Met my daughter after 24 years apart........

My ex wife and i split up when my daughter was just 4 years old and my son was 2 years old.
I did what any father would do and supported them with money, clothes, toys, food etc every week when i was working 24/7 and tried my best to keep it going.
She on the other hand was making life really difficult for me in that she refused me access until i got a court order.

Even with the order in place, either she wouldnt be in the house when i called, or make excuses so that i couldnt see them at all.
I used to take them out whenever i could which at the start was every weekend then at the time i was living just a mile away and constantly saw them outside but she would take them in the house whenever they saw me and shouted out Dad to me.
My sanity was at breaking point and i had to move away from the town i had lived in since i was born or i would have cracked up.

I got a job driving trucks down to London every week a distance about 2000miles a week because i delivered all over the UK and that helped because i was too busy during the day to think about it all the time, but i continued to send money to their mother every pay day and this was helping me and i thought them.

I found out she had been spending the money on drink and going out with other men, calling me names etc.
Last straw was when she moved without telling me and changing my childrens surname when she re- married.
I am skipping over a lot of the personal details but only giving a rough idea about what was going on.

I met my partner about 23 years ago and we have been married the past 3 years and without her, i would have met my daughter again.
She found her on Facebook by accident and we talked a lot on the phone etc but each time i wanted to meet her, she said her mother wanted to be there also for whatever reason i never worked out. She was about 16 at that time and I had to walk away and leave it as i couldnt go through all that again with her mother.

My daughter searched everywhere for me but couldnt find me, possibly because when i married i moved to a different area and now live 30 miles away,
Meanwhile, about just over a month ago, my wife found her again and also got her email address and wrote to her without my knowing.
She said she wanted to talk to me and see how it goes from there.
We talked on the phone for over 3 hours and she is 28 now with a little girl who has just turned a year old last week and a son who is 7 years old and been with her partner 10 years now but not married.

She gave me her address and i gave her mine but she didnt want a meet until we knew me a bit better which i understood and agreed with her.
Following week after we had been texting and emailing every single day about 20 times each day, she wanted to come to see me by bus with her two young children.
I said i would pick them up,but said i would instead go to see her with my wife and she agreed to it right away.

We went to see her and the emotions for both of us were overwhelming in that tears flowed not with anger but with joy.
We wouldnt let one another go when we cuddled and it still brings a lump to my throat just writing and thinking about it.
Her son calls me the cool papa and thinks i am the best all around and even her little daughter smiles at me when she sees me.
I was back down myself to see her yesterday as my wife had a pre-arranged appt with her friend and couldnt make it as it had been made ages ago but couldnt get out of it and wanted to come also.
We still text and email but now we can talk on the phone as all barriers if any are down now.

My son is stubborn in that he says he doesnt want to see me, but my daughter says he will as they are very close and knows he is just saying that for now. I didn,t know he had watched me getting in and out of the car and wentbto see his sister 5 mins after we left and was asking her loads of questions about me.
He is the spit of me as is my daughter. People have been shocked at how alike he is to me and my daughter and i like and dislike all the same things.

Reason i am writing this here, is that there are many fathers out there and mothers, who think they will never see their sons or daughters again. There is light at the end of the tunnel, i am proof of that.

My daughter,s head was filled with things like your father walked out on us etc, but she now knows the truth as many people have even told her from her mother,s side of the family and her mum has admitted it now.
Sorry for rambling on, but i am complete now, will be even more when i see my son as he has a baby daughter as well and i havent met them yet though.

Ahhhhh man that's an excellent, uplifting story! I nearly shed a tear for you dude! What a fantastic feeling that must of been! Hopefully your son comes around sooner rather than later too. I'm sure he will, as he sees you meeting with his sister etc.

Dead chuffed for you! Thanks for sharing...

This was a really nice story to read. Theres is indeed always light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure someone overly self-righteous and/or a miserable person who gets off on playing the devils advocate will come in here and tell you that you did something wrong as a parent, pay no attention; sounds like you've been through enough. I hope you can renew the relationship with your son, keep us updated! and thank you for sharing.

Thanks for the nice comments there, means a lot to me. I am not one who ever sheds a tear, but i couldn,t hold it on and she is the same. It was pure hell in those early days but i wasnt one who never forgot and always cartied a photo of them in my wallet and even showed it to her.
Whatever age they are, they will still be my little girl and son and i love them more than life itself and can,t thank my wife enough for bringing us together again.
I will of course keep you updated about how i get on with her and my grandchildren and also my son and his family. Meant to say that i met her partner of ten years and he is a good man as I am a good judge of character now and he is good to her and that is all the matters...

reply to post by scotsdavy1


Thank you for that story.

I really needed something positive like that to put me to sleep today. It's part inspiration and part motivation.

I won't go into the details, but it really was timely.

Thanks again.

Wow man, that made my eyes tear up!

Congrats on recharging your batteries - this story should add a good twenty years to your soul!

A truly beautiful story with a happy ending. I am so happy for you!!!!!!

reply to post by scotsdavy1


Sorry for the short reply, but this is all I could come up with reading your story -

: )

Very touching.

reply to post by scotsdavy1


That was a wonderful story with a happen ending while also including the pain you had to go through. Your partner was there for you even when you were unaware, helping you out in the shadows. Very well played on her part. I most certainly congratulate your situation. Your son will come around. If anything his curiosity will override his emotions eventually.

At the same time I reflect this scenario unto my own life where my father has abandoned me since I was 12 (now 26). I spoke to him once on the phone at age 22 asking why he never came back to see me and he just answered it was easier for him that way.

It's difficult to not hold some sort of resentment, but knowledge had informed me that I cannot make irrational assumptions without evidence, otherwise it's merely unjustified accusations.

The old man is in his 60s by now, I'm sure. He speaks to his daughter (my half-sister whom also has no interest in my life nor her daughter, my niece) and visits them regularly at least from what I understood when I met my half sister when I was 23.

Unfortunately I'm one of those individuals who are destined to a life of solitude. I cannot deny my jealousy at your situation and wish that my father would attempt to reconnect with me just as you have with your daughter and eventually your son.

reply to post by scotsdavy1


Congrats man, that is truly something. Wishing you the best of luck in rebuilding or building those relationships. That really hits close to home for me, for reasons I really won't get into right now...but suffice to say that I hope my wife and I can duplicate your results.

Good for you!
I had a situation when my ex and I split and I had to move far away to take a job so I could keep supporting them like you did and the whole time my ex was telling them awful things about me. It took a long time for the wounds to heal but with persistence it eventually happened.
Matter of fact I went out for dinner with them both just last night and had a great time eating Thai food.
I now have a grandson and a granddaughter who I treasure more than anything.

So happy to hear you are reunited at last. No time for regrets just enjoy today. Thanks for sharing your story, I have an inking notion of the emotional torment you have been through that only a parent separated from their child can know.

So very true words there and from the rest as well. No one knows what it is like to be a parent re-united unless it actually happens. Even writing this, my phone went off and my daughter had sent me a text starting with the word 'Dad' and ending 'I love you and we will never be apart again'
I feel like something i have never had for so long. A love for your wife/girlfriend is completely different for your children and grandchildren but just as strong if you know what i mean.
Even talking about it now brings a lump to my throat and i know i am very lucky and extremely grateful for what i have now.
I missed a lot of personal things out that unless it has happened to others wouldnt interest people but probably they have went through the same thing as i have.
I never thought i would ever see them again, or if i did, would we get on, would she hate me? So many questions for both of us.
We are so alike it is hard to believe. It is like when twins are seperated at birth then meet up again about 25 years later or even more than that. They like doing the same things, hate the same things etc. we are like that and it is weird but really good to know.
Her mother had also re-married and was with this guy for about 8 years or so, but he commited suicide.
It turns out that she had also stopped him from seeing his own son that they had together while married and he couldnt take it but killed himself.
I am glad I didn,t take that way out or I would have the happiness i have today.
So as I said when i started to write this, if anyone is out there reading my story and is going through the same or similar, don,t give up. I nearly did but somehow kept going.
Thanks for reading and will keep you all informed hopefully when the time comes that my son comes around and i can see my other grand daughter as well.

reply to post by scotsdavy1


My oldest who just turned 31 and I can finish each other's sentences, we have the same off-the-wall sense of humor and like you said we're like twins somehow. Didn't know some parts of intellect can be handed down genetically.
My younger son loves music so he likes to come over to Dad's house now because I have a recording studio in the basement. We're going to record some music together soon which I'm really excited about doing with him.

Your son is already quite curious about you. once he sees how much your daughter loves you, he will indeed come around. You will then have more to celebrate. Much luck and love to you and your family.

She phoned me late last night and we were talking for over 3 hours and each day we are getting closer. She sends a text good morning dad every morning that just makes my day. Again, thanks for the support here, it truly is a great forum to be in.

An update to my story is that since we first cotacted , phoned or sent texts or emails, not once would she call me Dad. She said that from age 4-16 a guy her moth married she called him her dad. They got divorced amd got her changed her name back to what it was originally but my daughter kept his name. Her 'dad' took an overdose because he wasnt allowed to see my son and daughter and also one of his own sons because ex wife made it difficult for him as she did to me, and he died a short time late with thia overdose of tablets.
Yesterday after trying for exactly 2 months in that she would call me dad in a text or email or even a card via email saying dad on it, but s till not saying it to my face.
She wanted to come this sunday with my 2 grandchildren who i love so much to celebrate fathers day with cards and presents.
I wrote back and said if you really mean it and can call me dad starting from that day then i would be happiest guy on the planer.
If not, then i dont want her to come here ata ll. she replied so be it she cant come then.
I have sent her numerous presents not to buy her love but because i wanted to help out even an iphone as her old blackberry was not working and i topped it up many times for her.
Last night she didnt see what the fuss was all about but i said why celebrate fathers day when im not you father in your eyes but the dead foster guy is and not me.
Rather than have a slanging match with her as she is 28 years i said i would leave and not contact her again.
She has my email addree, home address and phone number and i told her i wont change them in the future but to contact me when she feels ready but i wont be holding my breath.
I also have a son 26 and a 1 year grandaughter that i have never seen since he was about a year or so old and he wants nothing to do with me as he calls the dead guy dad aswell.
Daughter has two children age 7 & 1
What do other members think?

reply to post by scotsdavy1


Thanks for that mate.. I needed that..

Nearly identical story to me.. I hope the same happens for me too one day...

very happy for you mate

reply to post by scotsdavy1


Dude you pushed too far too soon.... Baby steps mate.. Baby steps..

Well i broke all contact from her after just over 2 months as she still says i am her biological Dad and still wont fully accept me and call me her real Dad to my face and it was really getting to me so as my own health and sanity was getting the better of me, i cut her iphone off that i bought her and sim card and told her to forget i existed as it seems she just wanted me to wait for ever seemingly. I have not had one card, present , or anyhthing fron her and even toped the phone up constantly but she had started to ignore mt texts or phone cals etc giving any reason she could think of.
Dont get me wrong, i miss her like hell but i cant go on like this or i would end up doing something stupid to myself over it so just going to put it down to experience.
Why want to visit me on fathers day to celebrate it but wont accept me as her true father? No logic in that as she said she wasnt going to even say it then either so i told her if she cant then not to bother.

I understand you wanting to hear that from your daughter. But, maybe she just has a hard time saying it to your face?? You said she called you dad in texts etc. But looking someone in the eye...who is sort of a stranger still in many ways and calling them that may be a little more than she can handle right now.

I am a mom, and believe me I know how bad you just wanted to HEAR it from her mouth. I hope you will give her more time. Everyone finds it easier to say things in letters, emails, texts, etc. than they do face to face. I understand it is very hard for you, but don't throw it all away too soon. You don't want another 2 or 3 decades to pass without her just because she couldn't quite go there yet.

I don't know the whole situation though. I guess we all do what we must when we must. Just offering up MHO. I hope it all works out in the end for you both.