If Noah lived in the United States and built the ark today.

Imagine if Noah lived in the United States today and the "Lord" commanded him to build an ark to save the "godly" people and two of each animal. The story might turn out something like this:
In a flash of lightning, "God" delivered the specifications for an ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build it.

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas went into a tumult. The "Lord" saw Noah sitting on his front yard weeping. "Noah", He shouted. "Where is the ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for the construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the ark needed a fire sprinkler system and flotation devices."

"I had problems getting enough wood for the ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls! However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. The carpenters formed a union and went on strike and I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union."

"When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when i got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood."

"Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them a globe"

"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking the "godless", unbelieving people aboard!" The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes."

"Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the ark, saying that since "God" is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore, unconstitutional."

"I really don't think I can finish the ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No, I don't have to. The government already has."

reply to post by Jakal26




So, what would happen, in your opinion?

He would be Evan Almighty.

Originally posted by Jakal26

Insightful OP.

If Noah built the ark in the US today, considering that he would have enough food stored for more than seven days of survival, that he would most likely have some "feral hogs," and that he would be drinking raw milk... He'd be considered a domestic terrorist (probably with his own reality TV show.)

reply to post by Jakal26


Here,let me help.

If Noah or Jesus were alive today,they'd be shot dead by the cia.

Originally posted by Jakal26

I love these empty posts. What is wrong with putting the writing in the first instance.

Anyhow- to the title- It is not possible! Noah would :-

never get planning approval.

need a mountain of engineering drawings and plans.

be on every watch list in the USA.

be arrested in advance for cruelty to and possession of wild animals

be arrested as an accessory to planned genocide.

Thrown in GB as a terrorist.

and lastly Obama would have an arrest warrant and a reward out for the capture of God because of coarse POTUS wants the throne that God sits on!


Never gonna happen

P

He would be labeled a terrorist/extremist, and be implicated in a FBI initiated bomb plot. Or his boat may be labeled "too big to fail", not like that small time Titanic.

Sorry guys...I messed up and hit enter when I added the title....
Didn't mean to do that and now it seems so many have commented that the thread is dead

Damnit man!

Anyways....I am not religiously affiliated...
I just thought the story had a lot of truth to it...."rings some bells"...

Take it for what it is worth....
This is not a religious "ark" conversation.....don't intend it to be...

Just sharing and passing along.

I take no credit for the story and there are multiple versions online....the version I posted came from my local "bargain finder"...

Rev. Doug Johnson, Senior Pastor, Bethel Assembly of God, Huntington WV...

I love how the self-righteous here on ATS act like a mistaken "enter" key is the end of the world and cannot give someone 2 minutes to fix a post...

Not pointing at anyone in particular...just saying...
It happened here and has been done by me in the past...I make mistakes...

So be it....it is NOT the end of the world...Chill out!

funny and a sad story.
funny because its true.
sad because its true.

Originally posted by Jakal26
I love how the self-righteous here on ATS act like a mistaken "enter" key is the end of the world and cannot give someone 2 minutes to fix a post...

Not pointing at anyone in particular...just saying...
It happened here and has been done by me in the past...I make mistakes...

So be it....it is NOT the end of the world...Chill out!

Relax homie. You have just endured the ATS equivalent of getting your ass snapped with a towel in the locker room.

It's all good.

reply to post by OldCorp


Oh, I'm relaxed.
I wasn't really speaking of you or this post in particular....
Honestly, I hate when I do that and sort of deserve the "ass snapping"...

I don't post here much so I don't really have the "hang of" the format.

It is what it is...
Thanks for the response....and for "lightening" the mood a bit

Bumping my own post...

Damn thing died a quick death it seems....
And I thought it was a good story...so...yeah

reply to post by Jakal26


"Noah" was a pure blood anunnaki. That is why their 'god' father told Noahs human Father that "Noah is without stain". Noah's Father was horrified by this 'child' and was scared of him.

Based on that, I would say that If Noah were here today, as he was then, we would probably kill him as the invading species he is. He would probably get 'followers' and form a cargo cult, and thus start ANOTHER 'snake worship' cult that gets renamed 'religion'...as all of them did when 'Coven' turned into 'Church' and 'Corporation'.

Dude. He would totally build a battleship. A submarine of awesome brutality.
He just has to walk to the nearest naval base an be like. "hey bro, I'm Noah, wanna help me out buddy? 'll save you a spot, bro." And then he can be Broseidon, king of the Brocean.