You Just Can't Replace A Member Of The Family

Hi all. Yesterday we had to put our dog down. She was the first real pet I had ever had, my husband's as well. 8 years we had this chihuahua who had day in and day out integrated herself into our family like she had been here forever.

She had been sick for a while, and we had to come to a decision to either prolong her suffering to ease ours or do the opposite. Nothing abnormal for many pet owners at one time or another. Our day was filled with tears and a sadness that seemed to surprise a few.

Therein lies my rant... Helpful advice from a few family members included going out today to get another dog. Other's thought it was generally bizarre that people would be so upset. We didn't call anyone in to tell them, we didn't send out emails saying how sad we were. My parents and his I guess, spread it to the rest of the family and they figured they would call up to offer advice or just text.. "It'll be alright. Go tomorrow and get something else". My mom and his were the only ones that seemed to understand and my mom never liked animals... she just knew how much they meant to me.

I know this rant isn't as fired as my others, but it's all I have for tonight. I just kind of wanted to know if others had run into this problem as well? People acting like it shouldn't bother you. These "animals" do mean something to me. The loss of them is great in my heart...Not like my child, but a deep loss at any rate. I am not sure if it is more because we had to make the decision or just everything together. As much as I would have loved more time, the look in her eyes was full of hurt and I almost swear it's like she said it was time. Yes, I know how crazy that is.

My daughter is also away for the rest of the week. She does not know yet, and I am not sure how she will react. We have had our dog for well over half of her life. I dread telling her when she comes home.

Thanks for anyone listening. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

i'd wait awhile to get a new pet. even for your daughters sake. when i was young my dog died and my parents bought me a new one almost immediately. in a way i pushed the new dog to side and neglected him for months because i wasn't over my old 1.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Anyone who is surprised at your sadness must have a heart of stone. I've never owned a pet myself, but I have known others pets that I fell in love with, and could understand the deep grieving of losing or having to put down a pet.

I'm sorry to hear you had to put down your pet, but remember the good times. I'm happy your pet had such a loving family for those years, and you can never take those away.

Originally posted by biggmoneyme
i'd wait awhile to get a new pet. even for your daughters sake. when i was young my dog died and my parents bought me a new one almost immediately. in a way i pushed the new dog to side and neglected him for months because i wasn't over my old 1.

I agree with you. My husband said it would be our last.... forever. We currently have another chihuahua and "for me" he helps ease the pain a bit. Always super hyper, he has been an angel since. Kind of like he knows and he spends some time on my lap and some on my husband's. Just kind of being there, I think animals know a lot more than we give them credit for.

We could never replace her. It just boggled my mind that so many people thought that was the way to go without a second thought.

I can definitely understand a child pushing a new pet away not wanting to feel that hurt all over again. Thank you for reading and replying.

Originally posted by WhisperingWinds
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

Anyone who is surprised at your sadness must have a heart of stone. I've never owned a pet myself, but I have known others pets that I fell in love with, and could understand the deep grieving of losing or having to put down a pet.

I'm sorry to hear you had to put down your pet, but remember the good times. I'm happy your pet had such a loving family for those years, and you can never take those away.

Thank you for that WW. Truly. I thought it took a heart of stone as well, but was shocked that more than 2 felt that way. It doesn't take long to get attached that's for sure. Thank you again.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


The same oblivious people who would tell you to just go out tomorrow and get another dog. Would be mortified to hear the same thing said to someone who had lost a child. These people haven't a clue how ingrained a pet can become to a family. It is the same loss as losing a family member. Don't let clueless people get to you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You did the right and compassionate thing. For what it's worth, I do believe we'll see our cherished pets again some day. I expect to be met by a whole zoo when my time comes. I wish you peace of mind and heart.

Des

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Our pets are just as much a member of our families as any human is. I lost 2 of my dogs this year for the same reasons. They were brothers and we had had them for 16 years. I still think of them every day and will miss them forever. Some people just don't have the same affinity for pets as others. They are just "dogs" or just "cats". I don't understand those people any more than they understand me. My dogs and cats are my loved ones, just like my children are.

Don't let these people get under your skin. Realize they just don't get it.....only you will know when it is time to offer your affection to another animal. In the meantime, please accept my sympathies for the loss of your beloved pet, and rest easy knowing you did the right thing. While it is not easy, it is the final gift you can give to them in their time of need.

I understand completely and I'm very sorry~~

Last year, we had to put our 7 year old yellow lab down and to me, it was to sudden and seemed as though some thing more should have been done. Of course, there wasn't. A combination of high sugar due to a problem with the pancreas. And because of our lifestyle, we travel for a living, it wasn't an easy fixable problem and no guarantee that after all the money spent, he could have been saved. We did go to 3 vets and the 3rd one was the most honest and told us what we didn't want to hear. It was time to put him down. I never expected to hear that. God that was hard to make that decision. It just seemed to sudden but I think deep down, we knew.

It's been a year (5/31) since he's been gone and no, we haven't gotten another one yet. They become your "kids" even though they're just dogs and we don't want a dog just to have one. It's not the right time yet. We still miss him too much.

Years ago, we had another lab and when he passed on, it was 4 years before we got our last one. Hopefully it won't be that long but it's got to be the right one.

Originally posted by Destinyone
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

The same oblivious people who would tell you to just go out tomorrow and get another dog. Would be mortified to hear the same thing said to someone who had lost a child. These people haven't a clue how ingrained a pet can become to a family. It is the same loss as losing a family member. Don't let clueless people get to you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You did the right and compassionate thing. For what it's worth, I do believe we'll see our cherished pets again some day. I expect to be met by a whole zoo when my time comes. I wish you peace of mind and heart.

edit on 11-6-2012 by Destinyone because: (no reason given)

Des

Thank you. A zoo indeed. That made me smile. I've never really thought about the afterlife and pets, but it sounds like a fine idea to me.

Originally posted by jdb51
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

Our pets are just as much a member of our families as any human is. I lost 2 of my dogs this year for the same reasons. They were brothers and we had had them for 16 years. I still think of them every day and will miss them forever. Some people just don't have the same affinity for pets as others. They are just "dogs" or just "cats". I don't understand those people any more than they understand me. My dogs and cats are my loved ones, just like my children are.

Don't let these people get under your skin. Realize they just don't get it.....only you will know when it is time to offer your affection to another animal. In the meantime, please accept my sympathies for the loss of your beloved pet, and rest easy knowing you did the right thing. While it is not easy, it is the final gift you can give to them in their time of need.

16 years! I am terribly sorry for your loss as well. They are like children and you kind of take advantage that they will be there every day until they aren't. I can't imagine that length of time and losing TWO that close together. Thank you for your kindness and except my sympathies as well. In the end, the joy of them has to be more than the pain at losing them I suppose.

Originally posted by snarky412
I understand completely and I'm very sorry~~

Last year, we had to put our 7 year old yellow lab down and to me, it was to sudden and seemed as though some thing more should have been done. Of course, there wasn't. A combination of high sugar due to a problem with the pancreas. And because of our lifestyle, we travel for a living, it wasn't an easy fixable problem and no guarantee that after all the money spent, he could have been saved. We did go to 3 vets and the 3rd one was the most honest and told us what we didn't want to hear. It was time to put him down. I never expected to hear that. God that was hard to make that decision. It just seemed to sudden but I think deep down, we knew.

It's been a year (5/31) since he's been gone and no, we haven't gotten another one yet. They become your "kids" even though they're just dogs and we don't want a dog just to have one. It's not the right time yet. We still miss him too much.

Years ago, we had another lab and when he passed on, it was 4 years before we got our last one. Hopefully it won't be that long but it's got to be the right one.

I am sorry.

I think we knew as well, but were just really wanting a different ending. I believe that the bond between us and our animals can be strong enough to "feel" when the time arrives to think of their comfort and not our own. A damn hard decision to make and I feel for you all and everyone else that has had to make it.

My husband says we will never get another dog again after our 1 remaining passes away. Like you though... I am open to it eventually when the right time approaches. But like you again, I don't think that will be for quite a while.

Thank you.

Thank you for your kind words. It was one of the worst days of my life, and having had them for 16 years, they grew up with my children. They were both having serious problems, in pain a lot, and we decided that since they had been born together, grew up together, roamed the woods together, and slept in the same bed together, that they would make their final journey together too. I have never regretted my decision. It does get better.....just takes time. And I too, hope with all my heart I will see them, and all the other dogs I have loved, again.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Having grown up with dogs and having to let my best friend go more than a few times I say give it some time and anytime you feel sad or alone think of its puppy days. Then when you are ready take the step to get another, I say get another species of a little bigger breed. This helps two fold. One it will never be seen as a replacement only a new member of the family and Second, the paws on a bigger breed dog are really big to their body making them a little clumsy and it adds to the smiles. I feel for your loss.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


The first one we had, was more of my spouse's dog. But this guy was mine. He was my Buddy and Pal and I don't know if Ill ever get that bond again. I hope so 'cause I love that feeling.

We often thought of going with a smaller more portable dog but we just love the personality of Labs. And when they look at you, it's like they really see you. And their facial expressions are plentiful !!!! HA....

Man oh man, I miss my fur-faced friend....

My thoughts are with you......

reply to post by jdb51


I think that was the right, even though it was a tough decision, to put them down together. I've seen dogs mourn for another and if like you said they were together for 16 years, you did the right thing. Tough as it was.

So very sorry, it takes time but yeah, it gets easier as time goes by.

My deepest sympathy.....

Originally posted by Agarta
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

Having grown up with dogs and having to let my best friend go more than a few times I say give it some time and anytime you feel sad or alone think of its puppy days. Then when you are ready take the step to get another, I say get another species of a little bigger breed. This helps two fold. One it will never be seen as a replacement only a new member of the family and Second, the paws on a bigger breed dog are really big to their body making them a little clumsy and it adds to the smiles. I feel for your loss.

edit on 11-6-2012 by Agarta because: (no reason given)

Thank you. That is very good advice and those puppy days are certainly the best ever! We had more than a few laughs at puppy antics in this house. I am just really glad to see that a majority of people do not feel the same as some of our family does.

Originally posted by snarky412
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

The first one we had, was more of my spouse's dog. But this guy was mine. He was my Buddy and Pal and I don't know if Ill ever get that bond again. I hope so 'cause I love that feeling.

We often thought of going with a smaller more portable dog but we just love the personality of Labs. And when they look at you, it's like they really see you. And their facial expressions are plentiful !!!! HA....

Man oh man, I miss my fur-faced friend....

My thoughts are with you......

Indeed. I know the feeling well. I am a stay at home mother and when everyone is gone all day, I talk to my dogs. They make good listeners.

Two of our friends have labs and they do have their own personality for sure!! I pray you find it again as well. After calming down, I can say that I am glad to have had her and lost her, than not ever had her at all.

I am sorry for bringing it back up for you though.

Aww, I'm sorry to hear about your dog.

It will be hard for awhile but the days will get better.

Originally posted by Manhater
Aww, I'm sorry to hear about your dog.

It will be hard for awhile but the days will get better.

Thank you for that Manhater. Very much.

Having had pets my entire 40 odd years, currently having none as they all inevitably die. I can say that it might seem impossible now, but if you do get another one, you'll find things in him/her that you'll know are special. I'm more a cat person, and they tend to commit suicide by road quite often, but when I was young we lived on a 35 acre yard, with no neighbours and 1 long road. So my little girl was the first time I'd ever experienced death as dad scraped her off the road.

It was devastating for me, I was about 9 I guess. He took me shopping the next day and got pissed at me when I showed no interest in his idea of a good time - shopping for new clothes.

But being on a yard such as we did, there were strays. My mum used to feed them sneakily behind the sheds so the people working there wouldn't see. Damn cats ate better than we did sometimes, lol.

But occasionally, they'd get snared in traps set up by people working there, and we'd take them in. No one knew. Or kittens would be left stranded after their mother was run over or otherwise missing. We had 16 cats at one time. Madness.

But out of every litter we had, there was always one that adopted me. She made it to about 16 I think, but cancer got her. She used to sit on my monitor and just purr. Occasionally piped up and looked at me, squeaked a meow and back to sleep.

And the last cat was another stray, about 4 years ago... never had much of a chance at all as he had feline leuk before we knew it.

We had our girl Kimba put to sleep after spending over $1000 on having tumors removed from her stomach - they were so bad they were actually bursting. She was the last dog we had and it broke my heart as I carried her whimpering into the vet, and as the vet tried to find a vein to administer the lethal shot, he kept missing and she yelped each time... I had to leave. We never got another dog after her. She was 12. Before her was Sabre, a german shepherd guard dog and Lexy who was a pure breed german shepherd. Sabre broke his back running under a pack of timber where we lived. Lexy died not long after...

Before them, our lab, Beauty... she is the first animal I remember we had, the most lovely dog. We're cursed with dogs and tumors. She made it to about 15 or 16 too I think.

But the point is, after each family member left us, it felt as if they would never be replaced. And they weren't... the void that they left behind was filled with the preciousness of another little family member.

You're right.. You cannot replace family members... and I know how it feel to be so sad and yet to others it's just something to replace...

I miss my cats.. but I'll never have another pet. I just have an urn with the ashes of my little mister, and a tuft of his fur tethered to it so I'll always remember him.. He went from a ferel stray sneaking in our back door, to a little guy who'd sit by my feet, head facing me but his eyes closed... ahh.. nothing can replace them.

sorry to rant on your rant.. lol

And sorry for your loss too..

reply to post by mainidh


You can rant on my rant as long as you like. Your story is a sad one and I am sorry for that. While most everyone here shared a sad story and I welled up again and again, I am comforted to know that I am not the only one. Not that I would wish something like this on anyone... NEVER would I do that, It does give me (and I am sure others reading) some solace, some peace, and some memories of happy times with their furry children. If it helps anyone else to share, they are more than welcome to do so as well.

I am sorry you lost so many yourself. You have to have a lot of love to keep on keeping on after being hurt so many times,

Originally posted by jdb51
Don't let these people get under your skin.

I get tattoos for the humans and dogs that have passed away in my life. I dont mind them being under my skin You are right though, many people who would say such a thing simply dont understand it. Either they are incapable of such feelings, or have not had the opportunity. With that being said, my own actions will be to go out and adopt a dog as soon as space frees up. I am more than willing to go through the inevitable pain to give them love and a good home, and the longer I wait, the longer they wait. I have had a lot of practice though.. That is, with saying "goodbye" to both human and canine companions alike.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


I am sorry for your loss. Its difficult to lose those whom we have invested love, and received it back. Bonds are made. All Things are passing away though, the outcome was inevitable. Now you understand the full implications of the relationship, and you still are considering starting a new one with another four-legged being. Such a stance takes great, great strength.

You could only feel such sadness from a being which impacted your life greatly. It is a thing of amazing beauty, as bittersweet as it may be. Everything we know is impermanent, but that makes it more special. That doesnt mean its easy... Never hesitate to hug your loved ones, you will not always be able to do so. Cherish it. And know that when your time comes, there will be many waiting for you.

Do not be afraid to jump back in when ready. There are many dogs waiting for a good home. Waiting for someone to love them, and waiting for someone to love. It only enriches our experience, and as you found, these beings deserve it. When you look back on your life in your own final moments, what would you like to see? Life is both beautiful and heartbreaking. Dive in.