Do you feel this way too?

Originally posted by litterbaux
reply to post by SplitInfinity

 

It's funny you mentioned gardening. I absolutely love watching plants grow. I grow a variety of vegetables and flowers. There is nothing like waking up in the morning and going out to the garden. Eat some beans, maybe a radish or 10 and checking the strawberries for new flowers.

It's so simple yet so rewarding.

One of my favorite things to do is get up early for an outdoor tennis match....if playing a woman best out of 3 set...if playing a man...best out of 5...and it can take a while so we get there at 6:30 AM in Summer as the Sun is up!
After...we go to my place and jump in the pool....go to the side concrete and rock edge and hang there and soak and watch my garden. I plant Zinnias between all the plant rows so we get a huge number of Butterfly's as well as Humming Birds which love the natural Honey Suckle as well as Morning Glories.
It is a WONDERFUL time for peace and reflection as well as allowing your body and mind to cool and slow down.
For ANYONE that thinks Tennis is a Pansy Game...just try it! Besides Swimming which I also do...I swim 1 mile 3 times a week....tennis is one of the best workouts you will EVER get. Split Infinity

Pretty much sums up exactly how i feel... So here is my question, what if we are the subjects of propaganda and this is exactly how TPTB wants us to feel...

Originally posted by SoulVoid

This year I have notice more and more I am not able to get a good nights sleep. I literally cannot fall asleep. When I do I have to make myself fall asleep.

reply to post by Irish614

 

Exactly...2 and 3 days without sleeping...maybe some sleep disorder??

wth ive been having some nasty problems sleeping aswell, i keep walking up, as soon as i do my mind starts rambling and i cant sleep until i make myself do so.

Originally posted by Johnkie
Pretty much sums up exactly how i feel... So here is my question, what if we are the subjects of propaganda and this is what Exactly how TPTB wants us to feel... L

BINGO

reply to post by vancouverite


Yep thats me aswell, my problem is im starting to judge others because there "asleep" still so i have to keep telling myself not to, i think the doctors would diagnose this as "depression" and give you prozac or something simular to "forget"

I've felt this way throughout my adult life. Probably when I was 17 it started. I got a job as a cook in a bar/ restaurant after previous work in one. I was exposed to people showing their true colors from all the booze in them. This taught me how to really read people as well. I never took it as deep as the original post I just thought it was a personality trait I developed. Realistic yet openminded and modest yet confident.

Originally posted by Johnkie

Originally posted by SoulVoid

This year I have notice more and more I am not able to get a good nights sleep. I literally cannot fall asleep. When I do I have to make myself fall asleep.

reply to post by Irish614

 

Exactly...2 and 3 days without sleeping...maybe some sleep disorder??

wth ive been having some nasty problems sleeping aswell, i keep walking up, as soon as i do my mind starts rambling and i cant sleep until i make myself do so.

edit on 22-5-2012 by Johnkie because: (no reason given)

You Guy's are talking to the KING of Sleep Issues! I have played in a Touring Band for multiple decades and I am ALWAYS on BAND TIME...that being...1pm to 7am. The problem is my responsibilities have me having to be places at 9 am.

The only good thing about it is that in my third JOB I and my Team work mostly at night so as some people have problems ajusting to observing for long nightime hours...I love it!

When I am not on tour and in the studio as I now am...and for too long but also fortunate as I have been reunited with my original Drummer who is in the top 10 Worldwide as far as ability. He is 6 ft. 6 in. so he can easily get his arms quickly to his Massive Drum Kit which also has all sorts of chimes bells....and things he has custom made by hand. Both of us are always on Band Time so if I am not posting here late night...I get together with him and help him make Drums. He is SO adept at his craft of both playing Drums and understanding what makes a good one that he makes all types. In the 80's...the Metal Years...he hade an entire Drum Kit out of Steel. The sound is still amazing. So I would suggest...if you cannot sleep...do something with your time. The physical action will bring you back on track to your normal sleep period. As for me...I am a LOST CAUSE and sleep little...but I need little....and like the other person here said...If I am not tired my Mind Will RACE and I will think myself to Death! LOL!

Seriously though....a bit of exercize at 10 pm will put you to sleep quickly. Jog or walk 2 Miles. At a quick pace of say 10 MPH it will take you only 12 minutes to travel 10 miles. Good Luck! Split Infinity

I have been unusually tired for days. I know the difference between not sleeping enough and just being completely drained for no apparent reason. This often happens off and on during the year and usually goes along with some full moons, or celestial alignments, so it doesn't bother me except that it's sometimes annoying to wake up and feel like going back to bed.

But this morning, I felt almost depressed, just like there was nothing to do, no one to talk to. A lot of the things I consider important just meant very little today. I really just wanted to sit here and do nothing!

I know these times pass and I DO attribute them to the frequency of Earth changing. Anyone who thinks that sounds stupid, go check out Richard Hoagland's torsion field stuff - totally explains it in quite physical terms.

It might sound stupid to you guys, but does anyone feel a need for an epic adventure, or break in the system as it were, like an apocalypse or life/ earth changer, where we can revert to our old selves, and just live in the now, day to day, a new exciting world..... As it stands right now, if somthing asked me if I wanted to explore the universe on their ship, and leave everything, I think I would go.

Originally posted by biggmoneyme
intense energy hitting the planet. the next 8 years will be interesting to say the least. # bout to hit to fan, but thats just my guess

This is more my thought. Intense energy hitting the planet. It's been increasing exponentially since the early 90's. It's not just us too. I know when I feel it happening, other people around me say they feel tired, or weird but they just write it off. And no, I don't tell them "intense energy hitting the planet" because they would NOT get it. But it affects everyone. I don't however think the # will hit the fan though. I think people are just being changed by this energy day after day, institutions, corporations, political leaders. There might be some rough patches, but all in all, I'd say the world and its people are going to get better and better.

One thing you may notice, is that AFTER such periods of feeling extra strange (in too many ways to describe), when it's over, and you get a break, you feel GREAT! So I look at these as little upgrades, the universe doing psychotherapy on us!

Maybe it is stress without realizing we are stressed. Like gaining weight. We don't realize 20 extra pounds is heavy until we carry it in our arms for an hour. You wake up expecting the day to be just like the day before and the day before that. Guess what? Turns out is was. Vacations are more stress then working. It is insane to believe that you live to work and you work to live then you have children believing they will fulfil your life. Compare yourself to a june bug. What is his purpose? Why would God design him with faults? He can't even fly straight. Is a virus intention to rule the world? How many people are supporting their parents and their children right now because of the economy? Do we drown ourselves in TV, a book, our gardens or the internet as opposed to seeking social events? There really isn't a purpose yet self preservation is instinct. We anticipate our children to be extensions of our self as if we live after death through them. How many people know Idavee Wheeler? I do and peices of her linger. She was one woman who pressed to give voting rights to women. I may be one of many but I still have the power to change how we live today by standing up for things I believe in so my extensions will live happier than I.

Originally posted by OneEleven

Originally posted by Skada
Yeah, I feel like this almost every day. Some call it enlightenment, others call it craziness. (Crazy can be fixed)

The "other symptoms" are: not feeling like you belong here, you want to go "Home" but you don't know where it is (but it isn't on this planet), the way people do things is crazy or "not normal" to you. There are more, but I think it is the new normal. We are just becoming more then just our human form. Enjoy the ride, it will be bumpy.

Wow .... Totally misinformed ...

Enlightenment isn't lonliness, depression, or confusion ...

In fact, enlightenment would be the exact opposite of these things ... A complete understanding ...

You're moving backwards...

Feeling lonely and depressed about it is a phase though.

Originally posted by jiggerj
reply to post by vancouverite

 

With so many doomsday scenarios floating about, and with all the earthquakes and awakened volcanoes, the shifting poles, the weakening of earth's magnetic field, birds dropping dead right out of the air, fish floating dead in the water... For all of these things to be occurring within such a short time span has me suffering from a sort of quiet anxiety.

edit on 5/21/2012 by jiggerj because: No reason given

edit on 5/21/2012 by jiggerj because: (no reason given)

I am at the same point you described in your post.

I feel a dread/expectation for something ill defined, but related to all you posted. The restless Earth, the restless masses, the onslaught against EVERY THING living, it all plays into my constant mulling of what, ultimately, it all means.

I can look at the facts and figures and the tally I come up with indicates a "GAME OVER" sum. When you add up crashed economies, radioactive fallout, volcanic activity escalation, war and threatened wars, unexplained die offs of living things (birds, fish, bats, bees, trees, etc.) and more it is the only logical deduction. It is game over, or a restart world very unlike the one we were used to until recently.

I feel like I am living it, but somehow just outside of it. These things all effect me, but it is like I am seeing them from afar. I worry about it all, but there is literally nothing I can do about them now. All the things I did in the past, the recycling, the ecological thinking, trying to convince others that they needed to take care of each other and the Earth and its inhabitants, trying to improve my health and that of my family, those things all seem moot now.

What is happening on our Earth, in our lives world wide, these things have been reached by a very long road, with many intersections. I feel that we have just come to a dead end, or a junction where we can't see what lies in the direction we are going, so it looks blank, empty and desolate.

I truly feel like I am biding my time, going thru the motions, waiting for that gong to sound. Will it be game over or new beginning. I don't know because I can't calculate it accurately. I just expect it to sound.

Hey OP if you want to feel fullfilled by comparison
come sit in a walmart in Onterrible for the time it takes to drink a Timmy or two...
assuming you have at least some powers of observation you should begin to feel fullfilled again after about twenty minutes

I felt this way for about 2 years but I don't now. I'll attempt to explain. I think I've always been a bit weird like this my whole life. Usual story percieved by most as intelligent but ended up failing at school. Not at first. Until high school everything was too easy I remember doing barely any work and still getting through until high school.

For high school I moved from the place I'd grown up in and had been all my life. I started school and only knew about 3 people none of which I was in the same class with. I wasn't happy about it at the time but I think back and I wasn't truly aware of what was happening. I was trapped in a bubble I didn't think enough I just did things.

I gradually cared less everyday at the same time my parents were having problems like they always had. They ended up splitting up for good. I was happy until then they had argued every night. Plus my relationship with my dad was nonexistent. Always working never there still liked to think he knew enough about me to judge me. One time stands out when we got into an argument I ended up trying to walk away from him but he kept following me anywhere in the house I went.

I was unbelievably angry I threatened to hurt hiim if he didn't leave me alone. He began to tell me to do it. I refused to give in to what he was trying to do. So one of the hardest things I'd ever done was walk away from my house and I didn't come back until he was gone.

My mum ended up kicking him out because she found texts to another woman that said he loved her and that wasn't the first time something like that had happened. I felt worse and worse about school I had a bunch of friends by then but even them didn't make going to school any better. I was constantly harrassed by teachers for not following rules mostly uniform related.

A few went out of their way to make me feel worse breaking their own rules and saying things to me that were pretty unprofessional taunting me and such. I wanted to hurt them like I did my dad. I would stay at home for sometimes up to a month pretending I was sick. It was a running joke about me staying home for long periods of time.

I got to a point where I actually got physically sick and I was always tired most likely from stress and an unhealthy lifestyle. I decided one day I was never going to attend school again lest I do something stupid or dangerous. I wasn't legally allowed to leave at that age. But I did. Everyone I knew was angry at me friends and family. I lashed out everyone that questioned my decision.

I was truant for a year because I was only 15 I wasn't out causing trouble though so I wasn't bothered by anyone until I was almost 16. At that point they said I might as well wait till I was 16 to enroll in correspondence school. I believe I'm an example of what is a very flawed system that few are attempting to change and many are being negatively effected by.

The statement I've just made is very broad but there are many problems and many people I know that are a lot more involved in this system for various reasons and they didn't back then so much but now we talk all the time about these problems and they keep saying they have to stay with it for certain things like jobs and then there is also the constant pressure from everywhere around them.

I no longer wonder why people feel the need to get drunk and high every weekend but I don't think it's a good idea to alter your mind to escape because you never really do escape and quite often people break instead and they don't always survive that.

So back to my story which I hope is actually of some interest I just thought it better to provide background to assist in explaining certain emotions. Before I was 16 I was a lot more angry at everything and just plain suicidal I guess I was trying to recover from my life up until that point. I never had a good outlet. I really didn't think about it. Just reacted. When I felt angry or sad I reacted.

The only thing that really helped me stay calm was music which is actually a big part of my story. I'd always liked Hip Hop and Rap regardless of what people may think about those genres they were my favourite. At first it was mainstream but I began to drift away from only that and these days it's a lot more underground but I'm fine with either because if it has a message and isn't just shallow with no depth then I can appreciate it.

I started writing raps myself sometime when I was 15 I used a maths book which had maybe 2 pages of math that I ripped out. It became one of few school books that I actually filled up. That ended up becoming my outlet I didn't like writing at first but I forced myself to because I knew I could do better if I practised. I continued writing and when correspondence started I had real problems finding a reason to do it. That's when these empty feelings were at their worst I had them to some degree when I left school but by this time when things had calmed down a bit it was very difficult to find my path.

reply to post by goeffy


Wow this has ended up being longer than I expected I guess I'll finish the story though. I began to get very sick I can't remember exactly when but it was because I became lactose intolerant and didn't figure it out till late last year. Doctors didn't help at all I waited for a at least half a year for a gastroscopy and colonoscopy when it would have been as simple as testing eliminating certain foods from my diet which they never even suggested. It would obviously be one of the first things I'd test now.

This was back when I let the doctors think for me because they were the "professionals" though so I stayed with basically constant sickness day in and day out until I figured it out myself. These feelings were all around me at that time. With sickness and my lack of enthusiasm for correspondence I felt empty and too many times I felt like I didn't want to live but I didn't want to commit suicide either and in my experience that can be really terrifying. You don't know when it will stop and you don't know what to do about it.

Nobody could help they only suggested councilling and psychiatrists suggested drugs but I wasn't with that for a second so I just said I was alright and dealt with it myself aside from talking to good friends once in a while which I didn't have many of once I left school. I didn't lose people as friends but most of them I rarely talked to and they didn't try to talk to me except to tell me to come back to school. That ended up making me feel worse about myself.

I didn't think very many people cared about me and the ones I thought did too many of them tried to force certain lifestyles on me because it's what they thought was best and it can end up pretty damaging when all people want for you is some reflection of themselves. They would get angry and confrontational with my attempts at living differently. They seemed to take it as a personal attack like I was saying that their life wasn't valid without me actually saying anything. I have relatives that are teachers and I really didn't like the way they reacted.

They couldn't handle my views because it directly went against theirs any conversations I tried to have ended with them arguing I was wrong because they couldn't be. How I percieved people changed drastically after I stepped out of line there was no way it couldn't. I got enough correspondence done to stay in the program without staying in it we would have to move house because the government wouldn't pay my mum if I wasn't studying.

We only had a decent house in a upper middle class area it wasn't prefferable that 4 people try to move into an apartment to try and stay in the area so my brothers could go to school there. I was still writing I'd become more skilled and I was better at expressing what I wanted to say. In May last year I started posting youtube videos of me rapping to instrumentals it wasn't good quality it was recorded on a cheap camera but people I showed liked them. They said I improved with every new one.

That made me feel good for short times but I was always so lost in my mind the same terror springing up most days I didn't know who I was. Whenever I tried to go to parties I was quiet I didn't know what to say to people any more. At the same time as this I was more and more on the internet gradually making my way to frequenting conspiracy forums. That was normally pretty positive for me I was always learning things. I'd never learnt at school like I did on the internet.

Obviously there's a lot of misinformation and disinformation so I tried to be as open minded as I could but at the same time not just accepting things because I liked the idea. If there was no proof then there was no proof simple as that. I told people I knew about some of these things that only seemed to set me apart further. It made me feel worse. If it went against what was widely believed then most just weren't having it even if it made more logical sense.

Day by day things started shifting I may not have explained the bad feelings as well as I could have but there were days when I didn't get out of bed because there was no need. Safe to say that didn't make me feel any better but when you're stuck in that whole only you can dig yourself out. I continued with the rapping and had about 7 videos over the space of about half a year. The praise I got kept me going along with my own feelings that it's something I could be great at.

I committed to saving money to buy a microphone and studio equipment I promised I'd make a mixtape. I got some free stuff like soundproofing equipment from a friend of a friend and in a few months set up a closet to be a recording booth. Only with the help of some good friends putting some money in did it come together so quickly. They believed in me and what I was trying to do.

what if it's all actually some poison or radiation?
some crazy mental decay from the chemicals we're ingesting.
and we'll all die, and they're just comforting us by telling us that we're "awakened" o.O

dunno.
but that's interesting, yeah.

reply to post by goeffy


I drew a mixtape cover and planned out and kept writing for everything I was going to record. I had hayfever and my throat got infected so I put it off for a long time. I probably wasn't ready to record back then I would still get nervous when I recorded or rapped in front of people I would shake but I always said I didn't care and that if I kept going I'd get over it.

The feelings that I used to get seemed to pass I felt like this was something I really wanted to do I did get sort of depressed at times but it wasn't the same. I didn't feel lke I was at a dead end anymore. I didn't come close to going back to the person I was. Everything I'd learnt and been through made me different. I started to get more confident. I was still more quiet than I used to be but it's because I didn't always have something to say. Not because I was awkward or nervous.

I had always felt like something was coming very soon and I still do. Now I'm beginning to feel like a part of that feeling is far more personal than I first thought. I was told about a competition for song lyrics last month. I wrote a song recorded it. My first recording ever my throat is still infected I had to do it anyway because I was ready. I had gone quiet on youtube for quite a while so everyone I let listen to this song thought it was really good the jump in improvement since my last video was apparent.

Nobody except me knew exactly how much I had done in between then. A few days ago I found out I had been shortlisted for this competition and I'll find out the results on the 31st. This was sort of a confirmation of what I was doing from an impartial judge. These people don't know anything about me aside from the recording I sent them.

I'm not sure how well this illustrates my transition in and out of these feelings. Though I wouldn't say they are completely gone I have definitely overrided them with something I'm really passionate about. I think I found my calling one of the things I can do to help people and potentially make a living off. I only say help people because I know how much music helped me through all of this. I don't think I'll ever be done with those feelings they're in the back of my mind but they aren't negative anymore.

They manifest as a reason to find answers another one of my goals is to extend my life beyond the confines of an average human lifespan. I figure the only thing I truly lack is time. With time anything is possible. I'm not sure what death means and I'm not sure what life means but before I'm forced to move on I'll give it the best go that I can. I don't know if everyone can use these feelings like I can I don't know how many people will even have to wake up in their lifetimes. I know there are still many people that react and don't think like I used to do.

I don't claim to have it all figured out and this is only my experience but I hope maybe it can help some others. If anything I've figured out that we can't have it all figured out at this time and maybe that's why these feelings exist because if you can learn how to use them in a positive way then it can make all the difference in your quality of life.

I think now I'm much more useful than I used to be to society as a whole. I think everyone is important. If I see anything I take issue with now I can speak out intelligently. I think many people are coming to these same realisations about life. Theres a group of people that I associate with that really seem to be opening their minds to different way sof living life often contrary to what we're told to do and be growing up. That's all I can really ask for is that people can be open minded and think about things.

So to anyone having these feelings I really hope you can find a way to use them positively it rarely happens overnight. I only have memory of various breakthroughs over time because of that hunger we can't quite explain. Give yourself and others a chance to succeed with their way of living and try not to get too caught up in your own mind. I think sharing with people can really help and I guess that's what we're all doing here. So yeah that's about it. Hopefully someone can take something positive away from my story.

Some of those feelings I have from time to time. But I will tell you how I have felt lately, & this may be a little similar, or not; I feel like I am trapped inside of a giant simulation, like I am inside the Matrix. I understand a lot of things for what they are, but what are they really? I have gotten to a point, after much reading and a lot of searching for truth, where I can't stand to watch TV, with the exception of the show 'Ancient Aliens" and "The Avengers." It's like everything is distorting my reality.< Yea, that's it, that's exactly how I feel, like something is distorting my reality! As for dreams, well, I feel like my dreams are programmed messages. Maybe they were programmed by my higher self sometime around the beginning, or maybe they were programmed by the most high. Either way, due to whatever it is that is trying to distort my reality, my dreams/messages are also becoming distorted, and therefore harder to comprehend. Is anyone following this? My dreams have somehow been programmed into my sub-conscious, which is a different entity than my aware self all together, but is still a part of me. I also feel like the past is the future. Which may be why it is possible to dream of the "future", as I have done before. I feel like time is not confined to move in one direction, but rather, I think time moves unpredictably & simultaneously in any given direction. Again, is anyone following this? Take the pyramids of Ancient Egypt for example, we call it the ancient past, but how do we know that this scenario is not our future? I guess I do a lot of thinking that may be labeled as irrational, illogical, or unconventional. That's just me though. That's probably why I feel so weird sometimes, like I was born into the twilight zone. I swear the more I know, the more it gets weirder.