Fathers for Justice & Family's need Fathers (A tale of broken Britain)

I wanted to start this thread to highlight the intolerable levels of injustice posed by the UK Court system against fathers wanting to be with their children after separation's or breakdown's of relationships.

I am coming from a personal perspective and want to share my story with you. I want to show how difficult it has been for me and how hard it is for so many fathers in the UK wanting contact with their child or children.

I have a 3 year old son and in the last 2 and a half years i have been given permission by the Judicial system to see him for 8hrs..

So since my son was roughly 6 months old i have seen him 4 times in 2 hour sessions.

I have missed his first steps and his first words. I have missed being an integral part of his early years.

Now i wouldn't blame you for wondering if i was directly responsible for bringing about this situation. Trust me when i tell you my own family and close friends have almost faultlessly led with questions as to why my son's mother is preventing me seeing my son. I know in the back of their minds they have already prejudged my situation and that they wonder if i was abusive or violent towards her or if i was a threat to my son. So please don't feel bad if you too have the same questions in your head.

What i will tell you is that i was with my son's mother for two years.. we were not married but we did live together for a while. It was two weeks after i decided that i wanted to break things off with her that she told me she was pregnant. So i did not flee the situation because of insecurities around being a responsible parent.

But this isn't really about the background of my situation it is more to do with the challenges that fathers face after the breakdown of their marriages and relationships.

So.. for whatever reason when a mother in the UK decides to thwart contact between her child/children and their father, the father has to apply to the courts for contact, in order to obtain something called a "contact order".

This contact order allows the father to have contact with their child and it is something which is written and stamped into law by the judge and the family courts in the UK.

So here is what i have had to go through in order to establish a relationship with my son.

I have had two drugs tests which came back clean, a psychiatric evaluation which came back clean, two Dr's reports which came back clean, a police check on my father which came back clean, I have had to have an interview with CAFCASS the courts internal social services, complete a one day separated parenting course, provide evidence that i was a qualified child carer because this was disputed by my sons mother even though she knew i was qualified and so on..

My son's mother also claimed that i raped her, she yelled it just outside the court room in front of a room filled with people whilst i was sat inside a room just beside her with my barrister and her secretary, she also claimed i was abusive and violent towards her and that i had intentions of kidnapping my son.

Now everything she raised became an issue and one that the Family courts pursued with vigor and enthusiasm. What was concerning to me is that things that i raised about her mental well being, messages i received from her then boyfriend about my son nearly having his leg bitten off by the family dog, the fact that she openly took drugs during our two year relationship and how she just up and left and took my son with her when he was 6 months old without talking to me about it, leaving no forwarding address or contact number was perceived by the courts as me only trying to inflame the matter.

Now i am not an instigator, nor am i filled with bad intentions, vengeance, resentment or evil thoughts.. i am in fact a practicing Buddhist and have always led a spiritual life being conscious of my words and actions on those around me. Always wanting the best for people and always leading through loving choices.

The sad thing in all this is that for the past 2 and a half years i have been fighting in the courts to be a father to my son and i have had to jump through hope after hope proving my innocence and that i am not a threat to my son.

The 8hrs i had with my son were monitored by a CAFCASS Supervisor in a contact center. The 4 reports came back with no issues and reflected the tender bond between a father and his son.

On two occasions contact was thwarted by my son's mother and for periods of months and weeks and no action was taken against her.

To say the Family courts in the UK are biased in a profound understatement. To subject a loving father to such an inhumane, humiliating ordeal simply because a hateful mother throws around accusations and insinuations is unjust at the very least and destructive at worst.. not only to the father but also his child/children.

Recently we had the London Riots and many fathers were blamed for not being their for their children and that most of the rioters were kids from broken homes. When you have organizations like Fathers for Justice and Family's need fathers fighting for fathers rights only to be shut down by politicians and government on the bases that their protests are harmful is outrageous. Fathers have locked themselves to the gate outside of Buckingham Palace, they have dressed up as superheroes and scaled buildings to make their point and instead of our government looking on them compassionately and realizing that this is all we have left to fight with, they ostracize and belittle these campaigns and movements and spin them to reflect irresponsible parenting.

You see the fact of the matter is that the courts, solicitors, judges, CAFCASS and everyone else involved in this clandestine system create the divide in families.. it's how they get paid. Of course they don't want to change the law to make it easier for fathers to be with their kids.. the longer they can drag out a court case the more money they bleed from the life blood and suffering of wanting fathers.

I have had to wait for over two years to spend eight hours with my son.. and my case is still on-going. My son's mother still gets away without any consequences even though she misses contact sessions, makes her self unavailable, cancels contact at the last minute, turns everything into an issue and consistently alienates me from my son.

There is a syndrome which is recognized in the world of psychology but will not be accepted by the Family courts. It is called parental alienation and it is a form of child abuse. When a child is repeatedly programed and brainwashed to see their loving fathers as monsters. The damage is mostly irreversible, breeding young kids with insecurities and confusion.

My only position is to remain patient, to never bad mind or bad mouth my son's mother in front of him, to never show him he is not always loved.

What is expected from me from the Family courts is to put up and shut up and to pay ridiculous sums of money to a system which is responsible for directly damaging families.

This is my story and i wanted to share it with you all in the light that it would give you a perspective on a topic which is seldom brought to light. I hope for the sake of the family unit and for children in need that this system undergoes radical changes. And i hope that through me, your perceptions change and that in some way your thoughts and future actions contribute to a positive change in Family Law.

Love and blessings

reply to post by Oxygenation



My heart goes out to you mate, I have been there and can honestly say I know how you feel, here is some of what I had to say in response to a thread "Single Moms".

I am a single parent and it makes my blood boil to see the red carpets of opportunity being rolled out at the mere scent of a vagina but men can go to hell. I am of the firm conviction that in the (UK at least,) when gay people are finally treated with equal dignity as heterosexuals and marry then the world of single parents will be turned upside down.

It is my experience that children are often treated as nothing more than a commodity and a means to greater financial entitlement by many women/girls. In the Uk there is something called "Child Benefit" which is a benefit paid by the state (taxpayer) to the "Mother" historically, in order to help support children. The Child Benefit is more or less a certificate of "Ownership" of a child and although it may not be a lot of money it opens numerous doors of opportunity for the child owner.

To my mind it would be prudent for the UK government to get rid of the Child Benefit ASAP because there will be a world of tears when future gay couples enter the arena of the Family Courts in relation to divorce as the judges will no longer be able to discriminate against one parent because of gender. Any married man that would deny Gays the right to marry needs to think long and hard about what would happen to himself should he end up in the divorce courts.

Gay marriage could possibly be one of the best things for Dads and a boon for children. Unfortunately same sex marriage is not in the interest of Mothers, Court welfare Officers, social services nor judges because if you take away the money (child benefit) there is very little for women to fight over.

reply to post by ChristianJihad


Thanks. I sympathize with your situation. I know it is a grueling process having to go through the courts when children are involved. Really there should be a system in place with real carers and professionals whose only intent is to resolve family matters as quickly as possible causing the least distress to everyone involved. The sad thing is the minute you involve a solicitor you are literally setting yourself up for a bloody battle. There is the common although rather taboo saying that the court room is really just a war zone where the two parties can just go at loggerheads with one another. I have had emails from my solicitor saying that we should wait until we are at court so that we can then thrash it all out.. it is disgusting and appalling behavior from some of the highest paid professionals in the world.

And yes the child welfare system is extremely messed up but that is nothing new. The fact that i have to pay 15% of my monthly wages to my sons mother via the child support agency (a very nasty and judgmental bunch) whilst she freely splashes the money on designer boots and laptops is testament to a corrupt and biased system.

I hope your situation has improved since your response to that post and wish you all the best.