experienced than I, and had a much wilder past, but it's cool, it doesn't threaten me. In fact, it's nice to know I do it for her, when she's had so much more to compare it to...

politics aside I know that most male friends of mine would find it very uncomfortable to know if their gals had slept with many of their mates.

Eh...you get over it. My wife had brief relationships with two of my best (and current friends). The fact that this was a) prior to us getting together and b) now both buds have been married for a while, and with kids of their own, pretty much helps keep such uncomfortable thoughts at bay. Besides, none of them can ever lie about size, as my wife knows the deal...hehe... The harder part to believe is that their wives are also good friends with my wife. Women are much more catty than we are typically. I guess it's the same thing though...hard to feel threatened when everyone has been married for years.

Most of you are simply expressing the mores of your current culture which allows sex with just about anybody anytime. It didn't used to be that way, and in some cultures it still is not. In some cultures virginity is so prized that it must be proved by showing your wedding night linens to everyone. If you are not a virgin, women, you are damaged goods, in some cases stoned to death if the truth is found out. Of course, with men, it's hard to tell and they are usually socially sanctioned in one way or another. In fact, in some cases men also don't have a choice. There's a story in "All Quiet on the Western Front" by Erich Marie Remarque, about a young man who just turned 13 and was taken to a whore house by his father to "make a man out of him" before he joined WW I as a soldier.

Members of the Woodstock generation grew up in a time of social change where promiscuity was not only encouraged, but almost socially required. It was the "free love" generation where the mantra was, "If you are not with the one you love, love the one you're with." It was a reaction to the tighter mores of the fifties and prior where "good girls" simply didn't, and if they did they were social outcasts. What changed all this? The Pill. It allowed "free love" to happen without consequences.

Today we have developed a problem, STDs. This is not the first time it has been an issue. In 1900 the syphillis epidemic was much greater than AIDS was a few years ago. Penicillin stopped that, but today there are strains of STDs that are resistant to antibiotics. In short, it's a lot scarier out there in the world than it used to be in the sixties. Or at least we are more aware of it now.

If you fail to hook up with someone permanently in your twenties and last until you are thirty, I don't think many people here and now would condemn you for having a few relationships. Time is a factor and no one, men or women, should be expected to save themselves (That's my culture talking.) But if your attitude is "Find 'em, "Do" 'em, Forget 'em" then that says something about your character. You've reduced the act to a mere bodily function. If that's what you insist it is, okay for you, but many people feel there is emotion, caring, even a spiritual aspect to being with someone that you lose if you treat it in a cavalier fashion.

If you meet someone who admits (or brags) to 600, I would submit to you that he is damaged goods. You know for certain that he is shooting for 700, and that the 601st is just a minor milestone on the way. He's not going to suddenly "settle down:" and be with a one and only for the rest of his life. If you believe that, you're delusional.

As a mentor of mine explained to me, "Passion is an energy that passes" so that you had best be ready for that overwhelming urge to copulate with someone new to slow down as you get used to that person. That is obviously a built-in and natural phenomenon. We're built that way on purpose to perpetuate the species. Would I have liked more variety in my last? Sure. There are times I should have been more persistent and I would have called it good. But there are also times in my past where I did not take the person into account as I should have because I was so hungry that I allowed my passion to control me. In those cases I would not have called it good. Indeed, I am ashamed.

So, yes, quantity does matter. How it matters depends upon you because your mileage may vary. It's all about what you are willing to live with and the chances you take. But don't pretend it doesn't matter. If you don't think so, you'll see eventually.

That's just it though....our society has changed drastically. In our parents' times (speaking as a 40yr old), you got married in your 20's, and it was supposed to be for life. In our grandparents' times (and prior) you got married in your teens, and it was supposed to be for life.

These days, unless you wait until your 30's to get married, any marriage in your teens or 20's is almost certain to end in divorce.

This whole idea of "purity" though, is beyond outdated. If your woman is your first, and her first time is unpleasant (due to the biological happenings I'm not sure I can get into here), then it seems to me she'd always have some association with that unpleasantness, pain, etc., and you. Who wants that? On the flip side, nobody wants a real total skank ho either... (Men or women...though more partners is almost expected of the male)....

The STD threat has toned down some of the promiscuity factor, though not much.

I wonder what the socially accepted number is... Less than 20? Is that good for both men and women? Or, do men get allowed a higher number? What's the number between "experienced" and a total slut? (guy or gal).

reply to post by HamrHeed


# of partners, you ask?

......1.

Met her when I was 13 and been together for 20 years now. I wouldn't have a clue what any other woman could offer more.

Peace

Take it easy guys, I'm outta here
Thanks for the feedback but I'm afraid it's time to go.

Originally posted by Gazrok
That's just it though....our society has changed drastically. In our parents' times (speaking as a 40yr old), you got married in your 20's, and it was supposed to be for life. In our grandparents' times (and prior) you got married in your teens, and it was supposed to be for life.

These days, unless you wait until your 30's to get married, any marriage in your teens or 20's is almost certain to end in divorce.

The first is a good point. Marriage was supposed to be for life because life was short, so it was. The average lifespan historically is 28. Women were married off at 14 because they had reached maturity and were expected to produce as many offspring as possible. Statistically they would never reach menopause. Most babies died, and a high percentage of women died in childbirth. Those are the physical bodies we bring to the table here where lifespans are about 80.

But as for your statement that marriage "almost certainly" ends in divorce if you marry early. That's overstating the case. You can find lots of dueling statistics about marriage, but the one overall statistic that most seem to agree on is 50%. So it's a flip of the coin, but not "almost certainly."

I am not sure if I would ever marry, but the number of partners wouldn't matter beyond having them tested.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


Bull.

Very small number for me. I was a goody 2 shoes and had cultural guilt and threats. The hubby.. he was a ho. Then again he looks like ( or looked like anyway.. LMAO!!) Chris Cornell.. I didnt care how many people he had and we used to joke around about past sexual partners. Been together a long time. I say dont get too hung up on that sort of thing and take the person youre with for who they are NOW with YOU and not who they were in the past. Youll be much happier and keep things in perspective.

But as for your statement that marriage "almost certainly" ends in divorce if you marry early. That's overstating the case. You can find lots of dueling statistics about marriage, but the one overall statistic that most seem to agree on is 50%. So it's a flip of the coin, but not "almost certainly."

The 50% rate is a projected and overall (all ages) rate based on current trends, and even that hides the distribution, which is the meat of what I said above.

If you look at the statistics by age, it's a much different story...while there are other factors, such as race and religion, etc., overall, people in the 30's or older have their divorce percentage halved, than those who got married in their 20's or teens.