I think I'm in love with a girl who has a boyfriend already...

There must be a bunch of people who have experienced this before, but let me just explain my particular situation:

I've been seeing this girl for almost a month now, just casual dating, nothing too serious or intimate... The thing is, this girl has a boyfriend, but he lives in a different city. I don't know much about him, but I know this girl more and more every time I see her, which is quite a lot considering that I only met her recently, and the more I get to know her, the more I fall for her... At first, I thought she was just going to be like most of the other girls I meet, but as I got to know her more and more, the more I start to see that she is quite different from the other girls, and the more I want her.

So, the thing about this is that I think in some way, she also wants me... She has not once turned me down to go out together, she seems interested in my life, my stories, my talents, my family and so on... When she catches me staring at her, she seems a little bit more nervous, always giving me a cute little shy smile. It drives me crazy that she has a boyfriend though... Apparently they have been together since high school (she's 22 now), but I feel like maybe she thinks I might be a better partner for her. Still, she has never known any other partner before, and I think that there is possibly an interest in trying "something new".

Any thoughts? I wish it didn't have to be this difficult...

reply to post by theMat


Well she has a boyfriend and is casually dating you on the side...sounds like a lady of high moral standingNo go ahead, she won't do the same to you.......Sorry but I wouldn't waste my time.

She's an alien attempting to harvest your emotion called 'Love'.

Originally posted by DoctorMobius
reply to post by theMat

 

Well she has a boyfriend and is casually dating you on the side...sounds like a lady of high moral standing

edit on 3-6-2012 by DoctorMobius because: (no reason given)

The Doctor is absoultly correct. If she is doing this to her current boyfriend, she will probably do the same to you.

does she have an adams apple?

Originally posted by theMat
There must be a bunch of people who have experienced this before, but let me just explain my particular situation:

I've been seeing this girl for almost a month now, just casual dating, nothing too serious or intimate... The thing is, this girl has a boyfriend, but he lives in a different city. I don't know much about him, but I know this girl more and more every time I see her, which is quite a lot considering that I only met her recently, and the more I get to know her, the more I fall for her... At first, I thought she was just going to be like most of the other girls I meet, but as I got to know her more and more, the more I start to see that she is quite different from the other girls, and the more I want her.

So, the thing about this is that I think in some way, she also wants me... She has not once turned me down to go out together, she seems interested in my life, my stories, my talents, my family and so on... When she catches me staring at her, she seems a little bit more nervous, always giving me a cute little shy smile. It drives me crazy that she has a boyfriend though... Apparently they have been together since high school (she's 22 now), but I feel like maybe she thinks I might be a better partner for her. Still, she has never known any other partner before, and I think that there is possibly an interest in trying "something new".

Any thoughts? I wish it didn't have to be this difficult...

You just have to act like your Mr. Awesome until she decides her previous relationship is no longer worth it.

it's not love
it's compulsion to stick ur [blank] into [blank]

Originally posted by DoctorMobius
reply to post by theMat

 

Well she has a boyfriend and is casually dating you on the side...sounds like a lady of high moral standing

No go ahead, she won't do the same to you...

....Sorry but I wouldn't waste my time.

edit on 3-6-2012 by DoctorMobius because: (no reason given)

Yeps...

to op:
You guys have awesome morals, haha. If she's bored she should just end it with the other guy FIRST.
If I was the other guy I'd be pissed..

reply to post by theMat


My thoughts are that if this ever develops into a 'more than friends' relationship between you and her, you will just be the guy on the side.

Well, to her defense; She hasn't cheated on her bf yet... and she has been completely honest to me about everything, and I think that if she was serious about being with me, she would end it with her boyfriend before doing anything serious with me.

Please keep this in mind: I am in China right now, and she is a Chinese girl. Her culture is different from mine, and her boyfriend is definitely different from me. Different values, different culture, different behavior and whatnot.

Now, I know she shares more of the same values with me than maybe she does with her current bf, and maybe if she had met me first, we wouldn't be in this situation. I feel like there is a good chance, that maybe she can see the forest for the trees and soon come to the realization that she would maybe be happier with me than with her bf.

I know some people think that maybe I'm just horny and looking for some action, but honestly, I know lots of girls here in China that I could get any day if I just say the word, but this girl is different, and I have much stronger feelings for her than any of the other girls I know, and I feel like I really have found the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with... I mean, I'm going to be 28 this year, and I want to be married and have kids before I become 35, so I know that I don't have much time left to do this, but that is not the main reason I have these feelings about this girl... I just think she is a wonderful person, and I think this might really be love.

reply to post by theMat

Still, she has never known any other partner before, and I think that there is possibly an interest in trying "something new".

Do her as soon as possible, before its too late.

As for your predicament:

1. Try to strike up a deal with the other boyfriend that allows some kind of sharing arrangement.

2.If he disapproves you should buy a gun for protection. Maybe you will get lucky and he will attack your home or something.

3. Shes all yours.

4. ???

5. Profit!

In all seriousness you should dump the woman immediately after taking her. Like the second you get done.

reply to post by TsukiLunar


no guns in China

Originally posted by theMat
reply to post by TsukiLunar

 

no guns in China

Claim you are Basha.

reply to post by theMat


Is there a possibility she might think you are gay? Have the two of you spoken of ex-girlfriends of yours?

Also, people in long distance relationships often get very lonely for companionship from the opposite gender. It's natural. She probably trusts you so maybe you shouldn't betray that trust.

- Be there for her
- DON'T get drunk with her
- Don't be "that guy" who tries to tell her how much better you would treat her than her boyfriend

If you can't do those things, then I would back off. If you can do those things then, if your hunch is correct and he's not the right match for her, you will be there for her when they split up.

In the meantime, try to date one of her friends.

reply to post by Cuervo


Thanks for your suggestions, those are all steps I've already taken... In fact my strategy is not to try to convince her that I am better, but rather to give her the freedom to choose, and regardless of what she chooses, to let her know that I will always care about her and be there, if only just as a friend.

About the long distance thing: We don't live too far from each other. I have been living in China over the last year, and I will be living here semi-permanently for a while, but I think that if we were together, by the time I decide to move back to Canada, she will be able to join me and become a Canadian citizen through marriage... this is one thing I think she thinks about as she is very interested in western culture. So, I think our relationship would be less long-distance than her current relationship with her boyfriend. hahaha

Originally posted by theMat
reply to post by Cuervo

 

Thanks for your suggestions, those are all steps I've already taken... In fact my strategy is not to try to convince her that I am better, but rather to give her the freedom to choose, and regardless of what she chooses, to let her know that I will always care about her and be there, if only just as a friend.

About the long distance thing: We don't live too far from each other. I have been living in China over the last year, and I will be living here semi-permanently for a while, but I think that if we were together, by the time I decide to move back to Canada, she will be able to join me and become a Canadian citizen through marriage... this is one thing I think she thinks about as she is very interested in western culture. So, I think our relationship would be less long-distance than her current relationship with her boyfriend. hahaha

When I mentioned "long distance", I meant between her and her current boyfriend.

As far as you staying a gentlemen and letting this play out in an honorable fashion, just keep on keepin' on.

reply to post by Cuervo


Thanks for confirming my plan of action Cuervo. As for the gay thing, we've talked about my ex girlfriend, and I showed her my ex's picture, so she knows I'm not gay, and she also knows what I'm looking for at this point in my life concerning relationships, so I think she knows that if she were to be in a relationship with me, that I would be serious and committed to it (and that's what she wants).

Fresh sloppy seconds!

Second line. Squelch!

Originally posted by TsukiLunar
reply to post by theMat

 

Still, she has never known any other partner before, and I think that there is possibly an interest in trying "something new".

Do her as soon as possible, before its too late.

As for your predicament:

1. Try to strike up a deal with the other boyfriend that allows some kind of sharing arrangement.

2.If he disapproves you should buy a gun for protection. Maybe you will get lucky and he will attack your home or something.

3. Shes all yours.

4. ???

5. Profit!

In all seriousness you should dump the woman immediately after taking her. Like the second you get done.

I hope you were being facetious. If not, that is about the worst advice I've ever seen regarding a relationship.

Des

You would be surprised on a females point of view and how we may play things out. She may in fact be heading towards your direction. Most women have the tendency (and much needed) to weigh our options.

We will see what seems most sufficient and makes us happy. This happens with women that have something to offer, and fear leaving one thing for another. You have to see beyond it, if you truly think its right.

Being in love requires what most today think is happenstance. This is again NOT true. I wish you the best in your choices.

Think it through because no matter what we say you have to live with it. No Regrets Ever!!!