I need to talk this out and your advice maybe helpful but definitely appreciated.

I`ve been coming to ATS for over 7 years now and I enjoy this site very much as a source for breaking news as well as resourceful information. I have always been interested in the paranormal such as spirits and UFOs and now I also believe I have a better understanding of things because of the information provided by this website and its members.

Now I want to tell my story, just a regular life story, nothing to do with conspiracies on this website. I need to let this all out in the open to feel better but it will feel much better just to hear a few comments and get some friendly advice, as well as remain anonymous, so I came here.

What I am needing to know is if anyone can relate to what I will say. I want to know if you dealt with a similar situation and how you did or didn`t make it better.

I have an 11 year old daughter who I love more the words can show. If you are a parent, you know what I mean. I love her unconditionally and with all my heart. I miss her when I am not with her, and I want the best for her always. No one can make me smile or feel as good as my daughter can. I want the best for her. I want her to do well in school. I want her to be kind, helpful, respectful and smart. I want her to be successful by choosing to do whatever makes her happy. I want her to have what is best for her no matter what.

I met my daughter`s mother when I was about 18 or 19. I met her through a friend and saw her once. I saw her again a few years later and we dated for a few months and remained friends. Then a couple years later we got together again, more seriously. At this time, she was in AA (alcoholics anonymous) and with a much better perspective on life. I had always liked her before but now she was much different. She was a very happy person, she had a new lease on life and wanted to lead a good and happy life as well as a new commitment to remain sober, as she believed this was in her best interest. I had never thought of her as an alcoholic. When we were young, my friends and I would drink all the time. When I was with her, we drank and had fun too. But this was her decision to get sober and it`s what she believed she needed to do.

When she was sober and we were together, I was her rock whether she knew it or not. I researched AA meetings for our trip to Florida so she would not go without. I made sure she got to those meetings when she wanted to go. I supported her 100%, I loved her. I even supported her decision to start drinking again. It was a year or so after the birth of our child. She went out with some friends had a beer or 2 and that was all she wanted. She had no desire to keep drinking. She was cured!!! I was happy, maybe we could share a drink now and again. But what an ass I would find out I am.

As time went on, our relationship was stretched. There was no more affection from her, she wasn`t the same and I didn`t know why. Always asking, trying to communicate, I would always ask what was wrong. I always thought it was me. I would ask her if there was something I needed to change. What was the problem? All I knew was that I loved this girl and would do anything to make her happy and keep us together.

I would work 6 days a week and she would go out on Saturday night. On Sunday I would make a huge breakfast and then to get her out of bed I would take her to Target or somewhere shopping and drop $400. I didn`t have a problem with none of it. I mean, I would rather have had her spend time with me, maybe have a couple of drinks together at home. But she was the social butterfly and had to be out and about with her friends and I accepted this.

So to move this forward, let me skip ahead a few years. I had a good job, good benefits, everything I needed. Each year, being the seasonal type of industry, I would receive a brief layoff from work for a week to a month or so. It wasn`t a problem, it was more like a paid vacation in my eyes with $405 coming in from unemployment plus another $100 a week from my union hall. The last year I was there, there was some real union political bs going down and the owner of the company I worked for, took full advantage. He took a $25 million dollar a year operation built up over generations in his family and ran it straight into the ground is what he ultimately wound up doing. But first the jack got rid of all his help and therefore my unemployment stint was extended. It took a while to find out what was going on, but eventually I found out I needed a new job. It was during this extended layoff of a couple months that I realized my relationship was in deep trouble.

I mean I had nothing but time for her now and she still was not happy. Now it really hurts for a guy to be doing everything he can, supporting his woman, giving her everything and not getting any kind of play in the bedroom. This was apparent, I had nowhere to go. I was facing this everyday. But basically, this is when I knew it was bad.

Knowing that I would need to start a new job soon and once again start from the bottom, there was no telling when my next chance for vacation would be so I decided to take a family trip to Disney World before I started a new gig. I also though it might rekindle something in her since that was one of the first things we ever did as a couple, go to Florida.

That was in April 05. She moved out in June 05 and took my daughter and left me with the dogs and the cat and said it wasn`t me, it was her and she needed to get away. That devastated me. I admit we weren`t married, but we were engaged, and we had already told each other that we wanted to be together forever, so it was a very hard time. I couldn`t focus on work or anything so I wound up taking the summer off and living off of fried dumplings and purple haze.

In August the talks began. She wanted back in, she wanted to work this out, she wanted to change. I had already granted her brother permission to move in with me along with his girl and their daughter for an unspecified time as he was finishing up work on his house less then a block away from me. I had also been offered a business opportunity from her other brother that I went on to accept.

Things were looking up. I was attending school for oil burner repair through my union and running a laundromat near to my house at the same time. My girl was back, my whole family was intact and life was looking great. My daughter`s mother began going back to her meetings and she was also helping me run the new business. We went out and purchased all new furniture for the house and even did some remodeling as well. The business was steadily growing, the classes were going well and my daughter had just began attending private school. I enjoyed as well having the company of her brother and his family at the house as well. It was a real go time in my life.

Bam! That couldn`t go on forever. Looking back, I think it was way too much on my daughter`s mother. There was so much going on in our lives and then there were the insecurities. One day at the mat, my fiance got real mad at me because of a conversation I had with a pretty woman. She was a regular customer, also married, but a customer none the less. I think she had questioned me something about a dryer or something, I forget the details. Bottom line is my girl got so jealous and flipped out and from that point on wasn`t helping me run the laundromat anymore. I think that along with sharing her home with her brother`s girl was too much for her.

Continued below:

One night during this time period, we were all at home and I was making flyers on the computer in the living room. I was also having conversation with my sister-in-law. My daughter`s mother was in the bedroom and she swore we were talking about her and started flipping out. I guess I wasn`t much better cause I did a lot of yelling and swearing that night too. She called the cops and said I was abusing her. They came heard both sides and left not wanting to have to come back again. There was never any physical altercation, just a lot of yelling and I didn`t start it or have the best of it either, it was equally both of us acting the fool.

Her brother moved his family out that very night. He wanted no part of all the bs and probably felt bad maybe even thought he was to blame somehow simply by being there. I don`t know but I suppose that it`s possible.

So now I`m just doing everything. I`m running the laundromat, taking my daughter to school some mornings but always the one to pick her up. I`m running a business, folding sheets, advertising with papers, and going to school. The laundromat was picking up full steam ahead and the outlook was great. But nights when I couldn`t get the help I couldn`t leave my customers stranded so I wound up missing 2 or 3 classes and that was 1 too many.

Now it`s Dec 05 and although business is great, I racked up a lot of bills at home this year and it`s all starting to catch up. It was time to refinance or sell the business and get work from the union hall again. 'Approved' for the exact loan I needed, the outlook once again was very bright. The 'brokerage" company strung me along for a few months for something originally promised to take a few weeks. I screwed up, ran out of money and now credit agencies are reporting this drop in score. I had awesome credit, but now just one month overdue and I`m in bad shape. Now the "bank" is calling me. They can`t approve me of the loan because of my credit score. Why the hell did they string me along like that? What did they have to gain? All I ever paid them was the appraisal fee. Seems like a lot of work for a few hundred bucks.

Anyway, now I was really screwed. The "bank" guy had some trick up his sleeve but I never found out what. He was going to try and offer something, I don`t know. If I was getting what I needed it was time for plan b. My friends put the word out to everyone with cash that the place was up for sale. I got a good guy to buy it from me and everything went smooth. I then tried to catch up with my bills. Screwed up, mortgage was now 2 months behind and they afforded me foreclosure with the quickness. They wouldn`t take my money at the bank, the same bank that held my mortgage. They wouldn`t take the money. I had to hire a lawyer to stop an auction. I sold my car to get the money and another lesser car in return.

Mind you, this whole time my ex-fiance is still living with me. She rarely speaks to me, I sleep on the couch. I still manage to keep us both with a pack of smokes, food, beverage and the day to day stuff through odd jobs and whatnot. She even begins making some money too but never ever contributed towards any bills ever.

Funny thing is though is that when it rains it really does f&@$ing pour!
The lawyer who I met through a shady individual introduced to me by another shady individual ended up getting the best of me too. He got his $4000, the highest quote he gave me, the most it could cost me, but I didn`t get my house back. I should have known better but I can only say I was just not in the right frame of mind at that time.

My brother, the greatest brother you could ask for, had me find out exactly how much the bank wanted to make everything go back to normal. They said almost $10k, I forget the exact figure. The figure was rediculous being that I was behind by less then $5k. But none the less my brother wrote the check and also helped me get caught up on my other bills.

Now my ex is talking to me again, not much else happening but the outlook is better.
I begin looking for work. Within a couple of months, I take a withdrawal card from my union. What that is, is you are suspending your membership but not indefinitely. You also fall in rank when you return. This is also the only way to retrieve your annuity fund before retirement. I took out the money and paid all the bills through dec 06. That month I got a letter from the bank holding my mortgage. Inside was also the two money orders I had sent for the 2 previous moths along with the check for almost $10k. My lawyer apparently pissed that I wouldn`t give him another $500 must have fudged the numbers. He must have gave me the wrong number on purpose. The bank said it was the incorrect amount.

I finally got them to take the check back agreeing to new terms that I give them another $2k or $3k within the next couple months, I forget exactly, but sure sounds like they were ripping me off.

Continued below:

I never made those payments and went back into foreclosure. This time was worse. But along the way I managed to keep things going, even starting an internet business that was also beginning to do real well. But eventually got far behind all the bills and they shut off my power in Jun 06. My ex left again Just me and the pets once again in the hottest June I could ever remember.

I sought public assistance but got the run around for everything I needed help with. They finally at least had my electric turned back on in July. Then my daughter was back with me. I don`t know what her mother did but I would just take my daughter and the dogs down to the beach everyday and kind of enjoy the last few months I was going to be enjoying this neighborhood, this way of life.

My ex never did move back I wound up losing the house for good and had to be out in Oct 07. My ex supposedly had an apartment the next day and was taking the pets there as well. She wound up moving in with her parents some 120 miles away in another state.

I had to move in with my folks as well, 200 miles away from my former location but in the same state. So we were now 240 miles aprt. But I would make trips ou to get my daughter. Thanksgiving was the first such trip. I had missed her so much, it was great to see her. Even her mom seemed happy to see me.

That winter I spent most of December and January with my daughter even spending a few weeks at their new location as my ex would then travel back to our old location to hang out with her friends and bar tend.
The experience was bad for both of them. My daughter wasn`t treated right by her new teacher and the classmates all treated her as a foreigner. My ex didn`t like the move either so she eventually moved back to our old neighborhood in with one of her brothers.

I continued to see my daughter for school breaks and basically every other weekend besides. It was a lot of driving and it was expensive but it is what needed to be done. I also got a call from my ex`s parents that they didn`t want to take care of the dogs anymore so I retrieved them and had them boarded at a supreme dog boarding place, really phenomenal for the dog world because I can`t have them where I live.

My ex has bounced from her brother`s to her own place for about a year and now in with her other brother. I, the whole time have been wanting my daughter to live with me but travel often enough to keep our relationship close. I have continued to pay the insurance, reg fees, not to mention hundreds in parking tickets on my ex`s car although it is technically in my name still. I also have footed the $350 ret bill for the doggie suite as well as their food, vaccinations, vet visits and now lots of meds for the one who is still alive. He is good though, lively and playful and friendly as ever, but possibly blind in one eye from glaucoma.

I drive down as often as I can and my daughter spends actually about 5 months of her total time here with me when I add up all the days, vacations, summer and sometimes she gets sick for a week or so and I go and get her and take care of her. I spend most my money on gas but also a lot I have spent so my daughter can keep her dogs. We can go and see them anytime. They play with a pack, and the people who run the place are more like family, as we have known each other and seen each other on such a regular basis for some time now. Our first boy died about 2 years ago so we only have one left. I see him weekly and my daughter sees him once or twice a month. In the summer we take him to the lake and go swimming. He loves to swim. Other times we take him to the vet or to be groomed so he does get to go places with us too.

Anyway, I also give my ex money from my tax return as she can`t even file anyway. These past almost 5 years, I have worked on and off. I found a job after being up here for 5 months and stayed with them for a year before layoffs with that company. Then I began a cooking job but it was seasonal, summer only. Now the past couple of years I have only worked in the summer but collected unemployment through the rest of the year and managed to still do what I do although I wouldn`t be able to do it if my parents weren`t providing the roof over my head and most of the food on my plate.

Now during this time, my daughter seems to get sick more when with her mother. She has developed so far a cold sore that doctor`s say she`ll have for life. It comes and goes and I can`t be sure how she got it. Now she has a rare skin disorder that is similar to a rash but there is no cure and you just have to wait, could be a couple of months or couple of years before it goes away but its also highly contagious and spread through direct and indirect contact.

When my daughter is here she is so happy. She seems to be relieved I think. She cries that she doesn`t want to leave when it is time to go and I tell her of course she can live here but she has this thing where she is afraid to go to the school.

Where I live now, the school is actually rated one of the best in the country and it is very nice. I have heard nothing but great things. I guess it could be possible the bad experience in that out of state school may have scared her. But she has been to 3 other schools besides that and no problems. She is a good, smart kid, she will always make friends.

I just don`t know what to do anymore. My daughter told me that on Tuesday she had wanted something in the store and her mother told her she didn`t have money for it and it was my fault that she didn`t have any money because I don`t give her any. I just gave her $1000 last month and my car is literally falling apart but I keep pushing it hopefully soon not to be literally. I also buy all my daughter`s school upplies. he goes to a ver very good public school she was specially accepted to and I also buy her uniforms as well as cheerleading uniforms. I know her mom buys some stuff for her too but I definitely buy more and make sure she has what she needs. I just took her to buy an Easter dress today on our way from her mothers to my house.

Her mother`s place where she lives isn`t cool either. It`s her brother`s house and my daughter told me she lives for free but the roof is leaking and the house has that nasty damp smell with some swollen sheet rock walls and ceiling too due to the water to now.

I don`t want to make the wrong decision. I`m too afraid. My daughter, I want her to have the best and at times I think maybe she gets the best of both worlds. She gets to see us almost equally and have everything she needs and wants. She is old enough I think to tell me what she really wants. As of now she doesn`t want to move here although 4 days ago on the phone she did. She does that every so often and it rips me apart.

Holy cow! You`re still reading??
Thank you very much for reading this very very long thread.
If nothing else, it sure feels good to put it all in writing.

What do you think?
Do you think I should just hold off on swift moves because eventually if my daughter really wants to move in with me she will?
Am I doing right by her mother as far as being a father or would money in her hand be more important then me making all the trips? Or does one have nothing to do what the other?
Am I being taken advantage of?

Taken advantage is a nice way to put it.
"Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them."
That being said keep making the trips for your daughter. Do what you can do to get her to stay with you. From what is sound like, your daughter is not living in the best of conditions and being her father should be your number one priority.

Going to be hard to cut the ties with the mom of your child and not have her resent you and try to keep your daughter from you. What ever you do, don't marry her unless it is without a doubt the right thing to do and only for love.

"Does not like the school". Try another school but what ever issue she had it might be gone do to the time passage. You should get to the bottom of it. I would also get a second opinion on the skin issues. I don't know what the affects of mold is on skin but water damaged drywall will have mold. If it is bad enough to smell.... That could be a CPS issue along with other issues you brought up.
Keep receipts for what you pay the ex. It will be useful in a custody hearing. Along with proof that you mad the time for your daughter. Because when the custody clash comes into play, the ex will play dirty.
Focus on making the best environment you can for your daughter. In a blink of an eye she will be a teen and it does not sound like home life at Uncle mold's house is very good.

Your job is to be your daughters rock, hero, and inspiration along with providing the best care you can.

Short answer.. Yes, you are being taken advantaged of

It sounds like you are a kind and loving father and pretty darn great dad.

If you and I were sitting next to eachother talking, I would suggest you seek leagal counsel and see what options you have for going for full custody, and not accept anything less than a 50/50 custody arangement that will be permanent.

Sadly sometimes people are so very broken, and if they don't want to do the hard gut wrenching work to actually fix what is wrong with them, they will continue to blame everyone and anyone in eyesight for their problems. I am not talking about her drinking (which doesn't sound like she has a handle on) I am talking about actually gives her permission to pull you back in and then stomp all over you and justify it. Somewhere in her head she finds away to 'make this okay'. She is repeating the same patterns over years and years, and never getting to the root of her problems. And when a person chooses not to address issues they have, they continue to make the same mistakes.

You are allowed to say "No more!" You are allowed to want more from someone, to want an healthy, loving relationship. You deserve these things! I just don't think you will be able to attain them with her. Or with anyone else as long as she knows you will always come back.

She is playing very hurtful and unhealthy headgames with not only you, but your daughter as well.
And as a parent you are allowed to say NO MORE!

Please think about seeking leagal counsel, often times you can have a free consult. This will give you some direction on which way to go. Stop all non child contact with her. Only speak to her about that.

If she tries to engage in other talk, give one word short answers.

Think of it this way.. no contact (besides about your daughter) no new hurts.

And maybe it might be a good idea for you to talk to someone as well. Often a good therapist can help you see a perspective that you wouldn't have been able to before. And there is nothing wrong with talking to someone.

Please know that you are a good father, a kind person and you really want to provide the best for your daughter, you sadly just got tangled up with a very damamged person.

Her problems are not for you to fix, and you shouldn't take ownership of them.

Staple hit on some points I wasn't able to.

Please really be open to what both of us have types for you okay.

reply to post by staple


Thank you.

I just want to point out that I moved almost 5 years ago and we haven`t had any need for court as of yet. I really don`t want to have to do that but I will if it`s necessary. The school issue was when she moved to another state for a few months. My daughter does great in school, it was an isolated incident but part of the reason why they moved back to their old neighborhood. She just refuses to let my daughter live with me, at least she did. Now I told her she can`t tell her she can`t live with me but like I said my daughter doesn`t want to move with in with me so I don`t want to force her. But I like your uncle mold point. I will have to look into this and see. If so, then I will refuse to allow her to live there. Thank you for that very very important point.

reply to post by Justaposter



I guess I owe an apology for vagueness but I am not with her at all, my daughter`s mother. I haven`t been with her in like 7 years. She has a boyfriend for the last 4 years at least. On a side note I have no problem with that guy and he has never given me a problem either

No, we are not in any form of relationship, completely live in different places 200 miles apart.
I did use the term "ex" quite often. lol

reply to post by Justaposter


Thank you for the kind words.

Call a lawyer, first and foremost you two were not married, so the child support you pay her is something you chose to do as a stand up guy, but you have to keep records of that, and prove that you went beyond a "court order" to take care of your child. This will look good for you if you do go for custody. The fact that you aren't married and you are giving her support says a lot about you But for Christs sake, please start standing up for yourself and your precious daughter. Your ex sounds like a manipulator and someone who only cares about what's in it for her.

I will admit you have an uphill battle, courts are not kind to fathers, and you will probably have to take a dna test since you were never married to this woman, but don't let that stop you! I know in my town they have a wonderful group of lawyers that cater to fathers rights.

I wish you the best!

reply to post by csulli456


I kinda skimmed a wee bit.

But your daughter is lucky to have a father who loves her very much.

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

I don`t want to do the court battle thing, I really on`t, only as a last resort. I also don`t have any records of the money I gave her but my daughter knows and has witnessed the transactions. I only really put cash in her hand once a year and its cash so no record. The car insurance is all paid through a credit card so there is a record but it is in my name anyway, the car. But it`s what she uses to take my daughter to and from school so she really can`t deny it. The clothes and uniforms and school stuff, I may have receipts but may not. Same goes for the gas I buy. I usually pay cash with no receipt. I fill up once to go get her and bring her to my home and again to fill up for the return round trip. It`s about $85 a tank right now so I easily spend over $300 a month in gas just for those trips alone. I don`t want to go to court but will if I have to. What I want is what is best for my daughter and if I have to endure crap from her mother to have a good relationship with my daughter then so be it. But if she is not being well taken care of, all I need is the evidence and she won`t stop me from moving my daughter in with me. Other then that court may be so ugly and may not make matters better so I would try to avoid it all together unless my daughter is in danger in some way.

I have to look into the effects of mold and dampness due to leaks in the roof and if there is any correlation between that and the skin rash type thing she recntly caught.

Your post literally brought tears to my eyes. All I can see is a man desperate to be happy, successful, and a true honest to goodness family man, who has been beaten in all ways: family-wise, financial-wise, and career wise.

I am truly sorry your ex is such a blind dirt bag she can't see you for the awesome dude you apparently are.

I wish you the very best in life.

You deserve a true woman.

You sound like a terrific guy. Giving your childs mother money and going through hell and high water to spend time with your daughter.
You should get a Representative Payee (such as a Dept. of Human Services) to give money through to your daughter. This way, her mother does not have direct access to the money given for your daughter's care. Plus, DHS/Social Worker will get involved and note how your child is living, how the money is spent, etc. You also have a record of what you are doing for her care, as she is your reason in all you do apparently from your story.

Anything amiss and they will try to help your girlfriend and child. Good luck with your situation. CoDependancy is a hard relationship, but if it's what you want, it's yours to sort out. You're doing your best.

I have a child too. And like you, would do anything for them.

reply to post by Ameilia


Thank you and sorry for the tears. I know what you mean though, I have also read things that have brought tears to my eyes. It`s like you can feel the person`s vibe through their words.

Just to be clear, I on`t give her much money. I only give her the money once a year when tax refund comes in and I give her $1k. I pay for a lot though. I pay for my daughter`s school supplies, uniforms, books, etc. My daughter always gets what she wants for her birthday and Christmas, etc. I spend over $300 a month in fuel to see my daughter. I spend over $300 a month to take care of our dog which my ex has nothing to do with any longer, and I had 2 but now just 1 for the past 2 years. I pay my daughter`s mother`s car insurance, reg fees and even parking tickets as the car is technically in my name. When I pick up my daughter she always has a few loads of laundry that come with me as well. Class trips, scholastic book club, small amounts of money here and there, I take care of my daughter. When she is with me I take her places, she always has a great summer, but she is always having something to do. This has been the situation for about 4 and a half years now. I want her to live with me an her mother knows that but she insists to everyone that I shoul be giving her money as if I`m not doing a damn thing.

I just want to know if anyone thinks I should be giving her money, say on a weekly basis instead of everything else or along with everything else. The biggest problem is that if I gave her money every week I`d never have money for gas to see my daughter.

reply to post by naphtali


The second part of my last post should have been a reply to you as I was referring to what you said.

Thanks again for your replies.

There are good men left in this world and you're one them.

If I were you I'd cease all contact with the ex, ( I know this sounds like dirty pool but......) collect all the dirt you can on her and threaten to use it in court as to why she's an unfit mother unless she gives you full parental rights of your daughter. That's right, blackmail her on an emotional level. there are no laws stopping you from doing this. You really do sound like a decent man, but sometimes we need to get our hands dirty in order to get the job done. That's just the world we live in man. As long as the ends justify the means, it's all good.

You love your daughter unconditionally as do I. Mine's 12 and if I were in your your shoes I would keep her best interests at heart at ALL times. You say you'd do anything for her? Prove it. She gets sick a lot when she's at her mothers, has a permanent cold sore, is relieved when she's with you and cries when she has to leave? Dude, she's 11. Girls shouldn't cry for those reasons at that age. You need to do something about this fast.

And when you do she'll always remember that time in her life when things got much better because of Daddy. You'll make the hurt go away for her. Her mother will probably get hurt in the process, but this sounds like a situation where someone HAS to get hurt in order for things to get better. Who do you want it to be? Your daughter?......I didn't think so.

She's still relatively innocent and this experience she's going through right now is slowly stripping that away from her. I don't mean to come down hard on you man but you need to hear this. Do really want to stand by and watch the affect that all this is having on your daughter? Her mother obviously is and that's what makes her a REAL piece of dirt IMO. You're not on her level. You care. You showed us now show it to your daughter. Throw the hammer down and throw it HARD. Get your point across and get your daughter. You'll gain a new level of respect form everyone who see's what you're doing. As dirty and confusing as this world is, people still respect others when they see them making a solid stand for what's right. And this will especially hold true for your daughter. If it's true what they say about girls growing up looking for a man who reminds them of their father because of how they make them feel emotionally .....................You don't want her growing up with man issues because you couldn't take care of business. That's not something a man wants to take to his grave. All you have to do is look at her mother to see what happens to a girl who does.

For all of her faults the mother knows that she isn't cracked up to be a good mother. Trust me, just because some women don't have it in them to be good mothers doesn't mean they don't know it. They do. And there's no amount of money or understanding you can throw at her that's going to change that. You've bent over backwards for her for years and where did it get you? So you've gone a million miles.........how far did you get?

You love your daughter? Go the extra mile for her......do the right thing.

reply to post by csulli456

What do you think?

I think you're being screwed, but then, you know that already...

Do you think I should just hold off on swift moves because eventually if my daughter really wants to move in with me she will?

Yes, sounds like she's a typical young lady, with no idea of what she wants. Nothing YOU do will change that.

Am I doing right by her mother as far as being a father or would money in her hand be more important then me making all the trips? Or does one have nothing to do what the other?

It's not about "right" or "wrong", it's what you likely have to do to see her, if you can't expect her mom to bring her to you. Sucks that it falls on you all the time, but unless you're going to get a court order and regulated visitation, it is what it is.

Am I being taken advantage of?

Yes, but not much you can do about it. Wish I had more to say on it. All you can do is what you feel is right for your daughter. I feel that even though there were signs, you likely ignored them to stay together for the kid's sake. You're not alone in that mistake. Had you two split up back then, it would have been a lot better, but no sense in crying over spilt milk as they say. You have to do what you think is right, NOW...and all I can say is this....PLEASE don't EVER think of taking this woman back, whatever you do. It will only lead to more misery. Play nice for the daughter's sake, but you need to find someone else to share your life with man.

Best of luck to you, you sound like a great guy, who got crapped on, but I have a feeling you'll bounce back.

I saw this thread a few days ago, scanned it, and didn't comment. Tonight I read it in it's entirety. I am so glad you got all that off your chest.

My friend, your only responsibility is to your daughter. Since you never married, and there is no court paperwork to comply with, you have stepped over and above the bounds of your responsibilities as a father. i wish all fathers were like you.

Things might be tough now, but when your daughter gets older, she'll realize all you have gone through to see her. She'll survive the rest. Kids are very resilient like that, so don't worry in the least about her.

When your child is with you, you are responsible, and when she is with her mother, the mother is responsible. As parents, since there are no court orders, each are responsible in their own aspects.

I am surprised you go to such great lengths to see your daughter. You are to be commended, not only as a person, but also as an outstanding example of what a father actually is.

I'd recommend keeping it out of the courts, because you will suffer financially needlessly and get the same visitation you currently have, and will be required to make monthly payments. Miss a payment for child support, and the computer system will track you no matter where you go. Keep a semblance of peace with the mother, and count your blessings.

Your situation will improve over time. It takes time. Hang in there, and be the best father you can be to your daughter, ALWAYS!