Please help me understand myself...I'm serious

Just bare with me ok? Please.
here goes....

So I'm turning 25 on June 6 this week (a quarter of a century, what he hell!)...and its getting me down, badly.
I don't honestly have much to show for myself at this point in time, my close peers have already expressed their future commitments with thing such has pregnancy, marriage, life insurance, and even saving accounts!!!
I sit here in stunned silence thinking to myself..."Should I be doing this?! What should I be doing?? Is there something wrong with me personally?"

I've always played the 'life' game to how I think it should be, I'm a bit of a dreamer (my school grades will vouch for that) and yet I feel intellectually superior (although this is probably the still-there adolescent part of my brain telling me that I'm the world's most special human being)
I simply do the things that appeal to me, never really thinking ahead. Taking it day by day. I've never really seen anything wrong with this...until I get scolded at by relatives, that spew out long lists of accomplishments that I should have already achieved at this point in life.

I shouldn't feel ashamed that I don't have a saving account (or even a bank account for that matter) or a beautiful girlfriend, but I do. It makes me feel highly incompetent when I put myself against everyone around me.

See...I'm trying to find a purpose in what they're doing, what they're trying to achieve. I can't seem to relate on these matters at all. This clashes with what I want to be (in which I have no idea) and what I'm expected to be.

This feeling of social isolation is getting more and more difficult for me to rationalize with. These excuses I keep making to make myself feel normal and sane, they're not working any more.

I don't want a birthday, because with it comes expectations and promises that I don't want to face. Ever.
I don't normally go all in-depth with this sort of thing, but its just been getting to me. I don't share these thoughts with the people I know because frankly, they have enough things to think and worry about. It would come across as 'petty' I think.

My parents make a big deal about plans for my birthdays...its more over-compensation than anything else, and this thought alone depresses me to no end. I hate the attention I get, because I feel I'm unworthy of it.

Thanks for listening to the sob story.
So I'm not really sure what I'm asking of those reading this ...maybe it was more about getting it off my chest. Please, if you have any insights or similar situations....share!

Hey man, welcome to the 1/4-Century club!

It was 2 years ago that I joined the club, myself, and I just want to say that I felt so similar in my life as you've expressed in your post. Everything, all of your fears, feelings of unworthiness, all seem to be universal feelings because I went through it and still battle with thoughts of feeling like a wasted talent.

[SIDE NOTE]:
I really think you could benefit from some inspirational books on Love, Life, and Spirituality. I'm not trying to imply that you *need* fixing but from personal experience I've realized that during times of self-doubt and aimlessness, a good book full of spiritual fruit is just what a person needs to tap into their raw power, confidence, and motivation.

I hope you can keep your head on straight during these weird and fast times.

- Take care

Take it easy OP, I'm exactly where you are right now ( but minus the guilt.)
It's quite easy to deal with...

You talk about bad grades but feeling very smart. Well it's simple, schooling does not make one smart, one chooses to be smart. I know I'm smarter than a lot of my friends who have degrees and I never finished high school.

The school of life my friend, don't let the stereotype hit you ( wife, job, savings) it's what society deems to be necessary, when in fact, what is necessary will be whispered to you by your heart ( true self ).

So cheer up! You are just living your life, being yourself. Tame pride in what you are, human!!

Peace, and don't worry you will find Love within yourself

reply to post by Brad-H


I led a different life than you. I spent most of my time doing what I thought others expected of me. Let me tell you friend, most of the people you seem to envy right now, probably envy you in a way. Something hit me square in the face some time ago and has completely changed my outlook on life.

When I'm on my deathbed, aware that the end is near, the only thing that really matters is me. It sounds selfish, yes, but what I mean to say is all the things I did to please others, all the concessions made, mean nothing when you are truly alone. I don't want to have regrets. Too late though, I will already go to my death with regrets, but after reflecting on that simple fact, I won't be adding anymore to that list.

The only person who can make you happy is you. I'm sorry you feel isolated and different, but deep down, each of us feels that way. We all feel alone and reach out in whatever way we can find to feel connected, to matter. Be it keeping your family close, building a large circle of friends, finding some hobby or talent you can devote you time to.

It sounds to me that you just haven't discovered you yet, or maybe you have, but are not comfortable with yourself yet.

25 years seems like a lot. Let me tell you, the years from this point on fly by. No human being should be isolated, but you shouldn't try to frame your life based on the choices and circumstances of those around you. It will be fleeting and won't last.

"And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun."

I really think you could benefit from some inspirational books on Love, Life, and Spirituality

I've been studying that subject for a few weeks now, really worth-wile stuff...most notably Buddhism and what it teaches you.

You are just living your life, being yourself. Tame pride in what you are, human!!

I've always had this outlook, but only recently its come into question by others. Thanks for that...elegantly put.

25 years seems like a lot. Let me tell you, the years from this point on fly by. No human being should be isolated, but you shouldn't try to frame your life based on the choices and circumstances of those around you. It will be fleeting and won't last.

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I try to overcome that all the time, I'll get better at it I'm sure.

reply to post by Brad-H

See...I'm trying to find a purpose in what they're doing, what they're trying to achieve. I can't seem to relate on these matters at all. This clashes with what I want to be (in which I have no idea) and what I'm expected to be.

What they're trying to do is find their place among a pack of sheep. What kind of awakened individual could possibly relate to such nonsense? Life insurance... a savings account? Really? I mean how completely pathetic and bland can ones goals be... talking about such things as if they some how qualify as achievements in ones life is verging on the line of delusional. Just do what you want, do what brings you pleasure and happiness (assuming you aren't hurting anyone in the process). Stop trying to follow the crowd and fit into the pack of sheeple and living up their material delusional expectations... as mentioned already in this thread, such a life will only leave you filled with regrets when you find yourself on your deathbed wondering why you spent all that time trying to conform to society when you could have been living life freely. Be content with just living life and doing what ever you enjoy, there is no universal rule carved in stone stating you should devote your soul, blood sweat and tears into a system which will simply drain you dry and dispose of you when you become worthless to it. Live outside the box.

I know what you are going through. You are entering the first phase of your personal growth to maturation. By the time you hit your late 20's /early 30's you will change your personal approach and mindset and enter into a new level of comfort and direction.

Don't worry this is quite common. I would suggest you look at what you enjoy doing with your time that could be considered productive. I don't mean video games or chillin with friends. I mean hobbies or interests that develop a skill or ability. Some like mechanics, some like playing music, art, reading or writing, others wood working. You should be thinking about what you love to do and focus on how to turn that into a career or a living. What we love to do with our time can give us direction on how to find purpose in our lives.

Do things to satisfy yourself not societies expectations. Keep busy doing things you enjoy, not because others think you should. It is important to set some personal goals and not stagnate. Do all this on your terms look for personal satisfaction. Be productive though in some way. Hope this helps.

reply to post by Brad-H


Hang in there, work hard and you can accomplish anything. I know people that didn't have anything at 40 but are doing pretty well now. Let life play out and eventually you will find a purpose, I'm 24 and I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. I have a few businesses but I really feel like I shouldn't be doing this. Getting money doesn't mean you've found your purpose.

Thank you guys and gals. I needed some form of reassurance.
If you dwell alone with your thoughts long enough with no one to relate it to...you end up going ******* crazy

reply to post by Brad-H


Hey right on, about getting into the Buddhism teachings. I know there's some profound wisdom inside, however, I've never gotten too deep into it.

Maybe this will make me seem foolish to admit, but, (here goes) I found some inspiration in a few "fictional" stories. One was, "Way of the Peaceful Warrior", by Dan Millman. The other was, "The Celestine Prophecy", by James Redfield. The second book, I will admit, had a more profound affect on me which, for better or worse, has changed how I view people and nature.

I do highly recommend both. And anyone listening to this who has read either of these books, please add to this discussion, cause I haven't met too many people who've read them.

Take care, Brad!

You cannot compare yourself to other people, as you probably already know...but equally important is that you know that MANY people are only doing those "adult things" (getting married, having babies, etc.) because they feel like they are supposed to, not because that is what they want to do. If you are able to know the difference between what you want to do and what everyone else wants you to do, then use that god-given ability and do whatever you want. It's only about taking care of yourself and not hurting other people. Everything else is just about doing whatever you want to with the time that you have.

It's not pointed out enough that people are conformists and liars. Everyone doesn't want the same things, but they all go after the same things. What they are told they are supposed to want. People are obsessed with being whatever their perverted idea of "normal" is.

Originally posted by Brad-H
Just bare with me ok? Please.
here goes....

So I'm turning 25 on June 6 this week (a quarter of a century, what he hell!)...and its getting me down, badly.
I don't honestly have much to show for myself at this point in time, my close peers have already expressed their future commitments with thing such has pregnancy, marriage, life insurance, and even saving accounts!!!
I sit here in stunned silence thinking to myself..."Should I be doing this?! What should I be doing?? Is there something wrong with me personally?"

I've always played the 'life' game to how I think it should be, I'm a bit of a dreamer (my school grades will vouch for that) and yet I feel intellectually superior (although this is probably the still-there adolescent part of my brain telling me that I'm the world's most special human being)
I simply do the things that appeal to me, never really thinking ahead. Taking it day by day. I've never really seen anything wrong with this...until I get scolded at by relatives, that spew out long lists of accomplishments that I should have already achieved at this point in life.

I shouldn't feel ashamed that I don't have a saving account (or even a bank account for that matter) or a beautiful girlfriend, but I do. It makes me feel highly incompetent when I put myself against everyone around me.

See...I'm trying to find a purpose in what they're doing, what they're trying to achieve. I can't seem to relate on these matters at all. This clashes with what I want to be (in which I have no idea) and what I'm expected to be.

This feeling of social isolation is getting more and more difficult for me to rationalize with. These excuses I keep making to make myself feel normal and sane, they're not working any more.

I don't want a birthday, because with it comes expectations and promises that I don't want to face. Ever.
I don't normally go all in-depth with this sort of thing, but its just been getting to me. I don't share these thoughts with the people I know because frankly, they have enough things to think and worry about. It would come across as 'petty' I think.

My parents make a big deal about plans for my birthdays...its more over-compensation than anything else, and this thought alone depresses me to no end. I hate the attention I get, because I feel I'm unworthy of it.

Thanks for listening to the sob story.
So I'm not really sure what I'm asking of those reading this

...maybe it was more about getting it off my chest. Please, if you have any insights or similar situations....share!

edit on 4-6-2012 by Brad-H because: (no reason given)

Hey we all know that we all take different paths. So everybody's commitment may not be the same as everyone elses'. It's all perfectly normal to me as it sounds. Most of the expectations for some people are to come later than other people. For instance I am turning 25 on June 29th. I am still single with no gf, not married, no children. I haven't moved out, I'm still living with my dad. Over here I'm taking things slowly. It feels like that I haven't progressed at all with my life. It does feel boring. Just feel like I wanna die and be free. Go anywhere that I want and when I want. I wanna explore. But to explore it costs money. I do have a really good paying job, but doesn't pay enough to live alone comfortably. I do need a room mate. But some room mates are a pain in the ass. So would rather live alone, but yet I don't want to feel alone. It's frustrating to get stuck in one of these ruts!