OMG!!! Is this for real??

Hello fellow Ats Members,

I really don´t know why i´m posting this here on ATS but i´m so f.... lost that i just don´t care..
Been here in ATS for a little time now but only a month or so i´ve created an account.
I don´t know exacty what im doing but here it goes :
For quite some time that i´ve been exposed to the subject of Meditation cause i´m a big Fan of Chandra Mohan Jain(OSHO),but i never went too far on it cause my life was directed in another way.
I´ve met my wife 12 years ago (I´m 32 now,she´s 27)and we´ve got a beatiful 5 years old daughter .
We had our fights like regular couples do and in this 12 years we separated only one time when my daughter was 1 year old, cause my wife got a serious Postpartum depression to the point that had to be medicated, she did a lot of awful things to me and eventually we broke up(not my call,i never wanted to be separeted) In those 2 years we were separated i found out that she ´´messed around´´ with my best friend; a discovery that totally broke my soul. The following year i picked myself up and began a new life,it was fu.... hard cause i really loved her and my daugher.When i finnaly got over her and was starting to smile again,something curious happened;it started to appear presents in my mail box, things like Postcards, tickets to Shows of my favorite bands, e.t.c, that went about for 3 months till i finally got a call from my wife telling me that it was her doing...She started to phone every day and sending me Sms asking me to forgive her and that she really loved me and wanted to try again with me.I thought this over for about 2 months and decided that i still loved her and left my new found life and went live with her,i gave up on everything, my work,my house,my friends..and moved with her to another city...
Now here comes the strange part:
Since i moved here i found out about Ats and read a thead about solfeggio frequencies that got my attenttion.I started then hearing those frequencies for about 2 weeks when something strange happened, i started to feel a lower abdominal pain that lasted for about 1 month and my wife started fights for no aparent reason,i lost my job and i simple couldn´t find another....then on the Solar eclipse of May 20(coincidence?) i receveid a message from my wife that is at work saying that she really doesn´t know what she want´s no more and it´s best if we go both our separated ways... WTF???? I tried to talk to her but for the last 5 days she doesn´t even say a word to me, just ignores me..I´ve got no money, no work,and the feeling of leaving my daughter and losing the chance to watch her grow near me just gets me fed up with everything..But what really gets me mad is her behavior, she calls her friends and spends hours on the phone talking about other peoples lifes and about what dresses to buy and bull.... like that...
like nothing is happening..

I´m losing my mind and wondering wtf is happening..Some test?Just life??Is she a fu... b...?I really don´t know what to do or what to think...i´m just losing it

I wanted to write some more, especcialy about my daughter, but i really can´t get started cause i would simply burst into to tears and wouldn´t be able to write nothing..I love her too much, she´s my light and beacon in this hell...

Sorry for my bad english or something else but..

i don´t know what else to write so..

..............

Find a job near your daughter.

Focus on being the best father you can be.

You can't fix crazy...

First off, I wish to extend my condolences.
This girl will not change, now or for years to come. Its better sometimes to make a clean break and leave it at that. Get a good lawyer for the sake of your child, and be a good father. As for this female that has brought you through the mud and who is too self centered to care, please, she will only continue to do so then get on the phone and gossip for hours more bragging about how she has you whipped.
She is a child, Sir. Nothing more. She will not grow up until she is made to.
Again, I am sorry. I am a woman, and to my distress, I see so much of what you describe every day. It makes me sick, really. These females will only try to get attention, be it from a man, a family member, or their so called friends. They don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to commanding respect. Please, dear friend. Walk away, take all the time you need, and when the time is right, you will know when to begin looking not for a girl, but a woman who will love you without reservation, without wavering, without a second thought. She will love your child because she is yours. She will not cheat. She will not have drama in her life. Look for her, and someday, she will appear. I promise, we still exist.

Man,sorry to hear you are going through such a bad time in your life.

IMO sounds like maybe you need to pay more attention to real life then pursuing these other avenues .
Get your life straight.

Ask yourself,why did she want to come back and then ask why she wants to leave.

Get rid of her and leave. Don't take her back either. Sounds like she's a psycho.

Please, dear friend. Walk away..

reply to post by volafox


For me that´s the real test..ufffff

Ask yourself,why did she want to come back and then ask why she wants to leave.

reply to post by kdog1982


She came back cause no one treats her like i do,she wants to leave cause....cause...mmm
I´ve got no money???
No job???
Found someone else??
It´s my fate, a test????
Don´t know

reply to post by SoulVoid


Yes, I know. I've had to walk before myself...but I am all the stronger for it. You will be as well. You will be making room in your life for something far better. I'll tell you the truth- it could take years. But wow... when that moment comes and you find yourself with someone who knows your soul as well as you do, and you are not just lovers but friends as well... it will take your breath away and reestablish your faith in everything good in this world.

reply to post by SoulVoid


dude sorry to hear about your situation.Sounds like a classic i only want someone who doesn't want me type of person. Once you rebuilt your life she came back this is normal behavior for that type of person. Whats sad about it is after 12 years you wouldn't know if she just wanted to get back with you or to see if she could get you. But now you have your answer. Give her the option A: still in relationship B: this is over for good. Don't whine or give any emotion that lets her think she has the upper hand. Tell her she has 2 days to decide. Make arrangements to stay somewhere else and start packing. Remember she cheated and you gave her the chance at redemption. I know you love your daughter but don't let it blind you or make you a emotional whipping boy for your ex wife.

Seems like you trusted the wrong person. Use this memory if she decides to try and come back again.Best of luck I hope she picks option a.
Even if she does pick A go out get a job and a set of new friends "your friends" don't bring them around your wife remember she lost that trust once she cheated. Start putting your foot down! show her that her actions have reactions

Whats sad about it is after 12 years you wouldn't know if she just wanted to get back with you or to see if she could get you

reply to post by digital01anarchy


Now that i think about it..
I really don´t know her..

What i can´t think of is my daughter with another man near her..
It kills me

reply to post by SoulVoid

Right right now? Just about anything you could do will only be like throwing gasoline on the fire. You see that right? Your intensity of struggle is plain for all to see. You have a daughter, thats wonderful. You are not losing her. Your marriage reminds me of fool me once, twice... are you going back for thirds? Then step back, sleep on it. Decide in the morning. This era of your life with her ends. After you swim to shore, you can reestablish your life and sanity and then go back to visit with your daughter.

Easy for me to say all that from where I am sitting. Just get the main point that right now all you can do with all that emotion is make things worse (for everyone). If you lose control and touch her at all, you in jail. Thats worse. Sorry about this one, I am not being much help, just feel for you in pain.

reply to post by intrptr


Pain is an understatement..
I´m fu... lost..
Feellike fuk... desapearing cause i´m such a fool..
I can´t stop thinking how can she be so fu... cruel..

I totally feel for you, brother. I went through almost exactly the same situation. It was very surreal at the time, as if I wasn't living in the same body or experiencing the same life. The best advice I can give you is to take care of that little girl, do everything for her. And if your wife is as manipulative and conniving as you say, do whatever it takes to get custody. But DO NOT bow to her level. Speak to her with respect at all times, just don't let her walk all over you, or convince you again that she loves and misses you. Be the bigger person, and if she is as self-absorbed as you say, those qualities will show in court (at least they did for me). What I went through was one of the hardest times of my life, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, not even the guys she cheated on me with, but in the end, I am (and hopefully you will be) a much stronger person for it.

ETA: PM me anytime you need to vent.

reply to post by OblivionGate

That´s another problem, i think i can´t ever win my daugther in court,here in my countrymoms always have the upper hand, not to mention that her mother works in the federal court

She wanted you back because you had a new life. Its that simple.
Some people are like that. As somebody else mentioned above, find work near your daughter.
Stay away from the ex. I absolutely refuse to be within sight of my ex, I think you should do the same. That way they cant f...your life up anymore.

Originally posted by SoulVoid

Whats sad about it is after 12 years you wouldn't know if she just wanted to get back with you or to see if she could get you

reply to post by digital01anarchy

 

Now that i think about it..
I really don´t know her..

you never really ever know anybody, the truly lost don't even know themselves that's why they can justify hurting others aka they lie to themselves

What i can´t think of is my daughter with another man near her.. It kills me

That's her power and she knows it! I know it will hurt but just dont even think of that situation deal with it as it comes.

All the posters so far have given you excellent advice. As an older woman, let me give you my take on your situation.

You met this gal when she was 15 years old. She has known no other life as a young person, other than one with you. For some women, they can meet one guy when they are very young, and stay together with that guy forever. Most girls, though, will "wake up" in their 20s and realize that they never went through the experiences that their friends did. It's as if you married her at 15. Twelve years later, she is restless and probably has a bunch of friends telling her how great it is to fly solo and chase men.

She had a baby and realized that she was still unfulfilled, hence the postpartum depression and subsequent break-up. She is chasing something that will end up leaving her empty and bitter, but in her mind, she is making up for "lost time". She got out on her own without you, got scared that you were going to be lost to her forever, and won you back. Perhaps a new guy has appeared on the horizon, and now she's done with you again.

It's like a kid who has had a toy for so long that they don't care about it anymore, until another kid comes along and wants to play with it. Suddenly it has value again....for a while.

In no way am I defending her behavior. She is behaving like a child, because she still is one, despite her chronological age. She has not "grown up" mentally or emotionally. Some women, like some men, take forever to grow up and become mature, thoughtful, caring adults.

I would suggest not taking her back, because she'll keep reeling you in and then pushing you away. Yes there is a child involved, and it is hard to see your child have to interact with another father figure when you are right there and want the job full-time.

The best outcome would be for you to let this woman go, she seems sneaky and manipulative (the secret presents, the constant pressure until you took her back). Be there for your daughter, and have as much time with her as you can. No other man can replace daddy to a little girl unless he pushes her away, so as long as you're a good father, your little girl will always be yours, no matter what other guys are hanging around. Keep a good line of communication with this child, because if something unsavory happens, you need to know so you can attempt to gain custody.

Accept the inevitable, and concentrate on trying to do the best you can with the crappy hand life has dealt you. Many of us on here have had similar nightmares in our lives, including myself. I remember sitting there thinking my life was over, and wishing that it was. Then I saw my two little girls and realized that I had to go on, no matter how bleak and bad things looked. Twelve years later, things are so different. Situations change, we just have to have to courage to push forward and believe that it will get better.

It's not easy, and it hurts like hell, but you will be alright. Every day brings new opportunity. Concentrate on yourself, be there for your child, and let that woman go. She will be trouble for whomever ends up with her, don't let that be you.

reply to post by SoulVoid


I always thought the same thing. I was literally sick for months with the thought that only the mother wins these kind of cases, and that I had no recourse. You may be surprised at how custody battles work now. We went through a sort of "counseling" to determine who was the better fit to raise our children. After two months, I received a letter of overwhelming support from the courts, and the case was settled quickly. Custody cases are usually settled in county or state courts (US), not in federal court, so her mother's position SHOULD have no bearing on the case. Just do the best you can for yourself and your daughter, give the courts every reason to award you custody, keep logs of all of her infractions and odd behaviour (do not let her know you are doing this, and do not use them unless you absolutely must), and when it comes time for court, do not interrupt her or speak over her, and if she does so to you, LET HER. There are many facets to a custody hearing that will all add to the final judgement, but ultimately it is up to you to make yourself the better parent for your daughter.

Originally posted by SoulVoid
reply to post by OblivionGate

 

That´s another problem, i think i can´t ever win my daugther in court,here in my countrymoms always have the upper hand, not to mention that her mother works in the federal court

Don't even think about that. your child still needs to see her mom no matter how messed up she was too you. Just make your time with your daughter a hell of a lot more fun then her time with her mother!