forgiveness: how do you do it?

I find it very hard to forgive people when they've done me wrong. I mean intentional malicious acts, not mistakes or misunderstandings etc. I notice, though, that no matter what someone has done to you, if you don 't forgive, others shift the onus to you for not letting it go, and tend to defend the other person. Wondering how you all deal with this issue..

Originally posted by LightsideAssassin
I find it very hard to forgive people when they've done me wrong. I mean intentional malicious acts, not mistakes or misunderstandings etc. I notice, though, that no matter what someone has done to you, if you don 't forgive, others shift the onus to you for not letting it go, and tend to defend the other person. Wondering how you all deal with this issue..

Just let it go, thats what forgiveness really is. Just let it go and don't hold a grudge. Forgiveness is the opposite of holding a grudge or having an axe to grind.

Yeshua (some call him Jesus) said if you forgive others their transgression against you, your transgressions shall be forgiven of you and if you are merciful you shall have mercy. The 3 things you must have is forgiveness, mercy and compassion. If you have those 3 things and do them for everyone you will do well.

From a psychological viewpoint, holding onto anger, grudges and hatred will poison your spirit and make you bitter. Just let it go.

Not hard to forgive people..
Ever heard the saying...

"Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer"?

There is a very good reason why there is such a saying

reply to post by lonewolf19792000


"Just let it go" doesn't apply to all situations. For example....

BANG..."Ha ha I just shot your stupid kid cutting through my yard, what you gonna do about it?"
You - :That's not what Jesus would do.... but I'm gonna let it go, forgiveness is best."

Really?

The burden you carry around when you can't forgive someone is so destructive to you. It keeps you stuck in negativity.

I also hate the thought that others might be holding resentment against me. I make mistakes and have hurt people. How can I expect others to forgive me if I myself am unable to forgive?

Life is to short, not to forgive others. When you reach the point where you can honestly say/think "I forgive you." you will like yourself more and be happier. You will free up your energy and have time for more enjoyable thoughts.

Here are some more thoughts that may help you:
www.gospel.com...

For some reason this was the first thing I thought of:

www.msnbc.msn.com...

Because of the time that particular story was written, it isn't mentioned that the parents of one of the children shot went to the house of the parents of Mr. Roberts, the shooter, and forgave him through his parents. I figure that if the parents of a girl who was slaughtered in cold blood can forgive the person who did it, then I can forgive people who have done me wrong in the past. What I've been through kind of pales in comparison and stories like that help put everything in perspective.

reply to post by TheProphetMark


It's the other way round.....

keep your enemies close, keep your family and friends closer!

It's almost always a family member or close friend that tries to take you down whether that be in business or during a family scobble

Originally posted by LightsideAssassin
I find it very hard to forgive people when they've done me wrong. I mean intentional malicious acts, not mistakes or misunderstandings etc. I notice, though, that no matter what someone has done to you, if you don 't forgive, others shift the onus to you for not letting it go, and tend to defend the other person. Wondering how you all deal with this issue..

Just be love. And don't forget that your unforgiveness does not affect the unforgiven. It only eats you up.

Really, it only hurts yourself. When you forgive, it's not just a selfless act but it's one that benefits your own peace.

reply to post by LightsideAssassin


I always cut them off - permanently.

They say always forgive but never forget; so whats the point of forgiving them if you can't forget?

Karma always gets them in the end - but it would be nice to drive the Karma bus once in a while

For those you can drop of a note, or email to, you write them a letter saying your know that life is hard, its a school, and that we all lack understanding of each other and most aren't good at walking in another's shoes. That you completely forgive them for anything that might have harmed you, and choose to see the learning lesson and growth factor in such things, (which is what you should be doing and meditating/praying, seeking within, to do so, to overcome karma ties, for families keep on coming back together to get it right most of the time and those in your life from friends to even antagonists are karmic and part of your groups).

And even if you think you have not harmed them, you ask for forgiveness for anything that you have done that may have caused harm too.

Now its tricky for many situations are simply not safe, and its better for people to not open the door to more abuse, so in those circumstances, doing this in meditation is a good idea, and Ho'onoponopono.

In meditation, a heart chakra meditation would work wonders. You simply relax, breathing, take in lots of O2, I wouldnt hold my breathe but just breathe deep and natural, no straining. And also, you can use mp3, with some binaurals, isotopes, there is a thread here with a wonderful range from alpha i think to theta called Bach To The Future, that is ideal.

Just relax, and place your hands over your heart and really feel the rhythm, feel attuned to your heart and see this flower, opening, the petals open and spinning, and picture that one, you are having difficulties with, or anyone you wish to send healing to, in the hospital, a troubled child, anyone at all, a friend who moved away.

And start talking to them. Honor the Light within them. Sa'l me't Ja'ri'n, the light within me greets the light within you, for we are all Love and Light, and you entered in here, and simply don't remember who you truly are. We're here to grow past these problems. I love you and see you as whole, and filled with positivity, direction, connection to your Source and Soul, and you can solve all the problems and learn all things within the arms of Love and shining your Light. Forgive me, as I forgive you. You are in my heart.

Try to think of the things you know that make them happy, even if you were upset that they had different needs and even if you didn't see eye to eye on happiness. Try to see them when they were smiling and natural and walk in their shoes.

Also Google Ho'onoponopono.

The gist of these words are: I'm sorry, Forgive me, I Love you, Thank you. Now this is directed normally to your Source, Higher Power and can be seen in teamwork with your own Greater Soul or Higher Self, of which you are but a sliver. Or God/Goodness in the traditional sense. I am giving a universal way, that anyone can adapt.

And you see all relationships, anyone you have come into contact with, even the energy on a second hand couch you picked up the other day, as karmic, as having ties. Or someone who is ill or depressed.

Don't see them that way. Take responsibility for seeing them bent out of shape, instead of seeing them as the Light being they are, filled with hope and talents and connected to Source themselves to be inspired and helped in their lives. Don't see the depressed or negative person, see their inner child and Light and see them whole and happy.

So you're saying, to Creator/Source and Higher Self, you're sorry for getting in the way of that person's well being, progression/advancement , and happiness. You've been seeing them wrong, and possibly through many lifetimes. So, you are so sorry.

I'm Sorry, Forgive Me, I Love You, Thank You!

It raises your frequency and undoes karma and duality, healing and releasing. A psychiatrist helped an entire psych ward heal with this technique.

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by LightsideAssassin

 

I always cut them off - permanently.

They say always forgive but never forget; so whats the point of forgiving them if you can't forget?

Karma always gets them in the end - but it would be nice to drive the Karma bus once in a while

You don't understand, you don't want karmic relationships with anyone, for all those in your life, playing all roles are karmic relationships and Groundhog Day the movie comes to mind.

Let go of all karma, love and strive to understand everyone. Don't let someone, lets say your addicted cousin, walk over you and steal everything in your house and put your van in the creek overnight or take your child's collection of games or comics once you know someone is dangerous to you, its best to use the meditation and ho'onoponopono.

Also in my post above, giving a simple heart chakra meditation, another thing to do is to talk to their Higher Self, in that meditation, asking their Higher Self, how you can help, and at the same time protect your family from any harm, and even get into issues where you may need to learn to not count the world and materialism as important, but get deeply into all of these subjects. You'd be surprised what can happen over time in meditation, or while doing dishes, connected water and the Earth Grid, or after waking up, the info you may have.

You do more damage to your mind concentrating on anger thus causing undue stress because you can't kill them, obviously.Not to mention they enjoy it and to some degree control you.Succeed passed them, it really makes them mad.Just remember when they fall or they come back for your favor.

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
reply to post by lonewolf19792000

 

"Just let it go" doesn't apply to all situations. For example....

BANG..."Ha ha I just shot your stupid kid cutting through my yard, what you gonna do about it?"
You - :That's not what Jesus would do.... but I'm gonna let it go, forgiveness is best."

Really?

Naturally we are human and we still have human emotions, luckily though...we are forgiven if we fail. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. We shouldn't take justice into our own hands.

It took me ten years and my first acid trip to forgive my father.

Forgiveness is generally something I find exceptionally difficult. There's two main reasons why.

a] I will usually view myself as being morally superior to the person who wronged me. Usually I also don't care about apology, (particularly if it is not sincere or voluntary) but I normally will want the person in question to honestly acknowledge what they have done...which these days, I generally won't get.

b] I started reading the Old Testament at the age of five. So I've been imprinted with the concept of Mosaic justice, and at times, unfortunately, I tend to want it.

The major element of forgiveness for me, is reaching the point where I really WANT to do it. I have to stop wanting revenge, stop wanting the person to agree with me about how rotten they are, etc. I simply have to release the desire for all of that, and let go of the emotional blockage.

It is not easy. The most helpful thing to realise is, that I am not perfect myself.

Do not completely become vegetarian. Do not completely stop drinking alcohol. There might be some spiritual benefit to refraining from both of those, but the benefit is offset by what you lose; and that is the realisation that fundamentally, you are not morally any less human than anyone else. It's easier for me to love people who eat steak and drink whiskey, if I do so myself.

So don't try to become too pure. I'm not advocating evil here, but I am advocating avoiding asceticism and excessive legalism, which can lead to hypocrisy and a distancing from others, because you think they are morally or spiritually lower than you. I think the saying honestly is true, that depending on the situation, there genuinely can be more real holiness inside a brothel than a church.

i think its dumb people say they cant forgive someone, but stick around in their life anyways

hmmm, is the earth really that small, or are you a hypocrite?

either you forgive them and move on,

or don't forgive them and move on.

but to not forgive them and stick around, or tolerate them sticking around, yet not be able to forgive them, it wreaks of self-loathing & hypocrisy both.

People can do stupid and hurtful things against you, or maybe someone you love. You ask me, how I can forgive someone? Its easy for me, I`m not gonna waste my life harboring a grudge. Lifes to short!!!!! It doesn`t hurt them when you hang onto anger, only you. Mistakes and misdeeds are in the past-live in the present, find a reason to snile, to be happy. Doesn`t meant you have to forget because there might be a valuable lesson, but yes forgive to the point where if you think about it, no problem. Not just say it but feel it, reilieve it.

I heard it best explained from a religious figure on tv why forgiveness is important.

Some questions
Will being really angry at the person harm them in any way?
The answer will be no if you think about it. You have to do something to harm them. Thinking about it is all in your head not theirs.

Will holding a grudge against this person harm them or cause them bad misfortune?
No. It's all in your mind, not theirs.

What harm does it cause the person you hate or won't forgive by not forgiving them?
No harm at all.

What benefit will you get if you forgive them?
Peace of mind and possibly of your body too. Stress can be a killer by itself. The anger and hatred and lack of forgiveness is hurting you not the other way around.

Still can't forgive someone?
Give it time. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to forget all about it.
If it makes you feel better, just think they will have to pay for all their sins one day after they die and that punishment may last not just millions of years but all of eternity. That's a long time for whatever they did to you. Do you really want their punishment to last billions and billions of years for all of eternity?

Anyway my two cents.

Edit: alltogethernow beat me to my message. More concisely though.

forgiveness outside of the social understanding of the word; that benefits a supposed social interaction, is far from the reality of the way the word is perceived by this mind. turning the other cheek, ignoring how someone treats or abuses u and continuing to accept them as a loving neighbor is insanity and self imposed pain.

when someone opens a door for you at the gas station and u reciprocate by doing the same thing intentionally or not for someone else or the same person this is an act of forgiveness upon the original act of someone opening the door for you.

forgiveness is going to come by karma/dharma or high water/heaven; and the way it is received since the gift is given is impossible to characterize.

Originally posted by LightsideAssassin
I find it very hard to forgive people when they've done me wrong. I mean intentional malicious acts, not mistakes or misunderstandings etc. I notice, though, that no matter what someone has done to you, if you don 't forgive, others shift the onus to you for not letting it go, and tend to defend the other person. Wondering how you all deal with this issue..

Anything done to you by someone else is just like the spreading and catching of a disease. If someone gave you the flu, would you do everything in your power to remain sick? Of course not.

Forgiving others won't help or hurt them in any way, but you'll be curing yourself of the disease that they have passed onto you (a dsease that they caught from others). However, if you don't forgive, if you allow them to alter your thinking (to alter your life) in any way, then they've won. And, without forgiveness, YOU will spread this disease in some shape or form, and you probably won't even know you're doing it: teaching your kids to fear more than what is reasonable, or in the reverse, teaching them to be too aggressive.

Forgiveness: a purely selfish act, and rightfully so.

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
reply to post by lonewolf19792000

 

"Just let it go" doesn't apply to all situations. For example....

BANG..."Ha ha I just shot your stupid kid cutting through my yard, what you gonna do about it?"
You - :That's not what Jesus would do.... but I'm gonna let it go, forgiveness is best."

Really?

This is not about forgiveness. It's about justice. It's about removing a threat to society via incarceration. Though it would be nearly impossible to forgive anyone in this circumstance, would it be better to allow it to eat at your mind for the rest of your life?