OMG!!! Is this for real??

reply to post by SoulVoid


Oh man I know its not easy to see these types of things when your in the midst of them. Believe me bro I know.

But what we have here is what the ancient Romans used to refer to as a succubus, I shi tz you not. The meaning changed over the years till it became some sort of mystical mambo jumbo but for them it was the word they used to describe women like you wife. I can go into detail and explain on how all humans are a sort of energy vampire, and how in some ways we all suck or feed of each others energies, and how that is all part of life. But there would be no point because you would not get it.

But ya bro, I believe today they may call this sort of thing all kinds of other things such as "narcissistic personality disorder" or "psychopathic disorder" and all other types of technical names, but why use a bunch of words when one old word can describe the same old thing. But basically its simple bro, she's bad news for you, and in fact there are plenty of other guys out there who would be a more perfect match for her, after all there is somebody for everybody.

Basically what them ancient romans ment by a succubus is a person who wants to live off love but does not want to love back. The whole myth got started from that, basically a person who will suck all that you have leave you a shell and move on. You should of seen this when she oh so mysteriously seems to like you when you got your life back in order and are taking her places, and when things started to look bad....You will get the cold shoulder, or the your not the one speech if your lucky, mostly she will probably dig at you till your holding to the edge of your sanity, then she will move on.

Basically its no coincidence that she was all friendly and nice to you even sending you gifts when you had your life on track and could take her places, and its no coincidence that she was totally different when stuff started to go down hill....And believe me bro YES she is seeing somebody else or a few somebody else's on the side while this whole thing is going down, and even while you two were together and thought you were in love.

Its simple make it known that you will not put up with her nonsense, and get rid of her once and for all. That should solve your problem, and trust me a greater part of this problem stems from that this woman probably never really had a problem, and because she can always get some guy to do things for her, or if not there is an idiot she can always go back to, and they even call that love....So beware bro.

But you should get rid of her as soon as you can, and if she comes back around which if you get your life back on track there is a very good chance that she will....Keep some rotten tomatoes handy and when she comes around throw it at her, and get yourself a cross and put it front of you so she can see it and repeat these words "Begone Foul Demon"....I think she will get the picture then. We Savvy mate?

reply to post by SoulVoid


Am deeply grieved to read your heart-felt and devastatingly touching narrative.

Thanks for the honor of reading it.

I would prefer to respond by PM but will note some things here.

1. You wife clearly has more craziness than you can solve in probably several decades. And that would be with HER TRYING pretty hard. You just don't have the training or skills. And, folks with the training and skills may well not be able to do much with her.

2. You have not given much from which to assess her psychologically. However, it is clear that she is unable/unwilling but mostly unable in most respects, to maintain a balanced, committed, solid, devoted, loving relationship long term.

3. I would lay aside all the new age, frequency, etc. stuff. That's certainly an opinion . . . my opinion . . . I just have never observed it do anything but muck stuff up further in such situations--certainly it tends to add to the confusion if not the discord, tensions etc. and the inexplicable negative 'stuff' that 'just happens.'

4. Regardless of what psychodynamic DSM IV label someone interviewing your wife might come up with . . . the inconsistencies and selfish stuff coupled with the stinkin' thinkin' of depression are a full plate. She might well profit from COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY or some of it's specific offshoots tailored to her set of problems.

5. However, it's dogged work even with skilled professionals. She may well not be disciplined enough or desperate enough to persist with such a process. Taking the easy way out is an epidemic in our culture. Folks just do not realize until way to late that the consequences and price of taking the easy way out is far from easy to pay.

6. You have suffered your own shreddings emotionally and otherwise. You cannot take care of anyone else, including your daughter, to much of any degree, unless and until you take care of yourself sufficiently to have something to take care of your daughter WITH.

7. How can your daughter or wife or employer or customers or friends respect you if you don't respect yourself sufficiently to take care of yourself?

8. Doggedly putting one foot in front of the other until you slowly walk or crawl out of this long dark night of the soul may be where you are. If so, DO THAT. There's no viable choice otherwise for your daughter to have any access to her desperately needed father.

9. ACTING AS THOUGH you respect yourself--sufficiently to do RESPECTABLE THINGS is a good way to grow in that department. DO THINGS THAT YOU KNOW YOU WOULD RESPECT YOURSELF FOR DOING. AVOID THINGS THAT DIMINISH YOUR STATURE IN YOUR OWN EYES. Ignore what most other people may think about you. Do not even think about what they MIGHT think about you. Their problem. Don't make it yours.

10. Yes, it is HARD. Life currently is hard for most people and not likely to get better in the short term. HOWEVER, WE HAVE THE CAPACITY TO LOVE THOSE WE CARE ABOUT. THAT'S PRICELESS AND WORTH DOING--FOR THEIR SAKE AND OUR SAKE. Loving is one of the biggest kicks.

11. It's OK to love even the unloveable--a big merit, actually. However, it's NOT CONSTRUCTIVE TO THEM to ENABLE them to be self-destructive or to enable them to treat you like a door mat or manure pile. Distance yourself from such words and actions--and if fitting, from such people.

12. Avoid negative people more or less at all cost whenever the least bit fitting. You cannot afford them at this time.

13. If you have to go to hobby, craft, art groups, clubs or classes to meet some positive people . . . or even, gasp, some *HEALTHY* balanced, humble, warm, friendly CHURCHES--then do so. YOU NEED CONSTRUCTIVE, POSITIVE PEOPLE who will help lift you up and encourage you. They may be hard to find but they are worth it--even essential to find and build relationships with.

14. When you cannot see your daughter--if she's too young to read, get her a fuzzy cheap toy. If she can read, write a 4 X 6 card of loving words to her every day. If you can't mail it safely to be sure she gets it--then wait and give a handful of them to her when you see her. It gives you a good thing to do toward her and it gives her solid evidence you were thinking about her when she wasn't with you.

15. Try and develop 4-7 friendships who will support your calling them whenever you need to from hurt, anger, depression--whatever. AND CALL THEM when fitting.

16. During one of my long dark nights of the soul, window shopping with pauses to chat briefly with the more positive clerks who knew me was almost the only warm human contact I had for many months. If that's the best you can do in the short term, do that.

17. It's wonderful to feel better about yourself. One of the things that most helped me out of my pit was reaching out to people who were also hurting--old folks, poor etc.--just listening. no chractrs

reply to post by bastet11


I think you make many good points.

CERTAINLY THE

"COME HERE--GO AWAY"

hideousness is very crazy and very crazy-making.

No one needs to be shredded by that. Enough already yet.

OP, I've given you enough for now. If you have further questions publically or by PM, please feel free.

Prayers and hugs,

.

BTW, I assume that you've already considered getting some professional counseling on a sliding scale at some public clinic or whatever. It is worth it IF YOU ARE WELL MATCHED with the therapist--IF NOT--CHANGE THERAPIST until you find a fit. No disgrace in that, at all.

.
.

Originally posted by SoulVoid
reply to post by OblivionGate

 

That´s another problem, i think i can´t ever win my daughter in court,here in my country moms always have the upper hand, not to mention that her mother works in the federal court

doesn't matter, my ex-wife LIED her ass off and the state took her side of the story here in Oregon, as they ALWAYS do. Time marched on and many tears on my pillow later, time & truth won out. My youngest bitched her mom out to her face on the street and was ready to go toe-to-toe with her when she found out that all the lies were told to her were .. well lies from the very get go~!

my ex stood there and knew she was busted and cried knowing she lost her daughter; as my daughter called me on the phone and said.. "Dad, plz come pick me up, I want to live with you forever" To this day, she has my wife as her REAL mother on her Facebook. Think about that for a minute.

you see soulvoid, as a good pastor mention at a sermon one time, Time is the truest test of Character. Give it time and the character will emerge. I had to pay out 60,000.00$ in support payments, I did it gladly because I loved my daughters, they never saw a red cent of it growing up.

I didn't give anyone an excuse to call me a dead beat dad, including my daughters, and $$$$ has only a small portion of being a good dad; time is the major factor, and don't let anyone else tell you different. Children, most anyways, will KNOW their dad was there for them regardless of how much $$$ they have.

So regardless of the situation, how much your ex lies to your daughter, the courts, family or friends the truth can character will find your daughter no matter where she is or how long it takes. THAT'S the reason you need to stay close to your daughter; she needs to see your character and hear your voice so your actions and language will speak the loudest to her even if your ex is manipulative, etc..

Your daughter NEEDS to know her daddy is still a phone call away and close by for her regardless.

Hearing your voice is EVERYTHING to your daughter.

1). Find a job close to your daughter; even if it's a fast food till you get something else better. (this shows stability)
2). make plans to move out ASAP~even if it's to share an apt or room
3) MOVE OUT~! (if she's ignoring you, enough is being said right there~! Get a clue & consider it done, because she's using you.)

At this point, you should be talking with your with your low income lawyer about visitation rights (just remember, most lawyers will side with the state and won't challenge the states decision because the judge will back it (as spineless as they are)

reply to post by SoulVoid


24 flags and 6 pages of replies...

don't let ANYONE tell you or even yourself you don't have friends,

friends are friends regardless whether they are online or not. Members that reply have your best interest at heart, we're looking for you to succeed in your plight, and I for one am committed to your success. I know you CAN & will get through this, if you are willing enough to take the advice given.

It will be hard, but, not harder than the company of close friends and their earnest council and prayer.

Success to me by definition is: Standing back up after multiple relationship break ups and 3 divorces, $60k in child support and the potential of never seeing my daughters again....

still being able to know I survived it ALL and here to talk about it.

reply to post by SoulVoid


as I started praying a couple of hours ago, the first thing that came to my mind was this song and it broke me as it has always done, funny how just one song can turn our world from despair into a a life of true Hope.

I watched this in the theater every day it was out till it went to video because it spoke hope to me and this little guys situation in the video was exactly as mine was a child; without a Father in the world to be with, or call my own, I realized there is hope and I do have a Father who knows me and wants ME to know that he does love me and cares what I go though. It was then I had to realize ..as the monkey stated.."it doesn't matter what happened in the past, it's in the past"

it's about picking yourself up, brushing yourself off, forgiving yourself and moving forward in what you are called to do.

Close your eyes and just listen to the words; cry/weep if you need till the tears despair turn into a smile of hope again can you stand again and KNOW you are significant as anyone else on the endless round.

from my heart to yours always.. .
ETA: yes.. you should watch the movie.