Do you think there's actually a thing like "chemistry" that exists between certain people? My per

So I graduated CWU in 2010 and I'm still taking classes to hopefully get into the grad school I desperately need to get into. So I guess what I mean is that I have been around/with a lot of gurls over the past decade but have only had this experience that I can only describe as either "chemistry" or some kind of extremely well working physical relationship if you know what I mean. Most gurls I'm with especially the really hawt ones that I REALLY want to get with it seems like more work than than spontaneous fun hooking up with them. But when I was in my second year of CWU and was 19 I met this one freshman gurl and we REALLY hit it off physically better than pretty much any of the gurls for some reason. Anyways we didn't have much of a relationship only a week because she was a frosh and I was getting sick and tired of holding her hair over the toilet like almost every night and I've always been scared of getting into long term relationships etc... So anyways I feel bad but I started ignoring her and I could tell it really hurt her because she didn't necessarily turn into a stalker but after she realized we were over I could tell she was trying to hook up with my friends to make me jealous so I guess I really hurt her.

Anyways recently I've been staying a bachelor for the past few years staying clear of any kind of relationship and for some rason I felt like I had to sleep with gurls just to sleep with them because I'm a man and I hafta keep the tally up even tho like I said it's felt more like work than pleasure. And over the past few months I guess I got nastolgic over the freshmen gurl that I hadn't seen for awhile (after our shorterm college relationship over the years I would go back to CWU when she was on a break with her bf/fiance and I never expected getting physical with her but it always happened and always felt "natural" or "right") Anyways I wanted to talk to her on FB to see if we could meet up but she was dealing with the rocky relationship with her fiance and never was able to see me. But like I said recently I got a text from a random number asking how I was. When I finally figured out it was the same gurl we'll call her Emily that I've always had this crazy chemistry with and that she had to change her number because her ex-fiance was stalking her we made plans for dinner and a movie then the bar and maybe for her to spend the night ( I wasn't expecting anything to happen just sleeping), followed by her coming to church with me if she wanted to celebrate my gma's 90th bday if she wanted to.

When she came over to my house for us to come over she had a completely different style and color of hair which looked really beautiful and we hit it off as if we were 19 and 18 again even tho it's been like 6 years. We had a great time at the movies and the bar (she could actually handle her drinks this time). But what impressed me the most was that unlike most of my college friends she graduated like me and even tho she is unable to be a teacher Emily got a good job and is making good money and has turned into a really respecful woman. Needless to say when we went back to my house that strong physical relationship just ignited again out of nowhere and I felt like we were back in college again in my bedroom at my house in CWU for the first time. It's crazy I can't explain it. And it's completely different than most other gurls I've been with and the best word I can think of what it is is just plain "chemistry", it's like we're 2 attracted atoms forming a covalent bond or something, I mean I can only describe it as chemistry cuz I can't think of any other word for it, kinda like the physical attraction we have is "meant" to be. I don't know about it relationship wise but physically it's like we're supposed to have this connection which is totally unique from other gurls/women.

Anyways my family liked her and the morning afterwards even tho I thought she would be totally awkard around all these random family members and kept telling her I could take her back to her car to leave anytime she wanted but she stayed the entire time. Now we're talking a lot more and we were talking about how both of us felt like last weekend was the first time we met or like we were still teenagers and how the other night just felt "right" or "natural", and it's so crazy because I haven't really experienced this with other females even tho I've been with some really hot gurls and I can't explain it even though I have a degree in Psychology. To be honest it kinda scares the hell out of me and I guess I can finally understand why they say certain people have certain chemistry together and I can understand the neurophysiology of it or can think of some rational scientific theories, but then why hasn't this happened really with any other females? I mean are some people just "meant" to be together? Or do certain pairs of couples have some kind of matching pheromones that fit together completely like 2 puzzle pieces causing a stronger attraction? I mean I know it feels like when 2 people start a relationship and you get hormones released that make you unable to stop thinking about them followed by hormones later when you've been with them for awhile that make you feel comfortable being with them, but with other gurls I've been with I've never got "infatuated" with them and this isn't as much infatuation as just a great "physical" relationship that we've always had.

Sorry to go on a long rant like this but I'm seriously confused and trying to figure out how certain people just "fit" together I guess and wanted to know if you guys can figure out any rational explanations for what Emily and I have together whenever we're around each other. Maybe after enough one night stands seeing somebody I have somewhat of a history with does something in my hypothalumus or pineal gland hell can somebody attempt to explain this? lol Sorry if this sounded too long and sappy...

Yes, 'chemistry' is literally the work of chemicals and hormones in the body and brain.


When you come in to contact with someone whose pheromones elicit a response from you, your brain releases dopamine and endorphins in the brain that make you feel good. This turns your interaction with this person in to a sort of drug that you will want to experience over and over again.


Also, when a woman is ovulating she puts off more powerful pheromones to attract a mate in order to reproduce and males DO respond. Just ask a waitress what time of month she makes the most tips...

Yeah but I don't get why it's so strong between Emily and I compared to the other chicks over all these years. Are certain people just "compatible" with each other?

First...I have to say it, you're losing all credibility by using ''gurls''. Its only one letter, get it right.

secondly, I believe that yes such a type of attraction does happen. Like you said its only chemistry so don't let it mess with your head too much, try to stay rational about it. From my experience great passion can also turn into great passionate disaster

Haha sorry I've just called them that forever it's a habit. I just don't understand why with some women you have great physical relationships with and with others that can be just as hot or hotter you don't...

I find it hard to believe you have a degree and still objectify women into hot and hotter categories. Bit shallow yes? Perhaps getting your mind out of your pants would be a start to understanding attraction. The 'Schwang' theory aka "Wayne's World", seems limited at best.

besides u describing her as your college sweetheart that you didnt have patience for; i fail to see how you wouldnt have a connection with her and how your thread title is anyway related to the truth of you guys' relationship. obviously.but if you want brovice or someone to accept you having a relationship you need to look long and hard within yourself based on some of the other conjectures you made in your post; if you never develop the maturity to accept the fact that you want to have a more adult relationship with a woman besides mundane sex for sport all the "chemistry" in the world and all the proofs that chemicals are catalytic wont matter.

Originally posted by Iamschist
I find it hard to believe you have a degree and still objectify women into hot and hotter categories. Bit shallow yes? Perhaps getting your mind out of your pants would be a start to understanding attraction. The 'Schwang' theory aka "Wayne's World", seems limited at best.

Maybe he met Tony Robbins in a elevator - Shallow Hal

I don't think it's actual chemistry, as much as simply finding someone on your same wavelength...where you're just so compatible that your thought patterns even begin to merge, and you finish each other's sentences, or know what the other is thinking.

It's wierd and I'll admit I'm not shallow just my friends that I've been hanging out with for the past few years are all sworn bachelors and I know it sounds piggish but it was all about picking up hot girls in beltown gettin VIP into the clubs etc... we just didn't want to get married anytime soon or start a serious relationship. But all of a sudden they're having some random philopinos gf's move in with them so I guess ppl are settling down cept my friend uhm Bob thinks I'm acting like a dirty $lut for hanging out with Emily even tho I was her first and after I ignored her she might have done some stuff with my friends in a pathetic attempt to get my attention but she's FAAAARRR from the frosh gurl she used to be and graduated and is holding a good job so I guess my best friend Bob can shove his comments about me and her up his a$$.

But like I said things have been decent recently because of this old college flame and how crazy things are with her in regards to our "chemistry". I'm not an idiot and I'm not gunna go head over heals crazy for her but I haven't had such a good physical relationship with anybody for awhile except for her. And we both keep talking about how that night gave us both flashbacks to our first time when we were teens in college. Only thing is I've been a bachelor so long that I'm kinda apprehended about dating/going out with her, but after the past few girls/women I've been with she seems like she just popped out at the right time. And she keeps asking me about how we should go with our relationship. And i've told her that whenever we're together we have this chemistry that neither her or I have had with other people and that I'd like to see her some more specially since we're in our mid 20s now and I want to have kids and as a PA grad school hopefully I know that I got 5 more years to have kids as once you try after age 30 there's a 1/5 chance your baby could come out downs or worse. And I want a a family maybe I'm just answering my own questions but besides this getting into Turro University is what I NEED to do since I just need 500 med exp hours.

Although my best friend Hannah's little sister Holly just got back from Africa and I've been takin her out and her family loves me especially after smoking a smuggled cuban with her and her dad and they're pretty rich so I guess if I could go with Holly since the father of the bride pays for the wedding and they're super rich or I could go with Bri- I mean Emily even tho her dad isn't loaded but she's always seemed loyal argh...

I'm confused, need to get into PA school, but I've also been getting these "urges" to procreate before it's too late and we're both at the best time to do it even tho it's prolly mess up our plans so I dunno...

Any suggestions?

Quit thinking about it so much and quit taking so much stock in what your friends are doing. And for the love of God man.....it's spelled GIRL.

It's obvious that she likes you.....alot. A woman doesn't spend a lot of time with a mans family if she doesn't like him. That's her way of telling you that she wants to be a big part of your life. Remember too that women mature quicker than men. You may just now be at the point where you want something serious, but she may have been there 5 years ago.

Another thing, women like the one you're describing can be very patient. They know that men have to play catch-up with the maturity thing, so they learn to be patient with us. To me at least, that's a very endearing quality that's hard not to love.

If I were you and you have the money and time, get her out of town. Go camping with her or something to where it's just you and her. Alone. For the weekend. Make her the center of your universe for a couple of days and get real with it. Look her in the eyes alot and show your real emotions. Loosen up with a little wine if you have to, but take it to the next level. Play it by ear while you're doing all that to see how comfortable she is with that level of maturity. If for any other reason, just to see if you're ready for it. You're on the same level physically, so it shouldn't be hard to take it to the next level. Actually, it should just come naturally

You can sit and talk about it all you want, but that won't get you anywhere. You have to take that leap of faith and, to be perfectly honest, if you weren't ready to do it you wouldn't be questioning it.

Bottom line, and no offense intended, but it's time to grow up.

lol but I'm scared... I've always freaked myself out of relationships before and although I've had many I've only had a few you might consider "Long Term" and those aren't even long judging by other people's standards. I mean Emily's hot but like I'm freaked out like what if I meet an even hotter woman in PA school? Or at least that was my plan til now. I just know I don't want to die alone LoL