NASA astronauts selection

If one examines the history of the men who have, as Tom Wolfe said, the right stuff, one will be impressed by the courage, skill and bravura they have shown, whether it be in the cockpit of Apollo 13 or the first spacewalk. They are the cream of American Manhood, and all small boys everywhere, and grown men too, share a secret lust for the stars and the life of those who dare to travel beyond our mortal realm.

These modern, and oh so chivalrous, knights may well be admirable, but one can't help get the feeling, as one inspects the photographs of these universally white, crew cut, blue eyed and rugged chinned men, that it might be better to choose another type of bodyform and temperament altogether.

Here I shall argue that NASA astronauts should be homosexual.

At first this may seem outrageous, nay, utterly preposterous. But let us look at the supreme advantages gay men have over the sickeningly common, stereotypically heterosexual men currently employed.

Gay men have better visio-spatial and dexterity skills. Gay men are better at dexterity tests than heterosexual men, and are indeed comparable to women in this arena. They are also better at horizontal and vertical spatial orientation tasks. Obviously then, they would be far better suited to such tasks as piloting the shuttle, repairing the Hubble space telescope, and so on.

Homosexual men display a number of hypermasculine characteristics. This may seem like a strange qualification, but there have been concerns at NASA that the current crop of astronauts are too weak and submissive. When involved in joint missions with the Russians on Mir, the American astronauts were forced into submissive roles, such as cleaning toilets and swabbing floors, whilst the Russians did the expert, relatively interesting tasks in comfort. One astronaut, John Blaha, was referred to as the 'bitch' of the station. NASA has tried to compromise by sending more butch astronauts such as Michael Foales without much success, but by employing homosexual instead, they can be sure that their proven hypermasculine characteristics (such as: More sexual partners, larger gonads, more testosterone, etc etc) will save the day.

Gay men have more efficient brains. This is because the heterosexual man is strongly left brained, such that he is specialised towards simple reptilian tasks, but the homosexual man uses both sides of his brain equally, resulting in a superb, and highly efficient, synthesis. As the brain uses up to 30% of the energy consumed by our bodies, this means that they consume less food, and hence payloads on gay missions can be significantly smaller. As missions currently cost $100,000 per kilo, and NASA is trying to cost cut and do things smaller, cheaper, faster, we can see that the use of gay men exclusively would allow NASA to both cut costs and send more scientific instruments on future shuttle flights and missions to Mars.

Homosexual men can be lovers. As we turn our ambitions towards longer space missions, we can see that the issue of sex in space will become important, and that it is unreasonable and even cruel to send men on long, protracted missions without romantic company. There have been suggestions that the men use inflatable girlfriends - Russian cosmonauts on Mir once requested such a solution. However, it is feared that using these contraptions on extended space flights can result in so-called 'doll syndrome' - where the astronaut begins to prefer the doll to real female company. This is clearly inhumane and cruel. Obviously the solution is to employ gay men, who can then safely love one another. Gay sex is also less emotionally demanding that heterosexual sex. Where females lie back after sex, wonder what the future holds and demand emotional attention, cuddling and so forth, men can report to duty almost immediately, such is their perfunctory attitude to sex. Men separate sex and emotion, where women do not. This is a great advantage.

Gay men are resistant to alienation. Space is an unforgiving place, where men must work alone without human comfort or variety for many lonesome hours. The typical gay man has faced such privations throughout his lifetime, as they are oppressed in our society from birth to death. What better way for NASA to get people used to this terrible affliction, the one affliction all of us fear more than any other, than to employ gay men?

Gay men are better housekeepers and are tidier. This means that for extended space flights in zero gravity they should be much better at avoiding the problems that slobby heterosexual men are well known for. They have better personal hygiene, which means that they are less likely to suffer from disease.

Homosexual men have better interpersonal skills. Thus we can see that they are much more suited to getting on with each other, and sensing interpersonal problems before they even occur. In the wilderness of space this is extremely important.

Spacecraft with gay occupants would need less radiation shielding. The first sign of radiation poisoning is that you hair falls out and longer term effects include the loss of reproductive ability. As gays are unlikely to reproduce, and also are obsessive when it comes to waxing and shaving, and indeed defoliation of all sorts, we can see that radiation poisoning will have no effect on them. This will allow the space craft to be much smaller, lighter and faster.

Gay men make better cultural ambassadors. The mark of any advanced society is that it is tolerant towards homosexuals. If one looks at the Ancient Greeks, and in particular the Spartans, one will find that they positively encouraged homosexual relations. Indeed, the Spartans had their men living in dormitories, from birth till the age of 30, and the whole army and society was based on homosexuality. Heterosexual relations were strictly controlled, and it is thought that the Spartan army was so fearsome because the men truly loved and fought for one another. If aliens should happenstance upon our ambassadors to the stars, they should be impressed by our civilisation's cultural equality and social tolerance. They will then surely be more likely to trade us advanced technology for the better of all Mankind. And should, as has been mooted, the aliens wish to sexually experiment upon our brave pioneers, then the astronauts should find it far less stressful, already used as they are to alternative sexual behaviour.

to be continued ...

reply to post by bokonon2010


The name of the thread and the start of your post are misleading as to the core of the post. But your avatar isn't! A perfect graphic for the thread! Thanks for the interesting twist.

Written by a gay man no doubt. Seriously where do you get this stuff?

NASA astronauts selection continued:

Precedents

Analogous to the issue of space crews being homosexual are submarine and Navy crews. In times past, navy crews would have a so-called 'pegboy', who would sit on a one legged stool the wrong way round in order to keep his rectum properly distended during the day, and then be used for services during the evening. Submarine crews, which have often spent months at a time at sea, have also had notable instances of homosexuality. The first example is inhumane, and the second probably caused much strife and splits in the crew, but nonetheless it shows that homosexuality does historically play a part in important and critical missions. An all-homosexual crew would surely be better equipped, and not have the tensions and guilt that occur when otherwise straight men become homosexual out of desperation.

Reading this, you may well ask "Why not just use women for the task?". The answer is simple - women are too emotional and weak, and are not as skillfull spatially as gay men, though they do share their talents in dexterity and language (important for effectively communicating with each other and mission control). There may be a case for lesbians however- the only problem here may be their physical weakness.

These problems have not manifested themselves until now because we have barely been outside our cosmic neighbourhood. But it is clear that the deviant working conditions of space require deviant workers, and so as we turn towards the stars, it seems, to this observer at least, that the future lies with the gay.

reply to post by bokonon2010


Quote "women are too emotional and weak"? Dude, be prepared if any woman happens upon this thread. If you think Sally Ride was weak, she'll quickly make a pegboy out of you. Heads up for the weaker sex.

This thread is totally biased and it's being a little stereotypical, so all straight men are the same and have same skill sets? and also the gays women etc?

If the future of mankind is in being homosexual I think we might need alien intervention to keep us here, cause we obviously won't be reproducing anymore.

Originally posted by bokonon2010When involved in joint missions with the Russians on Mir, the American astronauts were forced into submissive roles, such as cleaning toilets and swabbing floors, whilst the Russians did the expert, relatively interesting tasks in comfort. One astronaut, John Blaha, was referred to as the 'bitch' of the station.

Send Russians.

reply to post by bokonon2010


You seem to know quite a lot about gay men dont you

Your post is total BS as it is based on stereotype for gay men

Originally posted by _kuma_

Originally posted by bokonon2010
When involved in joint missions with the Russians on Mir, the American astronauts were forced into submissive roles, such as cleaning toilets and swabbing floors, whilst the Russians did the expert, relatively interesting tasks in comfort. One astronaut, John Blaha, was referred to as the 'bitch' of the station.

Send Russians.

Outsourcing space to Russians is not a gay option. Russians are notorious for their gay rights abuses, though their tolerance is improving lately and you can often hear on the streets of Moscow: "Putin pidor, poshel na khuy!"

NASA should review the financial benefits of becoming gay astronaut:

Astronaut Salary in Fort Gay, WV
The average salary for Astronaut in Fort Gay, West Virginia is $53,777. If you were to work as a Astronaut in Fort Gay, West Virginia you could expect a starting salary of $44,287. You could expect to make a salary of around $63,267 after some time.

Quick Astronaut Salary Details
Average Astronaut Salary: $53,777 Entry Level Astronaut Salary: $44,287 Monthly Astronaut Salary: $4,481 Hourly Astronaut Pay: $24/Hour

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The salary for Astronaut in Fort Gay is much lower than the average Astronaut salary. However the cost of living in Fort Gay is very low. The cost of living in Fort Gay is 34% lower than the national average. The average Astronaut age in Fort Gay, West Virginia is 42 years old.

astronautsalary.net...

-- does it look attractive to you?

Originally posted by Aleister
reply to post by bokonon2010

 

Quote "women are too emotional and weak"? Dude, be prepared if any woman happens upon this thread. If you think Sally Ride was weak, she'll quickly make a pegboy out of you. Heads up for the weaker sex.

It is all about austerity. Surely, NASA resource lesbians too, but gays are proven to be more legal costs effective:

NASA Experiences Worst PR Disaster Since Aldrin-Armstrong Gay Weekend Getaway

Astronaut Lisa Nowak, who was charged with the attempted first degree murder of a perceived rival in a twisted love triangle with colleague William “Billy-O” Oefelein, has brought NASA into its worst PR battle since the scandal surrounding Apollo 11, when Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong sneaked off together for a weekend deep in the secluded Framora Highlands.

The weekend tryst was scandalous at the time, and until recently remained the biggest black eye on the space exploration agency, which is now reeling from the affects of the Nowak debacle.

"This loose cannon [Nowak] has single-handedly destroyed the decades of painstaking PR work we did to erase the memory of...the get-together," said Chief of NASA operations Horace Gilbert, “as well as our efforts to make people forget about when rookie astronaut Bob [McCaffe] taped himself making lewd gestures and simulating oral sex on a sleeping cosmonaut [Mikhail Tyurin] in the International Space Station."

"This one will be a black spot on the otherwise nearly flawless record of NASA and its engineers,” he added with regret.

NASA's image recovered quickly from the Challenger and Columbia disasters in 1986 and 2003, respectively, in which the catastrophic failures served to renew interest in an otherwise unexciting space program. It wasn't until the space shuttle program began, however, that NASA clearly emerged from the embarrassment that were Neil Armstrong's first words as he stepped onto the lunar surface: "I just filled my diaper with about three gallons of my own urine and feces. This mike's not hot, right?"

The space program got off to a rocky start in the early 60's amid rumors of orgies and wife swapping between the Mercury astronauts, but quickly recovered after astronaut Al Worden's appearance on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. The Armstrong-Aldrin scandal and the infamous leaked list of "ten kinky things you never thought we could do with space suits" put the public's faith to the test once again, and analysts are drawing parallels between that events and Nowak's murderous diaper-toting trip from Texas to Florida.

Now, as in the 60's, NASA has to decide how best to protect its sterling image from further deprecation at the hands of Nowak. Many suggest that NASA ought to remind the media how far the administration has come since the days of its archaic tests of the effects of "race records" on the minds of white scientists in zero-gravity during the 1970's, or its refusal to allow re-entry into the atmosphere once it was found that payload specialist Rodolfo Neri Vela's work visa had expired.

"NASA has come far from the hard-livin' times of the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo space programs when astronauts would show up to press conferences obviously drunk, or when shuttle astronauts would sneak Jack Daniels into the payload bay," said a NASA spokesperson Bruce Goldberg. "It is surprising that Mrs. Nowak wasn't found to be absolutely bat# crazy after all the psychological and mental screenings the participants in the United States space program have to endure, but it's nothing like when [former Mercury astronaut] Deke Slayton, after a day in the isolation chamber, went mad and slaughtered that family out in the Kansas sticks."

"See, there was a reason why he became Flight Director, and never actually got into space," added Goldberg.

NASA admits that the twisted love triangle involving two of its astronauts is a blemish on its record, but still beats the hell out of Buzz Aldrin's last words on the moon: "Gee, Neil, you give a whole new meaning to the phrase moon rock."

www.enduringvision.com...

Gay men are good at this and that but you`re convincing us that you`re more vain than a barbie doll

NASA hasn't selected their astronauts as all white and male since the 70's. Actually, There was one black test pilot who was in the astronaut training program during Gemini and he was really at or near the top of the Astronaut class at the time, one of the best candidates we had, but was unfortunately killed in a test flight before he ever got to be an astronaut. Had he lived, it's almost certain he would have been the first black American into space, and likely would have been part of the Apollo moon missions, possibly walked on the moon even.

Since then there have been many black, female, Asian, etc. Americans and even non-Americans on Shuttle flights. On the the Columbia disaster flight there was a female astronaut from India as a part of the crew, and an Israeli male.

The Soviets were very quick to put a female cosmonaut up, their sixth human crewed flight into space was by a woman, Valentina Tereshkova, back in 1963. It wasn't until the 80's when the U.S. started putting women in space.

Space, The Final Frontier for Homosexuality

There have been openly gay television actors and characters, there have been openly gay (retired) NFL football players, there has even been an openly gay US Republican Member of Congress, but there has never been an openly gay astronaut, active or retired.

With over 450 people having flown into space, odds are there has been at least one gay person in space already, but the conservative nature of NASA and the military heritage of many of the astronauts may combine to make it difficult for astronauts to be open about their sexual orientation. Add to that that US astronauts all live and train in Texas, where sodomy laws remained on the books until 2003 (when a Supreme Court ruling forced Texas to take them out), and you can begin to get a sense of the atmosphere. The atmosphere in Russia has not been much better.

There have been some recent victories however for gay people who love space. Former ‘N Sync singer and commercial astronaut hopeful Lance Bass came out on the cover of People magazine in 2006 and George Takei, the actor who played the beloved Lieutenant Sulu on Star Trek, came out of the closet in 2005. Takei has become a major spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign and embarked on a nationwide speaking tour he called, "Equality Trek."

Of NASA’s 10 field centers, Ames and JPL in California, and Goddard in Maryland already have groups at their centers to support gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employees. NASA Ames also hosted George Takei in a special event on October 11, 2007 for National Coming Out Day. But the space community at large, still has a long way to go.

There are groups in the scientific and engineering communities for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, the largest is NOGLSTP (National Organization of Gay and Lesbian Scientists and Technical Professionals). There are also groups of gay astronomers and gay geoscientists (gAyGU, a play on the geoscience organization AGU). Space scientists, engineers and astronauts don’t have their own organization yet, or for that matter many role models, but things are changing.

In 1991 1990, Todd B. Hawley, visionary co-founder of the International Space University, boldly disclosed he was gay in response to a flurry of rumors. He ultimately left ISU and died in 1995 from complications due to AIDS but his courage and his commitment to space still touches the people who knew him.

James Pollack, a famous atmospheric scientist who worked with Carl Sagan and spent most of his career at NASA Ames, was also gay. It is discussed in the book "Carl Sagan: A Life" by Keay Davidson, 2000. Pollack died of spine cancer in 1994.

If you are gay and you love space you are certainly not alone (US census data shows that at least 1 percent of the population is gay identifying and with the tens of thousands of people working in space that means there are a lot of gay people in the space community).

www.wired.com...

Originally posted by RAY1990
If the future of mankind is in being homosexual I think we might need alien intervention to keep us here, cause we obviously won't be reproducing anymore.

Hell, that will happen.

You don't understand OP... your job there is to keep/check scientific data not have fun and kiss with someone.. if someone homo is good at the scientific data and doesn't do other things other than what he's there for, then why not. But it does not seem to be the case you describe. In fact, your point is ridiculous.

Generally I am not against gays but worshipping yourself above the others, OP for being one, this is the kind of homos that need to be disliked and disallowed.

Gay men are better housekeepers and are tidier.
Gay men have more efficient brains.
Gay men are resistant to alienation.
Homosexual men have better interpersonal skills.

Oh I see, troll. Goodbye.