The day I tried to live....

reply to post by MeesterB


there would be hope yet and plenty of time to find the right one, and all that, but I really can't stress enough just how special this girl is. Its very rare to find a travelling folk singer with a free spirit who's into what i'm into (against terms and conditions) in this place. I don't get out much to pubs or actively try to meet people, I stumbled upon her by chance. Sure, there may be others, but this was my last good shot at experiencing something while I am in my prime, while the bodies are youthful and how do you say... not dried up and used. I may find someone later in life. I had given up on ever experiencing that 'young love' mushy #, here it was and it was perfection. In one night all previous experiences had become irrelevant, I wanted to burn all my sad songs and write some new ones with this feeling in mind. Thank goodness I didnt burn them!

having had a bit of time to reflect on it, really all I did wrong was drink too much. I never said anything too extreme, I didnt say I loved her or any of that crap, I just said i was feeling very happy and had a new hope that this could be something. I never asked her to commit to anything. She has misunderstood or infered that, freaked out and shut the door on it. Its actually pretty disappointing really, we get along great and there seems to be no other barrier than fear on her behalf. There are other details that I will spare you of, but she did tell me of an experience that left her afraid of commitment. This I understand, but really, it was pretty clear that I was just happy to be in her company and I don't believe I was forceful or rushed. Yes, in some ways I guess I was, but I was just drunk and we could have at least talked about it, rather than her being condescending to me and then sending a text... meh... At the end of the day I still had my fun! great success!

reply to post by Tasmanaut


I cheated on the girl that will be my wife. I proved that I don't deserve love and happiness, but I have it. Certainly everyone has more than ample opportunity to acquire a meaningful, lasting relationship. There were girls that could have filled that role, but it wasn't fit for them to be that person.

I understand the necessity of "venting," so it seems appropriate to do it in a familiar community, but I'll leave you with this; "better late than never"

You got it, bud

reply to post by Tasmanaut


I typed a really long post but decided to edit it to make it simple.

Anyone who has sex on a first date is "easy" in my opinion. If someone is that easy, how could they expect to give or recieve commitment in a lasting relationship?

Be careful you don't fall in need too often.

She knew it and was only being honest and having fun which is actually pretty cool.....unless you fall in love with her on sight and spill your guts in a drug and alcohol induced night of passion. That's an accident waiting to happen.

reply to post by nerbot


having had time to consider, what an Idiot I am/was... adfkljgh; what was I thinking. I have just been lonely a long time I guess, I got carried away and too far ahead of the situation. I despise text messages, but I did make a reply. I tried to excuse myself and pass it off as drunkeness. I really wish we could meet again in sober circumstances because there is so much more to me (or so I would like to think). She is too rare a gem to waste such an opportunity on doing it right. I tried calling, of course she wont answer... I fear she will just ignore me now, given that I snapped and said I had nothing left to say to her... I need help now. I shouldn't give up on this, if this meant anything. Again I'm playing the fool. If I keep going on and pleading with her to talk to me, that paints me as a clingy obsessed freak. If I remain silent and wait, its all on her to iniate something and call me back. When you spend your life doing a whole lot of nothing, suddenly something like this comes along and fills your clear headspace with feelings and ideas that race around without end, the great head trip and trap of the human condition... really she is something special, I made a mistake and I think she regrets it very much too. I hope she can forgive me and know that I'm not giving up that easy.

Can you help me, ATS? I'm ready to listen now.

reply to post by Tasmanaut


I did almost the same exact thing as you. One difference was that it was at a party at her house.

We had a one night stand, after making out in front of people for awhile, I wonder how awkward that was for everyone eles? haha

I loved her. I knew it when I woke up in the morning in her bed.

I hid my emotions for two weeks, as I woke up in her bed each day.

I found out later that I was a "fling"

I have been with this girl for about 2 years now. She knew she loved me about 2 weeks in. We were official after a month.

If I had told her I loved her when I did she would have run from me faster than she ran to me.

I read your other thread and have no advice at all. The only game I've had work is waiting.