Marriage HA! I'll be damned if I ever spend my life bound by a piece of paper.

I understand what you're saying, I really do.

The "piece of paper" you refer to is a legal document which has certain benefits and responsibilities. Then there is committing yourselves to each other, promising to hang together through sickness and health, good and bad times, which can be done without the marriage certificate but then you don't get the tax benefits.

When I met my husband 6 years ago, we had already been married before to other people and it had ended badly for both of us. I wasn't interested in getting married again, I thought we could just live together. However, he came from a bible-thumping Baptist family and didn't want to upset his mama, so....with great reservations, I tied the knot with him 5 years ago.

It's actually turned out really well, and he is a wonderful husband. It isn't an issue of trust, sexual slavery, restrictions, or the old ball-and-chain. We approach it as a combination of a love match and a corporate merger. We take it seriously, and understand that we hold the other person's heart in our hands so we are very careful with them.

But, you know, if you don't think it would work for you, there is no law saying that you have to marry. You have to be true to yourself.

Originally posted by silent thunder

Marriage should at least cause people to think twice before heading out the door and not looking back. Which is good for the kids in most (but not all) cases.

And it does. You do have to take children into consideration before heading out the door. But if leaving is the best thing for the child in the long run then it has to be done. The child may not understand things right now and be hurt, but they will understand eventually and the pain will go away.

Time is a very effective equalizer in that regard as long as the one doing the walking does what they say they will do in providing a better quality of life for the child in the long run. Something they feel, and know, they can't do in the current situation.

But the fact is that if the relationship needs to end, a marriage certificate isn't going to stop that from happening. All it's going to do is legally complicate an already hard thing to emotionally deal with.

It sucks, but it's life as we know it right now.

Marriage can be the worst decision, or the best decision, that one can make in their life.

We dated for about a year before Todd and I decided to marry. We has small issues, but overall we were optimistic that we could make things work. After a small church wedding, we moved in together and the problems began. I dare say that those six months we were married were amongst the most miserable in my life, and we knew that the relationship was irreparably damaged when we had an emotional 3am "discussion" with my .380 pointed in his face. That discussion 27 years ago was the last time Todd and I ever spoke, and I swore that I'd never get married again.

Two years later I met David, and we were happy together from our very first date. After three WEEKS of bliss, he asked me to marry him, and despite my extremely bad experience with Todd, I accepted because I knew in my heart that this relationship was different. My family was in turmoil, and I listened to all sorts of negative comments from family who bet that this marriage would be shorter than my first. I went head-to-head with my best friends, few of whom had spent any time with him, but ALL who swore that I was a fool for tying the knot again. I looked past it all, and David and I were married in a small civil ceremony held in our home. Unlike my first marriage, only two people showed up.

Maybe it was the fact that everyone opposed our union that we grew so close to each other, but regardless our marriage lasted 19 years until his death a few years back. Those years we were blessed to spend together were absolutely the most wonderful times of my life. Despite having different tastes, occupations and hobbies, we cherished our time together as a couple, as equal partners, and as soul mates that nobody who knew us would ever deny.

Marriage in it's most basic sense is a legal contract, but given the right person and the right circumstances, it has the ability to transform into something absolutely beautiful. Marriage gave me 19 years of happiness where I looked forward to going home because I knew that someone was there who appreciated me for being me. For 19 years I was treated to a relationship in which we never fought or raised our voices in disagreement. Not even once. Marriage gave me the opportunity to be the center of his universe, and I was proud, I was HONORED, to be his wife.

In your situation, it seems as though there is a certain amount of animosity between you and your friend. I urge you to try to set that aside, and don't let your personal feelings damage your friendship. We all need to make our own decisions, and trying to persuade someone against following their heart is going to cause unnecessary heartache and strain your relationship.

reply to post by neobludragon


You know what I think it is? Some people are still brainwashed by Disney and believe in happy endings and fairy tales. Or even brainwashed by the idea of a soul mate. Yeah ok, there might be something that exists that resembles a "soul mate", but on a planet with near 7 billion people - I highly doubt there's only one person who can fit that bill.

I tend to agree with Kody Brown - "Love should be multiplied, not divided."

I would consider having an open relationship before I would consider any government or religion getting involved in it.


I would not even begin a relationship with someone if I thought they would want to get married at any point. Yes, I personally would benefit financially from it, but I know other women who got married and regretted it (especially if they had kids, totally messes with your EIC and CTC). As for the rights afforded to a spouse? Like what? I get his property when he dies? If he writes a will, I'll get it anyway.



Then of course there's the upfront money.

FFS I can buy 10 kegs of beer and order 50 pizza's, have an awesome party to celebrate that I love someone, and not even make a dent in the typical bride to be scenario.

10 kegs of beer x $100 a pop = $1000
50 pizzas from dominoes 2 toppings each at around $7.00 (including tax and tip) = $350
Total cost of a killer party = $1,350

Average cost of a wedding TODAY = $25,000


Hello.
I can buy a car for that.
If I go to the right place I can buy 2 and a half (good) cars for that!

She is marrying her best friend of nine years? That is wonderful. I wish her the best and envy her luck that her best friend is now to be her husband. Hearing that sort of thing makes me grin. Big.

reply to post by neobludragon


I'm against the idea of marriage myself and i rejected a few proposals over the years.Apart from the social things and the benefits,i don't get why since we are great as a couple like this, a man has to go and spoil everything with the "will you marry me" question.Every single time i heard this question i was like "Scotty beam me up-damn it doesn't work"....

I'm not interested in having kids(that's a huge reason why people get married)-i'm not the mother material and i wouldn't want to make a kid's life miserable,just because society says i must create a family.

Besides i have noticed that people change after they get married.My best friend from school,got pregnant and got married and after that she was a completely different person.She "grew up" as she said and as long as we talked she kept insisting for me to grow up and get married myself.She was an atheist and now every Sunday she goes to church and the worst thing is the plot with my mother to find me a "nice guy" for me to get married.
NOTE:Before her marriage she was against herself....

As for your friend,maybe she got pregnant or since they are friends for so long they propably made that stupid pact "if we are not married to other people by the age of....(insert age here) we will marry each other." Just hope for her that she is happy,that's all that matters.