so what do you say to someone in this situation?

Originally posted by Destinyone

Originally posted by sarra1833
reply to post by Starchild23

 

Yeah, I'm now thinking about stepping way back til she shakes this idiocy off. I went on google to look up a few things trying to find answers. Not much was to be found and that's why I chose to come here and ask for advice.

This is really wrong. I don't care HOW mature someone is. At any age under like 25 (and that doesn't apply to all 25's mind you, but I'm just tossing out a good random number) you're still trying to find yourself. Still growing. Still kind of a kid in a way.

Ick.

She's, at this point in time, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, in the eyes of the Justice system. Also, she's really screwing with a child, who should be focusing on healthy relationships with his peers, not a 34 year old mommy figure. I think she's trying to fill the void of not having children of her own, along with the void of not having a romantic relationship, with a child to meet both needs. Therapy is called for, if they are sexting, or flirting...jmoho

Des



Wow... that actually makes a scary amount of sense! I never thought of it like that. I wonder if those ARE the issues? Ugh part of me wants to talk about this to her (like I thought of it, I'd not bring up that I talked here) and part of me wants to just smile and nod if she brings it up again and just keep quiet, hoping it'll pass. Or she'll find some hot 30 yo stud while out and about.

reply to post by sarra1833


Know that if you do confront her about it though, it wont be a pleasant conversation, especially her best friend being against her...

Better for her to be mad at you than her spend the rest of her life on sexual offenders list I say!

Originally posted by Bigfoot12714
reply to post by sarra1833

 

Know that if you do confront her about it though, it wont be a pleasant conversation, especially her best friend being against her...

No, there is a big difference between being *against* someone, and talking gently and realistically with them.

I personally think her friend is playing a dangerous game in attempting to fill some voids in her life. The too young of a boy, is easier to manipulate to get those needs filled. Her friend may not even be aware how far she has crossed over the line, if indeed she has.

If it were me, I'd hope I had a good enough friend who would sit me down, and have an *adult* conversation with me.

It's obvious her friend is not having *adult* conversations with this boy. Ant that is part of the problem.

Des

Tough Love. Be strong yourself, and tell her like it is. It's illegal, it's immoral and unethical. When she gets caught, she gets prison and loses Internet priveledges for being a pedophile. Be straight, be firm. Tell her it's pedophilia and see if that makes her stop and think.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

He's a freshman in highschool. D:

That makes him 14 or 15 in USA.

This reminds me of a lady I knew growing up, she was the mother of my best friend.

She fell in love with her son's best friend, who had just barely turned 18 years old, and she was in her early 40s. She was definitely what they call a "MILF" but she hooked up with this boy (not man, I said boy) and got pregnant with her 7th child.

She was an alcoholic by this time, and the baby was born retarded with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She actually got this boy to marry her because she was pregnant, but he was never happy, realized that he was missing the best part of his life by being tied down to an old lady and a handicapped baby, so he bailed.

She actually wrote a book about it, and her FAS son was the first poster boy for this syndrome.

come-over.to...

fasd.brighttomorrow.com... (Linda LaFever)

I bring this up because her running off with her son's best friend created a terrible schism in her family, a terrible schism in the young man's family, and in the end, he didn't just leave her, he ran away like his backside was on fire. Most of her kids don't even speak to her anymore, it was that upsetting to them, and it happened a long time ago.

Just look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Men mature much slower than women, so a mature gal hooking up with a young teen is just insanity (not to mention statuary rape).

If it were my friend, I would tell her that I don't agree with it, but you're still her friend if she wants to talk.

i can see you are concerned for your friend, and don't want her to get her heart broken, or worse, end up in jail. what about the kid? i'm sure this is something a high school student would brag about to his buddies, but in 10, 20, or 30 years down the road he'll look back and say 'what was i thinking?' right now he's too young to realize the implications of his actions. right now it looks like you are the one with the power (if any) to get your friend to back off this poor kid. adults can do some pretty stupid things but are usually aware of the repercussions. at what point during your teenage years did you realize the world is not your oyster and you have to watch what you do because our actions have a way of creeping back up on us? i'll bet you had to learn the hard way. i would calmly tell your friend that this boy is still someone's baby, still has homework, and is way too young to get involved in such a romantic relationship. if she doesn't listen, then perhaps you've done what you could. i would rather know i tried and failed to retain what may be the last shred of innocence in a young boy's psyche. if she continues to see this boy against your advice, i would simply refuse to hear her speak of him. kind of an 'i did what i could, and if you're not going to listen, i don't wanna hear it!' attitude. but that's all just me. i'm not there, i can't pick up on the subtle cues that could imply something totally different from what i'm interpreting here. this is ultimately your decision. follow your heart, or at least your gut! you can't go wrong that way. (okay, you can occasionally go wrong, but less often than you would based on logic alone!)

If I was in your position I'd be willing to risk the friendship by giving her a stern talking to. How would she feel if someone was effectively grooming her teenage child? There is likely going to be hell to pay either way.
A friend of mine shall we say had a penchant for the younger lads, even though she was married at the time. She seduced her 17 year old nephew, she seduced her old high school friends 15 year old son.
She got caught with her husbands blood nephew and the scared lad got a major pasting, her old friend eventually got wind of the brief tryst with her son and all bloody hell broke loose!

She managed to backpeddle out of it, but not until she was called outright on what happened all over FB.
Messy very messy, better try shake her into sense now.

Originally posted by sarra1833
It's to the point she said they're going to meet up once he's of legal age and see where things go from there..

She has no kids of her own, has a great job, isn't delinquint at all, nothing like that. A very good head on her shoulders. But THIS.

This is the part people seem to be missing. She said she's willing to wait 'till he's of legal age. If she actually holds off for 3 years to have physical contact with that kid, then yes, I'd have to say that not only does she have a sensible head on her shoulders, but she's in love as well. If not, then it's wrong. Plain and simple. And that is pretty much what you should tell her.

There's not much more I can say about it because I don't really know her story or his. True, women mature quicker than men. For the most part. These two might be exceptions to that rule. They're roughly 20 years apart? He might have the mental maturity of a 25 year old and she might too. Do the math. And don't think that just because a boy is 15 he isn't that physically mature yet. I remember when I was a teenager on the Missouri Arkansas border, ( not all THAT far from you) all the kids came back to school from summer vacation and there was one guy, a sophomore or junior, who came back with a full beard. Dude was all of 16.

But everybody is pretty much right when they say that as it stands now, it's wrong. You know it's wrong too, otherwise you wouldn't have posted this.

Tell the kids parents!!!!!

It is up to them, and I bet they will solve all the problems.

15....

Is she going to have sex with him? Get all horney with a 15 year old child?

"She is sooo happy"

Yeah

FIFTEEN

He just finished puberty, maybe.

I got a 10 year old brother, if your friend has an older sister...

EDIT (Afterthought)
I thought we weren't allowed to discuss illegal activities on ATS? Pedophillia is illegal, last I checked.

EDIT (Butt saving)

paedophile or esp ( US ) pedophile (ˈpiːdəʊˌfaɪl)
— n

a person who is sexually attracted to children

dictionary.reference.com...

Imagine if this was 34 yr old man, saying he wants to hook up with a 15yr old girl... you house would be surrounded by SWAT and cops and they will be asking for your friend's address at gun point.

reply to post by luciddream


Here is a thread on a 24 and a 14 (24 = man, 14 = gal)
www.abovetopsecret.com...


Take a look at the differences in responses!

I still say tell the parents, or the police. Heck you could tell the HIGH SCHOOL he attends...

I can't believe this thread even exists, nor the other for that matter...

Humans

He is a minor!

Your friend needs to end it and move on..end of story!

That's really it in a nutshell.

Find herself an 18 yr old or a 21 yr old or something....but no way on the minors.

Does she really want to destroy everything she's worked for? Not to mention, she can't even go somewhere and have a drink with this kid! She needs to get this weird fantasy out of her head.

Not to mention, the messing up in the head of that 16 yr old...

No, as her friend, you need to convince her that young is fine, but legal is a MUST...and preferably, someone at least old enough to drink. I'm all for her cougaring out, but has to be legal...